Tuesday, May 24, 2005


And I am frantic! Seriously. I have decided..along with my husband..to take the summer off and spend it with my children. What have I gotten myself into? ~Deep breath~ I shall now call forth all my internal resources and come up with a master plan A. You wouldn't believe the things I have planned for these hooligans of mine. First...we will have counselling for oldest once a week. Intense times call for intense measures. I'll keep you posted. At those times, middle child will go along for ride and we shall traipse to the BIG library to check out books for the next week. Since my "going into 1st grade kid" has taught herself how to read..then read she shall. She amazes me. We're going to my Best Sanity Saving Friend's house once a week for picnic day. She got the genious idea to buy her kid the Bonzai Six Flags Waterfall Slide. I admire her guts. It's the biggest hit..guaranteed to wear a kid out in under 3 hours. I am excited to test this theory out. I unselfishly thrust my two oldest to the mercy of the slide. Results to be posted later. I'm thinking there's a museuum trip hidden somewhere. At least two matinee movies to be seen. Where will the 13 month old be?? Why, with us! I'm a big believer in taking them all (except counselling. loud baby does NOT equal place of quiet and tranquility) He shall play with his favorite male cousin that day. Hold up..his only male cousin..but hopefully his bestest bud in the future. I am frantic, people, to keep these kids busy and happy and non-violent. Did I mention we're getting a pool? Ahhhhhh, yes. It's a joint family venture with my Mom, Brother, and Sis-in-law. We have 5 kids between us...some sanity saving measures must be taken at all costs. I don't give a crap if a hurricane blows it away in September...I need help now!!! My SIL is of the same mind...God Bless her.

Everyone is asking where our big vacation is going to be this year. I have to laugh because as soon as 4 years ago....I wouldn't have even made it to the beach one time during the summer. Now we're asked...is it Tuscon? Nebraska? Well, there will no big cross country trip this year, folks. Vitt is too little and too active to be confined with the type driving that we do. Let's give Hope a break, shall we? Give me one more year to gear up for packing for a family of five and packing it all in the mini-van. Although it's kind of a let down not planning a big road trip...I gotta admit the staying near the Hill (which is what we call the land where my folks and we live) is very appealing. Fred is so busy with work and I almost think at times that no one knows their butt from a hole in the ground without the Chief to point it out. Watch my luck. Next year he'll be out to sea the whole freaking summer. And no, I will not travel across country by myself. Not an option. Hopefully his rotation will be something I can live with ...or HE can live with because I am quite famous for carrying on about the Navy. ~grin~

I am thinking of what story I want to tell first. When I look back at my youth, God I had good times....and lived to tell about it. wheww. I am quite content to be an ol' married lady now with kids and a mini-van. Never thought I would say that but I truly mean it. So boring, huh?

Grand Master Plan B is still in the works.

Monday, May 16, 2005


You will find out sooner or later if you know a true Southerner, that they use the word well often. We learn how to do this starting at birth. Well has many uses if you really think about it. I use it give myself more time to think...to come up with something outstanding or thought-provoking. I also use it when I haven't heard what you said but I need time to stall and think of something I might have heard you say so I can respond accordingly. It lets a listener know that there is more to the story being told...just give the tale-teller a second to gather their thoughts, please.

Ah, yes, my friends, my birthday was Friday. Shall I tell you how it sucked and should go down in the archives as the worse birthday ever? A brief synopsis never hurt anyone. I was feeling better...not alot..but better. I was left alone with my over-active child. I ended up calling my mother around noon and asking her ..."Why in God's name did you leave this destructive child with me...knowing I can't keep up with him?" She laughed. I finally get Makenna home..how precious is she? She went on a field trip with her grade to the beach. A state park. They were to walk gently in the surf, picnic and explore the castle that is there. Gently in the surf?? My poor kid comes in the door walking with her legs as far apart as she humanly could spread them and still stay upright moving forward. Apparently her butt found the ground and sand found it's way into her most private parts. Her first words when she walks in? "I GOTTA GET A BATH, I GOT SAND IN MAH(MY) DRAWERS!" I had to hug her and breathe in the beach smell, sunscreen, and happiness. That lasted all of 10 seconds and that sister was stripping. Did I mention she's a streaker? I finally convinced her to wear a towel until I could get to the bath.

Here comes the best part of the story. My doctor's office calls. Saw the caller i.d. and wondered..what on earth? I answer. The lovely nurse tells me I have an appt. with a neuro-something or another in June. What??? Why??? She says..because of the results of your MRI (which I had done a week or so ago when my back was crippling me) I respond that the office had already called and informed that the test was o.k. and so I assumed I had just pissed that money away (yes, I used that language). She said...nooooo, you have a benign hema-humawhoa (i have no idea what the whole word is). I then respond...I have a tumor on my spine??????????? She then tells me...I'll talk to the doctor and call you right back. 5 minutes later...ring ring ring. I answer.....and she says...get this....How did you know that's what that word meant??? I didn't. So, folks...I'm going to pieces here. I literally went hysterical. She hangs up....second nurse calls whom I usually deal with. She says..Hope, what's your problem? (she's cool..really she is) I then unload on her. About how she called me with the results and this WAS NOT what she said...etc etc etc. Obviously, benign is a good thing (yes, I know this). We're just doing this as a precaution..going to see Mr. Neuro-something or another. Bullshit. Sorry, folks, I just wrote what anyone would have thought. Sooooo, I'm to sit here for a month til I go see this dude and then we'll go from there. I told Linda (nurse)...and I will use caps now because I did speak loudly and with feeling...HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE CALL SOMEONE ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON AND TELL THEM SOMETHING LIKE THIS...WHEN THEY'VE BEEN SICK AS A DOG ALL WEEK LONG......BY THEMSELVES WITH THREE KIDS.....AND NOW I GOTTA WAIT A FREAKING MONTH??? yeah...it wasn't pretty, folks. I call my hubby...who is driving home from Virginia....sobbing....call my Mom...sobbing. Hubby gets home around 8:30 p.m. and I'm back in control.

I have decided that this particular birthday will be filed under sucky ones and not to be re-visited. Do you blame me?

The weekend was good. I overdid it trying to having some fun and buy groceries Saturday. Fun part was going out to eat with my husband and son....groceries were not fun....was very tired and weak by then. We totally neglected the yard. ~sigh~ I will find time this week to catch up so my Dad won't go ape over it. He's so anal about yard work. (Dad is next door neighbor...very very very into the yards...I am not)

The week is off to a good start. Today was counselling day for Paige. YaY. Counsellor feels like she's hitting on depression. (hear sound of deflating balloon? yeah, that's me...here we go again) I want that kid fixed, you hear me?? I want her happy and whole like yesterday!! Our summer will be counselling once a week until she goes back to school. And that was my idea. I can't do this on my own and her slack-ass dad sure isn't going to help out. PFT. He'll do more harm than good if let loose. She is not happy about this...she'll survive.

Tomorrow I take Little Man for his post-op checkup on his eye. He woke up with it matted again yesterday. My heart stopped. ~~ please don't let it happen again...please let that be a fluke...please no more surgery...~~ I will pull positive good thoughts to me and I will drive to Columbia and hope like crap I can find this office again.

Thursday I take Makenna to get her eye checked. Please let the virus be gone...please let us stop these stupid drops. Oh, yeah....haircuts afterwards. That's always fun. My ex's cousin cuts the girls hair. And I love her! We get along great and she's too cool not to let my divorce cloud her eyes. Too cool.

I found out my hubby actually says he's read my blog! whoa. Know what that means? He read it at work when he had a few...which is on a military base....on a military computer.......crap. I asked him when was the Navy coming to pick me up for dissing them so badly in my posts? He laughed. I didn't. Should I watch my mouth from here on out?? ~snort~ Not hardly. Not this ol' girl. Read on, baby, and don't forget you can post a comment if you so desire. Love you!!!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it's sick...but I just love the guy.

Well, I suppose I shall quit for the night. Really not interesting reading and I apologize for that. Maybe I'll entertain you later on in the week with some stories. I have a couple of good ones that do well at parties. Mar, you know the ones, girl!!!! LOLOL.

My last thought provoking question before I leave......how much longer can I make this pedicure last???

Friday, May 13, 2005

What a Fog of a Day....

I assume Thursday is almost over? Well, folks, I've something akin (remember I'm Deeeeep South here) to the flu. I kid you not. Fever, shakes, muddled mind, no appetite (although that could be considered a good thing) coughing, sneezing, congestion that could bog my hubby's sub down in a heartbeat! And, folks, it sucks. My dearest friend Lu calls this morning to check on me. Threatens me with the doctor. noooooooo...just let me rest. I call her later in the afternoon..croaking, whimpering...give me drugs. I love this girl. She has her hand on all that is good and healing. From her precious stash, she sees fit to give me a 3 day antibiotic! Holy cow! No freaking way. Some of you might be saying..that's not good. She's not a doctor. Never fear, I gave all symptoms and her years experiences diagnosed me. I trust her. I look at it this way....I'll either get better or stay the same. I'm putting my money on better...there's too much to be done in my life!

I've really not seen my kids for 2 days now. My baby has lived with Nana and Aunt Des. to avoid getting contaminated. He is home tonight in his bed..never knowing how badly his mama has missed him. He's had a huge day of playing with his cousins...probably overdosing on kool aid...thinking he's at least 3 years old and not the 1 that he is. He at least fell asleep in my arms tonight. I was too weak to put him to bed...Thank you Sissy for doing that!

My hubby is coming home tomorrow. Bout time. He's going to come home ...riding in on his white horse (ok..white chrysller cirrus)....take over the house....make sure the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher....that the living room is picked up.....yeah, I'm sick. I'm starting to have delusions here. He'll go to work at 430 a.m..........work a day.....get off of work...drive 6 hours home....walk in and crash on the couch. Saturday will not register until noon and 3 cups of coffee later. I will huff and I will puff and do a "humph" or two but most of all....I'll be so glad to see him if only for a short time.

Well, GLORY BE!!! My oldest's cell phone just started going crazy! Why is this? What kind of alarm does she have on? I run to cut it off..thinking of chopping her head off.....I open it and it says......


oh. I think I'll let it slide this time.

Wish me luck on the wonder drugs. I'm tired of feeling sick and losing time to sleep and shakes and coughs and sneezes. Besides, it's after midnight here! Officially Friday the 13th.....MY BIRTHDAY.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I'd Like to File a Formal Complaint Please

So you know I want to complain. I realized earlier this evening..I NEED to complain. I don't want solutions....you don't even have to understand or care but I NEED to voice myself. So here goes.....

I am tired. Worn out. For 3 weeks I have fought this renegade back of mine. Got it under control with the glorious things called drugs. Walking upright and taking care of the children under control. In the three weeks I've dealt with my baby having simple surgery to repair a clogged tear duct. Yes, simple, but he had to be put to sleep! Not to mention back was so bad at the time and I didn't have the time to devote to fixing it. I, then, go to the doctor to seek relief!! I have no choice! It is pain unlike anything I've ever experienced. I mean, I got an epidural before labor could even think about getting bad. It takes my breath...I can't pick up my baby....I can't do a load of laundry. Go to doctor..get drugs. ahhhhhhh...now we can function. Look into my second child's beautiful eyes...oh crap....it's red. She had an ulcer last year in that eye and almost lost vision in it. Apparently she's gotten the equivalent of a fever blister in that eye and it will keep coming back and back and back and back..... She had a bad stomach virus the weekend before (same weekend as younger siblings eye surgery) so off to the eye doctor we go. Yep..same thing. Drops 9 times a day. Come back next week. sigh. Meantime...oldest daughter is freaking out because it's time to go to dad's this weekend. She always sends herself way over the edge ....rocks below be damned. I don't understand it. We'll address it.....AGAIN....in counselling next week. So I get to pay for whatever she thinks he's done. In attitude...meaness...crying...screaming......hatefullness. I am amazed at how hateful she can be. Sometimes I just stare at her in awe...wondering where it all comes from. Brings to mind the "woman scorned" saying. And she's only 11. Lord, help me please.

Brings me to today. I am sick. Hard down sick. I have a cold that is unfreakingreal. I have asthma and it's kicking butt. I'm talking at least 3 treatments on the breathing machine and I can go at least 6 months at a time without even dusting it off! crap. Add the jitters from the medication. By late afternoon I am combing all the medicines I have..something HAS to give me relief. No it doesn't. I am so hopped up on sinus meds right now that I can barely see the screen. My nerves are shaky. Dangit. I even took the lovely nerve pill my doc. prescribed because as she puts it..."your nerves are bad right now and having good nerves are over half the battle" yeah, ok...whatever. All I know is it isn't freaking working.

I do believe I am almost...not quite....officially worn out. The past 3 weeks are taking it's toll on me and I am almost out of gas. Does anyone know where a gas station is? Seriously. Where do I go from here? Up seems a long way from here, that's for sure. If I could just sleep...one good night...ahhhhhhhh. Just thinking about it is almost enough to give me energy...almost.

Don't forget dealing with your average Dickweed EXhusband. PFT.*
He is the biggest Jeckell and Hyde I hope to ever encounter. He can be so cruel and mean. It takes all I have to keep my mouth shut and sometimes I fail to do that. I can't even talk about him or the issue we had earlier anymore. It just sucks.

On a good note...my husband will be home in 3 days. This has been a long 2 weeks and I've missed him so much. I was hoping to spend some time with him just us this weekend since he missed mother's day and this friday is my birthday but I realize I can't do that. He hasn't seen Vitt (said baby) in two weeks and he really needs to bond as much as possible with him. That baby loves his daddy. On Fridays when Fred walks in the door, I get this look like...it's been fun, Mom, but DAD IS HOME!!! I love it and do get a tad bit jealous at times...but I know it's all good. Real good. These last few days are going to drag by.

Thursday I have to make a round trip through the state of South Carolina in order to visit eye doctors for the 2 youngest members of my family. I hope I feel better or it's going to be a looong day.

I have officially complained now. Whined...cried....you name it. I just want to feel better. It's been too long.

PFT- I will use this alot. A throwback to my chat days of long ago. It is the sound that females make when frustrated..in doubt...upset...saying "whatever " without words. Go ahead..try it...you'll see it's perfect!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Monday, Monday.......

Were Mondays invented to weed out the population? Saw on the news this morning that Monday mornings are the prime time for a heart attack. Huh. Go figure. Is this true or just another way to fill in some time and keep our interest until a commercial comes on? Something to ponder if I have an extra minute......

I told my husband I was going to blog. He's an intelligent man...otherwise I wouldn't have married him. (Married a dumuss before...bad on mental stimulation). Anyway, he believes he has the grasp as to why I would want to blog. I've been a little closemouthed about it...just want to see where this goes and if it'll hold my interest. Sometimes I have time...most of the time I don't. And I will tell you now, I use alot of these..........those being the dots. My friend Jody and I call them "thinking dots". Tends to irritate some people. So, if you are easily irritated...well, then,....lemme think.....I don't really care. They are MY thought dots.

As I was saying. My husband is a man among many. Quit rolling your eyes. He truly is because he puts up with me. I am not like any other. I am fiercely loyal but betray me one time and you are out. I have no patience for lies. Fred (said hubby) would say that I put up with alot from him. Yes I do. I am also a normal human in that I fear that he will wake up one day and not love me anymore. I can say that because I did that with my ex-husband. Long story for another time, but he managed to kill whatever I could have mustered on a good day. Therefore, I promised myself when I married this man, I would make every conscience effort to have a marriage worth all the hassle. So far we've done well. At least I think so. But, man, this past weekend was hard.

Being an active duty member of the Navy puts a new spin on life. Especially if the spouse is an old dog who can't learn new tricks well and she's stubborn and very vocal and opinionated. Can you believe they don't care about family? or holidays? or really important stuff? NO! They worry about submarines being ready for sea....their new recruits getting a good start in what could be a good career. They make senior guys hang around to keep snot-nosed 18-21 year olds out of trouble. Grown able bodied men and women who can vote and fight in battle....have to have babysitters. My mind just can't wrap around that concept. But, you know what? It doesn't have to. Plain and simple. The Navy simply doesn't care if I get it or not. They own my husband lock, stock and barrel until the day comes that he retires. (he is re-enlisted until then) They can do whatever they wish 24/7/365. Sucks a donkey, huh? And the crazy thing? He goes along with this??? OMG. I just can't fathom someone having that much control over my life. Makes my neck muscles bulge just thinking about it. But, he loves it. Loves his job. Loves the camaraderie of his boatmates....or shipmates. I tend to forget which is which and I know it's important and I'll prolly learn about the time he retires. (~shrugs~) As I was saying before I got sidetracked..which I do very well. I am trying to understand. Admittedly I don't do a swell job of it most of the time but I think he loves me in spite of that major character flaw that I have because at the end of the week...I'm here waiting on him and wanting to spend every minute I can with him.

You think I hate the Navy. Not at all true. I'm very proud of our military and I support George W. and hope and pray that he makes the right decisions. Did I say pray? Absolutely. Very big believer in God and all He does. I just wish ...sigh...I just wish things could go my way more often is what it boils down to. But right now, he's not just my husband...he's your (meaning the country's) employee. And you're pissing me off pretty good when you keep him from coming home and spending a little bit of time with his family.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Where can a gal go?

Where can a gal go to tell all her business...vent away life's troubles...and not get in trouble? Why, the internet, of course. Where everyone can know your deepest darkest secrets but your next door neighbor. But, that's only because they don't own a computer..terribly old-fashioned they are. And on the other side of me is my parent's house...where the computer moves slower than molasses in winter.

I've read many a blog and just had this burning desire to posts my views, desires, hopes, dreams, and generally pissed off attitude. I do try to hide that part from the world because you know it's hard being the upstanding citizen and proper mother and wife. jeesh. Kinda hard to do when your husband is serving our country and if your name doesn't start with the letters USS..then you are SOL. * Then you have an 11 year old who is pissed with the world...hates the very air that gives her life and has the mind of a 16 year old. Where can a gal go? Why to the edge to peek over and see just how rocky it is below!

*--SOL...sooooo out of luck. I'm going to try to keep it clean..no promises though. You have been forewarned.