Friday, April 28, 2006

Be Good to Yourself

Because I sure have been. Seriously. I've shocked myself and then shocked myself even more!

First off, let me start by telling you that I don't worry about me. I worry about my kids and my husband. I want them to be provided for. My girlfriends can testify to this. When we (the girlfriends and I) go shopping, I buy for my kids and husband before I even look for my own self. Paige is always my ultimate mission. She is hard to dress so I am constantly looking for the cute stuff that will make her feel like a million bucks and totally fit in with her "Prissy Posse". Makenna is my fashion model. She can wear anything and I indulge with the cutest latest fashions that are reasonable. And Vitt? I have enjoyed buying for a little boy so much, that I simply can't help myself when I come across something that I just KNOW will look adorable on him. And needless to say, my husband doesn't lack for a decent choice in clothes. I love dressing a man and do it very well.

Well, to heck with them all!!! The past week has been devoted to Mama! And I'll tell you why..........

My husband is out to sea. Not giving away any classified information because I have no idea where he is. I'm almost certain that it's the Atlantic since we're located on the East coast...but that's all I would venture to guess. He will be coming back in around May 8th for a day or two and heading back out. Guess what? My birthday is May 13th and Mother's Day is May 14th. Sucks a big one, huh? So, instead of getting depressed....I went shopping.

For a while now, I've been secretly coveting the novelty of teeth whitening. Dang you Extreme Makeover!!!! I will watch an hour long documentary on that mess just to the see the before and after pictures. And loving coffee the way I do? Yeah, the good stuff is telling on my teeth. I have an appointment on May 8th to get my bonding replaced. It's located on my two front teeth and I got it when I was 17. Reason being is because I was on so many antibiotics as a child, my teeth were badly discolored and I was robbing the world of my beautiful smile!!!! My mother worked and saved and voila! I was a new girl. I've kept it up since and because the last time I got it replaced was in 2000 and it's only supposed to last around 3's time to replace. ( I take really good care of it!) I called on a whim to ask about the teeth whitening. Lo and behold. My dentist has the Zoom. The same exact thing used on Extreme Makeover. Was this a sign from above? No, the sign from above was that they just had a cancellation and had a time open...THAT DAY. I took it before I could think about it.

Now, let me tell you. I'm SO glad this is a one time deal. Sweet Joseph. It was two hours of torture. And so boring. I literally woke myself up snoring while sitting under the lamp. With my not so cool shades on that they provide. Man, beauty costs. But it looks good.

I have since broken out the sexified red lipstick and I stop at every mirror to smile like a maniac. I can't imagine how much better it's going to look when I get the bonding replaced, too!!! I am drinking coffee out of straw. And not caring what anyone thinks of me.

Since my smile has it's groove on...mama needed a new outfit to show it off. My mom and I did a little shopping this morning and while I did purchase a little something for the rest of the gang? I SO bought for myself. My mother was proud of me for doing that. I didn't realize how I neglected myself until today.

This is my thinking. I'm shopping to gift myself for the upcoming May weekend that my husband won't be here for. Instead of getting depressed...I'll just look good. No harm in that, is there?

Yeah, I got the outfit to wear to the ex-sister in law's house for a bridal shower for her sister this Sunday. We're all cool, but you never know who will be there from the Jerk's side. I have the red lipstick that rocks. I have the new heels that will kill me but no one will ever know because I am a Southern woman and we know how to handle that stress. Oh...I got the accessories to go along.

Told you I was being good to myself.

And I have my very own before and after pictures.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Beautiful Spite

My ex-husband (we'll refer to him as "Jerk" from here on out) liked working in the yards. This was a good compromise for us since I despised yard work. He made some really good choices and purchases when it came to plant life and really took care so that we had blooms year round in competition with my parents next door. Around two years before the Big Split, he decided to put a rose bush against our house. Off he went to buy the lattice because he was sure this thing was going to grow grow grow. I laughed because I knew he was putting it in the worst possible place for a plant. The ground was hard and dry and just not conducive for thriving rose blooms. But, he perservered. He watered it faithfully and I even pinched hit when he was working so his "baby" would survive. He lovingly spread plant food around the base and I'm sure there was a conversation in there between him and that rose bush. A year later, we had a few beautiful blooms. How proud he was of that bush. We must have taken 20 pictures and each bloom was recorded on film (was before digital cameras, friends).

Then came the Big Split. In the mass confusion, the rose bush was forgotten as it was February and it wasn't time to bloom. When March came Jerk arrived to pick up the girls for visitation. Casually he asked me if I was watering the rose bush. No, I replied. He got antsy. He asked me if maybe I thought I should. Nah, I shrugged....just knowing it was squeezing his soul that I cared not for that mangly rose bush. He left without another word.

A month later, the bush didn't appear as lovely as the year before. Again, Jerk inquired about it. Finally I told him to go dig the blessed thing up and take it with him. It didn't matter to me. (Nerves were quite raw between the two of us) I saw Mr. Hyde start to appear and braced myself. He informed me that he was going to leave that bush right where it was so when it died, everyone driving by could see it withered and brown on the vine and they would just KNOW that it was all my fault and blah blah blah. (I'm thinking there's some inner issues he was really referring to in that conversation). HA...I replied....I wouldn't touch that rose bush with a ten foot pole! Let it die. See if I care.

Oh, the hurtful things that people can say to each other.

That rose bush did suffer. It had a bad couple of years. Then...all of a's gotten a life of it's own. It's started blooming and growing at an amazing speed. Right now it's sitting out there with over a hundred gorgeous blooms on it. It's higher than the house. I think if I just leave it alone, it will take over and cover the house and we'll live in some Sleeping Beauty like fantasy land. Okay...overboard....I have an active imagination.

I guess what it boils down to is that the rose bush is beautiful in spite of me and Jerk. Our dislike, frustrations, and just plain pettiness have washed over it and in the has won.

It didn't need either one of us to survive.

That's beautiful spite.

Monday, April 17, 2006

A Message for Paige

Twelve years ago on the 14th, you came into this world screaming. Or that's what I've been told. I was unable to participate in your birth because I had that nasty preeclampsia and got really sick. Rumor has it that I almost died, but I don't believe it because I don't recall any bright lights beckoning me. I just remember waking up in intensive care and your Nana telling me I had a baby girl. I don't recall much else from those two days. A doctor friend stopping by......your grandaddy David.....and a nurse with an angelic voice.

I didn't see you until you were a couple of days old and even then I couldn't make it to the NICU. They had to bring you in that plastic limo to my room. I remember how tiny you were at 3lbs 7 ozs and how this fierce love flowed through my veins. I was only 22 and didn't know a blessed thing. (Hindsight tells me that one!) I do know that I knew what a mother's love was and as I sat by your isolette day in and day out....I saw your prom. I saw your graduation. I saw your wedding. I saw the future.

I would take pain pills and time it to where I could drive that stick shift car of mine to the hospital. Yes, it was a big no no after having had a c-section, but everyone was back to their normal routines. And I had to get to you. Hours and hours I would sit by your side and watch the machines telling your life story. There are blurry faces of nurses that would bring me juice or crackers and fuss at me for not getting proper rest.

You came home at 4lbs even. A 2 liter pepsi bottle was bigger than you. My only thought was to make you thrive and flourish and let you know what love was.

I think you were born fighting and you haven't stopped yet. I wish sometimes you wouldn't struggle so hard to get ahead. It will all happen in good time. I understand your frustrations for the most part and hurt when I don't.

You are a beautiful and intelligent lady. You know how to match your clothes and iron them. You're learning the art of being a woman. I can't believe this teeny tiny baby has become the lady you are today. It just happened so fast.

BUT...and there's always a but. I am your mother. Not your friend. I will listen and be there for you, but I'm not your pal. It's my duty and honor to prepare you for what life has in store and I would be doing you an injustice if I didn't teach you right from wrong and how to handle situations that come along. The lessons aren't easy, but you won't fail. Maybe the day will come that we can be friends of a sort, but until then....I'm the boss. If I need to, I'll have it put on a shirt.

Growing up isn't easy. You're making sure of that. But I'm your mama and I will be behind you every step of the way to lift you up and help you. Even if you don't know it.

And, yes, you can be a lawyer and a doctor. Just PLEASE keep your grades up because we just can't afford that tuition!!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Where Things Don't Belong

Random thoughts about where things don't belong:

Paige lost her cell phone. After calling it to see if we could find it that way? It was in the VCR.

A stool in front of the washing machine. Hmmm. Open washing machine.....too many things to count floating around.

The Creme Brulee creamer I've discovered to go with my favorite beverage coffee? Poured out all over the floor.

The car keys? In the oven. In a pot of grease I keep for french fries. Keyless remotes DO NOT float in grease.

The last little piece of a block of cheese? In its zip up bag. Behind the t.v. With lots of things growing from it. Eww.

Remotes. Books. Magazines. Library books. Homework work book pages. Thrown behind the couch.

Box of wipes? In the commode.

Bottle of parmeson cheese? Shook out on top of the creamer.

The other shoe that belongs to the bestest and coolest pair of Wiggle bedroom shoes you ever saw? The kind that will make a two year old scream with glee? In the trashcan in the bathroom.

We've stopped getting upset over the new location of things in our house. It's become an adventure to see where something will turn up.

Man, I hate adventures sometimes.

Monday, April 03, 2006

To My Son

Two years ago yesterday you came into my life. I couldn't believe that you were exactly what I ordered. A dark HUGE brown eyes...and a head full of dark brown hair. My heart swelled to bursting when your daddy held you and just looked at you with awe in his eyes. I wanted to bawl like a baby (durn hormones!) when your sisters sat on the foot of the bed and held you with the biggest grins because all they wanted was a baby brother. They proudly wore their shirts that said "MuMu- Vitt's big sister" and "Sissy- Vitt's big sister".

You grew too fast for me. You walked at 8 months 3 weeks and you haven't stopped since. Your determination and pure bull head attitude make me think you will make it far in life or be really tough in prison one day. I just can't understand how one little boy can get into so much trouble and still smile such a sweet angelic smile that melts even the coldest of hearts. The way you furrow your eyebrows in concentration or frustration makes me believe you will need botox before I do. Probably before kindergarten, I'm afraid.

I miss your daddy and it breaks my heart that he is missing out on so much of your early years. There are times when you do small things and I file it away to tell Daddy when we talk. There's no way he can fully comprehend what I'm telling him, but it helps him to understand and even share in your life just a little more. When I miss your daddy the most, I can look at you and while you watch your Wiggles with the fullest concentration... I can see from your profile you have his beautiful lips. Your bottom lip jutts out just a tiny bit like his and it makes me smile. Because as long as I can look at you, Daddy isn't far away.

You have brought a dimension to my life that I didn't even know existed. I appreciate "little boys are made from snips and snails and puppy dog tails" more and more. I know that as long as I draw breath, you will love me with a fierceness that defies logic. I know this by the way you throw your tiny arms around my neck and squeeze like you're a 300 lb. bouncer and then kiss my cheek. I expect you shall find a love one day that fulfills you...but just remember Mama keeps a LOT of band aids for boo boos and my kisses have magical healing power.

You are no longer a baby, but a strapping toddler/preschooler. Soon I'll have to let you venture out into the real world to fight your a few damsels...and change the world. I wonder if the world is prepared for that?

Just remember this. When you are grown and doing wonderful will forever be my baby.

So quit trying to potty train yourself already! I'm not ready for it.