Friday, October 23, 2009

A Manual, Please

Aren't manuals nifty things? They help you operate new gadgets, figure out how to put furniture together, and what those buttons do on your vehicle dash. I love manuals. Those lovely books keep me sane when my husband decides he can put things together without a consult first. This past weekend, I splurged and got a laptop table. It tilts and everything! It's like the Mac Daddy of television trays! I feel all put together and even more comfortable in my chair as I nose around the Internet.

I love the fact that he put this table together and I hear an "Oh shoot". Apparently, the first line in the manual was "Read manual thoroughly before assembly." Is that right? He, being the man, did not consult and had to take it apart and start over. So goes life with a man, right?

Some times, I wish I had a manual for other things. I am in constant need of direction, help, and advice...and I get right irate if I can't find what I need to help me. Here are some examples of some of the manuals I wish I had:

1. How to Raise a Drama Queen Teenage Girl. (Need I say more? I know what I was like and I see similarities of a sort, but times have changed some and I need to know a better way of raising this girl child of mine so she will embrace life and be a productive citizen in the near future.)

2. How to Reason with an ADHD Kid in the Mornings Who is not Medicated. (This one is important, too. You can't reason with him. I lose my temper because GET DRESSED ALREADY. It's the same fight every.single.morning. I just don't get it and I'm developing high blood pressure from it. Seriously, a nerve pill can only help Mama so much, Son.)

3. How to Cook like My Mama so My Kids Will Say My Cooking is Just As Good. (~sigh~ I know I'll never cook as good as my Mama. I remember telling her as a young child that my Grandma's stew beef was better than hers. I'm sorry, Mama. Just know that your cooking beats mine hands down in your grandchildren's eyes any day of the week.)

4. How to Buy a House That is Perfect for My Family. (Yeah yeah yeah..I know there are thousands of books out there to help the first time home buyer. I don't have time to read thousands of books. I need someone that knows their stuff who will sincerely help me and I won't end up feeling like I've been molested when it's all over. I'm ten kinds of nervous over this and I feel queasy about the paperwork in front of us.)

5. How to Keep Food from Being My Drug of Choice. (Shaddup. I don't need any assvice (advice not asked for) on this. I don't do drugs (ok, I do an allergy pill, purple pill, and nerve pill at night, but they're LEGAL, man) of an illegal nature. I don't drink. Chocolate soothes my savage beast inside but it's killing me weight wise. I just wish I could eat to live instead of live to eat. It's a mental thing and I'll work on it soon. A manual on this would be pretty handy, though. )

6. How to Keep Kids Motivated to Help Around the House. (If I could write this, I'd made trillions! Right now, it's hard to motivate them when I can't find the motivation my own self. I'm mentally tired from single parenting during the week and when you're mentally tired? It's hard to find the physical stamina to get done what needs to be done.)

7. How to a Good Supportive Wife Every Moment of the Day. (My wonderful husband. You might want to pray for him. I do support him and encourage him, but every now and again, I slip up and vent a little too much or take out my frustrations on him. He is a rock and takes my storms without blinking. We are both doing our best right now and I know as hard as it is for me to do this on my own? It's just as hard on him being away from his family. In case you all are wondering...this is kind of a public apology to him *blush*.)

8. How to Accept that Parents do Age and Nothing You Can Do Will Stop It. (I can't stand the thought of my parents aging. Don't they realize they aren't allowed to do this?!? I am just beside myself with worry over my parents and their health, and I just get so anxiety ridden being far away from them when I know they need me.)

As you can see, I need a library full of information goodness. There are rare moments during the day (like now) where I have a second to think. Thinking can be good...or it can bad. I am going to work on making those moments of thinking a good thing. Make my plans of attack on these situations I have going on. Plans are good things, you know.

Right now, I plan on enjoying my moments to myself and maybe find some motivation to get a thing or two done around here. That Man of Mine will be home this evening and I will be able to breathe and find a mental break of sorts. You go on and have a good weekend. Make it count.


Kristi said...

I can totally relate to the whole eating of the chocolate to soothe the beast. I have a major problem with that. I recognize it, yet am too lazy to do anything about it. Guess I could get a book about that....naw...pass me a reeses instead. :)

Monogram Queen said...

When you find this manual please pass it along to me.
Good lord almighty when it rains it pours sometimes.
You are a strong wonderful woman, Hope. Remember that!

The Man on the Edge said...

First, to clarify something, I was reading the instructions, I just missed the part that said to put the holes on a specific side.

Second, my wife is wonderful. I would have a very hard time doing the things that she does. She is the rock that is the foundation of this family. I am working hard at both keeping the money coming in and figuring out where we are going to live. I just hope it will all settle a little soon after all that.

I am very proud of my wife and love her more than I could ever possibly say.

Anonymous said...

I do believe you and I need a few of the same manuals in our libraries. I'll keep on the lookout - LOL. This has been an inspiring update to be sure. Loads of love to you, my girlfriend, and to your wonderful family :)

Mellie said...

Miss Hope, I get the stress of homebuying, being apart, trying to get on with it, so I can help you find those manuals if need be, but the kid're on your own, and I've even been taking some of my cues from you as of late. I find myself amazed at how well you do handle the boy now that I've been faced with those challenges.
So, now that you've been househunting, could you fill a girl in on what's happening?

Busy Texas Dee said...

I like all your comments but I really like #7 the best. I feel your pain.