This stuff around my house

Every where I go in my home, I see....this stuff. It won't go away and some times I smile when I see it and other times I just stop and look at it. I may get a little sad or a little excited or a little anxious. It's all a mood thing, you see.


Sixteen days.


May as well be tomorrow.....

Yeah..that's my feet. At least they're a lot thinner than they used to be!

1994 Was Just Yesterday...

I met my first child 18 years ago today. She was a day and a half old. See, there was this whole deal with me having preeclampsia and going eclampsic with three or four seizures. Then, I woke up in the SICU (surgical intensive care)  to my Mama calling my name and not knowing I had had a baby. When I finally got to a room, the NICU (neonatal intensive care)  brought my six weeks premature baby to see me in her isolette. I was allowed to hold her for about five minutes before they whisked her back to that nursery with the locked doors. My fingers were so swollen I couldn't bend them good to hold her but I could stroke her tiny cheek that didn't have time to fill out before being born. She was 3 lbs. and 7 oz.
I spent many hours in front of that closed isolette of hers just watching her sleep. The hormones had me literally laying across it bawling as  I couldn't hold her because she was busy working on holding her core temperature so she could gain weight. She was an amazingly healthy baby with no breathing issues. She was just teeny tiny and needed to grow some before I could take her home. I remember taking a pain pill right before driving to the hospital because I had had an emergency c-section and the only vehicle I had was a stick shift. I would take that pain pill, drive the 10 minutes to the hospital and stay there in a rocking chair by her bed for hours until it wore off and I could drive home to take a small break. See, life went on for family and friends who had to work and go to school and it was hard for them to be able to chauffeur me around. At age 22, you feel pretty invincible anyway, and I would get fussed at greatly by NICU nurses for driving myself.

The other day I was talking to Neighbor Debbie and I told her how at one point and time sitting by my little girl's bed in that NICU, I started counting the number of years until she would turn 16, then graduate high school, then leave me. I would laugh to myself because 18 years seemed like a lifetime away from that moment and that tiny baby laying there so sweetly.

Then I woke up yesterday and it happened. She was 18. And here I was, 40 years old and not expecting it to feel like this. When I was 22, being 40 seemed OLD. Uh...I am not old. Not at all. I lay in bed and thought of the past 18 years and that girl of mine.

Now I'm scared. Scared to absolute death. She's ready to fly. She's ready to spread her wings and see this world and what it's all about. Without me. How can I protect her from the big bad world now? I still need her to need me and want to be with me. I want her never to leave me but she is going to do just that. And she will do it sooner than I will ever be ready.

By the same token, I am so proud of her I can't hardly stand it. I've raised her the best I can. She has impeccable manners, a good work ethic, and an amazing mind to go with her personality. She started a job two weeks ago. I didn't want her to go work. She doesn't need to work. Yet, she has been determined to find a job for a year now so as to make her own money and be her own person. She finally accomplished that goal and works quite a bit as a hostess for a nice restaurant. Again, a goal was set and she made it happen. Just this morning, we paid the reservation fee for her dorm at college for the Fall semester. I was kind of forcing her to go to her Senior Prom until she finally told me she really and truly didn't want to go. I was informed that spending that much money for one night is just stupid. She had valid arguments (she always does) and I finally gave in and told her that she didn't have to go if she didn't want. The relief that came over her was just crazy. I was projecting my own selfish ideas upon her and she was going to go for my sake and finally spoke up. She doesn't like high school because she's been an old soul since birth. She's so excited to get these last weeks of her Senior year done so she can get busy with the rest of her life. She won't look back when she crosses that stage to receive that diploma and I think I will go bawl in a corner now.

Paige, I have done birthday posts for you since I started blogging many years ago. So many times I've told you how proud I am of you and how much I love you. I meant it every single time. I mean it now. I also meant it today when I hugged you and said, "My baby is 18 and is all grown up but Mama is still in charge."

I can't express in words what you have done for me. How you taught this young woman who had a baby to love something more than herself. I never truly understood how one person could die for another until I had you. I would lay my life down at your feet if need be without hesitation. I will always be your biggest fan, cheerleader, advocate, supporter, and Mama. I will always want your happiness above my own because your smile of happiness makes me complete.

The world isn't in the best shape right now, Baby Girl. Lots of drama and craziness out there where no one has control and the autopilot is broken. You have so much inside of you to share with that world and I have full and complete faith that you will be able to fix your corner of that world with style and finesse.

You will break my heart when you fly. This particular break will heal because I know no matter where you go and no matter what you do......you love your Mama as your Mama loves you.

Paige, I love you. With all my heart. Happy Birthday, Baby Girl.

Just a simple cake this year. Paige didn't want a fuss but this Mama doesn't let a birthday go by without a cake! It was so good (I ate a tiny bite just to taste).

We saved the cake for today as she asked to sleep in late yesterday for her birthday and had to go to work in the afternoon. So, I fixed us a good Sunday meal and we had cake and ice cream before she went to work this afternoon.

I love this picture because she's laughing after blowing out the candles. Her laugh is infectious and it makes me laugh when she gets tickled.

We went out to supper for her birthday Friday night (this kid had a full weekend of celebrating going on!). While we were waiting, she and her siblings took some pictures.

These two love each other so good. And it makes me jealous some times because I don't have a blood sister. I have those I've picked as heart sisters, but I'm sure having a blood sister can be an awesome thing. And, yes, that is The Tiara that the ladies of the house wear on their day. Every lady should have a spare one laying around for special  occasions.

If I were to ever see a picture with all three perfectly posed, I might would faint. This is real. These are my kids. I love them.

Go ahead and say it. I did when I saw it. "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWE". Yeah, we may need therapy for these two when college comes.

We tried to take one of the two of us at the restaurant the other night and this was the least blurry. I have to have my picture with my birthday baby.

I forgot to post when the braces came off back in mid-March. I believe the metal was worth every penney we paid and day she wore them. I am constantly amazed at how photogenic this child is with self portraits.

Because I am the Mama and I think my child is beautiful (even if she doesn't believe it herself).

Hello Number 8!!

Last week around Monday, my boy turned 8 years old. I have to blink because it seems like I just took his chubby cheeked self to 3K with Miss Kerry just last week.

It was a low key kind of birthday for the kid. Spring Break had just started here and we were planning to hit the road bright and early Tuesday morning to head to South Carolina for a few days with Nana and Papa. I put off our trip until Tuesday so The Man would be able to participate in the festivities. The Man missed his first two birthdays, thankyouverymuchNavy. I shall do my best to make sure that doesn't happen again if it is in my power.

Rule around The Edge is that you get to choose where to go for your Birthday Supper. At first, he was dead set on going to Golden Corral. Nothing against the G.C., but Miss Hope doesn't visit those establishments anymore since the surgery. I just can't justify spending that much money for a half cup of food and how on earth can you choose from all of that and only eat half of a cup?? You get me here? After he and I had a small talk explaining why Mama couldn't go there anymore, he decided that Red Robin would do. For the third straight birthday.

Carla Girl let her son Jace come for a sleepover the night before and those boys had the best time. We both are amazed at how well they play together and get along. There are no fights and lots of laughing when those two hang out. Jace decided he would accompany us to supper that evening and we surely didn't mind.

When Dad got home and before hitting the Robin, The Boy got to open his gifts. Yeah, good times. He got upgraded to a DS 3D. It was a last minute decision and I'm pretty glad we did. He takes care of his games and that little deal will save my sanity in tight situations when he needs distraction. We had the pleasure of cousins Cristin and Travis plus friends Sherry and James join us for supper. It was a full table with plenty of laughing and eating going on.

Boy of mine, I absolutely adore you. You make me laugh with your crazy sense of humor. I love how you want building kits and you tackle them with complete concentration and they always turn out amazing. I could some times live without  your play by play commentary when you're playing a game because you tend to get louder and louder. Those are the times I could use a volume button for sure. I love your compassion and sympathy when I can't eat a certain food and how you pay attention and remind me when I can't do something. School and all its wonderful structure makes you happy, but you dig a day of wearing pajamas, too. I am touched at the fact that you and your Sissy have already promised skype dates when she goes to college in the Fall and I'm even more touched when you two have "sleepovers" when there's a bad storm because the two of you hate storms at night. I love watching you grow and it's a privilege to be your Mama.

I had to get the whole birthday kid with presents shot, of course.

This is the kid I was telling to smile, but he wouldn't because I was making him wear shoes he didn't want to wear. I do believe he won't get another wear out of the birthday shirt. At least we were able to get three years out of it! He may be pouting, but he's still cute as can be!

The two buddies, Jace and Vitt. Truly a good pair of kids together.

We took the cake and the staff at Red Robin were amazing. They brought it out with candles blazing and singing loud. It was a great time and I can't help but wonder what he was thinking at this moment.

Yeah, this is my boy. I love him so good.

Fixing up the House

So, for two years, I have waited for this painting gig to happen up in my house. I got a company with high ratings on that girl's List site to come in and give me quote. The lady showed up with her swanky pantsuit and matching scarf. She had the nifty laptop she could write her lists on. So impressive. I found the quote fair (after a consult with my Daddy, of course) and set up the date for them to get started.

This woman told me it was going to be one week from blah to fabulous. I lifted an eyebrow and asked if she was sure all this could be done in a week. She laughed and assured me that would be nooooo problem.

Yeah.

We are now on week two. They will finish up tomorrow. Two weeks of having my house torn to pieces. Plastic covering doorways to rooms not being painted. Dust here and there from repairs done to the wall prior to painting.

I can say that I am in awe of how much color can change a space. I find myself looking around and happy with what I see. I can't wait to finally get my furniture back in place with knickknacks on the shelves, but seeing the transformation has been fun. I won't get to do this again for quite a few years as (OMG) it costs an arm, leg, three fingers and two toes to have it done.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around the yellow I picked for the kitchen. I have always promised myself that I would have a yellow room and thought this was pale enough to not shock the eye. Everyone keeps reminding me that the curtains will tone it down and having blinds back in the windows will help. It's growing on me and I think the color is going to be right snappy when I pull all the accessories together in the breakfast room and kitchen next week.

Right now I am just trying to hang on in this mess of a house until everything is done. I am enjoying my new pendant light in the foyer and the prop engine off of a plane I am now calling a ceiling fan. No joke, that sucker has 70 inch blades and the motor really is an engine I put gas in once a week (okay, that part is a joke). It moves air in this two story living room like nobody's business and I really think it was a smart call when the hot Georgia weather hits this summer.

I didn't want you all to think I wasn't on my game here. I've taken pictures here and there for the before/after section you know I'll have to provide for you on here. I'm still in a quandary over curtains. I HAVE to have them now, though. The look won't be complete until they are up.

So, here I am, hanging on and anxiously awaiting having my house back to where I can snazz it up and have it ready for Paige's graduation reception in May.

Just a hint about the living room.....you'll crave ice cream if you come visit and see it in person.

Progress on Miss Hope Time!

Gonna keep this post short and sweet. I have met my first major goal since the surgery. It hasn't been easy and there are more goals in  my future I can't wait to meet and surpass.

I finally get to say....

I'VE LOST A HUNDRED FLIPPIN' POUNDS, PEOPLE!

Revamping The Edge

I still don't have curtains/drapes in my living room and dining room...or any of the bedrooms. We have lived in this house for two years now and I have naked windows. That's really sad, isn't it?

This is the Year of the House. The past two years, the priority list has been chiseled at until now we've arrived to doing stuff around the house. My Daddy, being the old fashioned guy he is, has always tried to instill in me this saying: If you can't afford to pay for it right then, don't get it. I scoffed at him until in the past two years I stopped and realized something. He may be right. Now, that doesn't apply to houses and cars because who really has the cash to go buy a house or car? (If you can afford that, then don't answer because there are many of us who will give you The Look.)

The Man and I started to manage our money a little better and have worked towards improving our home. Sure, it was new when we got it, but it was the model home so we didn't have any say in how it was built and there were really no bells or whistles like other new homes built from the ground up by the people who were going to live in them. We accepted that and made the best of it.

You all know my girl is graduating this year. *sob* We have family and friends who will be a part of this momentous occasion and will be visiting our home...some for the first time. Dude, I want it to look right. Maybe not the bedrooms so much, but the "living" spaces need to be done. Since the first of the year, I have made it my mission to see just what I can get done before May arrives in all its glory.

The first year living here we purchased a dining room set. The next year, we got rid of the carpet in there (seriously? carpet in a place where you eat??) and replaced the floor with hardwood to match the foyer. Nice. We painted that room last year and when I get drapes, I'll be finished with that room. One down.

Last year before my surgery and before The Man left for class up North, we purchased the paint for the kitchen and breakfast room. A lovely shade of pale yellow (Charleston, SC color palette) that I was thinking I was going to do while he was gone. How stupid I was to think I could recover from surgery and be able to do that. Suffice it to say, the paint is still in the garage and there are test splotches of it still on the walls in random places. I really hated the lighting in the kitchen, too. There was one cheap builder grade flourescent light (off center of the island= agitation of OCD) that really didn't help at all. My husband is a nuclear electrician and he and a few buddies have sat and studied that ceiling many many times trying to figure out how to put up more lights. Finally, he conceded defeat and called an electrician. Thank you, Jesus! Electrician came in and in thirty minutes, he told me exactly what I needed and where. I cringed as I waited for his estimate to come into the email box. It was such a relief to see that I know nothing about electricity and installation because if it were left to me? I would have made that  man a fortune off of us alone. We opted to buy the lights instead of him doing so. The trip to the store showed we were way in over our heads because we had no clue what we were doing there or buying.  I am so thankful for the older retired electrician working at the store who educated us (plus two phone consults-one to my Daddy, and one to the electrician) and helped us get what we needed. I finally went and bought the two pendant lights to go over my sink and matching chandelier for the breakfast room I'd been eye'ing for a year. We came out almost a hundred bucks cheaper purchasing the materials ourselves.

See, all of the lights have to be installed and done because painters are coming the second week of March! Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Miss Hope is going to have this two story living room painted! Finally! I can't tell you how tired I am of looking at this builder's standard beige/tan/yuck. We decided to let them go ahead and paint the kitchen with the paint I already have. Add in them redo'ing the half bath because that was a failed first attempt on our part at painting. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to have some color up in my house! We had to really work for this and many things had to be stricken from the list before getting here but here we are! I have a big boy 70 inch ceiling fan for the living room and will have a new foyer pendant light installed by the same electrician when the painters are here with scaffolding. Wait until you see the picture of the pendant light we have now. I have never despised a light like I do that one. I would almost rather have one lone naked light bulb hanging up there instead of the pendant light the builder put in here.

Finally, I will be replacing this living room carpet. I can't take this light colored, stain catching piece we got going on now. Every time I vacuum, I state how much I hate it. Ask my family, I really do state it every single time. I thought about putting hardwood up the stairs but have decided to go with matching carpet from the living room. My kids sound like a pack of buffalo going up and down now. Maybe we can do the lovely hardwood when they're older? Or gone? I haven't even begun to look at carpet places but this stuff we have now has got to go. Oh, and before you all tell me I can have it cleaned? I have. The pretty clean lasts a day or two until my son goes outside and comes back in with dirty shoes. There's just not enough clean to it, man! 

Finally, the curtains for the living and dining room. I have no idea how I'm going to go about doing those. I know it bugs my Daddy that I don't have any so I'm going to make an honest effort to have some before he comes back for a visit. My living room drapes will have to be at least 104 inches long. Cha-ching. I'm really biting my nails on this one. Lord knows, I don't want to pay some interior designer to come in and charge me a car payment an hour for her/him to tell me what I need. I am so curtain challenged!!! I can't believe how unsure I am over material covering my windows.

As you can see, it's a busy time re-vamping The Edge a little right now. Big home projects finally hit the top of the to-do list here. I've waited patiently through braces for two kids, much needed furniture, paid off bills, and other things that came up unexpectedly for this time.

I even have a few pictures of what we've started doing around here. Hope you can see my vision and how much better it will be when all is said and done.

See??? How sad is this? There is no light in this area. It was dark at the stove. Oh, and there's a paint splotch of the yellow we're going to paint.

This is a view from the living room. Crap, I promise I took the peppermint plates down before the electrician got here. I just didn't realize they were still up from Christmas! This is where you can see how dark it was over the sink. No light, people!!

This is as soon as they finished. (note the proper plates are  in the plate holder). I got seven can lights. Four over at the stove and pantry area. Two over the island. Goooood Bye ugly flourescent light! Two pendants over the sink. Why, yes, they are pineapples! There's one more can light in the corner by the coffee pot. We are blown away by the difference and feel like we have a new kitchen. I do believe that if my husband and buddies had done this, there would be many holes all over my ceiling. To me, this was money well spent on a place that really needed some help. My Daddy suggested a dimmer switch. Good call....until the 13 year old discovered it. We had to have a talk about that.

There's our start! I am giddy over how different I know things will look when I'm done. I had some help from the lady who owns the painting company with colors for my living room. It was such a relief to have someone who knew what I wanted in my mind help me pick the right colors. I can't wait to share that with you!

Today is Leap Day or whatever they call it. My boy is home sick with bronchitis. Who knew a nasty barky cough would be bronchitis? Shoot, I was taking him to the doctor yesterday for good cough medicine and left with a two day excuse for school, a round of antibiotics, and cough medicine. He is relaxing in Dad's recliner in his pajamas with his shows on the t.v., Dad's laptop in his lap, and a drink by his side. Kid's got it good and doesn't even know it.

I'm going to have an update on me very soon. I've been holding out because I've been waiting for one particular thing and we're almost there. It'll be a good post.

If you have any suggestions for the curtain issue, I'm listening! Help a sister out!

What my new teenager did...

Tonight I was cooking supper and had Makenna in the kitchen helping me. In fact, The Man and I were out running errands when I called the house to have her start cooking some vegetables. I decided to make chicken and rice when we got home since it's quick and easy. Now, that's a good Southern dish that I have discovered that many outside of The Circle have not heard of nor do they eat. It's a simple filling dish of chicken, chicken broth, and rice, with salt and pepper, all cooked up in a pot. I don't cook it often, but my people enjoy it.

 I can't have rice due to the surgery. While I was getting the stuff on the stove going, I  decided I would boil some eggs and make myself some egg salad. Tasty and full of protein.

I got a small pot out of the cabinet and handed it to Makenna. I said, "I'm going to make some egg salad so please put me five eggs in the pot". (I can't eat but one egg but knew the rest would want some.)

After a few minutes I heard this odd sound I should not have been hearing.

I turned around and there she was.

My child.

Cracking an egg into the pot.

"What are you doing?!?" said I.

"Putting five eggs in the pot like you said!" she replied.

I walked over to the kitchen island to see four yolks floating in the pot and a fifth one about to join them.

I had to bend over I was laughing so hard.

Poor baby doesn't even know how to boil an egg.

She defended herself loudly in that I didn't specify exactly how I wanted the eggs in the pot. I was still laughing.

I finally explained the whole "boil the eggs and peel them and chop them for egg salad" deal to her. We are now clear in that if I give her a frying pan? Break the eggs. If I give her a pot? Then put the whole entire egg inside.

It took a little longer, but I had my egg salad. We did it the right way that time.

A New Teenager has Arrived!

My kids keep growing and becoming more awesome and I just get older. What's up with that?

This past Monday, my Baby Girl officially hit the big 1-3 !!! Yes, Internets, I now have two teenagers residing in my home. Makenna has hit that mysterious age bracket where emotions run high and life has potential to be one huge drama filled adventure. We've all been there, right?

When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, the only thing she wanted was a gift card to that place where JoAnn sells fabric and may be some cash to spend at Michael's store of craft goodness. Seriously. She got that sewing machine for Christmas and is itching to teach herself how to make her own fashions. Who am I to stop a designer in the making?

The past weekend was a bit hectic. My mother is in the hospital and we had to go check on her. She is quite ill with another stroke and aspiration pneumonia. ~sigh~ I am so thankful that her mind is sharp and her speech is unaffected. I spent my allotted ICU visitation time with her and hated to leave her on Sunday to head back home. Any thoughts and prayers you can send her way would be greatly appreciated.

Back to the Birthday Girl. Saturday, after a visitation with Nana, we went to grab a bite to eat. Thank goodness for Aunts who figure out the where and when for such a great occasion. I just had to really just show up with the Birthday Girl and family and just enjoy. Makenna picked her place of choice and there was a decent turn out to celebrate. I wish I could have gotten everyone to go but I just didn't have my full mental thinking going on with worrying about my Mama. We all enjoyed a good meal and headed back to the hospital to spend another 30 minutes with the greatest Nana on earth.

The Man has to work evenings this week. Ahhhhh..gotta love the joys of getting a nuclear power plant up and running. I don't even try to understand all he has to do. I do know it's a great responsibility and I'm proud of him and so glad I don't have to know the wealth of information he has to know daily. (I solemnly state on a regular basis that if we depended on me to know what he knows? We'd be living in a shack.)

I did not put off Makenna's birthday supper on Monday night because of The Man's schedule. It was her day and we were going to celebrate! Her choice of restaurant was a Japanese steak house. Her siblings rejoiced because that's a favorite special occasion place to eat. It was my first time going since the surgery and I admit to being a little anxious about it, but I did just fine (that fried rice has potential to be my downfall!). We had a wonderful time and fully enjoyed the food.


Makenna, you have to know how proud The Man and I are of you. I am in awe of your abilities on a daily basis. You don't wait for knowledge to come to you. You seek it out and absorb it like a sponge. You are the peacekeeper of the family and we some times cling to your calming presence like a life line. Your sarcastic humor reminds me of someone...could it be me? I love how you're happy with people and being alone with just yourself. I'm so excited to see the woman you will become as I watch you grow day by day. But, you know, you could slow down just a little bit and I would be perfectly okay with that. You are so loved and without you, our family would be woefully incomplete.

And just so you know? Give me a few more pounds and I am totally gonna smoke you on that dancing W*i game. Where do you think you got that rhythm from?? Humph.

Of course, I took pictures to share with our friends! I can't let such a monumental day go by without pictures!

Yes! This is the shirt I bought her in 2007. Little did I know the child would be able to wear it so much. Definitely a good purchase on my part. This year she snazzed it up with a cami underneath and pulling it tighter in the back. This was the morning before school. Paige let her wear her tiara (for all intents and purposes for the school and their dress code? This is a fancy headband.) and she was definitely a Princess.

Lawd, I love this Sugar Face. He is so tolerant when his Mama does stuff like this.

There is a plastic wine glass here at the house that I have no idea where it come from. Makenna loves to drink out of it and says she feels "all fancy" when she does. After a quick drop in at that Pier place, I thought it perfectly okay for her to have her very own real bona fide GLASS to be fancy. She, of course, adored it. *Note the kid in the background who loves to sneak in pictures.*

My reasons for living. Paige is gonna shoot me for this picture. If I disappear suddenly? You'll know why.

We were waiting for our table and I kept looking at her and marveling at how much she's grown and I just had to take a picture of the moment.

She will always be my Baby Girl.

It's Gettin' Real Now, Folks.

It's finally to the point I can't hide my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend time is passing by and I get to hide from it.

Paige found out this past weekend that she was accepted to the college of her choice.

She came running down the stairs Saturday with wide eyes and holding her phone in front of her like it was on fire but she wasn't going to let go because she was on a mission to show me something.

I looked and there it was on the screen. The status saying : accepted.

Whoa.

We shared the wide eye'd look with each other and then got ten kinds of excited.

My baby is going to college. My 3 lb. 7 oz. baby who has fought for her way in this world since the day she was born is going to college. All by herself.

I am nothing but a mass of emotions now. I'm so thrilled and proud of her as she gets ready to start a new and exciting chapter in her young life. I'm sad because she's leaving me and if I know this kid, she won't look back when she walks out the door. She's that independant and ready to take on the world.

I should have been more mentally prepared for this, people. I've done her Senior ad in the yearbook. I've ordered her cap and gown. I've picked out the caterer for the reception at my house after graduation. I've told people what date everything is happening so they can put it on their calendars.

But, college?

Big Girl and Big Boy school? Where there's parties, and a lot less adult supervision. Where many great first loves are found. Where many hearts are broken for the first time. Where lives are planned and futures started.

Now, The Man and I have to go attend an orientation and see exactly where our child will hopefully live for at least four years and graduate. I have to go check out this place my baby girl will call home ... a home where I'm not living.

And on top of all of that?? The child has had her license for a year now and has become this tremendous help with errands and such since then. Now, I've got to go back to doing all the running around on my own. She ENJOYS running to W*lmart for bread and milk. ~sigh~ Life, you are so flippin' funny. You get my kid grown to where she can do all this amazing stuff, then you take her away. Well, I'm not laughing, Life. Not at all.

Ohhhh...before I forget to tell you. My doctor's office had a Ladie's Night this past Friday night. It was a meeting of WLS patients who could bring a  friend or family member to see vendors and such and have a nice stress free meeting. I was humbled and awe'd by the success stories I heard and saw with my own eyes. Paige went with me because I just didn't want to go there all by myself. Yeah, I'm not usually so wimpy, but I wanted to spend some time with just the two of us. Afterwards, we grabbed a late supper and sat and chatted while we ate. It was a wonderful time and a  memory that I will cherish with her.

And...................we took some pictures in the car before going in!

Had to take the "pretty" picture. Really like this one.

Annnnnd you get this. Cuz it's how we roll.

Ups, Downs, the Good, and How It Is

I have many different ranges of issues going on over here. Some are mental and others are physical on the old body. I promised I would keep it real and that's how I roll...on a fairly regular basis.

The loss thus far is 84 pounds. Not so shabby for five months (well, on the 18th it'll be five months), right? I still feel like it's not good enough. Many of you scoff and snort and wonder why on earth I would think that. I think that because right now I am consumed with my eating, with my pouch, with my protein intake, with my water intake, and that blessed set of scales in my bathroom. I hope I can make 100 pounds by my six month surgiversary because, People? I still have a long ways to go to get where I need to be. I stall out on a regular basis once a month. You do the math on that one. Yay for being a woman. For a solid week, I crave chocolate and every morning that stupid butt scale sits right there on the same number. The first couple of times it did this, I would call Neighbor Debbie all upset and carrying on about having this surgery for nothing and all kinds of hormonal rantings. She would listen like the friend she is and offer whatever I needed to hear that moment. Now, we've put a pattern to it and I'm not allowing myself to carry on until I'm absolutely positive my stall has nothing to do with my hormones. Fair enough.

I have lost around four sizes in clothes. Pants are what astound me the most. I have, at the moment, four pair of regular pants that fit (one of those being a pair of jeans). I have three pair of work out pants that I have washed nearly to death. And fashionistas out there? Kiss my entire still big butt. Yoga pants are the flippin' bomb and I big as you can get pink fluffy heart them. They are comfortable and flatter what I got going on here. Shirts are starting to get a little scarce, too. I went to an outlet this evening with the hubby to buy a couple of shirts to see me through for a while. I have found myself shopping in my daughter's closet and there might be a few shirts that didn't make it back to her closet after laundry day. I'm just borrowing, man, that's all.

While losing sizes in clothes, the fat is falling off of my face somewhat. Yeah, about all of that. Every day finds me discovering a new wrinkle. I know I'm now officially in my forties. I don't need a reminder, thankyouverymuch. I knew this was coming by having RNY. What I didn't expect was the turkey gobbler I have hanging from my neck. Oh, sweet Baby Jesus! I hope this issue under my chin gets a tad better. IT'S FLIPPIN' WRINKLED!  I am moisturizing like a fool and I secretly sit on the stool in front of my bathroom mirror pulling back my skin on my face just a smidgen. I'm trying very hard not to be vain about the new wrinkles emerging or the turkey gobbler hanging down on my neck. I am a female, though, my friends. While I am thrilled beyond belief that I am down from a half dozen chins to around two to three-ish....what I got going on just isn't attractive at the moment.

Let's talk about jewelry, shall we? I am now wearing my wedding rings on my middle finger so I don't lose them. My poor ring finger looks naked and it has this pitiful indention on it where I wore my rings no matter what size I was and if those suckers got tight in the summer? I took it like a woman and kept wearing them. I was able to wear a ring yesterday my parents gave me for Christmas ten years ago. I loved that ring and hated to put in the jewelry box when it wouldn't even go past the first knuckle of my finger. Out of curiosity, I picked it up yesterday and when it went all the way on my finger, I may have done an unwitnessed happy dance in my room in front of the jewelry box. I told my husband that when I get to the weight where I'm supposed to be, I may need a new wedding ring set. He hasn't disagreed. My father in law informed me that I could get my rings re-sized. I told him that no, I couldn't. He must have thought I misunderstood and told me again that I could get my wedding rings re-sized. Again, I told him no, I couldn't. Once more he tried to explain that the rings I was wearing that were too big could be made a smaller size. This time I responded, NO, they can't because I need a new set. His reply? Oh.

I keep waiting to lose a shoe size. I read where everyone has lost up to two shoe sizes. My feet must be hanging onto every bit of weight they can. Only one or two pair are a tad loose now and I am just wondering what's going to happen there.

The gym and I will never be good friends. I know this and accept this. The forums I frequent where RNY people gather all talk about how they LOVE going to the gym and working out and blah and gag and whatever. I don't quite hate the gym, but I sure don't skip out to the vehicle when it's time to go get on the dreadmill. Since I got that virus back around Thanksgiving, it's been hard to get back into a hard groove. I'm still going but it's just a chore, people. When I'm there, I don't skimp and put in almost two hours of cardio and weight machines. I figure if I drove there and am wearing the cute work out clothes, the least I can do is get my money's worth and try to tone up the bat wings my arms are carrying. I tell people I know the gym is a necessary evil to help me get to the good side. Being able to drop two medications because of exercise and weight loss keeps me motivated. Yes, I know this is something I need to do forever and ever, amen, in order to maintain weight loss and health. I just don't think I'll ever be one to skip with happiness to the gym because I get to work out and sweat.

There's an idea I'm toying around with, but am not sure I will go forward with putting it in action. First off, I appreciate all the comments on my FB (book of faces) after blog posts. (You all do realize you can post at the bottom of each post, right? You click on the word comment and you can talk to me all day long. Bloggers love comments about as much as they love the counter on the side and seeing where everyone is from. That's just a rumor I heard.) What I appreciate more is the private messages I've received from people who have family members who have had WLS (weight loss surgery). Messages from people who have thought about having the surgery their own selves. Now, this is where some of you will think, "OMG, she's talking about me!" I've received no less than a dozen of these private messages. I try to respond in a positive honest manner. Some people have even come out of the WLS closet and admitted that they've had a WLS, but have told no one. All of the above has touched me and I want you all to know that my "door" is always open for anyone that needs/wants to talk about this subject. Because of this, I am toying with starting a FB page for my blog so people can like it and really talk to me if they want to do so. This is for those who aren't my BFF on FB (and the military thought THEY had the corner on acronyms) and might have a question or comment they wish to share that's private. I'd appreciate some feedback on this if you don't mind.

I am such a slacker. I didn't put up my Christmas decoration pictures. Ya gotta give me some sympathy here, please. I'm a little hyper-focused on my self right now and it's hard to shake that. I also kind of can't shake it right now because I HAVE to stay that focused in order to make all of this a success. My children aren't being neglected, nor is The Man. If I'm not thinking about how much fluid I've drank so far that day, I'm eye'ing my living room trying to figure out what color I'm going to paint my two story living room this Spring. (I'm thinking a nice neutral green that's not too dark or minty bright- any suggestions?) I'm also shopping online at the moment for a foyer pendant light because the one I have is awful and I can't get it on Gregslist fast enough. I will give that bad boy away. See? So many things going on and not enough time to get it all done before my itty bitty baby girl graduates high school in May.

I'm still here and chugging right along in my new life journey. Again, all your positive remarks and encouragement have helped me more than you could ever know. This is hard and it's not easy, and when I feel a little down? You all help me up. Thank you.