Thursday, December 22, 2005

Oh No...not again

Makenna lost another tooth. She is adorable, but the pressure is too much for me to handle right now! She went to put her tooth under the pillow tonight and I casually said...."Hey Mu? Why don't you wait until Cat Navy (this is what she calls Fred. We don't know why, but it's precious and suits the two of them perfectly) comes home. He might want to see the tooth."

She says..."Yeah, you're right, Mama. 'Sides, she's probably helping Santa out right now since he's so busy and she won't believe she's gotta turn around come straight back because I lost another tooth. We'll just wait until after Christmas."

Whew. Another bullet dodged.

Heeellllllllooooooooooo Big Daddy

It's after midnight. I can say that Big Daddy is coming home today!! Woo hoo!! Fred hasn't been home in two and a half months and I am so ready for him to get here!!

The Navy finally consented to be decent and let the guys go early tommorow. I still think there's a catch in there somewhere. I wish that car had wings, but as old as she is? We just want her to make it home. Big Daddy will be driving back in a new vehicle. Got that bad boy all lined up. Still not sure if he should have a car with leather seats, sunroof, etc etc. Kinda sporty for an old married man. Yeah, Mama done hooked him up good. (grammer sucked there, but that's how I said it out loud)

Another good surprise. Fred's brother is coming to spend Christmas with us. He was working in Florida and was headed back home to Nebraska when his truck malfunctioned. So, instead of pushing it to get back and there being a chance of him being in a hotel room on Christmas Eve, we convinced him to come here. My husband has not spent Christmas with a parent or sibling in four years. He's very excited that Matt is going to be here with us. We've been cleaning all day long preparing for his arrival. Paige is not happy about the manual labor. Vitt gets to really meet another Uncle. I don't think he remembers Matt from when he was 3 months old. Yeah, I'm wondering how that boy of mine is going to handle going from man of the house to there being two other males at least 3 feet taller than him around. Could be interesting.

I am ready ready ready for that man to call and tell me he's on the way.
I got a list a mile long for him to do while he's here!!! And I'm going to the bathroom without company. Dad can take over for a while.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Kiss the Pig

Now let me explain the title.

Back when Katrina hit our coast and destroyed so many lives, fundraisers were an every day occurrence. Our school here had one called "Kiss the Pig". Each class was told that whoever brought the most donations in, their teacher would have to kiss a pig in front of the whole school. Talk about motivation. Makenna loves her teacher, but really wanted to see her kiss that pig. She had received her five bucks (finally!) from the Tooth Fairy a couple of weeks before and had it stashed back until she could decide what to do with it. She came to me and said she wanted to donate all five dollars to Kiss the Pig. She would get all giggly and excited at the thought of her teacher kissing that pig. I asked if she was sure that's what she wanted and she was very sure. So, off she went to school with her five dollars to donate.

Her class didn't win.

This morning when I was getting her ready for her last day of school before Christmas break, I fell in love with my child even more. We were chatting while I fixed her hair and she said to me:

"Mama, I want to take my 3 dollars that the Tooth Fairy gave me and buy Christmas presents for Vitt and Sissy." I smiled because I knew she would be hard pressed to find two presents for that price.She then went on to say, "If I had that five dollars from the last time, I'd have eight dollars to buy gifts with, but I gave that money to help those kids who got hit by that hurricane."

What's the big deal with that, you ask? Because it wasn't about that stupid pig. She didn't get upset that her teacher didn't end up kissing it, but knew that it was all going to help others. And she didn't have a problem with it!! That made me so proud of her. Even now, she finally has a few bucks of her own and her thought is to do something for someone else with it....not herself.

Makes me think I might be doing something right.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

My Failure as a Fairy

Let's skip away from the Christmas madness for a moment, shall we? I know I definately need to take a breather from wrapping and attending social functions, if only for a minute.

I have hands down won the award for Worse Tooth Fairy Ever. I just refuse to believe that someone else in this world has been as bad as I have.

See, I tend to forget by the time that I go to bed that the Tooth Fairy needs to visit. I've done this just about every single time with both my girls. It was okay when Fred was home on a nightly basis. He was awesome at remembering. Since he's been gone this year? Oh man. First example was back around end of June. Makenna lost a tooth and full of anticipation, she put that teeny tiny tooth under her pillow. She woke up the next morning and tears rolled down her face. The Tooth Fairy had forgotten her. Well, I've never been accused of being a slow thinker. Quick as lightning, I told her that alot of people took vacation around the fourth of July, and maybe the Tooth Fairy was doing that very same thing. I told her to be patient, that she would get to her, but she would have alot of catching up to do around the world when she got back from vacationing. This smoothed things over nicely. And I PROMISE I tried to remember every single night to rectify the situation, and kept forgetting. A WEEK LATER, I finally thought about it and because of the massive load of guilt I carried by then, wouldn't you know? That Gorgeous Tooth Fairy left her 5 whole bucks!! And a letter of apology. She was a gazillionaire then, people.

There are many more stories, but that by far was the worse. Til now. Makenna lost her tooth over a week ago. She is an official snaggletooth since it's in the front on the top. She has faithfully checked under her pillow every morning and sighed a big sigh. I told her that maybe since it was so close to Christmas, the Tooth Fairy was helping Santa to get ready for Christmas Eve. I lie to my children!!!!! Oh, the guilt. Here I am.....totally endorsing the magic of childhood and all that goes with it. I believe in Santa....and the Tooth Fairy....and the Easter Bunny. Then I go and stab their little hearts. Of course, I now remember and will make the Tooth Fairy look gorgeous again and redeem herself by tomorrow morning.

The best part of it? Mak continues to hold onto hope. What better lesson to teach about hope, huh?

Please take note parents. Don't follow in my footsteps. Write it on your hand with a pen if you have to!! The lies...they build and build until you can't remember if you told your kid the Fairy went to the Bahamas or an Alaskan cruise. And trust me...they'll remember. I think they're born knowing how to trip us up.

Friday, December 09, 2005

I Believe

Lately, I've been reading some blogs and discussion boards about whether or not people let their children believe in Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. I can understand the side of those who choose not to let their kids believe. I just tend to disagree.

I let my kids believe. In fact, I enforce it! Magic is rare. A child's magic is a perfect magic. I have so many memories of my childhood that involve all three of the above. It gave me something to look forward. Something to work for. You had to be good for Santa and the Easter Bunny. You got rewarded for looking like a dork with gaps in your mouth with the Tooth Fairy. Face it, people. Life is hard as an adult. I am guilty of saying at least once a week that being grown up sucks sometimes. And it does. Sure, there are good points....Like staying up late....Driving....having control of the remote. But do we have magic in our hearts anymore? Not like we did when we were younger.

I remember when I found out the "truth". I wasn't devastated. I understood that I was growing up and not once did I ever ruin it for my brother who was 5 year younger. Are you kidding? He may have been the biggest pain in my rear, but that kid was mine! And when he got old enough my parents had a talk with us. We were given the option of saying out loud that we didn't believe ...or.....we could continue "believing" and continue to get gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. Humph. I am 34 years old and you will never hear me say that I don't believe. While I run around taking care of MY responsibilities for the holiday season...a little part of me is excited knowing that someone is out there "talking to Santa" for me. I'm doing my best to keep the magic alive.

We have a rule at our house. There will no goodies purchased after Labor Day weekend. My children get more than I ever did growing up. Times change. But, I don't want them to get to the point that Christmas means nothing to them. By the time Christmas gets here...they are very appreciative for what they get. They know the true meaning of Christmas. They participate in plays and pageants at church. We talk of Jesus' birthday and how special he was here and is in heaven. Who gave the most ever? So why not make His season a season of giving? ~steps down off of soapbox~ My husband took a hard hit when he was told this rule applied to him. Poor thing. He was used to going out and just buying whatever he wanted...when he wanted. The first year I truly believe he went through withdrawals those three months. He couldn't buy movies or any new gadgets that caught his eye. He now fully supports this rule and enjoys talking to Santa. I have to sometimes stop him from overdoing it. He's a cool dad.

I have been complaining about all the shopping I've had to do. But I wouldn't trade it. My SIL and I decided that she and my brother and Fred and I would trade gifts...with a twist. You have to stay in the 20-30 buck range, and it has to be different. I can't wait to see what we all come up with. Now that's fun.

So, if you let your children believe.....good for you. I want to do like my parents and keep the magic alive for my own children as long as I'm able to get out and talk to Santa for them.

If you decide not to let them believe, then that's fine, too.

That being said, stay tuned for my failure story.

Monday, December 05, 2005

A Cayden Verbal Thought

Cayden is my 3 year old nephew and when you ask him who loves him best, he will promptly reply..."Aunt Hope". Drives my brother crazy.

Now at 3, kids are inclined to speak their mind. They can't fully grasp the concept of ...oh, maybe not mentioning something ...that it might not be the right time or place.

Case in point.

This morning in church Cayden decided to sit with me. I'm sure it was because he loves me, but it could be because I had some candy, too. Vitt sat with the grandparents behind me.

Towards the end of church Vitt was back with us and he and Cayden were pushing a couple of matchbox cars around. Service was almost over and the preacher was asking if there was any announcements. While he was saying this, Cayden dropped his car on the floor and when he reached down to pick it up, Vitt lost his balance and sat on his hand. When he did, he pooted.

During the lull after the preacher asked if there was anything else, Cayden stood up and in the silence announced to my parents:

"Vitt just sat and pooted on my hand!!!!"

And the two of them proceeded to start laughing....loud.

Yeah, those two boys are gonna get in alot of trouble together. I just know it.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Date Night

I was special tonight!

I am on a mission to buy my husband a car and have it ready for him when he comes home at Christmas. This is not a surprise to him, just another job for me to get done. We all know how salesmen treat women. Like we're invisible. I figured out how to take care of that. I enlisted the help of my dad. He and Fred have consulted over the phone a few times and the time was right for my dad and me to go look today. My mother warned me before we left that if Dad didn't like what he was hearing that he would simply get up and walk out and I was to follow if he did. Gotcha, Mom. Something tells me she's speaking from experience. I could tell my Dad was looking forward to sinking his teeth into this. He hasn't car shopped since he got my mom her tahoe 2 years ago. I discovered that men really dig this kind of stuff.

One car lot we visited had a salesman running out meet us. He didn't even look at me, went straight for my dad. Uh huh. Big mistake, Bud. Mama has the checkbook. He rushes to shake my dad's hand and asks if there's anything he can do. Dad simply responds, "No." Guy kinda stands there and then says he's there if we need him and walks back off. Way to go, Dad. Was amusing picturing him walking off on his knees because he got cut off.

We decided to hit Walmart before going home so the new Star Wars movie could be purchased. I remind my dad that the rule is that you don't buy yourself anything this close to Christmas. I said this while hiding the gorgeous new bracelet I picked up for myself last Friday under my sleeve. People, it was a good price!! And so pretty. He shrugs and says he wants to see the movie now. ~sigh~ Patience isn't his virtue.

As we leave, he asks me if I'm hungry. Sure. We go out to eat and as I'm sitting there talking to him while we wait for our food, I realize I got a date night with my dad! And it was cool! I never get time with him to just sit and see how things are going. He never tells what he's getting my mom for Christmas. It's always the biggest secret and everyone looks forward to seeing what he gets her. He asked for my help. Shock! I felt all grown up, people.

It was a great evening and I made the comment on the way home that I hope Paige gets over her anger at her own dad and can one day be able to sit with him and enjoy her time talking to him. Maybe one day.

My good feeling lasted until I walked in my parent's house and my mom looked at me and said....take these children home!!!! This boy is making my nerve pill null and void!! All good things must come to end. Date night was over.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Duct Tape

Not a girly thing to write about, is it?

Duct tape is an interesting invention for sure. The many uses you employ with this are outstanding for sure.

scenario: We (we being the family) are sitting on the huge front porch my parents decided to have built when they got more than 3 granchildren. Adults are rocking in the big rocking chairs courtesy of Cracker Barrel and the kiddies are puttering around on little ride toys. The men are smoking one of their allotted cigars. I believe they smoke around 3 apiece per year. Somehow the subject of duct tape comes up and my husband a superior voice.... says that duct tape has been tested at the depths of the ocean. My dad looks at him...blows out a puff of smoke and replies, "Oh yeah? And what depth would that be?". My husband then does that smug smile and says that he isn't allowed to say...classified information, you know. Now imagine my eye rolling at this point. Just what I need to know. The sub springs a leak and they got duct tape. Great. Hear that Russia? The secret is duct tape.

In my first marriage I did not allow duct tape in my house. My ex had this love affair with the stuff and if he had his way, we would have never been able to let Jeff Foxworthy come visit. Not that he ever would anyway, but I like to be prepared. I can just see him on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour ..."You might be a redneck or live at Hope's house if....."

Now? I have my own love affair with the stuff. I had to find out on my own just how good it is. My son is a genius at getting into stuff and I discovered that a piece on the fridge door would keep him out. Until he learned to peel it off. Then I walked in the other day and my kitchen looked like someone on crack had gotten hold of a roll of the stuff. It was holding my dishwasher closed. My cabinets. My fridge again. The oven door. I calmly asked Paige what was the deal and she replied that she was tired of getting him out of those places and desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't argue with her. I even contemplated the idea of using it on the toilet. Then I reconsidered because when you gotta gotta go. No time to de-duct tape at all. Especially with the viruses going on around here.

So I may not know at what depths duct tape will hold a submarine together, but I do know that I can get a piece of sanity back for a few minutes...until I need to get into an appliance.

You might be a redneck or you live at Hope's house........

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

What Madness is This?

I fight sickness all last week with all three kids. I make it through the weekend and basically get them well again.

I wake up this morning and I have that stupid blankety blank blank blank stomach virus my sis in law had Friday. How fair is that I ask you!

Guess who wasn't sick? Oh yeah, that boy took full advantage of his mom until sis in law called and found out I was sick and came to get him right away. (I love her).

Good thing this is only a 24 hour kind of deal. I'll drop a few pounds, get swimmy headed until tomorrow morning sometime. I'm blonde a little dizziness can't hurt. Right?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Mission Accomplished

And what a mission it was. We arrived at SuperWalmart at 2:40 a.m. with cappucinos in tow. The rookie had been briefed and was all excited to take part. I found my LF in electronics and we chatted for a few and got the game plan set. We all separated to go take up our stations. Well, I kinda took the long way around. I picked up a few things I needed and ambled back to speak to LF again. She's our general and she was upset that I wasn't at my battle station. I blew her off.

All I gotta say is Thank God for cell phones!! We were constantly calling each other to see what was going on. At 3 a.m.? Not a durn thing. My hubby called at around 3:40 a.m. when he did rounds (he had duty). That was weird to be talking to him in the middle of the night in Walmart. Never said I was normal.

The closer it got to 5 a.m., the bigger the crowd got. I saw a few people I knew and we started doing some last minute bartering. You get this for me, I'll get this for you and we'll meet at the front. What a sweet deal! I ran into my ex sister in law's sister and I got some stuff for her and she left to hit Best Buy and picked up some stuff for me. Man, it helps to know people. That cousin of mine didn't show to help out and I'm completely ill with him. I may let him slide since he worked from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. Thanksgiving Day.

The funniest thing of the day? My Sister in law was sent with TWO buggies to get two televisions. Then we found out the portable dvd players were near her and so she was responsible for getting five of those. Why is that funny? Because she's so tiny and short ...the smallest one out of the group..and here she is getting the biggest stuff. She was a sight to behold pulling those two buggies to meet me. Wish I had a camera. While she was waiting, a group of guys came in that had been at a nightclub. They were stopping in to get some snacks and had no clue about the sale. (O' to be young and not care about saving a buck). She tried to convince them to stay and help her lift the t.v.s. Too bad they were basically drunk and probably would have passed out by 5 a.m.

The rookie? She did okay. She was supposed to get a computer, but when people started grabbing, she got overwhelmed and missed out. That's okay. She's new. We'll know next year to put LF or my SIL in a bulldog position. They have no qualms about fighting for a deal.

Me? I made friends with the floor workers who were guard doggin the stuff. We weren't allowed to touch it until 5 on the dot. (okay, so it was more like 4:50, but who cares now?) One worker would go get some of what I wanted and put it right beside me so I could get it and not miss out. That's me...the smooth talker.

We did so well at Walmart that we headed to Target and got there 6 minutes before they opened at 6 a.m. There was a line of people all the way around the building that had been waiting for ages and we kind of sidled up around 5:59 a.m. and waited to go in at the front. Some security guy tried to stop us (along with about 100 more latecomers). Uh, yeah right, Jack. Back up. All is fair and love and shopping and deals.

Our breakfast was great and it felt like it was 11:30 instead of 7 a.m. We had more to do and set off again. Little did I know that my Sister in Law was sick!!! She had been feeling bad, but breakfast sent her over the edge. I was driving around looking for a parking place when she said...get one quick!! I'm going to throw up!!! I said....HOLD UP....I'm getting there! Don't throw up in my van, man!! When I got in the parking place, she jumped out, ran to the front of the van and ..well, you know. I stayed in the van with windows up because if I had heard....I'd have been right beside her. Weak stomach, you know.

This is one tough woman. She got right up and said let's go. I told her I would take her home. No way...there was shopping to be done. She was so pale and shaky, but determined to get her list done. And she did. She passed out on the way home and probably doesn't even remember unloading the goods at Santa's hideout..a.k.a. Grandma's house. I haven't called to check on her because I know if it were me....I'd be sleeping that mess off.

So it was a successful battle for the team again. We were high on good deals and signing credit card slips. What a cramp in my wrist!!! (just kidding, honey...we can still pay the light bill)

Friday, November 25, 2005

Midnight Shopping

What can you do with a group of lunatics that prepare to go shopping at 12 midnight? Eh, nothing really but roll over and go back to sleep.

The army has been assembled. We go in teams of two. Well, my team has three members, but that's okay. We got stuck with the rookie so it's like having two. Either she'll jump in and be professional by 7 a.m. or never ever do this again.

We've studied the sales papers. We've got our map tracked as to where we go and when and who is responsible for getting a certain item. Cell phones are charged so we can communicate inside stores.

First we were going to leave at 4 a.m. Nah, we need time to scout. Then it got moved to 3 a.m. Then we remembered that the Walmart Supercenter was open 24 hours!! You can't buy til 5 a.m., but you sure can stand by your item and guard it with a coffee induced ferocity. We then decided to leave at 2 a.m. and thought again because the Sister in Law and I have to pick up her sister (the rookie). We need time to brief her and make sure she knows the seriousness of how we operate. My cousin is a big strapping guy who is getting off of work at the hospital at 11 p.m. and is going home to shower and change (the ER can be quite messy at times) then go right back out to stake our claim on a few major items. He seriously counts for two people on his own because at 6'2"...he can intimidate nicely.

We're seriously going to miss Fred this year. It was a bonus having two tall guys on our team who could easily reach over squabbling women to get something we want. Plus they can tote the heavy stuff. I feel a back ache coming on.

My mother gets bonus points for keeping 4 children this year. Paige decided she wanted no part of that scene and is staying home to sleep in peace. She has three phones beside her head but I don't anticipate her coming up for air until around 10 a.m. or so. Mom gets bigger bonus points because 3 of those kids are sick. I had a small amount of pity on her and doped them up before I sent them over. They should be snoring quite nicely about now.

Paige and I turned the T.V. up loud and talked loud because there was no fear of waking anyone up. We thought we were on vacation!

I am not going to attempt to sleep because if I do, it'll be all over with before I stir and there's nothing more embarrassing than having your LF (life friend) call and ask...."Where the h**l are you????" I cannot let the team down. This is our tenth year and we're going to celebrate the anniversary with a nice big breakfast when all is said and done!

Wish us luck. It's pure madness out there and we love it!!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Don't Ask Me

And I mean it. They (being my family) need not ask me to say what I'm thankful for at our dinner tomorrow. After being at a doctor's office every single day this week and all three kids having varying stages of bronchitis? Let's share the love, babies! Someone asked me tonight what my plans were. Excuse me? Why, I'm going home. I'm gonna dope up my kids. I'm going to duct tape them to their beds. I'm going to run screaming into the woods never to be seen again. That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going tomorrow. You bet I am. Why? Because I don't have to go but a few miles to get there. I won't have to cook. There will be someone there to entertain the ill butt child who can't talk and just hates the world right now. (That would be Vitt) I'm wearing jogging pants and if you mess with me enough, you can forget the makeup.

And get this. I'm farming the kids out to my mom tomorrow night so my sister in law and I can get up and go fight the masses on Black Friday. We've done it for 10 years now and I'm going again. Does she realize that Vitt has never spent the night away from me in his whole life? Nope. Am I going to remind her? Nope. I'm going to put all the medicine in a bag and tell her to just hand it out. Someone will eventually get well.

I'm going to fix the biggest pot of coffee I can. I'm gonna fill my Bubba Keg to the brim with it. I'm heading out at 4 a.m. and don't look for me til afternoon sometime. And if I find something I like for me.....I'm gonna buy it. Dangit. (within reason of course)

I'm gonna miss my husband dreadfully. This will be the first T-day we've missed as a couple. FTN. Okay...I feel a little bit better for saying that. And I will eventually deal with the fact that I haven't seen him in a month and won't see him until Christmas. And if I can't? Crap. I'll just pop an extra lexapro here and there.

Bring that turkey on. Mama is wearing elastic waist pants.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I just Can't Believe....

That no one commented on the toilet story. And I know you guys read it. That was some funny stuff.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Toddlers, Tampons, and Toilets

Yeah, you read that one right. And believe me, the three of those don't mix.

He got away from me for two minutes!! Only two minutes!!! Then I hear a frantic "MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA" I go running to the bathroom to find my toilet going into overflow stage like Niagara Falls with my son standing in the midst with a look of terror on his face. I frantically pull the lid off and pull up the ball thingy to stop this madness. I turn for the plunger. WHERE IS THE PLUNGER????? I knew he had gotten it the night before and was riding it like a stick horse before Paige caught him and got completely grossed out by the thought of it and took it away. (stick horse..file away for Christmas idea) I stopped the water, set him out of the bathroom and started tearing the house apart looking for that blasted plunger. It had disappeared. Completely. I almost called Paige at school to ask her where it was.

A few hours pass and Paige comes home. I tell her of our problem. She immediately starts looking for the plunger. I tell you, it's gone. We even searched the outside trash can even though we both knew we wouldn't have put it there. Finally, we went to town to get one and some groceries. We get home and I start plunging (is that a word?) Guess what started coming back up? TAMPONS. I kid you not. Lots and lots of tampons. I do believe that boy emptied the whole box of SUPER SIZED in the toilet and proceeded to flush. Well, at least between 5-10 of them. I finally got tired of plunging (there's that word again) and Paige said she would take over while I started supper. I started sweating thinking I was going to have to call a plumber and how mortified we (me and Paige) were going to be about the...shhhhh..tampons. That word just embarrasses the crap out of Paige.

Well, my girl stepped up the plate and after about 15 minutes, she had that bad boy flushing like a champ. She calls excitedly from the bathroom..."Hey Mom! Come check it out!" She's grinning and holding that plunger like an Olympic proud was my baby girl. I watched the toilet flush and looked at her and said..."Yeah, well, I loosened it up for you."

I, of course, went back and totally patted her on the back and even made her give me a high five...which made her roll her eyes. So, I am officially giving Paige complete credit for unstopping our commode that was clogged with tampons. Might even put it in the local paper to show my gratitude.

Things to ponder now:
  • Find a way to lock that door and keep the boy out.
  • Make Paige wonder if I really would have called the school to ask her where the plunger was.
  • Keep making her believe I almost did (which is true)
  • Put the tampons wayyyy out of reach.
  • Put the story in the baby book for his kids to read one day and hope that they try it too.
  • Pray that my husband gets to experience this glorious pleasure of cleaning up after our son...when I am not around.

What I Want to be When I Grow Up

My husband says all the time that he's got to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up....meaning what on earth is he going to do when he retires from the military. I figure since he's a nuclear electrician he might can install ceiling fans for a living? Then again, they don't have ceiling fans on the boat so who knows?

I look at my kids all the time and wonder what they're going to end up doing with their lives. Some people brag that they want their kid to grow up to be president. I don't think so. People talk too much smack about people in power but wouldn't want the job if it was offered to them on a silver platter. If I had to pick one of my kids for that position, I'd pick Paige. Her logic is outstanding and she's one smart cookie. BUT...and I repeat BUT...some head of state or foreign dignitary can piss her off and if that sister is PMS'ing....well, let's just say I'd hate to be them.

Paige can't decide if she wants to be an ob/gyn or a lawyer. An ob/gyn because she remembers me being pregnant with both Makenna and Vitt and she watched all those shows on TLC and TDC know the birthin' shows? They are like crack to the pregnant woman and I promise you I've not watched a one when I wasn't pregnant. I told her to go for it and minor in plastic surgery because I would need it by then. She's thinking lawyer because the injustice in this world towards kids really sets her off. She wants to bang that gavel and throw some lowlife scum in jail. (think PMS again, people) I've finally decided to sit back and just see where this train ride is going. I don't care what she does as long as it's legal and I got a key to the poolhouse.

Makenna. Sweet Makenna. The kid is so smart and just plain beautiful. But, man, is she lazy. I told her the other day she would have to marry a rich man because she wasn't living with me forever. She just smiles this madonna smile she has and informs me that she is going to be superstar and makes lots and lots of money and then she'll pay for me to go somewhere to lose weight so I can be a supermodel when she decides to do that because supermodels are super skinny, you know. Works for me. I'm going to enjoy seeing where my free thinking artistic sprite ends up making her mark on this world.

Vitt. Lord, help me. Kid loves to work. Hide your tools, because if he can find them, I can guarantee he's going to be working on something that's sitting still. He loves to help with housework (his sisters need to take lessons) I got that boy helping empty the dishwasher and loading. Doing laundry with me...he does a heck of a job putting clothes in the dryer. Now if he would leave the door closed so they would dry...we'd be set. He loves a pen. I have to hide those because he'll have marks everywhere he has bare skin. And help us if he finds the plunger because he's gonna work on that commode until something happens...good or bad. So, I figure he'll be a carpenter like his Papa......or a tattoo artist....or a plumber. His dad says he's going to play a major sport and make big money and give us front row seats to whatever he's playing. We'll see. That one is really going to be a surprise. Knowing my luck, he'll join the military and I won't ever get his butt home for a holiday again.

I know I had big plans for myself growing up. I had awesome grades. I don't know what happened. Well, yes, I do. I became a mom. I gave up my job at the hospital because I had a premature baby who barely weighed 4 lbs by the time my maternity leave was up. I've been home ever since and haven't looked back. So, I guess you could say my kids are my career right now. And that's just fine. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...and they don't realize it, but they wouldn't either. Vitt will be starting school before I know it and then what do I do?

I guess I better figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Veteran's Day

In my haste to complain about the military, I totally disregarded Veteran's Day. You might think I'm contradicting myself. I'm not. I have complete respect for those serving our country...every man and woman. They can't help they have turds for bosses and have to do stupid stuff sometimes.

First I want to thank my Grandaddy. He served in WWII as a young man. He squatted in trenches in freezing weather and as a result, he got frostbite on both his feet. As he lay in the infirmary, he developed gangrene in both feet and the doctors wanted to amputate both legs from the knee down. He refused. This doctor came around to talk to him and told him there was this experimental drug that had just come out and he wanted to try it on Grandaddy. He agreed to be a guinea pig. Thank you, Grandaddy for trying penicillan. Because he did this, he walked on both feet until that last stroke took him down. Those feet may not have worked perfectly at the end and that cane saved his butt a few times, but he walk he did on his own two feet. He's been gone almost 4 years and I miss him still.

Thank you Daddy, for going to that place called Vietnam. You were so young and my Grandma prayed every day for your safe return. And return you did, physically and mentally whole. I'm so sorry that almost as soon as you got back, you had to attend your best friend's funeral who wasn't so lucky. He suffered alot, but his faith kept him strong. But, he can seriously spook you out. There have been many times we've been sitting there and all of a sudden he will say "Chopper" and sure enough, we'd hear one a few minutes later. He respects the movie Forrest Gump...says the 'Nam scenes were well executed. He didn't come home with alcohol or drugs. That was a miracle in itself. Thank you, Daddy.

Thank you, Mary (Fred's cousin). You've gone on a second deployment, leaving behind your beautiful baby girl in the care of someone who tries to erase you from her mind. You've shown me the coolest pictures and I just can't fathom the incredibly hard job you face day in and out. You have my total respect. You are one tough cookie.***

Thank you to my husband. It's been so hard missing this year of our son's life, but rest assured.....he's waiting for you to come home where I will then have to surgically extract him from your butt before it's over with. You've dedicated a large part of your life to our country and no one on this earth could be more proud of you than I am. Nope, not even your Mama. (No disrespect intended, Mrs. M)

There are so many more I could thank, but who wants to read for that long? I have nothing but the highest respect for all of those who serve in all our branches of service. Each job is important and to see you function as a total unit is a sight to behold. Simply put....You all ROCK and I thank every single one of you!!!

*** As I was writing about Mary, I recieved an IM from my brother-in-law telling me that Mary is now home and has that baby girl back in her arms. WELCOME HOME, MARY!! We love you, girl!!!

Spell check is on vacation tonight so please forgive any errors.
the management

Saturday, November 12, 2005

The Military

Basically sucks right now. Yeah, I know I've been this route before but sometimes....sometimes you gotta just vent about how stupid people can be. This could get lengthy.

My hubby calls me this week and he's not sounding too good. Apparently the head honchos came in a week or so early for inspection. They deemed the boat not ready ( think?) and therefore decreed that the they would be working 7 day work weeks until further notice. I see. They would be going in at 6:30 a.m. and working until 7 p.m. during the week and 7:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. on weekends. If you have 24 hour duty..why, buckle in gotta pull a shift the next day, too. Sounds to me like someone is on a power trip. I didn't get upset. Very surprising, I know. I gave my husband my support and told him to go and do the best he could. He's worried about his guys. He's head over 20 something head and he had to tell them that Thanksgiving would be just another day this year. He's telling me that marriages are suffering. One guy had to eat the cost of plane tickets purchased when his leave chit was approved ...said leave chit was revoked. Alot of these guys are young. They've been working their butts off the past couple of months and to be told they basically suck? Not a good thing, people. Morale is at an all time low. *

Now before I get all this crap about: "well, they signed up for this" and "this is their job" blah blah blah...I need to state something. I know all of this and I a point. This boat is not in the middle of a war. They are stateside. When you force people to work this many hours and have no days off and the need just isn't there...what kind of destruction are you causing? How many marriages will fail? How many important family moments will be missed needlessly? How many accidents will be caused from men being exhausted? Will the boat really be up to par when the men doing it are unhappy and tired and hating their job?

I told my husband today that I would be cool for a few weeks. But, if the powers that be decide to continue the bureaucratic bullcrap through Christmas....well, then, I might have to say something. If I am not mistaken...don't they work for us? The American taxpaying citizen? Will they listen to me? No. I'm not completely stupid, but I am prone to state my thoughts, feelings, and opinions...even when not asked.

Have I told you lately I love lexapro? I believe it's keeping me from falling right over the edge and becoming a screaming shrew over all of this. We'll see just how good this stuff when PMS hits. that gonna be interesting.

I don't foresee any of this changing anytime soon. I just foresee retirement in four years. I hope I can hang on that long.

*Fred, if I have the reasoning wrong, don't bother correcting me. Okay? I know I don't fully understand or know what's going on. I know it's classified and you would have to shoot me if you told me. Let's just say I got the gist of it and be done with it. Okay? Okay.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Did We Move?

Seriously. Did someone move the whole North American continent further south? Kind of shift us during the night when we weren't paying attention?

My child wore a skort, short sleeve shirt, and flip flops to school today. Because it was over 80 degrees!!!!! And it's November!!!!!!!

It is the time to be wearing sweaters. Long pants. Cute jackets. Snazzy looking dark colored shoes, for crying out loud.

I went to Myrtle Beach this past weekend out to supper for my cousin's birthday. BTW...if you ever get a chance to hit Margueritaville it. Fun place. It's evening. It should be very very cool. We're barely able to wear long sleeves. Argh. Yankees were wearing barely there clothing. They laughed at us. Humph.

This just isn't cool. Literally.

Let me know if any of you find out where we are now located.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Drugs Talking Smack...

I really don't feel like anything interesting has been happening in my life lately. But, it could be the drugs talking.

I went to my lovely doctor the other week for the back check up. Come to think of it, I don't even think we even addressed my back as we were too busy chatting when I got in there. Sometimes it might not be a good thing to be on a first name basis with your doctor. So after we inquired about each other's kids I told K. this: Girl, I have acquired this awful thing called PMS. ~she listens attentively~ I'm serious! It makes me a quivering hysterical mass in the middle of the floor and that is so NOT my style. ~She smiles and writes a script.~ Then I go on to tell her that if I don't get some of this weight off, I'm going to die a slow horrible death and it will be on her conscience because, dude, we gotta do something about this. ~She writes another script.~ When I left her office, I kidding....6 prescriptions. Count them! SIX. My face burned in shame because I seriously looked like a drug addict of the highest order. When I got to my vehicle, I noticed that there were 3 I wouldn't have to get filled because they were new ones of what I already had (ie...inhaler...naprosyn...fever blister knock out stuff).

My new favorite things in the world? Flonase. Killed that nasal drip I didn't know I had in 2 days flat and cut that cough out, Man! I heart Flonase.

Another new favorite thing? Lexapro. I am so smooth now. Instead of meeting Paige nose to nose...toe to toe...I can just simply look at her and calmly state what needs to be said. This really tends to tick her off because now she's lost her sparring partner and I'm back to being the parent. ahhhhhhhhhhh.....and it feels so good, people!

Last, but not least. Prescription diet pills!!!! Can we say HELLO! With eyes wide open? With no desire to eat? Ever again? And let me tell you, this stuff is working because I forgot to take one today and thought I would starve to death. I had to eat or die! And don't tell me it's a mind thing. Okay? I know what's up there and what ain't. So there.

So I've been excitingly smooth. I'm not groggy or foggy. I'm wide open and able to handle anything. Anything I tell you!!

Yeah, it's gotta be the drugs talking.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Makenna Quote...Kind of...

I help Mak with her homework every night. I write her spelling words and sentence and she then writes each word 5 times in order to know them by the Friday test. Okay, so the teacher requires only 3 times, but Mom requires 5 so that we're sure to know them. When I go to write her words for that night's homework session, I look through the past couple of sheets to see what she did in class that day. You know...See if there's anything interesting. I looked yesterday and guess what? There was.....

That day in class she had to write a sentence with each spelling word. The word that caught my eye? Crack. This is her sentence:

I have a butt crack.

I kid you not. I said...MAKENNA, are you kidding me? She all innocence says...What, Mama? Mrs. S thought it was cool.

I wonder what on earth Mrs. S thinks about this child's homelife?

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A Weekend Moment

Ah, that hubby of mine surprised me and got to come home for a 3 day weekend. It was wonderful. It was sweet. It was perfect. Until........

Remember a previous post? Where I threatened anyone who dared to teach my baby how to say "Yee Haw?" Uh huh.

Standing in the kitchen doing that duty stuff....unloading a pizza. I hear behind me my husband pick our son up and start talking to him. Then I hear him whisper to Vitt :"Say Yee Haw. Say Yee Haw." I politely shot my foot out behind me to kick him. He was soooo amused. I was not. Then I get ..."Ha ha ha ha ha ha. At least now you know I read your blog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Ha ha my butt.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Ghost of Halloween Past

Halloween 1998

I am pregnant with my second child and we attend the Halloween party at our church. Paige is 4 years old and the baby of the church. So spoiled. So loved. She was very special to Bill. He was a friend of ours that has since passed away from cancer. He loved this baby more than anything. He had a son the same age that was in Texas with his ex-wife and Bill didn't get to see him alot and so I think he transferred alot of his love to Paige as a result. She totally reciprocated.

We were having a hayride that evening and I declined going because of being pregnant. Just didn't feel like sitting in hay and being bounced all over creation. Not a problem, said Bill. He would be more than happy to take Paige. So he bundles her up in a blanket and hat and off they go with the group.

It was a right cheesy hayride. It was just to a local graveyard and a few people were there to scare the wagon passengers with a grab here and there and scary laugh. Paige is huddled in Bill's lap and peeking out here and there. Keep in mind that she is 4 years old. All of a sudden there came this figure across the graveyard. It was a teenager dressed in a sheet.

Paige says: "Oh No, Bill!!! I dun seen the Holy Ghost!! "

Even though I wasn't there in person to hear this, it's still one of my favorite memories. When Bill was dying and Hospice was in his home....I called him and with a raspy voice and talking slow...he still laughed about it.

Thursday, October 20, 2005


Snippets from my week:

  • Took the two youngest for their well-child checkups Tuesday. It went okay until the doctor came in. Vitt was a froot loop because he hadn't had a nap and he was being allowed to run around in nothing but a diaper. Oh, the freedom. The doctor literally had to chase him down to exam him. We had to shout our conversation to each other because together, Mak and Vitt are a force to reckon with. He pronounced them fit and healthy and off we went. Got to the van and remembered at least 2 questions I forgot to ask him. Well, if I can't google it, then I guess I'll never know.

  • After leaving the doctor's office, we headed to the grocery store. Sweet Joseph, there was this car thing attached to the buggy for my kids' riding pleasure. Vitt headed straight for it and climbed in. Sweet. I just knew I could get some shopping done with him riding shotgun in the front with Mak. Yeah, right. By aisle 3, that boy was hanging out of the side windows and windshield hole like he was a Duke boy or something. All he needed to know then was how to yell "Yeeeeeeee Hawwwww".

  • Speaking of my sure-footed mountain goat...a.k.a. Vitt....He's into dancing now. The jury is still out as to whether or not he's got a groove thang going on. His dancing partner this morning...A simple plastic hanger. Innocent enough? Hanger is propped against his Poppies Stool (small stool handmade by his Poppies) and as he gallops by, he trips, hits the stool, the hanger pops up and catches him under the eye. This kid is going to keep a perpetual black eye I fear.

  • My mother is over visiting for a few tonight and is having a conversation with Paige. The gist of the conversation is about our recent problem with mosquitoes. They are almost plague-like in their intensity and we are begging for a frost to give us some relief. (which won't happen til near the end of November if we're lucky) Paige is making the comment to Nana that she can't walk from the road ...down our the house without being carried off. Now Makenna is watching t.v. and decides she's going to jump into the conversation and only hearing half of it says: "Sissy, what's going to carry you off?"...Paige, in her infinite supply of sarcasm says "The kid eating trolls that hide in the bushes on the edge of the yard". Good one, Paige. Now that kid will NEVER go back outside again. Jeesh.

  • I, again, win the Worse Mother Award tonight. Mak, nor Vitt, seemed to want to go to bed. They would giggle and holler and try to tear the bedroom up. I am doing laundry and Mak comes and tells me that "Vitt is butt-naked". I admit that I didn't believe her. I go in the bedroom and sure enough..the kid is. Butt. Naked. I redress him and tell them both good night. Giggle. Sounds of things falling. A few minutes later I walk to the bedroom door and Makenna is sitting up in bed doing her thing and Vitt is standing up in the crib doing his thing..whatever that was. I all of a sudden in a loud booming voice say "You better lay down and go to sleep! NOW!" Makenna immediately rolls over and I would bet she instantly fell asleep. I traumatized Vitt so badly he just started crying, but 5 minutes later I checked again and he was also asleep.

Things are never boring around here. And before this goes any further, I DARE anyone to teach that boy how to say "Yeee Haww". I will hunt you down and inflict serious damage if you do.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Manners....Part 2

I address this to Miss Laura who left a comment on my previous post. How nice to meet you! I have a couple of rules that I try to follow when teaching my children how to have manners.

1. My own personal rule of thumb as to when to use Mr. or Miss (which also goes for Mrs.). If the person is old enough to be your mom or dad, then use the proper titles. Exceptions to this rule are bosses and most probably the President. People who are working in any public place and are serving you in any way ...i.e. waiter/ personnel...well, you get the picture.I just personally feel like they deserve respect for being out there working! I, myself, have a hard time figuring it out sometimes because I'm 34 and I don't want to offend someone by not using the right approach. I more often than not end up using the proper titles just to be safe.

2. When calling my children, they must respond with "Ma'am" or "Sir" because that sounds so much better than WHAT? or YEAH? ~shudder~ They tend not to shout when using the sir and ma'am.

3. If asked a yes or no question, then they do respond with a "yes/no ma'am" . Sure, there are times when I let it slip by....but NEVER EVAH in public. If they forget then I remind them and they will use it with me or whatever adult is speaking to them.

4. Saying Thank You is a must. Even when my girls are spitting mad at each other, they have to say Thank You if the other hands them something or does something. Nothing sweeter than hearing it through gritted teeth. My husband brings me something to drink while he's up...I say Thank You. Wonderful little phrase to keep handy.

These are just some I try to follow. If anyone has anymore, please feel free to add on. OH..don't forget phone etiquette. You call my home and Paige'll want to hire her for a front desk job. Kid has FINALLY gotten her groove on with the phone and how to act.

You have to be prepared to practice what you teach. I even respond with a Yes Ma'am to the girls when asked a question. I want them to know I respect them and if it's good enough for me, then it shouldn't be a problem for them. My husband loves to hear good manners and now cringes when he hears kids saying...yeah...or what??? I even have the kids trained that when they run into someone and that person asks "Hello! How are you?", they respond with "Fine, thank you for asking, and how are you?"

So, that's my anal post for the day. Miss Laura, I appreciate you stopping by and hope to see you again! And thanks to Angela and Starbldr for the encouragement. Some days I want to pinch their heads off when they refuse to cooperate! I shall not give up!

Monday, October 17, 2005


Dahlings, I simply must address this issue. I am admittedly from the Deep South and we here acknowledge the dying art of manners. My adorable husband is not from here. That automatically qualifies him as a Yankee. He teases me all the time about how snobbish I am about this. So, I will apologize in advance if I offend someone.

I love manners. I think that when properly used, the respect given will come back and reward you tenfold. My children use them and will be in a load of trouble if they didn't. Do I care if you like them or not? No. My oldest tries to be defiant and not say "Ma'am?" when I call her name. Then, of course, I call her until she answers me correctly. I care not that by then she is standing right in front of me. She once inquired as to why I was such a drill sargent (sp?) about it. I told her that if she used manners on a regular basis until it was a habit, then when she went on the interview of her life in 10-15 years and used them...I would put money on the fact that she would get the job quicker by showing respect. Made sense to her.

My husband was not raised this way. And that's fine. I know the first time I met my mother-in-law, she insisted that I call her by her first name. I declined and said that I couldn't. She insisted that I could. And I replied..."I appreciate the offer but if my Mama heard me call you by your given name, she would skin me alive" I've never called her anything but Mrs. M. Even Fred's father tried to get me to call him by his first name. I couldn't even fathom it. So he is Mr. C. I love when I call my MIL and Fred's brother answers the phone and I ask to speak to Mrs. M. He then says..."Mom, it's Hope...she's the only one who calls you Miss". Bothers me not.

When first visiting Arizona and Mrs. M's family...and whoa..that's alot of family!.....Fred's Aunts tried to the same thing and I simply refused. There are a couple that I have adopted as my own and now call them "Aunt"...but never their given name. While there, one of my kids...can't remember which one.... was running and playing and ran between one of the Aunt's talking to someone. I made her turn around and apologize for running between them. The aunt told me that was not necessary. I stood my ground and insisted that, yes, it was. The next day she apologized to me. Very cool.

It's an ongoing process that never ends. Vitt doesn't talk much but can say "Es mam" when asked a question. He says "Tat tu" 98% of the time when handed something. Fred seemingly likes this process and has agreed to support me in it. He uses it with my parents and totally scores points with it. I pick at him all the time when he's on the phone with his mom and he says.."Yeah." I give him a look and whisper.."it's Yes Ma'am!"

I intend on following this through and will live by a Southern creed:

Manners are the moisturizer of life.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


So she likes boys. That's long as it's from afar. Shall I set up the scene?

We are always on "Dude Alert". No matter where we are, if there are some pimply faced pre-teen or teen boys, she says the word "Dude" under her breath so that I can look also. Why do I want to look? Well, I don't, but I do because she expects me to.

We're driving to counseling today. Busy road in the middle of town. This sporty little red truck whizzes by. We pull up at the redlight and end up right beside this red truck.

Me: Dude to the right. Dude to the right.

~Paige glances and quickly faces forward~

Paige: Dude, that's no dude. That's a DAD.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Crawling Through the Desert

Ever feel like you're crawling through the desert and there's nothing in front of you but sand? Nothing behind you but sand? And your canteen is bone dry? Yeah, me too.

I have been at the single parenting gig for a month straight now. With no break. Reminds me of a song from way back: How long can this go on? I'm okay most of the time but I think I almost jumped over that edge tonight. Just had enough, folks. Let me give you a sample:

  • It rained here last week for 3 days straight. That's cool, we needed the rain. I had lake front property for a day or two there. One thing I forgot. When it rains over 8 inches in less than 72 hours, certain things happen. Ants. They have no where to go but in the house. I have cleaned masses of ants up at least 3 times a day with ant killer followed by a good dose of Clorox cleaner. Wouldn't be so bad if some of them weren't fire ants...something Vitt is potentially allergic to.
  • The past weekend kept me in the house from Friday evening until this morning. Makenna was sick and I am old school in that I believe you need to just stay in the house and get better unless we're going to the doctor. I was getting a bad case of the "stir crazies", people.
  • That boy of mine. If he's not into something he's either dead or asleep. He doesn't sleep alot right now. I've been on midnight shift with him quite a few nights the past week. Makes for a long day.
  • Paige is being Paige. Which means I'm the conductor of a runaway hormonal train and the brakes don't work.

Then there is Grandma. She is very elderly. Still lives on her own. Fiesty as all get out. I have to pick Mak up from school this morning and I call and ask my Grandma to ride with me so she can get out a few. She gladly takes me up on my offer. When I drop her off back at home, I inquire as she's getting out of my van if she needs help? She replies..."I might not be moving by dark tonight, but I am now, so let me do it." Yes ma'am. I laugh and tell her I will leave once she in the house. As she is slowly climbing the steps to her front door, I tell her I will talk to her tomorrow. (I call and check on her daily) (and only once, mind you, or she'll think I'm checking up on her) She turns and says to me..."I know my past but I don't know my future...if I'm here tomorrow, I'll talk to you" She's not being smart-alecky....just wise. Put things in a whole new perspective for me.

I went by that lovely country store to purchase my Makenna some ice cream to help her heal faster. The lady in charge informs me that she has a supply of banana pudding in. OH ho ho. Dish me up one, sister. I had visions of later on in the in and that ice cream being best friends. Here arrives the evening and the smaller ones are snoozing....Horatio is bustin' some butt on CSI: Miami...Paige is bathing with her radio going. Ahhhhhhh....good stuff. Forget "Calgon take me awayyyy". I am slowly eating and savoring every single bite. I am down to half of a cup. Paige walks in and says....Mama, can I have some? Well, crap. I gave her the rest so that she could enjoy too. I'm cool that way.

So much for an oasis. One day. Soon. I will find mine.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I should have expected this

Now get this. I haven't seen my hubby in 3 weeks. And the way it looks, I won't get to see him until November sometime. Here comes the good part. He has to have some upper GI scope thing done next Friday. He needs someone to go with him as he will be ga-ga when it's over with. ****PICK ME!! PICK ME!!! (frantically waves hand in the air)**** I totally volunteer for this mission. Plans are being made. I'm going up next Thursday evening to accompany him Friday morning. I then will care for him for 24 hours and leave Saturday morning to return home and he will go back to work Saturday evening. Not long at all ...and yes, he will be out of it for the majority of the time...but I don't care! I can touch him! Yes sir, my middle name is Excited right now.

So, I am planning for the weekend. The girls will reside with Mother for the 2.5 days and Vitt shall accompany me. Why? Because no one wants to keep his bad..I mean active tail. 'Sides, he needs to bond a few with Da. I am discussing this with my mother this evening while at her house enjoying supper. Suddenly, the girls jump up and inform me that they have no school next Friday!! Humph, I say, surely you jest? No Mama! they reply, we really don't! And you know what? They're serious. Dangit.

Now the even better part. I was hoping to kinda, maybe honeymoon just a tad (not alot, mind you, just a tad) and here are these two girls breaking out into the song...We're going to Virginia! We're going to Virginia! ~sigh~

Now I am planning for 4 of us to go. They are excited and would pack tomorrow. They haven't seen him in a month. They miss him, too. ~sigh~ How can I say no? I can't.

Good thing the hospital there has a daycare for Vitt to attend while Fred is doing his thing. DVD player for Mak to watch? Check. Big, thick, juicy book for Paige to read? Check. Peace and quiet for Mama? Priceless. (which is probably why it won't happen!)

I am in deep Doo Doo

You know I like to speak of my Mama once in a while. Yeah, well, she's got my blog addy now. I reckon I better go edit all the posts where I talked smack about her.

Maybe the Paxil will give her a sense of humor about it all?

(she is SO gonna kill me for saying that)

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The Repo-Man

Dude drives around in a tow truck. We all know him. He's the Repo-Man.

Today I drive up at my mom's house. Yes, I know I live next door, but sometimes it's just easier to swing into her driveway. Ok? Ok. Anyway, as I am getting Vitt out of the van, the Repo-Man pulls into the yard. I know the van payment is being made. We have that automatically done. Wait. Not my yard. Crap. Is he coming for the Tahoe? He gets out and grins at me. I do not grin back. He asks if I know who he is? Uh..yeah. He wants to speak with my mom. Crap. I go in the house and tell Mom...the Repo-Man is outside..he wants to speak with you. Her eyes. Priceless. One of those "Need a camera moments". She goes out on the porch and he informs her that someone told him that she knows everyone who is everyone and could she help him find out where this certain person is? She then pats the area where her heart is located. Thing is....she knew she was making the Tahoe payments. I took one myself for her last week. Guys like that just have a way of making your heart skip a beat or two, I suppose. Heck, I know mine did when I saw him. Well, Paige gets into the act, helping him find out where this person is by calling her network of friends. I still have no idea how all of that really went down. Maybe it's better if I don't.

Then get this. If my Mom isn't Southern Genteel to the bone, I'll hush my mouth. Repo-Man had the same surgery as my Mom. They compare war stories. She offers the man a biscuit fresh out of the oven. I kid you not. He politely declines...then asks if it's homemade. But, of course! He starts to waver and she rushes to the kitchen to fix that poor man a biscuit with a piece of fresh-baked ham wedged in the middle. And I am my mother's daughter the bone. I am sitting in the recliner, thumbing through a magazine and I toss over my shoulder..."He has a passenger in his truck with him, Mama, so don't forget him". Two biscuits to go, Repo-Man. He is eternally grateful and I know if ever he needs to visit either one of our addresses (and he won't if I can help it!!).....we won't have a bit of problem. Because, you see, he is beholden now.

God, I love Southern life.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Luck...or lack there of

I am not kidding you. My LF has fallen into the biggest pile of luck you ever did see. That chick is into buying the scratch off cards from your local convenience store. I am not joking when I say she's got luck. In the past month, she's won almost a thousand dollars playing those things. I hate to even answer the phone when she calls because I just know she's going to tell me she's won another wad of cash. I personally don't buy them. It's a leftover from how I was raised. I let Fred do it instead. Cat Daddy knows how to do all that and I'm too afraid I would take it personally if I didn't win. This way...if he buys the winning ticket, I am SOOO going shopping in my new Land Rover and if he doesn't? Eh, oh well.

So, I'm moaning and groaning about her luck and she tells me she's hitting while the hitting's good because it won't last forever. At least she got her car insurance paid and stuff.

Today I open our mail. And there's this letter. It informs my hubby that an allotment he had going to this obscure bank in the middle of nowhere has some money sitting in it. I bout crapped. 800 smackeroos, people. Well, thank you Lord, there's my winning scratch off ticket. Santa is going to be so happy this year. So is this how winning the lottery feels? Many of you may scoff at such a paltry sum, but I'm not!! This is sweet sweet sweet and I'm going to enjoy knowing that Christmas is paid for.

And for all of you who say....but, Hope, this is Fred's money. How can you say how it's going to be spent? Kiss my butt. We're in this together and Cat Daddy knows we got 3 kids and big family to think of. He's just as excited as I am.

Speaking of the breadwinner. He's started his midnight shift work. Gotta admit I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. I just hope he doesn't get hooked on Days of Our Lives again since he's off during the day. I'd hate to tie my DVR up with that mess once he's back on days. There are more important things to record! Like Oprah. Degrassi. And every single show on the Disney Channel. Who showed Makenna how to operate that thing??? Jeesh. A kid learns to read and it's all over with, people.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Tagged...yet again....

Lady Angela has tagged me again for some fun blog festivities. I'm going to participate because it's like throwing a party. You sit and fret and wonder who will show up and you don't rest until some do. Some people don't care, but I'm Southern. We care about parties. And Guests. And dip. So I'm going to play along. I'm just cool that way.

The Rules:1. Go into your archive.2. Find your 23rd post.3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.5. Tag 5 other people to do the same.

Here is my sentence. Makes no sense, man!

So, this morning I told SIL that we needed to hit the water this evening.

Here are my five people that I'm inviting to the party...or tagging:

1. Jacinda
2. Coley
3. Starbldr (this is your chance to get into the blogosphere, shugah!)
4. Fred
5. Mar

Angela, Dahling, the dip was good but I must share one teensy tiny miff with you. Big Bertha never made it over my way.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Another Paige-ism

Lawd, I love this kid. She might be hell on wheels and hard to handle sometimes, but her sharp wit will see her through.

This week is "Spirit Week" at her school. Something fun and exciting to do every day. Monday was pajama day. She definately participated in that because, DUH, she got to wear her monkey pj's and they are just sooo cute.

Tuesday was FLASHBACK DAY. Paige didn't participate because she didn't give me any notice and I just have to have time to plan these things out. It was a hit at school. I picked her up from school because she had counselling and all the way there, she told me about the different costumes that were worn. One group got together and did Gilligan's Island. They rocked. There were poodle skirts and ponytails. One group of gals did Flashdance complete with heels and lace socks.

So, Paige talked about it and I simply had to nod once in a while to keep her movtivated. We were pulling up to the front of the office where she goes for counseling and she made this comment:

"Hey, Mom? So we do flashback day and we got lots to choose from, right? Well, if Nana and Papa did flashback day back when they were in high school, who would they dress as? Pilgrams?"

I lost it. And you can bet your sweet fanny I couldn't wait to get home and tell my Mom. Somehow it didn't amuse her as much as it did me.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Frustration..with some sweetness mixed in

Don't say I didn't warn you. The Navy blah blah blah thing has commenced forth and I'm alone....with 3 kids. With a mother recovering from surgery.

Today was tuff. Capital T-U-F-F. I've been so busy doing other things this week, I had to focus on the house before I got reported to DSS and they came by and cited me for nastiness. Besides, we needed clean underwear, ya know? So, here I go...scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees. Washing a good 8 loads of laundry (yeah, there's still 2 loads to go). I put off the hands-and-knees deal as long as possible because the back just can't take it. Paige was kind enough to entertain Vitt so I could get it done without "supervision" on his part. Chores were getting done.

I call my mother and ask how she is. Does she need anything? Is there any pain? She proceeds to tell me she is doing super. Then...I get blasted. Apparently she's been waiting for me to go and sit with her and clean her house and do her laundry. Excuse me? You never once indicated to me that you needed all this stuff done! And she says....well, I don't beg should have called. ~Deep breath~ I then tell her that I am no mind-reader and I would be more than happy to do whatever she needs. I just can't go and sit with her all day (People...she's NEXT DOOR for crying out loud!!). I have things that need to be done in my own house and she doesn't want 3 kids tearing her house up. She goes on about how my Dad is doing the laundry and this and that, etc etc. Well, pardon me, but it won't hurt him one bit. Sure, he's worked ...but hasn't she worked for years and come home and done all of that and supper is ready at 6:22 p.m. sharp every single freaking day? I just get off the phone and cry because, once again, I have won the award for World's Worst Daughter.

I proceeded to let Paige go be a teenager...well, in her mind at least. She left this afternoon with a friend and I got that famous phone call at 8 p.m. "Can Paige spend the night?" Sure. Why not? Getting a break where ever I can, folks. I bathe the rest of us who are left and put the Troublefinder to bed. I look and there's my sweet Makenna on the computer, drawing pictures and entertaining herself. Not asking a thing of me. I go to the kitchen and put some cookies in the oven to bake. I then tell her that I never get to just sit and hang with her and I was cooking us a treat. Her eyes got so big. We proceeded to have cookies with a glass of milk...just the two of us. She looks at me and says.."Isn't this just so cool? Thanks, Mama. You're the bestest." Crushed my heart and made me touch the sky at the same time. She's so easygoing. Smooth. Self-sufficient. Low maintenance. I've got to make more time for her. She might end up saving my sanity for me.

Took the kids skating last night as a reward for good grades. Yeah, I'm cool that way. SIL went with hers and we just partied. Today, the girls are so sore from using those couch potato muscles. Can we say "Motrin is our best friend?" Makenna informed me that the motrin, cookie, and milk hit the spot and she felt like she could rest real good.

It was a day of frustration. Because you can't sneeze while you're cutting the grass. Because your small son is riding with you and just when you sneeze and close your eyes, he decides to throw his paci (why does that kid throw EVERYTHING?????) and guess what? Yeah, I ran over it. That and my mom....why it's enough to make a decent person crazy.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Freeze Frame!!!!!

Ok. I know I'm old. I don't need reminders. But, does anyone remember this song??? Reason I ask is because I took the girls skating tonight since they did so awesome on their interim report cards. 'Sides, they don't have school tomorrow and it just seemed like a "Cool Mom" kind of thing to do. I grew up going to a skating rink on a regular basis. My uncle worked at one and my folks liked to go and do their thang. So, it was skate or be bored. It's now been around 5 years since I've been on skates. With this bad back, I wouldn't even think of attempting it.

Anyways, there were some gals there with their kids (SIL went with niece and nephew) that I grew up with. We got to talking about going when we were younger and how old we felt now. I went to get some drinks while the kids skated and when I got back I started doing the intro for the song "Freeze Frame". Everyone started laughing and talking about what that song reminded them of. Ahhh....memories.

The week is getting better. My mom had surgery on her back yesterday. Pinched nerve kind of deal. She did so wonderful, it's just amazing. She rode home with me because she simply couldn't climb into her Tahoe. I stopped to get her something to eat. My dad is going to kill me, but I let her have a sandwich AND a handful of fries. Yes, I know...big no-no for the diabetic. She ate with big lusty sighs and eyes closed. I noticed she had her legs crossed...ankle on opposing knee. I asked her if that was a good idea? She replied....I have hurt for so long. I woke up after this surgery and the tingling was gone in my legs and I just don't hurt. I can do this without crying in pain. I have my stomach full and I think I'm going to rest now. She then proceeded to start snoring. Bless her heart. She's needed no pain killers and told me this morning she was waiting for the truck to hit her and to start hurting. I don't think it will. Bless her.

That Navy blah blah blah thing starts this weekend. I won't see my husband until November. Man, that sucks. It would be different if he were out to sea, but he's not. Yeah, we're leaning towards moving to be together even more. We're getting information on our housing choices now. As of now, we're up for a 2 story townhouse like deal. Can we say "Hello E.R! My name is Vitt and I have stairs in my house?" Oh yeah, the nightmares have started.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

YaY Hope and Fred

YaY us. It's mine and Fred's 2 year anniversary. What a two year stint it has been. And the phone call at 12:01 a.m. last night was sweet.

I just can't compose some witty, catchy piece today, folks. I am in such a pissy mood that I don't even glance in the mirror when I walk by because I know the expression on my face is one where my mother would say ..."You keep that look and your face will freeze like that and it will be ugly the rest of your life". Yeah yeah yeah, Mom.

I didn't even talk to Fred tonight when he tried to call and barely spoke to him on messenger. Lawd, that's awful of me. (no comment on this please, Fred)

I'll just wrap it all up and know that I did acknowledge my anniversary. It's just another special date that is being missed just about every one this freaking year. Am hushing now.

Hope everyone else is having a better week. Our school is out this Friday and Makenna reminds me of it every five minutes. Oh boy. Gotta get with the entertainment committee this week, I suppose.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Could this be a problem?

I have friends. I love my friends. I have a two very very close friends that I depend on completely and others whom I enjoy their company tremendously. I have a few male friends also. Is that wrong? I likes them lots and enjoy shooting the breeze now and again.

Today I was talking with Des on the phone and told her I was meeting Life Friend and another friend who happens to be male for lunch tomorrow. And I really didn't think anything about it. I tell her how he bought lunch last time and I gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left as a "Thank You". And I really didn't think anything about it. This is second nature for me you see. When starblder brought this wonderful dryer he had "sitting around"....I most certainly hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. And I didn't think anything about it. Well, Des got quiet and I got that icky feeling that she didn't approve. I asked her what was up and she know your brother wouldn't like me doing that. Yeah, so? And I wouldn't want him hugging and kissing on some woman either. What??? Last I recalled, I wasn't exactly mauling these men in public...just expressing sincere affection of friendship. I, of course, told Fred. I tell him everything. Why? Because I don't know how to keep my mouth shut and I'm just that open and honest with him. Always have been. I feel like if you don't do anything you need to hide and just run your mouth telling all your business ..then you're good to go. Finally I shrug (even though she can't see me do this over the phone). I tell her I wouldn't mind Fred hugging or kissing another woman on the cheek. One visit to his family and you become immune within 5 minutes. Those are the kissingest and huggingest people evah. So, it's in his nature to do stuff like that, too.

My question if anyone would like to answer:

If you are a married man/woman, is it okay to hug (friendly hug) and kiss someone on the cheek? Even if your spouse or significant other isn't around? Even if they are? I'm truly curious as to what you folks think on this. Des made me feel almost dirty and it got me a little bit miffed because I truly don't think it's dirty. At all.

p.s. Fred and I are beating the system this weekend and meeting almost halfway between here and Virginia. Goody. A small road trip. By myself with Vitt. Oh yeah, I got the mini dvd player ready to go with Wiggles inside. We're celebrating our anniversary since it'll be 4-7 weeks before we can see each other again. hmmm...gonna be some interesting blogs during that time, huh?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


We joke in the South that every girl child born is slipped a handbook in the nursery at the hospital. In this sacred handbook, we are taught how to be Southernbelles. How to sip tea without smearing our lipstick. How to have manners and how to use them to our advantage. How to convince boys..then men....that we are helpless and need someone of their manly nature to help "Little ol' Me". There are many many things in this sacred book that cannot be mentioned for fear of reprisal from wiser, more mature Southernbelles. The book is to be detroyed by our sixteenth birthday so as not be accidentally picked up by someone is not serious about being ladylike. Don't get mad at the storyteller here, I am just passing down Southern folklore.

So I have instruction on how to be a lady. A nice handy handbook (that is, of course, destroyed by now because I am wiser and mature (note the lack of the word "old"..major rule giveaway)) to see me through life in this Southeastern United States.

I called my lawyer today. Talked with her right hand woman with whom I grew up with. (rule 37- Always inquire about each other's mothers. I am giving this one away because everyone should do this!) We spoke for about an hour on just what I can do. I can move these girls if I so desire. How about that? I can get reimbursed for all the medical bills of the past 3 years. Can we say Christmas will be sweet? And I can get an increase in support. Well, tighten my knickers..this is getting really really good. She told me this was the easiest win case she had seen in a while and she was ready to "dig in". During the course of the conversation she asked me why had I waited so long? I sighed and responded that divorces didn't come with handbooks. If they did, we women would be much better off. The issue of divorce and all the problems that arise with it make for a surreal life for a while and when you find yourself walking out of courtroom and you realize that you are indeed a free woman again....why, it takes a full six months for it to sink in. I'm not saying it stops you from just muddles the mind for a while.

And raising children. Where are the REAL handbooks? I want to know this, please. How do I handle this preteen ball of hormones who is the size of a small woman and during "that delicate time of the month", I'd put on a mechanical bull in the rowdiest bar around and then tell her to fight her way to the front door and know she would make it with no problems? And Dear Sweet Lord do I stop the eye rolling????? How do I keep refraining from letting my hand fly out and knockin' those eye balls back to the front in proper alignment? And how do I handle being told that I am basically stupid and have absolutely no clue about anything?

And toddlers. How do I keep taking him by the hand and leading him out of the fridge at least 50 times a day? How can I make him understand that it is NOT his personal air condition? How do I keep him out of my brand new top of the line (shout out to starblder! It was a present from him!! smooches shugah) dryer that I treasure because it can dry a load of jeans in 25 minutes flat? How do I make this sweet little man understand that toothpaste is NOT one of the major food groups and should not be consumed by the mouthful?

There are so many situations that a good sturdy handbook would come in handy. I have a bookcase that I am willing to donate shelves to the cause.

Handbooks I am Interested In:
"How to Keep My Sanity When Preteen is Acting like a Froot Loop"

"How to Handle the Most Stubborn, Strong Willed, Temper Tantrum Throwing Toddler This Side of the Mason Dixon Line"

"How to Use Subliminal Messages in Nickelodeon's Shows to Brainwash my 6 Year Old to Pick up After Herself"

"How to Turn Down McDonald's Buy 2 Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Biscuits for $2.00"

I'm so positive that there are more that I am interested in and would love to own. I NEED these books, people. By the way, I do not eat both biscuits. One is for Vitt, he eats the middle out of one. True ladies DO NOT eat two biscuits in one sittin'. It's rude and not classy at all. And if you accuse us of it, be prepared- we will use tears if we have to. It's in our arsenal.