Tuesday, September 07, 2010


I am obviously aging at an alarming rate, Internets. Time is starting to fly by me rather quickly and I fear it won't be long before it hits warp speed and I wake up one morning dead. I'd like to think that if a person has a good life, then it will fly by. Think about it, would you? People who are depressed and such moan and groan about how slow life is. Like they can't get through it fast enough to be done with the whole deal. I feel like it's flying by and I'm not catching every single detail like I would like to.

That being said, I'm going to change the subject some what. Let's chat about personality flaws, shall we? I am 100% human, so I am full to the brim with character and physical flaws. I know this and pretty much embrace it because...ha ha...I don't have a choice, now do I?

Are you judgemental? I am. I have tried and tried so hard not to be. All my life I have heard that sweet little passage stating "Judge not, lest ye be judged." I know it's wrong and I will end up repenting for my transgressions, but it's like an addiction at times. You've done it before you realize and you sigh, slump your shoulders, and realize you've gone and done it again.

I'll give you a few examples of what I'm talking about:

  • I judge ladies who wear white shoes after Labor Day and before Easter (at the earliest). I watch you walk by with this superior Southern Bell attitude and believe you to be a natural born Yankee. If you are Southern and making this major fashion faux paus, then I assume you are rebelling against your Mama and your Grandmama will have the vapors if she sees such a thing from HER flesh and blood.

  • I judge ladies who wear extremely tight clothing out in public. Dear Girl, wearing tight clothing does not make you sexy. It makes you look like you gained weight and are trying very desperately to make everyone think you truly meant to look like a sausage with a busted casing. We, the public , would applaud you for just giving up and buying decent clothes that fit.

  • I judge older ladies who wear mini skirts. I don't care if you're single again and in a cougar state of mind. Be a LADY first and foremost, please. Show the younger generations that it's okay to have a hem flirt with your knees instead of your crotch. Have you seen your legs crossed in a mini skirt? I have and I would state matter of factly that 4.9 out of 5 of you have veins and loose skin that I could have gone to my grave not ever seeing and be happy about it.

  • I judge young men and older men who wear hats in a building. Just don't. It's improper and on the redneck side. I don't care if you're going bald. I really and truly don't. I don't care if your hair is all messed up. My husband has had some wild hair going on, but that hat comes off upon entering a building. Yes, I know this has been ingrained in him because of the military, but come one! Use manners!

  • I judge parents if their children don't use manners. We all know Miss Hope is 100% Southern and is all about some manners. We are supporters of the "yes ma'am" and "no sir" protocol. I don't expect this from everyone because, obviously, our society is diverse and not all regions require such strict requirements. I do NOT, however, tolerate a lazy "yeah" from a young person. If you are meaning to say "yes"? Then say YES. Be precise and polite in your answer or I will call you on it. Yes, I surely will. Just ask my teenager's friends. Miss Hope is all fun and cool (ish), but if you don't act respectfully? She will immediately correct you. It's the price you pay to visit her daughter. Thing is? All the kids who visit now use manners. How about that?

  • I judge people who have massive amounts of brake dust on their front tires. I know this sounds crazy, but if your vehicle has an inch of brake dust on the wheels? You can't drive. You drive too fast and ride the brakes. That's not good for anyone on the road. I tend to avoid you on the interstate because I just don't care to mess with a foolish driver. If the brake dust isn't an indicator of your driving? Then you have something wrong with your vehicle and might need to get it fixed. That Man of Mine tends to hit the brakes with more force than I prefer at times. At that point, I will throw myself forward and grab for handles like we're getting ready to flip at least 10 times. He rolls his eyes and ignores me. I have informed him that brake dust accumulates on my wheels? I will have issues.

There you have it. A few examples of what Miss Hope is thinking about at times. I know. I know. It's shameful and wrong of me to be this way, but what can I say? I need to work on being nicer, if only in my mind. And I will. Because life is too short to worry about things or raise my eyebrow as you walk or drive by me.

Okay...I just went and re-read what I've written. I just don't think there's going to be much help for me in these areas. This list of grievances are my addiction, I do believe.


Just dress decently, don't wear white shoes at the wrong time, clean your tires, and speak nicely and I promise, from the bottom of my heart, we'll be the best of friends!


Krys72599 said...

That's it? That's all I need to do to be friends with you, Miss Hope? I can do that, I swear!
Just a few comments, and I hope they don't risk our friendship...
1) I'm a natural born Yankee and wouldn't be caught DEAD in white shoes before Easter or after Labor Day, and there are plenty more of us out there!
2) Oh, the tight clothing issue! My hubby works in a public school and some of his aids, well, do they not own mirrors? Do you not look at your reflection before you leave the privacy of your room or closet? Those clothes don't fit, honey! Leave them out for the Vets - there are some women out there who would fit into those pieces of clothing and could use them...
3) Mini skirts on "older women" - I don't even feel comfortable when the skirt's too short - I try on things in dressing rooms all the time that would NEVER make it home, and many times it's 'cause they're too short! I'm 5'8" (5'9" on a good day!) and I have long legs, but they are 49-year-old legs. They're okay for 49, but they're forty-nine! They can't wear clothing intended for 20-year-olds!
4) Hats in a building. Oh, my. It seems so natural to me and to the men in my life to take them off when entering a building, yet just a couple of weeks ago we saw a young-ish man IN CHURCH with his baseball cap still on. After hubby revived me from my fainting spell, I SO wanted to just whisper in that young man's ear as he passed me during Holy Communion...
5) Manners. 'Nough said. I'll add not only the "YES" vs. "yeah" but answering when spoken to (the FIRST time) and "thank you" and holding a door for someone. Anyone.
6) Brake dust? What's that? I'm married to a part-time mechanic...

The Paige said...

She really does judge these things, ya'll. And she doesn't hesitate to point it out to one of us to tell us never to do it.