One of those moments

I had a moment around last week or so. I don't know how it happened, but I forgot to give my son his medication before he went to school. This has happened a couple of times and each time, it proves to me that he needs these two little pills each and every morning. He is so blessed to have such a wonderful teacher. Where she finds all her patience baffles me because she surely has her hands full with her class of first graders.

I received a call from her around noon one day. "Her Boy" was being a pistol in class. He refused to do any of his work and was just being an all around PITA (pain in the ...uh...butt. She didn't say this, I did.). She asked him if he took his medicine and he "thought so but wasn't sure". I immediately went to his daily medication holder and there sat that days medication. Crap. I told her to have him ready and I would come get him. See, he simply can't handle the pressure of the classroom without those stupid pills. I told her from day one that if he wasn't medicated, her life would end up being miserable and I'm not going to have her focusing 150% on him when she has other students she has to teach also.

I went to the school to pick him up and I just love that kid. He has a twinkle in his eye and is just full of spit and vinegar. We ran a couple of errands while I was out and everything seemed to be okay. We got home and I had picked him up some lunch (this would be his second lunch). He had to finish his work from class that day that he refused to do during class time. I told him he was not going to do anything until that sheet (front AND back) was done.

Me and Jesus got alot closer, Internets.

It was quite a few problems, both math and language, that had to be done on that sheet of paper. It took us two and a half hours to finish that paper. I am totally serious. I was flustered, hot, worn out, and sad by the time we finally finished every single problem. There was a few places that required coloring with crayons. That didn't happen.

After we finished, I let The Boy do a fun thing or two. It wasn't his fault he didn't take his medication. He wasn't being "bad" in class...just hard to handle. I emailed his teacher to let her know that the sheet was done and how long it took to finish it. I also told her that I could not apologize enough to both her and myself over him being unmedicated. I finished with a promise to tape his medicine to my forehead at night so we would remember each morning.

This makes me so dang sad. I've been so positive over him having to take medication and how wonderful it's been for him. And it has. Truly. I don't want my son to come back and read my writings and think of how sad his Mama is over his having ADHD with high impulsivity. Because, for the most part, I'm not.

Then I have those moments. Those moments where I wish I could take it from him...for him. Those moments when I'm sad because I wonder if he will have to take medication the rest of his life just to function in society and find peace of mind. I have moments where I see him medicated and unmedicated and I see two different little people in front of me. Unmedicated boy is wide open and rough and tumble. His eyes seem to sparkle just a little brighter and his sense of humor will have you rolling. Unmedicated boy also is hyper to the point where there are times I fear his little heart will come right out of his chest. Unmedicated boy can't focus and gets frustrated easily and loses control. Then there's medicated little boy. He's a little more serious and not as quick to laugh. Medicated boy shows amazing intelligence that keeps us speechless. Medicated boy sleeps at night. (That night he missed his medication? He might have slept an hour or two...at most. It was miserable all around.) Medicated boy can stop and control his actions.

I want to tell him I'm sorry lots of times. I want to beg him to forgive me and his Dad for passing this genetic trick to him. But....if I do that? Then I'm apologizing for him and who and what he is. That is so unacceptable. Because, along with his sisters, he keeps my heart beating on a regular basis. I don't want to change what makes him the amazing person that he is and is becoming.

I may have one of those moments here and there, but ultimately, I get past them. His issues aren't what I would have wished for my child, or any child for that matter. God had a reason for giving this precious little boy to me and our family. I am so grateful that He did. So, I had a moment. That's how long it lasted...a moment.

When you make good choices

Pardon my slackness in posting this week, would you? It hasn't been as busy as previous weeks, but the crud has hit our home and while I'm not as sick as some people I know, I'm still on the "ugh" side of things.


The Boy has been hard at work. Rose told us that while the behaviour chart at school is wonderful idea and it gives The Boy goals to work for, we needed to sweeten the pot a little bit. Now, for five days of ALL sticker goodness, he gets a tangible reward. I told you about the banana split and how it really took him a while to earn that one. Once we paid up, though, he realized that, "Wow! This is cool!" What did we start? Because that meant we had to keep coming up with rewards that would make him want to work and do his very best.


The next goal was a trip downtown to the waterfront park to the playground there. He loves that park, even though it's small. I think the fresh salt air, the water right there, the boats....well, it all adds up to the best kind of stimulation for him. He earned that trip but we had sickness in the house. We explained that when everyone was feeling better, we would head that way. He seemed to understand and was off to earn the next goal.


Next in the goal line was a trip to Folkston, Georgia (<--click for link). Rumor had it that it was THE place to go watch trains and what little boy doesn't like trains? We talked about the trains and the new adventure and my son managed a PERFECT WEEK at school. Holy smokes! Even though Makenna was still sick (an earlier trip to the clinic with a day missed from school shows she has sinusitis), Paige was still fighting her cold, The Man and I were both feeling cruddy....we had to take that baby to fulfill this adventure.


I got the grand idea to make us a picnic to enjoy. We did a picnic in Mississippi on our way cross country when Makenna was four. She talked and talked about that picnic and the next year when we went, we stopped at the same place and had another. We've done a lot of picnics with Carla and her family and we just love a good picnic. I kept it simple with some sandwiches, chips, and a drink.


We trekked our way to Folkston (really not that long of a drive). The viewing deck/depot was full of Saturday train watchers. No worries. We decided to sit up in our big comfy truck and picnic. We seriously had a large time with that. I was a little disappointed that it wasn't a busy train day. We had to wait an hour to see one, but it was worth it! It was a huge train with many many cars. My son was thrilled to pieces over that loud hunk of rolling metal.


We decided not to stay and wait on another one as we didn't know how long it would be. I suggested to The Man that we head back to our town and go to the park. Just give our baby a FULL rewarding day. Off we went back the way we came.


Boy, was that kid shocked when we pulled up at the park. He shot out of the truck and was in full playing mode. It was breezy so the Ninja Biting Gnats weren't bothering us. We stayed for over an hour and let that boy get his play out. I wandered around the park just looking while Makenna took my camera and entertained herself with picture taking. Paige got a turn and snagged her some pictures. I know we've taken pictures at this place a dozen times, but it's just so pretty down there and the photo opportunities can't be beat.


To say we were tired when we got home was an understatement. Being sick and trying to fulfill your obligations will wear a person out! After enjoying all the bubbles he could make in the bathtub, we go no argument out this particular little boy on going to bed. (for those of you who don't know? Going to bed easy is HUGE for an ADHD kid.)


I thought I'd share a few pictures of our day with you since that's how I roll.



As you can see, the platform was on the full side but this is proof we were there! (if you look at the link I've provided.)

This is what happens when you let the kids hold the camera while you wait on a train. Good times, huh?


It was worth the drive for both of the boys, I think.

See what I mean? My baby was loving life on Saturday. Paige was a good Sissy and pushed him on the swings. I get warm fuzzies seeing my kids together like this having a good time and not at each other's throats.

Paige took this one. You just can't help but take pictures when you're there. Sunset was close and it was just perfect.

I know I have 20 different versions of this picture. I just love it! It's a beautiful place to go and no matter where we end up after retirement...I want to remember it.

That concludes a catch-up for all of you out there in Internet Land. We have a few grand things happening this upcoming week I'm excited about and can't wait to share with you!

Try Again

I haven't talked about The Boy lately. My baby isn't having a real easy time in this ADHD world he walks in.

When a mother gives birth to a baby, the most important first thing is that cry. You listen so hard for that cry and your first thought is, "Alive! My baby is alive!" I wasn't able to immediately hold Makenna (Paige's birth was an emergency c-section and I was knocked out) because of meconium. She was checked out by NICU staff within seconds of arriving. I honestly don't remember if I held The Boy as soon as he was born. Is that bad? My main concern was that my husband didn't hit the floor. I kid you not.

After all the hoopla calms down and you are finally able to focus and truly check out that sweet baby, you open that blanket and take in every millimeter of skin. You count toes and make sure there are fingernails and toenails on the tip and you marvel that there is. You check between the toes because you have to see that perfect wrinkly skin in such an inconspicuous place. There is nothing on that baby you don't know before you're are done. Your heart swells to a bursting point and you know deep within your soul that you will do whatever it takes to take care of that baby for as long as you're allowed.

I am no different even though my baby is 4 (almost 5!). I have found myself, instead of relaxing a small degree, even ever more diligent about every millimeter of his being. Now, I watch his eyes to see inside his head because mental is just as important as physical. I know now that the mental is the most important thing at the moment. The Man and I have started "checkin' his pounds" (that's what he calls it) on a regular basis so that the mental doesn't interfere too much with the physical part of him. I find myself watching him as he plays. I pay attention to the movement of his hands. Are they jerky? Does he look shaky? I pay attention to his furrowed brows. Are they furrowed because he can't focus? When he has meltdowns. Are they because he's over stimulated or just being four?

Being his mother has honed my parenting skills until they are sharp. Not quite razor sharp...but on top of the game.

I am not afraid to tell his psychiatrist when I don't feel something is right. I meet him toe to toe.

The last two weeks, I've noticed that, for lack of a better term, the medication seems to have started slipping. The best way I can explain it is that, to me, it's like his strong-willed little body has said, "OH NO YOU WON'T!" and is fighting the medication. Where my child was enjoying a full day of results (8 a.m.-6:30 p.m.), the length grew shorter and shorter until he having issues again at school.

~sigh~

I went into Super Diligent mode. I watched his every move even closer. I missed that little boy who could sit at the supper table and interact. Now, he was unable to sit there and enjoy his meal. Up. Down. Jiggle. Wiggle. Jump up and run a second. Supper became torture again no matter what we did.

Fortunately, he had an appointment with his Doctor yesterday. I had Miss K, his teacher, write a note with her observations from the classroom. I was prepared to see this man.

Have I told you The Boy hates Dr. M (psychiatrist)? Yeah, with a purple passion. We don't know why, but he despises going there. To the point he had a meltdown in the waiting room when we were called back and The Man had to pick him up and physically tote him back. Good times.

I explained the past month and a half to the doctor and then added that I think we needed to up his dosage. See, this medication, when it works? Is wonderful. I don't want to switch because my baby can function with this medication and still be four.

He agreed and today we start a higher dosage.

I know. I know. The ADHD road is a hard one. I've been told over and over again that it is. A part of me can't help but wish it were easier for my child. My baby.

I will continue to be the best advocate I can be for my children. It is my honor and I can't think of anything else I'd rather do.

So, if we have to? We will try again. As many times as it takes.