Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Try Again

I haven't talked about The Boy lately. My baby isn't having a real easy time in this ADHD world he walks in.

When a mother gives birth to a baby, the most important first thing is that cry. You listen so hard for that cry and your first thought is, "Alive! My baby is alive!" I wasn't able to immediately hold Makenna (Paige's birth was an emergency c-section and I was knocked out) because of meconium. She was checked out by NICU staff within seconds of arriving. I honestly don't remember if I held The Boy as soon as he was born. Is that bad? My main concern was that my husband didn't hit the floor. I kid you not.

After all the hoopla calms down and you are finally able to focus and truly check out that sweet baby, you open that blanket and take in every millimeter of skin. You count toes and make sure there are fingernails and toenails on the tip and you marvel that there is. You check between the toes because you have to see that perfect wrinkly skin in such an inconspicuous place. There is nothing on that baby you don't know before you're are done. Your heart swells to a bursting point and you know deep within your soul that you will do whatever it takes to take care of that baby for as long as you're allowed.

I am no different even though my baby is 4 (almost 5!). I have found myself, instead of relaxing a small degree, even ever more diligent about every millimeter of his being. Now, I watch his eyes to see inside his head because mental is just as important as physical. I know now that the mental is the most important thing at the moment. The Man and I have started "checkin' his pounds" (that's what he calls it) on a regular basis so that the mental doesn't interfere too much with the physical part of him. I find myself watching him as he plays. I pay attention to the movement of his hands. Are they jerky? Does he look shaky? I pay attention to his furrowed brows. Are they furrowed because he can't focus? When he has meltdowns. Are they because he's over stimulated or just being four?

Being his mother has honed my parenting skills until they are sharp. Not quite razor sharp...but on top of the game.

I am not afraid to tell his psychiatrist when I don't feel something is right. I meet him toe to toe.

The last two weeks, I've noticed that, for lack of a better term, the medication seems to have started slipping. The best way I can explain it is that, to me, it's like his strong-willed little body has said, "OH NO YOU WON'T!" and is fighting the medication. Where my child was enjoying a full day of results (8 a.m.-6:30 p.m.), the length grew shorter and shorter until he having issues again at school.


I went into Super Diligent mode. I watched his every move even closer. I missed that little boy who could sit at the supper table and interact. Now, he was unable to sit there and enjoy his meal. Up. Down. Jiggle. Wiggle. Jump up and run a second. Supper became torture again no matter what we did.

Fortunately, he had an appointment with his Doctor yesterday. I had Miss K, his teacher, write a note with her observations from the classroom. I was prepared to see this man.

Have I told you The Boy hates Dr. M (psychiatrist)? Yeah, with a purple passion. We don't know why, but he despises going there. To the point he had a meltdown in the waiting room when we were called back and The Man had to pick him up and physically tote him back. Good times.

I explained the past month and a half to the doctor and then added that I think we needed to up his dosage. See, this medication, when it works? Is wonderful. I don't want to switch because my baby can function with this medication and still be four.

He agreed and today we start a higher dosage.

I know. I know. The ADHD road is a hard one. I've been told over and over again that it is. A part of me can't help but wish it were easier for my child. My baby.

I will continue to be the best advocate I can be for my children. It is my honor and I can't think of anything else I'd rather do.

So, if we have to? We will try again. As many times as it takes.


Neighbor Debbie said...

Hope Darlin,
I just want you to know that I admire all the things you have done for Wild Man. You did not say OHHHH my baby doesnt act like a wild man you saw it for what it was and got him the help he needed. And you are paying attention to him and his actions and how he reacting to his meds to make sure they are to low or to high. The more he matures the eaiser it will be. I know from experience with Britt that it does get better. I myself see the change in him and it is for the better. It may take some tweeking but you will get it right. You as a mother are the BOMB!! I just wanted to say Job Well Done.
You know I'm there for ya sis.

Roni said...

I feel for you Hope. Reading this brought back many memories for me. You are doung an EXCELLENT job!

The family said...

Hope - I love this post. I can feel your motherliness. I give you big fat kudos for being so on top of it.
Hang in there. We are ALL rooting for you and THE BOY.

Michelle said...

sorry to hear this Hope...I'm sure the Dr. will get it worked out for you and the boy will be back on top of his game soon...

cat said...

I want you to know that you are not only a advocate for your child, but for the many, many mothers who struggle with this everyday as you do.
I can remember when my nephew was first diagnosed with ADHD. He too did not like his Doc. In fact he HATED that man and we all believe that the Doc did not deserve this and my Nephew was acting out, due to a control issue. The Doc had it and Nephew didn't.
As time went on, my sister-inlaw was talking with a counselor from church. She stated that we as a family had to address the problem with the Doc.
1. It was not fair to the Doc considering he more then likely did not deserve it in anyway.
2.If we let it out that we were considering changing doc's, then Nephew would know that he could control who he seen and how many times.
3.Nephew was not getting the help he needed because of the hatered he had towards the doc. He wouldn't open up and discuss anything and would literally throw a fit in the waiting room, along with the exam room. It was a fight from the car, to the door and back out again.
We found a new doctor through our Counselor, telling Nephew that the doctor that he didn't like was sending us to get another opinion. Letting him know that he was not controling the issue, when really he was.
This new doc is w-o-n-d-e-rful. We love him and most important the Nephew loves him. he opens up to him and tells him things he doesn't even tell us. So I advise you to watch this like everything else, YOU KNOW BEST!
Good luck babe, it sound like you have got that D*Mn tiger by the tail and I promise your be ridin that tiger by the time it's all over with.
You got Moxie and strength that the devil don't even want to mess with;)

"Katie bar the door" here comes Miss Hope!

Sam, Missy and Alex said...

Hope- our prayers are with you that you find Vitt some peace soon.

Take care,

Monogram Queen said...

Miss Hope you are doing all you can do - you are such a wonderful advocate for The Boy. I am really in awe of your parenting skills because you try to hard to be "in tune" with your family - and it shows.

andria said...

I just wanted to let you know I understand. We've been there. Still there.

ronee said...

Hope..i love you..and i know sometimes you just need to hear that. I totally get when a medicine starts to work and is successful and then starts to fade. I love that you are SO tuned into him and making every effort in improving his overall life. Sometimes the road will be rough and bumpy! Trust that you are making the right choices. Only you have him 24 hours a day!
call me when you just need a break!

Krys72599 said...

I wish I lived closer but I don't so I'm sending huge cyber hugs your way! And big pats on the back 'cause I know you're doing everything possible for your boy. Just the slightest little thing can be symptomatic of something bigger so knowing exactly how he reacts on and off the meds, when they're working and when they're not - THAT'S what's going to keep him on the path to managing his ADHD on a daily basis! THAT'S what's going to keep Mama and the rest of the family sane as you all deal with all of his day to day stuff.
We're all rooting for you out here!!!

Busy Texas Dee said...

Poor baby. I feel for all of you. I wish I could be there to help. I hate living so far away. I know you will all get through this. The Lord will help you in his own way. I know it's hard but keep your chin up girl. You guys are stronger mentally then you think. I think we all find that out as we get older and life throws us curves. I admire you guys for realizing there was a problem and getting it taken care of. You will prevail. Love you.

Lishak said...

You are such a great mother. I'm praying for you and the little man.

The Man on the Edge said...

Hope, I will tell you that you did hold Vitt (after your mom and I checked him out). But, you did get to hold him in the delivery room.

. Becca . said...

He is lucky to have such a wonderful mother, that's for sure. As a Special Education teacher who dealt with students with this and many other medical issues, I can say that your involvement will make the difference. NEVER give up. I don't have to tell you that though. If he is raised to be a good person by loving parents, that is the most important thing! I've seen my parents deal with this issue with my brother, and know it's not easy, but God would never hand you something that was too hard. YOU know what's best for him. Follow your instincts :)

Jill AKA busymom said...


You and the Man are amazing parents and you are doing the right thing. Keep researching snd searching for the combination of parenting, therapy, learning styles,meds, and love that will work for him.

I'm here if you need anything:)

Joe and Samantha said...

Lots of love being sent your way from the LaCouture household!

I admire your strength to give your little man the ability to walk in his world comfortably!

We give our kids two things- roots and wings. You and your husband are fantastic parents-doing everything you can for your son. We are all here for you.