Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I'd Like to File a Formal Complaint Please

So you know I want to complain. I realized earlier this evening..I NEED to complain. I don't want don't even have to understand or care but I NEED to voice myself. So here goes.....

I am tired. Worn out. For 3 weeks I have fought this renegade back of mine. Got it under control with the glorious things called drugs. Walking upright and taking care of the children under control. In the three weeks I've dealt with my baby having simple surgery to repair a clogged tear duct. Yes, simple, but he had to be put to sleep! Not to mention back was so bad at the time and I didn't have the time to devote to fixing it. I, then, go to the doctor to seek relief!! I have no choice! It is pain unlike anything I've ever experienced. I mean, I got an epidural before labor could even think about getting bad. It takes my breath...I can't pick up my baby....I can't do a load of laundry. Go to doctor..get drugs. we can function. Look into my second child's beautiful eyes...oh's red. She had an ulcer last year in that eye and almost lost vision in it. Apparently she's gotten the equivalent of a fever blister in that eye and it will keep coming back and back and back and back..... She had a bad stomach virus the weekend before (same weekend as younger siblings eye surgery) so off to the eye doctor we go. Yep..same thing. Drops 9 times a day. Come back next week. sigh. Meantime...oldest daughter is freaking out because it's time to go to dad's this weekend. She always sends herself way over the edge below be damned. I don't understand it. We'll address counselling next week. So I get to pay for whatever she thinks he's done. In attitude...meaness...crying...screaming......hatefullness. I am amazed at how hateful she can be. Sometimes I just stare at her in awe...wondering where it all comes from. Brings to mind the "woman scorned" saying. And she's only 11. Lord, help me please.

Brings me to today. I am sick. Hard down sick. I have a cold that is unfreakingreal. I have asthma and it's kicking butt. I'm talking at least 3 treatments on the breathing machine and I can go at least 6 months at a time without even dusting it off! crap. Add the jitters from the medication. By late afternoon I am combing all the medicines I have..something HAS to give me relief. No it doesn't. I am so hopped up on sinus meds right now that I can barely see the screen. My nerves are shaky. Dangit. I even took the lovely nerve pill my doc. prescribed because as she puts it..."your nerves are bad right now and having good nerves are over half the battle" yeah, ok...whatever. All I know is it isn't freaking working.

I do believe I am almost...not quite....officially worn out. The past 3 weeks are taking it's toll on me and I am almost out of gas. Does anyone know where a gas station is? Seriously. Where do I go from here? Up seems a long way from here, that's for sure. If I could just good night...ahhhhhhhh. Just thinking about it is almost enough to give me energy...almost.

Don't forget dealing with your average Dickweed EXhusband. PFT.*
He is the biggest Jeckell and Hyde I hope to ever encounter. He can be so cruel and mean. It takes all I have to keep my mouth shut and sometimes I fail to do that. I can't even talk about him or the issue we had earlier anymore. It just sucks.

On a good husband will be home in 3 days. This has been a long 2 weeks and I've missed him so much. I was hoping to spend some time with him just us this weekend since he missed mother's day and this friday is my birthday but I realize I can't do that. He hasn't seen Vitt (said baby) in two weeks and he really needs to bond as much as possible with him. That baby loves his daddy. On Fridays when Fred walks in the door, I get this look's been fun, Mom, but DAD IS HOME!!! I love it and do get a tad bit jealous at times...but I know it's all good. Real good. These last few days are going to drag by.

Thursday I have to make a round trip through the state of South Carolina in order to visit eye doctors for the 2 youngest members of my family. I hope I feel better or it's going to be a looong day.

I have officially complained now. name it. I just want to feel better. It's been too long.

PFT- I will use this alot. A throwback to my chat days of long ago. It is the sound that females make when doubt...upset...saying "whatever " without words. Go ahead..try'll see it's perfect!

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