Monday, December 01, 2008

Monday Discussion

Let's take a moment to have a little discussion, shall we? I know you're out there and that you visit The Edge on a regular basis. This is a GROUP discussion that I'd like as many that can participate. This is not to call you out, but to really get some feedback...insight....understanding.

We're going to talking about serving others.

Of course, I'll go first. I want to explain where I'm coming from and kind of where I'm going.

I grew up in a wonderful home. The parental roles were very cut and dried. Daddy worked hard day in and day out to provide for us. My Mama worked long days, came home and fixed the evening meal, and took care of everything else that needed tending to. Many many times I've watched her wait on my Dad. She'd fix his plate and tea. Why, he wouldn't have to lift a finger. As I got older, it was expected of me to do the same for him. Sure, I did it, but it grated my nerves to do so. I finally got to the point where I would stand in front of him after delivering a drink and he would literally look around me to see the television. He and I came to an understanding and he would say "Thank You". Then, I would move. Oh, how I swore I would never wait on a man like that.

That's how they were raised. That's what women of that generation do/ did. My Mama seems/ed happy to serve him. She seems/ed okay with getting up at 5:00 a.m. to start his coffee and fix him a hot breakfast and cook him a meal to take for lunch (she still does this as best she can after having the stroke). Daddy gets up at around 5:30 a.m. to get dressed, eat his meal, and head off for his work day. He arrives home at approximately 6:22 p.m. (I kid you not....within a minute or two each way for over 20 something years) and for the most part? His supper is waiting on him when he walks in.

The tables have been turned somewhat with Mama's stroke. Now, Daddy has to sweep and mop and do many more things he didn't have to before. They have a good system working and I admire them for it. You can see that they love each other and have for going on 40 years.

I don't roll that way. I guess growing up made me more determined NOT to be some man's maid/servant.(My Mama hasn't looked at it this way...this is purely me observing) I know there are those of you out there who are Baptist like me and will be quick to remind me that I am to be a submissive wife. I'm a strong personality, okay? I had a weak first husband and if I didn't run the boat? We would have sunk. Habits are hard to break. The Man does a fabulous job of "heading" our household, but Miss Hope has her moments of input often and loudly. If he's set on a decision? We go with it. BUT.....he's not adverse to listening to my side and if I'm right? We go with it. Never have we worked together so beautifully than in the past few months concerning our son and his issues.

Every single morning my husband gets up and makes coffee. Very rarely do I have to make a pot of coffee. Before he leaves out to take children to school, he puts a hot fresh cup beside my chair. If it's not there when I go to get it, I look around in confusion wondering what's wrong. Do I believe he's "serving" me? No, not at all. I believe it's a small but significant way of showing me he loves me and that he realizes I am NOT a morning person. He also goes for milk when we are out or any small errand that needs to be done. (I LOVE shore duty because I don't miss doing that at all!)

By the same token, when I prepare our supper and put it on the table, I usually end up fixing everyone's plate while sitting at the table. Some times, I fix The Man's plate because he's busy cutting The Boy's meat and getting him settled. Do I look at this as serving him? Nope. I look at it as us working together as a team to get everyone fed. I am glad to grab him a drink if I'm up and he's in need. If I am thirsty and don't feel like getting up? I am famous for looking at him and saying, "Hey, Man. I'll give you a dollar to get me a diet coke." He laughs and gets one. (This is if there are no kids available to get it for me.)

I told Paige the other night that it upsets me when I tell her to bring me her dirty clothes so I can wash them and she "forgets". The way I explained it to her was that I look at doing laundry as a service to my family. They are gone all day doing school and work and while I'm not home every day, I am in the home more than they are and they do need clean clothes to wear. I don't feel like the maid in that particular area because I know if I do the laundry, it'll get done right and I won't be spazzing over something being put in the dryer that shouldn't have been. See? It all works out. Paige knows how to do laundry because I've taught her. She is capable and does help out in the evenings if I'm not done. She takes care of her uniform all on her own and I will not worry when she leaves my home when it comes to doing her laundry. I hope to be able to say this about all three of my children.

I think some of this post borders from past experiences. I've seen and participated in days where before a big family dinner or even a get together it always seemed one sided. The women are responsible for planning the menu. They are responsible for purchasing the ingredients for the meals. They then spend the time in the kitchen preparing the food for everyone involved. Everyone sits and enjoys the meal. The men then get up and head to the couch and chairs to lean back and feel the goodness of a full meal coursing through their veins. The women THEN have to clean up the table and wash dishes and clean the kitchen where all this was done. It BURNS me up. I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I don't think it's fair that the men get to just....enjoy....while our work truly never ends. I believe that if the women do all that? Then the men can surely clean up some dishes and let US sit down a while. Some women will be quick to say they don't want a man handling their dishes or in their kitchen. Shoot. Soap and a dishrag can work no matter who's hands are holding them. Every time I mention this, I get looks of horror because it's such a taboo subject. Argh. Way I see it? If I can gestate for 9 months? Then give birth to something that has no business having a head THAT big come through a small space? Then, by golly, you can wash a dish. If I can plan meals day in and day out and make sure the stuff is here to prepare them, then cook them up? Well, let's just say I feel strongly about this. Oh, and I also get the "Well, he works hard and blah blah blah." I made milk that sustained my children. Beat that.

Paige does our dishes here at night. That is her job so that she can maintain cell phone service. She knows this and may not like it at times, but for now, it's her job. Our children have chores they must do because that's how a family works. I can promise my boy will do the same things when he is old enough. Even at age four, he is responsible for sorting recyclables and putting them in the proper place. The Man was shocked when I gave him a bag of trash and told him to take it out to the trash cans under the carport. By golly, he did it, too. Normally, I ask Makenna to do that but the kid was standing in front of me and it had to be done. The Boy has to pick up his room and put things where they go. He has to help me sort laundry and even bring me the baskets full of them. I'm not partial. No gender specific jobs here at The Edge. You do what needs to be done. Paige has to clean the truck from time to time. Being a girl doesn't exempt you from that.

This has made me wonder how it is for those of you out there.

1. If you are married, do you women wait on your man? Men, are you waited on by your woman? I do things for my husband because I WANT to. I don't *feel* like it's my job to wait on him. I love him and I do little things because I want to make him happy.

2. How was it in your home growing up? Did the women wait on the men? See above for how things rolled for Miss Hope growing up.

3. How do you think times changing have affected our younger generation and how their relationships will suffer or flourish? I believe I show my children by example how to treat your spouse. I don't do things for him grudgingly and both The Man and I are always quick to say "Thank You" to the other when something is done to show our appreciation. I believe this shows my girls that it's okay to fix a plate occasionally or bring a drink, but that I don't HAVE to do it. It's not expected of me. It's appreciated when it happens. There's no resentment filtering through on either side because acts of service are performed against someone's will. In that, I believe it's showing them how to make their own future relationships flourish.

What a way to deviate from the usual Edge happenings, huh? I am truly interested in what you have to say, Internets. I don't believe anyone is wrong...or right. It's all in how you feel.


Krys72599 said...

Oh, how I love this topic! You're not rolling alone, Miss Hope!

Jack and I do for each other. When we first moved into our home, I can remember feeling angry and hurt that he would do the laundry on a Tuesday night instead of "letting" me do it on Saturday. I fumed, in silence, for months about this - what was he implying? That I couldn't do it myself? That I wasn't doing it the right way?

This is where communication comes in - I asked him, finally, while in tears! All he was doing was trying to help me out 'cause he thought I was trying to do too much around the house!

It turns out he didn't marry me to get Suzy Homemaker (thank goodness, 'cause to be quite honest, I'd put off laundry until one of us was without socks and undies if I had my way!!!). We finally learned that each of us was simply trying to help the other, to do for the other. AND THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

I don't mow the lawns, or repair broken household things. He does.

He doesn't do the food shopping or pay the bills. We both take turns cooking or doing laundry or vacuuming. There are no gender-specific jobs in our home. But there are things I just don't know how to do and he does so he does them. And he's the first to admit he'd never dream of picking out curtains or arranging the fridge or the pantry.

He tries to do everything for me, to make it easier for me. And let me tell you, I am so appreciative. Honestly, I hate cooking. If he wants to take it upon himself to cook a meal, more power to him! I'm real good at warming up leftovers; we make a great team!

And that's what it's all about.

Teamwork. You work together. You do for each other. You appreciate each other. You say thank you and you mean it. And others notice.

We don't leave each other (even for 20 minutes!) without a kiss and an "I love you." Even my neighbors and my in-laws notice and comment that we're like newlyweds. No, not really, we're just people who love each other and appreciate each other.

It's very simple, really. And I wish it for my sisters and my daughter and my son and my nieces... And for all of you, too, out there in Internet-land.

AndreaLeigh said...

Oooh, you probably don't want to hear my response, as I am terribly irritated with the husband unit right now.

1. If you are married, do you women wait on your man? To a degree. Growing up, my mom used to joke that she had kids so they could wait on her. She'd call me and I'd have to drop what I was doing to get her a tea or something else, just because she didn't want to get up. So let's just say I'm not down with being someone's errand boy anymore. I do the cooking, clean the kitchen, and usually make Jason's plate. He always makes me drinks. I wish he would help more. If I ask him to do something, he will - but I wish I didn't have to ask. I wish he would do it b/c he knew it needed to be done.

2. How was it in your home growing up? Did the women wait on the men?
My dad did all the cleaning. All the cleaning, and the laundry. If you cleaned something, he'd go back behind you and do it again. He also did all the yardwork. My mom or I did the cooking. And you see my mom's philosophy on what kids are good for above.

3. How do you think times changing have affected our younger generation and how their relationships will suffer or flourish? Marriage is a partnership. It is a fact of life that there are things we like to do and things we don't. We as a couple split those things up so we aren't doing a ton of chores we hate. I just want to install in my kids the importance and value of chores and hard work. Everyone should contribute.

Michelle said...

Ahh ha ha ha...still not over it? We are on the same page here and talk about it often.....

andria said...

Do I wait on my husband? No. I cook his meals, wash his stuff, clean his areas, and even wipe the pissy floor after him, but it's not waiting on him. He works at a job to bring home our living. I work at our home so we don't have to pay someone else to do it and so everyone is comfortable. That is MY job. But that doesn't mean I love to wipe the pissy floor.

How was it growing up? The same, my mom felt it was her job to take care of us and the house, but my dad hasn't got the faintest clue how to do anything for himself. We just spent five days with them and I almost couldn't take hearing him tell my mom that the phone was ringing and not get up off his butt to answer it himself. I have ALWAYS felt he takes advantage of my mom. I don't even want to think what will happen if anything happens to her. It will be ugly.

3. You can break the cycles by living by example. My kids see Grampa telling Gammy to pick something up for him and they ask him why he doesn't do it himself. My kids are learning, even the tiny one, how to be self sufficient and contribute to the family. Big one thinks he's a slave because he has five daily and two weekly chores. THE HORRORS. But his friends aren't expected to do anything so he thinks he's made a slave. He'll thank me for that one day though.

Miss Hope said...

Keep 'em coming! I love seeing what everyone has to say. I think awesome points are being made.

Miss Hope said...

I do find I need to add something here.

I am a stay at home Mom. I don't have a paying job (I am so crazy to volunteer all that I do!) outside the home. I know the home itself is my "job". I love my job.

When my husband was out to sea and working awfully long hours? He didn't have to do a thing hardly around the house. I didn't ask him to. But, he's on shore duty now and is home every night. He's kicking in and doing his part and I'm surely letting him.

My last five months have been filled with doctor's appointments, therapies, and what have you. Some weeks I'm out of the home way more than I am in.

I don't believe being a mom at home means I gotta pick up after every one who lives here. They all have two working feet and two working hands and if they don't learn to clean up after themselves now? When will they?

Neighbor Debbie said...

Well Hope darlin,
We have talked about this before, In my house growing up both my mother and father worked outside the home. My mom would come home and make dinner and we ( my sis and I) would help set the table and we would all eat. No one would wait on anyone. Like it has been said before we ALL would do for each other. As for the cleaning, my mom was a neat FREAK so we would just do as she asked. Until I moved out of my house I had NEVER dusted that was her thing still hate dusting to this day. I grew up on a farm and there was me and my sis, my grandmother and grandfather, My mom and my uncle. So there was no gender specific chores there either. If Grandpa needed help feeding the cows or help calving then I was there to help. I would help cut the hay and grain. I could run a stacker like notbodys business and I can even drive a 10 wheeler ( spud truck). My grandma would always have dinner ready for grandpa but in the same breath he would get up and help when needed. She would also go out and help with the cows if we needed another body. In my house my I do most of the housework and cook and do laundry. But if I'm having one of my days Greg will do a load of laundry or cook dinner in a heart beat. I have always said that if it wasnt for him my kids would have starved the last few months of my pregnancys. I will make his plate from time to time as does he for me. I feel that sometimes I do more for him but it workds out in the end cuz he does more for me at times too. I'm not apposed to do anything myself ( yard work , change oil or a tire) that is the way I have grown up. All of my grown kids can fend for themselves( 2 girls and 1 boy grown) I have 1 boy and 2 girls left and I'm in the process of training them for the world. With the exception of my youngest ( she is 6) they all can do their own laundry, Sean and Alexis can sorta cook.. ramen ect. I think that the way Greg and I are show the kids that they should do for their spouse or children as they would want to be treated.

Bonita said...

I believe its all in the eye of the viewer. I told my husband that since i don't have a job right now my only "job" is to take care of our son during the day. I also tell him that hes going to help me out w/the house, its not a one person job unless our 1yr old is going to school and I stay at home. And when I get a job he knows that all the work in the house including taking care of our son will be split.

About dinner, i'm one of those crazy wives that brings her husbands plate to him and her sons plate to him and if we have guest i'll bring them a plate. Its just something that I do one of those things that say I love my family. My husband does the samething for me, when hes been working for 14days straight w/out sleeping in, he'll take his only day off and let me sleep in.

I wasn't raised like this, i was more so raised to take care of my dad. My mom left for an uncompined tour when I was 11 and came back wanting to leave my dad and move to Germany. So I learned how to cook, clean, laundy, mowing the lawn and anything else that needed to be done around the house. I had to do it to survie cause my dad was "served" so called by my mom he was new to all of it.

So when I do things for my husband I make sure he can do it w/out me incase something ever happened. Cause if something were to happen to me I wouldn't want my son growing up the way I had to. But like i said its all in the eye of the viewer on how a household should be ran.

Denise said...

Juicy topic!

1. If you are married, do you women wait on your man? Men, are you waited on by your woman?

I sort of wait on him, sometimes, when I want to. But he definitely doesn't expect it. In fact, I think he's pleasantly surprised when I do it! I am a sahm, so I do consider the house and kids to be my primary job while he's at work, but once he's home, he helps get the kids to bed and often helps with dinner. He will help clean as well, but for some reason I have always done all the laundry. That's okay though, because he always mows the lawn and shovels the snow. Plus, I'm pretty picky about laundry.

2. How was it in your home growing up? Did the women wait on the men?

No, not really, although the traditional gender roles were observed for the most part. My mom did most of the housework and cooking, and my dad did most of the yardwork, but they pitched in together quite often. My dad did a lot of dishes and sometimes cooked, and my mom did a lot of gardening. And all the kids helped with the housecleaning and the yardwork, regardless of gender. I have never seen my dad iron his own shirt, though. When my mom was recovering from surgery, I went over and ironed a bunch of shirts for him, because he couldn't do it himself. But other than that, he's pretty self-sufficient.

3. How do you think times changing have affected our younger generation and how their relationships will suffer or flourish?

I think there are both good and bad things that have resulted from changing gender roles. Sometimes it seems like women are *so* determined not to be a servant that they go too far the other way and lose some of their softness. I know, that's not a pc thing to say, but there it is. I am a well-educated, opinionated woman, and I expect and deserve to be an equal partner with my husband, but equal doesn't mean identical. I'm not a man. I like being treated like a woman. I like it when he opens my car door, and he likes it when he comes home to a good dinner. Those things might not happen as often as they should, but when they do, we both feel good. Service is a good thing, and not at all degrading when its done willingly and with a loving heart. =)

Girlfriend Down the Street said...

Miss. Hope~

First of all, get out of my closet. You must in there hiding out listening to all the talk in this here house. We fine Southern Ladies just don’t do things of this sort…lol

Just this past week when the in-laws were visiting, I was amazed. Now, it has been some time since we have seen them so maybe I forgot about how they….HE acts. It is one thing to WANT to do for your husband. If he is up and you want to pay a dollar for a diet coke, that’s one thing. He isn’t going to have you a tab and demand for you to pay up on any certain day because it is HIS money to begin with. He knows it is in fun, he gets the diet coke and you say Thank You or maybe not, but you do acknowledge him in some way. You say you might….MIGHT, make his plate here in and there, but you do it because he is helping with the other children. That’s fine. He gets your cup of coffee because you are a crab in the morning. Again, he does that because he loves you and he knows he doesn’t want to hear your voice until you get that first cup of goodness. This is all called TEAMWORK. You are working together as a team. You are showing your kids that a marriage works when two people come together and work together.

Now, when you act as if you have no arms and legs and demand that it is done for you. That is when you call it serving. When you hear SWEETHEART in a loud rough voice, “get me some coffee”. When you are at the dinner table eating and you hear “SWEETHEART” in that same loud, rough voice, get me some of that salad. When she has to stop what she is doing, get up and SERVE him. When he has two feet, two arms, that both work just fine. The icing on that cake was later that night when we were just making plates and reheating if anyone was hungry. This same man was at the table, the wife was in the kitchen and you hear that same voice…she goes running and the man never looks up from the table. He slides the plate over and says “heat this up some more”. Never a please, a thank you, never any eye contact or little crack of a smile. THAT is called serving. When you never hear a Please or a Thank You…or even a little joke of “add it to my tab” something, anything, that is called serving. And the best part, SHE is the full-time worker, while HE stays home!

I knew I couldn’t stay quiet for long and when my little Georgia Peach commented and told him he should say Please or Thank You, she opened the door for me to say to her “he would starve in this here house, wouldn’t he”. There is NO WAY in hell no man is going to talk to me that way. Maybe because I wasn’t raised that way. My dad helped with everything around the house growing up. I saw it with my own two eyes so in my head, that is how a marriage is suppose to be. My husband helps around this house, so it is my hope that my kids will see marriage in the same light. If my two boys ever act in such a manner I have no problem pulling them back to this house for a lashing!! They shall never, ever treat their lady like she is there just to serve. Treat her with the same respect that you would like to receive. It is simple~ We are in a different time now than we were way back when we were little. And times are changing every day. I think the whole “serving a man” is going out the door. More and more people are waiting longer to marry, more independent than they were way back then….times are changing Miss. Hope. And from the outside looking in, I think you are doing a mighty fine job over there on the Edge.

Dani said...

First off Hope, I wanted to respond to your discussion about family dinners. Last Christmas was the first Christmas that we had with both sides of the family. It was great because Justin planned all the meals, everyone helped out in the kitchen and it was just a great time.

1. If you are married, do you women wait on your man? Men, are you waited on by your woman?
I wouldn't say I wait on him at all. I'll get things if I'm already up and vice versa. We take turns cooking at home (during the week, I ended up doing it a lot but only because I got home first). When doing major house cleaning, usually we'll divide up the house, he'll do downstairs and I'll do upstairs or something. He does a lot of the yard work, but I'll do it when he's gone or go out and help him.

2. How was it in your home growing up? Did the women wait on the men?
Things were pretty balanced in my house. My mom was a SAHM until I was in middle school. She does a majority of the cooking (mostly because she loves it) but Dad would pitch in or clean up afterwards. There were a few meals that were Dad's specialty. Dad mowed and such (Mom did when he was at sea) as well as vacumming and other cleaning. We all helped out with laundry and stuff. I would say I grew up in a home where it was an even partnership most of the time.

3. How do you think times changing have affected our younger generation and how their relationships will suffer or flourish?
I guess I might fall into the younger generation. A lot of it is about communication and teamwork. The roles might fall along tradtional roles or not. A lot of it depends on the situation you are in. You can still be a submissive wife and have non stereotypical roles in the home.

In our house, it needs to be a partnership with both of us working outside the home with crazy schedules. It's a lot more fun when you are working together. For us, typically the person who didn't cook will do the dishes. If it was a team effort, cleaning will be as well.

Neighbor Debbie said...

You said a mouth full and I can hear your sweet souther draw sayin it too. I'm gonna give ya a big HELL YEAH from Neighbor Debbie!!! Whoop Whoop

Sam, Missy and Alex said...

ok! I love this post and your bloggie buddies are a hoot!

My two cents on this matter is as follows. I was raised by a single hardcore rockin' momma who taught me and my two big bothers how to survive being thats what we were doing most of the time.

She taught them to sew and cook and taught them how to save a dollar. She taught me the same and also how to change my oil and tires and told me that I can't sit back and believe in fairy tales that some prince would ride up and wisk me away to a nice poshy life of luxury. She said, more than likely you both will work and have children and there will be times of stuggle. She also instilled a great love of God into us that was to help us in the hard times and stressed how valuable an education is!

Years later I actually met Sam. He is my prince charming without all the white horse fairy tale crap. :} We have struggled and I can honestly say that he does break his back for Alex and me. I am eternally grateful for his love and support. Thats why I don't mind doing for him.

In the home, I take care of most of what women would say would be the "womanly" duties and I also take care of some of the "manly" duties. I just can't give up getting the oil changed, lol.
Sam focuses on taking care of us. He works full time and goes to school full time. I can't say I solely cook or clean, Sam has been known to pick up the house, car pool and cook a wild dinner. We have set things we do but we aren't defined into those roles.

It burns me to no ends to see extreme subservient wives who are buried up to their necks and the husbands have it made sitting on their butts much like you said.

As for the kid I have pics on the blog of hard child labor, lol. My child, since he was three was responsible for his toys. He now, takes out the garbage, recycles the cans, feeds the cats, cleans out our cars, and has to clean his room and he also helps do laundry in both homes! All while keeping his grades up!! Yeah, he's worked to death at times but he is well compensated for it. We pay him an allowance to teach him to work for his money and the value of a dollar. We also teach him to save-which kills him but hey, its what we do! There are times he does things around the house and those are serving each other moments. It balances itself out, all to help make for a great child!

I enjoyed this post it is interesting to see how others run their home and I am always up for tips!!!

If you got any questions about us, just hit me up!!! Gotta run!

The family said...

1. Do I wait on my man? Maybe, Maybe not. I am not sure of this definition. Others might think I do but I don't see it that way? Do I clean his clothes? Yes. Do I do all the cooking and cleaning? Yes. Do I love to do that? YEs...for the most part =0)However- one hand washes the other. I have NEVER changed the oil or rarely pumped gas. Every morning when he leaves ( I f I am already up) he makes the bed. I have never changed a lightbulb, or fixed something. I am a navy wife so if I could .... I would. ( side note - if the kitchen sink clogs... I do take care of that. I think I do it better and faster) Really, I think one hand washes the other. Do I cook breakfast ? Never have - never will. I buy him those nice packages of instant grits and make sure he is fully stocked though. When he comes home I usually have dinner ready and I bring it to the table while he is talking to the children and changing out of his uniform. He usually picks up his plate and dishes after dinner and when he doesn't ...all it takes is a gentle reminder of " Honey, this isn't a wardroom. Get those dishes to the galley" and he complies quite nicely. Everyday like clock work he will call to say " I am leaving the base, do you need me to bring you home anything?" ... thats what I am talking about =0) I must say before I end this line of questioning is that my hubby is AMAZING on the grill.

2. My mom was a single mom. I grew up in the dawn of feminism so (in my humble opinion)things were all askew. Perhaps with roles being so divided and both parties striving for power and control and things not being taken care of - ultimately ending in the demise of the marriage ??

3. Oh - I worry about this and how it affects our future generations.. Three books along these lines that I LOVE LOVE LOVE are Captivating and Wild at Heart by John and Stacy Eldridge and Standing for Something by Gordon B. Hinkley. I wish we could see the pendulum swing the other way and find a balance between proper roles and feminism. I worry about the many boys and girls who are being raised by single women and aren't able to see the real roles of men and women. I was a single mom for awhile and I know that I wasn't able to demonstrate both adequately. I worry about the generation we are raising ME ME ME. How will that affect their marriages, their parenting and their children???

My hope is that we will be demonstrating a way that works for our children and that they will be able to bring their best possible self to the table.

ccmommy said...

I feel it is my job to take care of the house because he works so I can stay home. However, he lives here too and can help out when needed. We split chores pretty evenly. He does all the mowing because I can't, but other than that we split things. I love that he will do dishes and help clean up.

I don't feel like I wait on him. I always ask if he wants something while I am up because it is the polite thing to do and he does the same back. I love to do little things that make his life easier and show him how I feel about it.

My house was pretty evenly split also. My mom loves to do the homemaker thing (I so didn't get the gene from her!) She loves to work in the yard and mow grass too. Dad took care of most of the handy man stuff. My DH on the other hand grew up in a very one sided household. His dad didn't do anything aroung the house. I think he saw how it affected his mom and that is why he is willing to help out more.

My boys have chores to do. I think that all kids need to learn the basics of taking care of themselves. I want them to grow up knowing that their future wife doesn't need to do everything for them.

I am Boymom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The family said...

oh oh another amazingly good read (in my opinion) is The Power of Femininity.

OneHungMan said...

1. (OHM laughing too hard to answer).

2. Broken home at age 8.

3. The next generation is a disaster, a generation or two from now the only people getting married will be gays.

Monogram Queen said...

Whew i'm late to the party but I hope my comments still count. Here goes:
1. If you are married, do you women wait on your man? Men, are you waited on by your woman?
I also do things for my husband because I WANT to. I don't *feel* like it's my job to wait on him. I love him and I do little things because I want to make him happy. I in complete agreement on this. Also my husband does a lot of things for me too. Some of his friends rag him about it but he sees it as taking care of me & Madison and also doing his fair share cos' my man will cook,clean,do laundry etc.

2. How was it in your home growing up? Did the women wait on the men? Yes definitely, my Mom still does and I think there's always been a small current of underlying resentment in her for it. We've never spoke of it though.

3. How do you think times changing have affected our younger generation and how their relationships will suffer or flourish? I honestly think we are setting a wonderful example for our daughters AND our sons.

Lishak said...

In our marriage, we like to do everything together. We cook, watch tv, shop, play with our dogs...together. It's a wonderful way to enjoy life.
Right now, I do not work outside the home. Therefore, I do a lot of the housework...especially since I don't have kids. I view housework as my job, just as the navy is his job.
When we have children or I start working, then we will split up the housework. But for now, it works for us.
I grew up with my mom ruling the roost. She schedules and manages everything. My dad usually asks her what the plan is. They typically share responsibilities. And my dad spoils her. So I guess my marriage is a lot like my parent's.

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