Tuesday, March 03, 2009

What I want

Can I just say I am loving me some counseling. I highly recommend it for every person. The Man and I have really connected with our commitment to our weekly meetings. I find it amusing that I automatically have to assure everyone that there is nothing wrong with our marriage and that there is no danger to our union. I simply thought that it would help if we were better prepared to handle raising our children while not forgetting about us.

I'll have to preface what I'm going to say with this: I am not a private person. I don't hide myself from others. I have made mistakes that I'm not proud of. I am just a human being.

Last week was my first session alone without The Man. He was off inspecting Paige's NJROTC (picture post on that one coming!). I decided to take advantage and see what Rose could help me figure out about me. Nothing like an epiphany or two to wake a person up, right?

Rose and I chatted and I did realize a thing or two that helps me better understand the way I am. One thing we talked about still resonates with me.

We were sitting there and she asked me: Hope, if you could wave a magic wand and be whatever you wanted-have any job you wanted without having to worry about further education and all that, what would it be?

I sat there a second and thought.

I responded, "I'm doing it."

She nodded and tried to word it different while meaning the same thing.

I smiled and said, "I'm doing it, Rose. I am doing what I want to be doing right now, this second in my life. I am being a mother and a wife and I love my job. I love the security I am giving my children and the love I am giving my husband. I am content and I am happy."

I went on to tell her that I didn't know if it would always be that way. Sure, I'd love to get out and get a job one day in the "work force" and see what I can do. But, right now? I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I want my children to be able to look back on their childhood and their time with me and their Dad and know they were loved and that I was there for them.

*Now, this is in no way a reflection on any one else who is reading this. This is ME. My blog. My thoughts about me. *

I have no doubts whatsoever that God has me where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to be doing concerning my family. Rose went on to talk about how I was sacrificing-whoa. I stopped her right there.

I said....why does it have to be a sacrifice? I don't look at it that way at all. I don't feel like I am sacrificing any part of me and who I am by being a stay at home Mom. Why can't I be happy and content with this particular chapter of my life?

The only sacrifice right now might be my sanity here and there when things get hectic. I have a life outside of my home. I volunteer many hours with a spouse program on base. I have friends that I socialize with where no boys are kids are allowed. I haven't lost me and all that I am with my job choice. I have many friends I can get a shopping groove on with or grab a cup of coffee with if the need strikes. God has blessed me with women friends who I would never trade for all the riches of this world. Their friendship has made me rich inside.

I see no sacrifice. I feel contentment and happiness.

What an awesome epiphany.

I am doing what I want. Right now. In this season of my life.

12 comments:

Michelle Tanner said...

I SAY GOOD FOR YOU AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AND WHO YOU HAVE BECOME. IT IS AN HONOR TO CALL YOU MY FRIEND (AKA FAMILY)!! I KNOW YOU ARE IN GOD'S WILL AND WHEN HE GETS READY FOR YOU TO MOVE OR CHANGE OR WHATEVER, HE WILL LET YOU KNOW. HOPE TO SEE YALL SOON!!

Bonita said...

That is a very good blog right there. And lucky for you telling Rose that you are happy with your life and how its going.
You live a hectic life and is busy all day but i know it makes you happy because if you had nothing to do one day i don't think you'll know what to do with yourself.

The family said...

Forget ROse - lets just get together and talk once a week. I wouldlove conversations like this more often.

YOUR AWESOME!

USS Retired said...

You go, Mama!! Let the whole world know that you're making no sacrifices to be who you are! I love contentment. It's an awesome place to be. I found mine years ago and often tell others that I am exactly today who I always wanted to be. And honestly I love when people ask me questions like that. Nothing gives me a bigger thrill than to see their faces when I tell them of my perfect life and there's nothing to raise a gal's confidence like hearing, "WOW! You've really got it all together and going on. I envy that." It's a great feeling, and I'm happy that you, too, have this awesome reward in your life.

Krys72599 said...

I figure there are people out there who *need* counseling, who *need* a little 3rd-party, neutral guidance on the path to finding themselves.
You, Miss Hope, however, are.there!
You know you, you know your family, you know The Man.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for pointing out that what you are doing is NOT sacrificing!
That's the thing that makes me most crazy: that someone, anyone, can look at what you're doing and think you're missing something in your life, or giving something up. And I'm not being critical of Miss Rose; I don't even know her!
I, for one, would be *most* content doing what you're doing, were I in the position you're in, with kids that age. Mine are grown, still in need of some guidance, and I'm there for them, believe you me, but they're on their own, out in the world, and Jack and I are the only ones left in our nest.
And I'm loving that, too! Even though I'm out in that big world most of the day, working.
(I'd rather be home - can't wait to retire!!!)

Michelle said...

me too..I'm with you and lucky to be there! Lets just say it would make things easier and better if you were a little closer???

Neighbor Debbie said...

WOW YOU GO GIRL. THAT IS REALLY ALL I HAVE TO SAY. WOW

Sam, Missy and Alex said...

Right On Sistah!

I had a girl look at me the other day and say, "its good you could make it here, in the middle of your storm and all."(Talking about Sam and I in Clemson and homeschooling Alex) And I did the same thing I was like, whoa too!
I said, "yeah, its kind of crazy but God has blessed me abundantly and I am very thankful for where we are and that we are together so I don't see it as a storm at all. This is life."

She didn't have much to say after that.

I don't care too much for party poopers! LOL!

Rock On!!

Lishak said...

How awesome it is to love your life. There are so many wants in life, to be content with what you have and who you are is the greatest achievement!

Monogram Queen said...

You are very blessed and lucky Hope (and I know you know that!) if I could stay at home I totally would! Whatever God's plan ... :)

I Am Boymom said...

What an awesome place to be...one I am working toward.

Jill AKA busymom said...

Hope I believe that God has us in seasons through life...and it is a true blessing to enjoy and embrace the season you are in...go ahead and love life girl:)

I am thankful that I was able to be with the kids while they were growing up...I never felt like I was sacrificing....it was where I was supposed to be and it was right:)

I can also say I am thankful for this season also...Gd knows what He is doing:)