Can I just say I am loving me some counseling. I highly recommend it for every person. The Man and I have really connected with our commitment to our weekly meetings. I find it amusing that I automatically have to assure everyone that there is nothing wrong with our marriage and that there is no danger to our union. I simply thought that it would help if we were better prepared to handle raising our children while not forgetting about us.
I'll have to preface what I'm going to say with this: I am not a private person. I don't hide myself from others. I have made mistakes that I'm not proud of. I am just a human being.
Last week was my first session alone without The Man. He was off inspecting Paige's NJROTC (picture post on that one coming!). I decided to take advantage and see what Rose could help me figure out about me. Nothing like an epiphany or two to wake a person up, right?
Rose and I chatted and I did realize a thing or two that helps me better understand the way I am. One thing we talked about still resonates with me.
We were sitting there and she asked me: Hope, if you could wave a magic wand and be whatever you wanted-have any job you wanted without having to worry about further education and all that, what would it be?
I sat there a second and thought.
I responded, "I'm doing it."
She nodded and tried to word it different while meaning the same thing.
I smiled and said, "I'm doing it, Rose. I am doing what I want to be doing right now, this second in my life. I am being a mother and a wife and I love my job. I love the security I am giving my children and the love I am giving my husband. I am content and I am happy."
I went on to tell her that I didn't know if it would always be that way. Sure, I'd love to get out and get a job one day in the "work force" and see what I can do. But, right now? I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I want my children to be able to look back on their childhood and their time with me and their Dad and know they were loved and that I was there for them.
*Now, this is in no way a reflection on any one else who is reading this. This is ME. My blog. My thoughts about me. *
I have no doubts whatsoever that God has me where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to be doing concerning my family. Rose went on to talk about how I was sacrificing-whoa. I stopped her right there.
I said....why does it have to be a sacrifice? I don't look at it that way at all. I don't feel like I am sacrificing any part of me and who I am by being a stay at home Mom. Why can't I be happy and content with this particular chapter of my life?
The only sacrifice right now might be my sanity here and there when things get hectic. I have a life outside of my home. I volunteer many hours with a spouse program on base. I have friends that I socialize with where no boys are kids are allowed. I haven't lost me and all that I am with my job choice. I have many friends I can get a shopping groove on with or grab a cup of coffee with if the need strikes. God has blessed me with women friends who I would never trade for all the riches of this world. Their friendship has made me rich inside.
I see no sacrifice. I feel contentment and happiness.
What an awesome epiphany.
I am doing what I want. Right now. In this season of my life.