No, not physically injured. That's not what I'm talking about here.
Have you ever just been biddy-bopping through life, doing your best, thinking all was well only to run head first into a brick wall?
It seems I've been hitting a few brick walls lately. Apparently, I have hurt some feelings and I really didn't know I had done so. I think it's like I am in Clueless Land and when I realize that something is wrong? Then the ones I've hurt are so very hurt they don't want a blessed thing to do with me.
Then I'm the injured one. I guess some would say by my own hand.
My husband will be quick to tell you that I don't sit and harbor hard feelings. I don't hold anger and pet it and nurture it. If I've done something? I want to talk about it. I want to fix it. I want us to find common ground and go forward. If that man has done something that has hurt my feelings? He doesn't have to guess. I tell it like it is and put it on the table right in front of him. I'd like to think I'm that way with those I hold dear to me.
In the past 48 hours, I've discovered that I have hurt some feelings. Dang. That's the last thing I want to do. Thing is? I'm not allowed to discuss it with the hurt-ee(s) as this person(s) won't acknowledge me. Note: If you ever want to make me pay for what you say I've done? Not talking to me is the worst punishment. You win. I give. UNCLE. The inability to defend myself and/or state my side makes my blood pressure sky rocket. It causes me to lay in bed at night and wonder ....what?.....why? There. I just gave too many people complete power over me right there.
I called Neighbor Debbie earlier to make sure we were cool. Seriously. I haven't really seen or spoken to her in days as life has had us too busy. I had to clarify that if she were to ever get mad at me, let's talk this mess over. Let's get it straight. She's like me in that she, too, doesn't believe in holding hurt inside.
I have made efforts to communicate with the hurt-ee(s). More than once. I can't make them communicate back. How I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better. How I wish I could just find out exactly what is going on so I can fix mis-communication...clarify what I said/did . If I deserve my sentence, then I just want to know the charges.
Some of you may wonder why on earth I'm putting this here on my blog. Cuz it's my blog. I can't even think about another post when this subject is heavy on my mind. Also, I wear my feelings on my sleeve...and my face. I would never win at poker.
I have an inkling that the person(s) I've hurt may read this. Maybe a public plea for communication will sway them to drop their walls long enough to get this straight.
I try hard to be "good people". Thing is? I'm not perfect. There was only one perfect One and I am no where near His status. I have flaws and I have personality quirks. I just want the chance to fix whatever is wrong.
How do you handle hurt feelings? Do you ignore it? Do you ignore the person who caused it? Do you like to talk about it and get it past you? I'm right curious to know this as I am very obviously not handling this well at all.