At 5 a.m. this morning, I hugged and kissed my oldest child at least three times and watched her walk off down the sidewalk pulling a suitcase and bag. She was leaving to go on her first adventure. Alone. Without me. She turned and looked back at me and grinned.
Then it hit me. She's going to be gone for a whole week. Well, five days. Without me. She's going to go to camp and stay in dorms with other giggly girls. She's going to stay up late and chew gum and talk teenager stuff. The word "like" will probably be said at least a bazillion times. She's going to balk at doing the zip line course. Doubt herself ten ways from Sunday. Hopefully, peer pressure will kick in and the others will talk her into taking the chance.
Both of us were just nasty to each other yesterday. Fought like cats and dogs. Then I realized we were both heading to the Edge of Anxiety. After that, we were fine for the most part. How can I sign her up for this experience, pay the fee, buy the things she needs to have in order to go...then act like a butt about it all? Cause I'm crazy like that. Because that is MY baby. Because that's the child who lay in an incubator for almost a month while I sat outside and watched her and all the lovely machines that go with being born premature. Call me paranoid, but I've always been a little bit more protective of her. And she's fought me all the way for independence. I have to admit, for the most part? She's won her hard earned independence.
As she was leaving this morning, I asked that she text me periodically until they reached camp. It's going to be a seven hour drive. So glad it's them and not me! She is then to call upon arrival there. I told her to give me a quick call daily, even if it's only to say..."Hey Mama! Having fun. Too busy to talk. I love you! Bye!" I figure if she can take the cell phone that we are paying for, she can take a minute out of the busy schedule and check in so I can rest easier at night. There goes my controlling nature again. She tolerated my last minute instructions for about 30 seconds before the eye rolling started and she reminded me that she and Fred still had to stop by Wal*art and get the disposable camera she forgot to get and they really needed to get going.
I just can't get the picture of her walking down the sidewalk pulling that suitcase behind her.....pimpin' sunshades propped on her head (her words- not mine). Grinning so big back at me because she's so excited and ready for this adventure. Not needing me right then. I'm so freaking proud of that girl. She makes my heart just swell right up until I'm positive it's going to bust right out of my chest.
College is going to flat out kill me.