At 5 a.m. this morning, I hugged and kissed my oldest child at least three times and watched her walk off down the sidewalk pulling a suitcase and bag. She was leaving to go on her first adventure. Alone. Without me. She turned and looked back at me and grinned.
Then it hit me. She's going to be gone for a whole week. Well, five days. Without me. She's going to go to camp and stay in dorms with other giggly girls. She's going to stay up late and chew gum and talk teenager stuff. The word "like" will probably be said at least a bazillion times. She's going to balk at doing the zip line course. Doubt herself ten ways from Sunday. Hopefully, peer pressure will kick in and the others will talk her into taking the chance.
Both of us were just nasty to each other yesterday. Fought like cats and dogs. Then I realized we were both heading to the Edge of Anxiety. After that, we were fine for the most part. How can I sign her up for this experience, pay the fee, buy the things she needs to have in order to go...then act like a butt about it all? Cause I'm crazy like that. Because that is MY baby. Because that's the child who lay in an incubator for almost a month while I sat outside and watched her and all the lovely machines that go with being born premature. Call me paranoid, but I've always been a little bit more protective of her. And she's fought me all the way for independence. I have to admit, for the most part? She's won her hard earned independence.
As she was leaving this morning, I asked that she text me periodically until they reached camp. It's going to be a seven hour drive. So glad it's them and not me! She is then to call upon arrival there. I told her to give me a quick call daily, even if it's only to say..."Hey Mama! Having fun. Too busy to talk. I love you! Bye!" I figure if she can take the cell phone that we are paying for, she can take a minute out of the busy schedule and check in so I can rest easier at night. There goes my controlling nature again. She tolerated my last minute instructions for about 30 seconds before the eye rolling started and she reminded me that she and Fred still had to stop by Wal*art and get the disposable camera she forgot to get and they really needed to get going.
I just can't get the picture of her walking down the sidewalk pulling that suitcase behind her.....pimpin' sunshades propped on her head (her words- not mine). Grinning so big back at me because she's so excited and ready for this adventure. Not needing me right then. I'm so freaking proud of that girl. She makes my heart just swell right up until I'm positive it's going to bust right out of my chest.
College is going to flat out kill me.
10 comments:
Oh. I'm just sitting here with tears in my eyes. Makes me think of all the times I left my Mama. It hurts. Oh gosh, I know it hurts. But as much as it hurts, you BOTH need this. And you know what, she WILL miss you. And I promise, when she comes home, she's gonna hug you a lil' bit tighter. Enjoy that hug. It's gonna mean the world.
Lord. I can't even imagine it. Truly. But I remember those camp days... They were memories that you only get to experience as a child. I'm so glad your daughter is getting the chance. And I hope you can hang in there when she forgets to call you one day!
I know I don't know Paige, but my goodness I'm proud of her! At her age I wanted to go to camp, but I was always scared to (even if we had the money). I don't think you are going to have to worry about that girl!
As a parent, I'd be a nervous wreck the entire time! I don't blame you for the rules about calling! I'd do the same thing!
Well, I will tell all of you out there, that I actually got an "I love you, too" out of her this morning as she was hurrying over to the other side of the van to get in.
I am proud of both Paige and Hope because I know how hard it is for both of them to let go, sometimes. I will admit, I was nervous, too. Thought that maybe at the last minute, I would change my mind about letting her go. But, then, I saw how naturally all the girls just went into their usual giddiness, even at 5:30AM.
I will miss her too.
I can't even bear sending mine to first grade.
I understand completely, though, I can't watch my kid do anything without remembering him hooked up to machines, all four pounds of him. I know I am way more protective of him than the others and probably always will be.
Wow! This was a great post, totally drew me in. Please let us know how camp goes and the good news is that you have a few years before college. :)
So proud of you for letting her go! Let us know how the week goes....for both of you!
Now I was right and fine reading your post and being all sentimental about the good ole days. I was going to tell you that it was incredibly strong of you to let her go off so independently and that I'll be praying for you while she's gone. Yep, all ready to tell you all those things, and then I read CatNavy's note and when to sobbing. Girl, you got you some kinda good man you know. How he deals with a house full of hormones I'll never know!
As for Paige and her big adventure, she's gonna do just fine and come back 'all wise and stuff'. Sure wish I were with her, summer camp was awesome and a chance to see Big Daddy Weave...Paige, can't wait to hear all about it!
oooooh, I hate typos (when to = went to)! I blame it on Hope's hubby!
Oh my Buddah ya'll! [inside joke from FUGE!haha] I loved it! Big Daddy Weave played 3 concerts a day and we went to every one because they were in worship and stuff. We had so much fun! I can't even describe it..You could just feel Jesus' ?presence? when we were singing all those songs and hands were going up left and right up and down..Dancing...Just breaking down crying...Wow...Well..off to read the rest of the posts!
♥!
Paige
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