Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Time Served

I am eating some humble pie whilst I write this.

When Fred and I decided to move here to Jaw-ja to be together as a family....I reconciled myself to be lonely friend-wise and for the most part unhappy. I'm kind of crazy in the way I operate sometimes. My Mama will blame my Daddy for this and vice versa. I am blessed...or cursed...with a stubborn streak the likes of which most mortals have never seen.

I was determined with our move to make our family a complete unit. To provide my children with both a mother and a father figure that they could count on no matter what. We got to do family outings on a regular basis that have been fun and memorable. From going to Sea World last year to just visiting St. Simon's Island and hanging out at the water. All of our fun times have been together. It has bonded us in ways I could only hope and wish for.

The first ten months of my "exile", I was almost a recluse. I didn't venture out of the house if I didn't have to. I was physically sick from the change in environment because where I am? It has been verified as the Bermuda Triangle of allergies. I was physically homesick, too. I'm not joking. I missed my home so bad I couldn't hardly stand it. If I had to say what I missed most..it would be my Mama. And Daddy. I couldn't call her enough and I'm sure she got right tired of hearing from me all the time. I didn't whine or cry to her, I just needed to hear her voice. Just because I'm grown doesn't mean I don't need my Mama from time to time. I missed my sister in law, Des, because she and I were pretty much inseparable for years. We really depended on each other a lot since my brother worked long hours and my husband was gone with the Navy too much. We tag teamed raising the kids and always knew we had each other as back up.

I was so noble (*warning- take what I'm saying with a grain of salt because it's pretty much stupid). Anyway....I was so noble in my cause. I was going to move to this place and tolerate it for the greater good of my family. I was going to serve my sentence here under duress, but not let my angst show. (are you ready to throw up yet?) Oh, what a personal sacrifice I was making.


Now that I got my act together? I just shake my head at myself. I'm in a good place. With good people. No, they aren't the family and friends I've had since grade school. But, they are now my family and friends. I still miss my Mama, family, and friends back in South Carolina. Some have kept in touch with phone calls.....others have even come to visit me. (Hey Lu!) Others have slammed me in the face with their lack of communication or care. It's taken a while to get over that, but I'm still breathing after the hurt passes. That means I'll heal from it.

During my self imposed seclusion, I made friends with other submarine wives all over this great nation of ours through the internet. I am proud to call Hawaii and Washington (state) the homes of some mighty fine ladies that I am proud to know and call my friends. Domestic Diva (who is Em) resides in South Carolina and I've already had the great pleasure of meeting her.

So even while I thought I was being the perfect martyr (is there such a thing?), I was still reaching out for friends because that's the type person I am. I NEED girlfriends because Fred can only understand so much girly stuff before his eyes glaze over.

I've decided I've been stubborn and stupid long enough. I am ending my sentence and deciding to enjoy my life and what I have here with me for as long as I have it. I'm already torn about one day leaving what and who I've come to know and love here. That's why I refuse to think about it and will just hope and pray it will all work out.

We women are such fickle creatures sometimes. (no comments from the men's section on that, please)

Just to prove to you I take blogging seriously, I looked up the word martyr to see if it truly applied to the way I was thinking. Yeah, you're gonna love this:

2 : a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle

And I wonder where my girls get their drama gene from.


Domestic Diva said...

Oh, Hope! I love you, girl! I'm so proud of you for stepping outside of your comfort zone and making Georgia a real home for yourself and your kids. I can tell that Paige is so happy there too. Girl, she doesn't want to leave does she???

Isn't it so nice to know that you'd have friends with you no matter where you go? I love that about the sub world. We're all so close. Granted, sometimes it's not always so lovely to be sooo close to people, but for the most part, it's a really good thing.

You just keep on keepin' on and enjoy that place of yours. Who knows...maybe even buy a house??? ;)

C said...

Okay, call me an idiot, but I JUST figured out "Jaw-ja." Can you tell I'm not from the South?

I think I might have to read some of this stuff aloud in order to 'get' it. ;)

Melanie said...

I kept telling Trent that I just needed to be around my support system, I needed to be with my friends or better yet, my family. Then things would be okay. And what do we do - move me 5000 miles away from EVERYTHING, especially my best friend, my lover. What a dope I am, a dopey martyr. I'm so proud of you for making the best of your situation, and finding real joy where you are, and I'm especially glad that you opened your circle big enough to include me! xoxo

Melanie said...

oh, and C I don't think you're an idiot at all, but I do believe you do fall in the ranks of a yankee :P

•Paige-A-Roni• said...

Mrs. Em, I'm not leaving. They are going to be forced to live here at least until I graduate if they want happy lives and good nursing homes. ^_^

But I totally see where Mama's coming from with the slap in the face. I thought my friends were the best ever in SC, but hardly any of them have contacted me. Here? I'm not at church Sunday morning and my friends call/text/email "Where are youuu?? I miss you!" and stuff like that. 'Cause I'm cool like that and have a bunch of really good friends. I have found some friends here I will never forget or lose touch with. I'm actually happy that the navy decided to move us here for the most part. I really miss my Nana and Papa and Aunt Destiny & Uncle Brian and them, but I'm really happy here.

Like Aunt Cindy said, "God puts you in certain places for certain reasons. Just relax and try and enjoy yourself while you figure out what His plan for you is." I haven't quite found it yet, but I'm thinkin' I'm pretty darn close.

I hope so anyway.

Anyway, I can see where Mama comes from completely. I think it's time to start my blog back up...... =]

Krys72599 said...

We're new acquaintances, Hope, I only found your blog relatively recently, but I can assure you that you have a friend-to-be in NJ, if that helps!
I, too, am amazed at how easily you can get to know someone when you read their innermost thoughts - thoughts they often don't share with you in person, mind you!
And yes, in reference to your last comment on my blog - AC is absolutely "heaven on a stick"!!!
I'm throwing a party the day I get to turn it on for the first time!!!! There will be pictures!

Hope's Hubby said...

Well, I do have to say that moving here has not worked out quite the way I had intended, but, we have had a lot of time together. I do believe that we have grown as a family.
Now, I will say, that although Sea World was fun, pushing me around in the wheel chair could have put a damper on things for my lovely wife and mother, who, for the most part, took the brunt of that task.
I do believe that The Lord has directed us this way for some reason, and things have happened in my life that have caused things to be strained on the family, but I do think we are growing stronger because of it.

Hope, I love you more and more with each passing moment. I truly never thought I would find that. You have brought the best out in me and I can never thank you, or say I LOVE YOU enough because I could never express how deep in me it goes.

Tracey said...

I sooooo couldn't do the military lifestyle. I, too, have roots that are firmly set in my home state. In a certain area, even. Can't imagine it any other way...

Tracey said...

Oh, and that post by your hubby is precious...

♥paige♥ said...

Hey! Wait! Ex-squeeze me! I pushed you around half of the time because they were too tired!

♥paige♥(again) said...

Oh, don't encourage him T! Please?!




Crazy Me said...

Isn't it strange how people vow to be friends til the end and then *poof* they're gone! I just went to a reunion a few months ago and reconnected with tons of old pals, vowing to stay in touch. I've sent countless e-mails to some of them but haven't heard a word. Oh well, their loss.

Carla Umphlett said...

Hope,I am so glad we finally got our acts together and met each other. Even though we talk about it frequently I just want you to know how much you mean to me...love you girl!!

Get Off My Lawn! said...

No matter where you go, there you are. Life isn't better or worse because you are in a different place. But people do matter. Glad to know you find what you need.