I am eating some humble pie whilst I write this.
When Fred and I decided to move here to Jaw-ja to be together as a family....I reconciled myself to be lonely friend-wise and for the most part unhappy. I'm kind of crazy in the way I operate sometimes. My Mama will blame my Daddy for this and vice versa. I am blessed...or cursed...with a stubborn streak the likes of which most mortals have never seen.
I was determined with our move to make our family a complete unit. To provide my children with both a mother and a father figure that they could count on no matter what. We got to do family outings on a regular basis that have been fun and memorable. From going to Sea World last year to just visiting St. Simon's Island and hanging out at the water. All of our fun times have been together. It has bonded us in ways I could only hope and wish for.
The first ten months of my "exile", I was almost a recluse. I didn't venture out of the house if I didn't have to. I was physically sick from the change in environment because where I am? It has been verified as the Bermuda Triangle of allergies. I was physically homesick, too. I'm not joking. I missed my home so bad I couldn't hardly stand it. If I had to say what I missed most..it would be my Mama. And Daddy. I couldn't call her enough and I'm sure she got right tired of hearing from me all the time. I didn't whine or cry to her, I just needed to hear her voice. Just because I'm grown doesn't mean I don't need my Mama from time to time. I missed my sister in law, Des, because she and I were pretty much inseparable for years. We really depended on each other a lot since my brother worked long hours and my husband was gone with the Navy too much. We tag teamed raising the kids and always knew we had each other as back up.
I was so noble (*warning- take what I'm saying with a grain of salt because it's pretty much stupid). Anyway....I was so noble in my cause. I was going to move to this place and tolerate it for the greater good of my family. I was going to serve my sentence here under duress, but not let my angst show. (are you ready to throw up yet?) Oh, what a personal sacrifice I was making.
Now that I got my act together? I just shake my head at myself. I'm in a good place. With good people. No, they aren't the family and friends I've had since grade school. But, they are now my family and friends. I still miss my Mama, family, and friends back in South Carolina. Some have kept in touch with phone calls.....others have even come to visit me. (Hey Lu!) Others have slammed me in the face with their lack of communication or care. It's taken a while to get over that, but I'm still breathing after the hurt passes. That means I'll heal from it.
During my self imposed seclusion, I made friends with other submarine wives all over this great nation of ours through the internet. I am proud to call Hawaii and Washington (state) the homes of some mighty fine ladies that I am proud to know and call my friends. Domestic Diva (who is Em) resides in South Carolina and I've already had the great pleasure of meeting her.
So even while I thought I was being the perfect martyr (is there such a thing?), I was still reaching out for friends because that's the type person I am. I NEED girlfriends because Fred can only understand so much girly stuff before his eyes glaze over.
I've decided I've been stubborn and stupid long enough. I am ending my sentence and deciding to enjoy my life and what I have here with me for as long as I have it. I'm already torn about one day leaving what and who I've come to know and love here. That's why I refuse to think about it and will just hope and pray it will all work out.
We women are such fickle creatures sometimes. (no comments from the men's section on that, please)
Just to prove to you I take blogging seriously, I looked up the word martyr to see if it truly applied to the way I was thinking. Yeah, you're gonna love this:
2 : a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle
And I wonder where my girls get their drama gene from.