Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Hard Time

Oh, Internets, Miss Hope is having herself a hard time right now. I try really hard to keep the Edge light and funny so you'll come back and visit and enjoy your time spent here. There comes a time when not so much is funny and you just put it out there because you hope and you pray that someone can maybe help just a bit.

It's my boy. My sweet, beautiful, stubborn Boy. God knows I love that 44 pounds of dynamite. He is my baby and I can't imagine my life with out him in it.

He's not doing so well in Pre-K. Well, I call it 4-K and he corrects me and says "It's PRE-K, Mama!" The first few weeks were pretty decent with an incident here and there where he had issues with pushing or not listening. It's gone downhill quick. He's had THREE incidents this week alone and The Man had to go get him from school at 10:30 this morning. He has the sweetest teacher and I just adore her. I spoke with her yesterday and flat out asked her if she thought he needed to be tested for anything. Her hands were shaky and she reached out to touch my arm and said she got so nervous when talking to parents about issues like this. I put my hand on hers and told her that I was not that kind of parent. If there was an issue? I wanted to meet it head on and get it solved.

My baby is having impulse control issues mixed in with being a touch hyper. Especially when he hits the outdoors. It's like he explodes when he hits the playground and it carries on in to the class room when they get back in. He's not making the right choices. Miss Kim (the teacher) says he knows what he's done is wrong, but it appears he can't stop long enough to think..."I really shouldn't do this!" And I know this is true because that's how he is here at home.

The Man is just beside himself. We've talked and talked and talked. I've worked with kids since I was 15. I'm a certified child care specialist for ages 2 to 4. I've been in situations with children who've had problems and now I'm the parent of a child with a problem. I don't want my baby to be that kid that when the teacher sees him coming, she slumps and knows her day probably won't be a good one. He's not broken by no means. He's sharp as a tack and learns amazingly fast. Bless his heart, he has an issue and it needs to be addressed. I want school to be a wonderful experience in his life, not a self-esteem beater. He's so loving and sweet, Internets. I want people to see the good in him, not the negative.

I prayed today that God would lead me to the right person to help my baby. It seemed like every psychiatrist's office I called....no answer or machine. I got in touch with one office and the receptionist said they don't handle kids The Boy's age, but there was someone who was good who could. I got the answering machine there, but she called me back promptly her self. This woman I've never met was the most reassuring voice I've heard today. She told me she had 25 years experience with kids The Boy's age. I told her we really didn't like the thought of medication, that it scared us. She said it should! We didn't know if he even needed medication! She told me I was to quit stressing over it. WE were going to figure out what was going on in that beautiful little mind of his and WE were going to figure out how to handle it. I know I felt better after talking to her.

Due to the incidents The Boy has had at school, we have to meet with the director and teacher tomorrow. ~sigh~ But, I have a plan of action in place. I'm not going in blind. I will keep an open mind and my eyes open to possibilities and solutions. I am The Mama and I can love that baby like nobody's bizness, but I am not educated in the areas he needs me to be. But, I will be before all is said and done. I can promise you that much.

I was speaking with Em via I.M.'s tonight telling her about the situation and I said I am in the perfect place right here for the support I need with this. I have friends who have children with issues and their support and sympathy has literally lifted me up. Instead of beating myself up wondering what I've done wrong or what I could have done differently.....I can focus on going forward and helping my child from this day on.

I'm going to use my little corner of the Internet to share my son's struggle and hope that it might help someone else. Even if it's only in a small tiny way. Because no matter what happens in life...you can choose to gripe, moan, and complain...or you can turn it into a blessing.

I choose the blessing.

17 comments:

Mrs. Em said...

I'm glad you're sharing this with everyone, because I think that it's a common story - regardless of how many people choose to talk about it.

You are going to get through this. God's placed you in the company of many wonderful friends who've walked this road before. Like I told you already, they passed the blessing on to you. Once you learn what you need to, it will be your turn to pass it along.

Thanks for the shout-out, too. :)

Hugs and prayers to you!

Pikes Pickles said...

I just texted you a book. I am all over this one.

Sending hugs your way.

C said...

I'll be praying for you!

I can't tell you how many bright, bright children I saw coming through our office when I worked for that child psychologist. All of them had problems, but most of them were otherwise wonderful children. Best of luck!

If you need any book recommendations, lemme know.

Denise said...

It sounds like you have found someone who will really understand and be able to help you. That's great! It's so hard to admit that our kids might have problems. I'm glad you have the wisdom to seek help and the humility to realize you can't do it alone. You'll get through it. ((hugs))

Lishak said...

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, Miss Hope! I'm praying for you and for you to find the best solution for your situation. Hugs from SC!

Debbie said...

Hope darlin,
Ya know im there for you sistah. You know I have the full outfit when it comes to all this. Both Vitt and you will come out just fine in all of this because we are all here for you and your family. No matter what he is still my WILD MAN. And i love him.

Carla said...

Girl, you know I love that boy like my own...and I do believe he loves me that way back!!! LOL... The Umphletts are here for ya'll as you determine what needs to be done...whatever you need. I'm sure in the future there will be those "man to man" talks just like we have our girl talks...and I think thats great - to have such good friends like that...but really at this point we are like extended family...that sounds better...LOL Know that I have been praying for ya'll and will continue. I pray for the doctor that she will be able to correctly diagnose the problem and that God give her the wisdom to handle the situation as best as it can be for Vitt. I also pray that God give you and Fred strength as you go through this process. And finally I pray for your children, that they can accept and understand what is going on...I know God's hands are all over this situation. I love you girl - lean on me!

chelle said...

This one needs a call!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you've got the help you need, girlfriend. I'll be sending good vibes to your little man and your family to get it sorted out. ;)

Tamra

Melinda said...

Goodness Miss Hope! I've been where you are with my baby. It was such a scary time for us because it seemed at the time that no body saw our child the way we did. Instead of seeing his awesomeness they saw only rotten things. It hurt like the dickens. We had the teachers who cringed when our child came in, and were vocal about it. We've been through a tough road but we've come through it and it's been a lesson in love and understanding. I joke that I understand crazy, but the thing is that I just get those kids that have "issues" because someone HAS to. God's blessed me so much with that.

The best piece of advice as I parent who's been there is to be the best advocate for Vitt. Get him the best testing, from the best provider and fight at the school level to get him the accomadations he needs. The biggest thing God has taught me about Remy is that it's not about me, it's about Remy and what's best for him. We've fought medicine back and forth for nearly 5 years but in the end we had to learn that it's not about what makes us comfortable it's what will help Remy to have the best quality of life. For us, having him take medication is a blessing for him so that his light, that God placed in him that just bursts at the seams, shines through. He can be that awesome person that God intended for him to be.

Whatever happens, my prayer is that Vitt is able to have his light be bright and focused such that people see him for the wonderful child that God made him to be.

Love you girl, and if you need I'm here with an ear.

andria said...

Girl, Been there, still there.

I'm just writing from my own experience, you know your son best, know what he needs, but I want to let you know some of what we've been through.

I know they may try to insinuate that V may have ADHD (by law they can't diagnose or say they think he does, they really aren't even supposed to mention it to you, but they do). They may suggest you "try" medication. They may act like the world is going to end if you don't. They may even use the aspergers thing on you, which is the new go to. Get books on all these things, plus giftedness from the library and educate yourself on all of them then find a fabulous psych. who will test him in all kinds of areas, but mostly intelligence. My guess is he's gifted, he's four, he has no idea how to channel it all.

J tested in K off the charts. He is gifted, but most teachers don't like to see that because they believe the stereotype that gifted kids are the quiet, studious type. This is so far from the truth.

Arm yourself with the info. Go in more knowledgeable than them.

J still has his issues, but he's in 2nd grade, hasn't moved his discipline card in two weeks and actually won the weekly Christian character award this week. Major strides. He's learning how to channel himself and really, he's just matured. I've always thought that school shouldn't start until eight because I just don't think kids are that ready for it, other than socially, that early

OneHungMan said...

You know, children are resilient and they learn quickly. They are little sponges soaking up whatever information they can. Sadly, some of them either soak up the wrong thing or don't soak up the right thing.

YoungHung has his own issues. He's terrible around his parents. He's really a well-behaved boy around everyone else--grandparents, his speech lady, his teacher--but he knows the Hungs are related to him and can't simply send him packing. So, he usually ignores them...unless they can get his attention. Once OneHung gets his attention, the boy is very good. It's just a matter of finding what will always get that short attention span of his.

Beating him does nothing. Sending him to his room does nothing. But, he doesn't like to be yelled at. It seems OneHung has two types of yells. One which is just him being mad about something and raising his voice, and the other must have a different pitch or something, because when the boy hears that second one, he knows the shit has hit the fan and it's time to change his ways.

The best example is last year when the boy was piss-trained, except he'd still shit in his pants. One day while watching him, OHM had had enough. The boy shit in his pants, and for the entire 45-60 seconds it took to get from outside to the boy's room, the boy got a new one ripped. OneHung lit into that child with every bad word he could think of and it was said loud enough that dead people heard it.

The boy hasn't shit in his pants since.

Vitt will be the same way. There is simply a missing ingredient right now. Once you find it, he'll be as good as new.

Miss Hope said...

I just appreciate all the kinds words. I find myself in a funk of sorts as I wait to go that dreaded meeting today with the director and his teacher. I sure do heart my Internets and friends.

Jill AKA busymom said...

Ms. Hope as a parent and a ece professional...I will tell you that my prayers and thoughts are with you.

I will also share this with you....sometimes it just takes someone (like the doctor you mentioned) to observe and help you and your child learn to overcome those impulsive behaviors. Once the area of concern is determined then you all just retraine yourselves as how to deal with it.

My Zach has similar issues and we have worked with the counselors and the teachers to help him make better choices and think about what he is doing....but it was a process and sometimes I still wonder if he is really getting it.

Hang in there and know that God will use this circumstance in your lives for His glory.....just think of all the moms out there that you will be able to help because God blessed you with this opportunity!

Love ya
Jill

House of Hayes said...

You know we are here for you.PLEASE vent,laugh cry or call us for whatever you need to do :) Heck I'll be willing to even bring Erinlee to ya and let her straighten him out :)
You know that whatever you need and whenever you need it I'll be here for you.Even if I do get sassy you know it is because I love ya !!
HUGS GIRL ... and give some to Fred too...!!

Get Off My Lawn! said...

I refer you to esoup

(http://www.esoupblog.com/2007/03/creative_vision.html) on this matter.

Da Vinci probably pushed kids and had "incidents" too. Not saying the boy has ADHD but a long time ago, I resolved to believe that kids that aren't "normal" may be superheroes, not "disordered". Hope it helps.

Monogram Queen said...

You know your blog readers have got your back. We love your posts no matter what they are.
I sympathize with you, Madison doesn't seem to like 4K as much as she did 3K. She misses her old teacher etc. I am glad you are a parent who wants to work WITH the teacher instead of playing the blame game. Ya'll are definitely in my thoughs honey.