Thanksgiving Holiday 2006

Thanksgiving Holiday 2006 is now officially over. Thank goodness. We went home for the week as there were many things to do in a short amount of time. It was nice until I realized when I had one minute to sit down....I had no computer! I had nervous twitches thinking about all the spam and emails I was missing. Cold sweats haunted me when I'd think of all the good deals I would be missing on my favorite websites. I don't necessarily buy all the time...but I sure like the option if I so choose.

My son was asking to come "home" around Tuesday. How on earth do you explain to a two year old that he IS at home and that home is in Georgia also? He was so confused by the time we pulled out Saturday and in desperation, I asked him if he wanted to ride his "Bee-Bee"? (that would be bicycle for the rest of you) OH YES! After a grueling almost 6 hour drive that normally takes 4 hours, we pulled back in to unload two vehicles stuffed to bursting with purchases and containers of Christmas ornaments and decorations. He went straight to the bike. My conclusion to that is....home is where the bike is.

The girls spent Wednesday through Saturday with their father. His in-laws have a time share in Hilton Head and that's where they went. Bless his heart. He thinks he is the MOSTEST ....and he owns nothing....it all belongs to the in-laws. Apparently the girls had a good time until Paige suggested Makenna take a bath and step-mom said she was fine...didn't need one. Of course, Paige being my child....informed them that that was just nasty. So started the fireworks. My phone then went haywire with all the text messages she started sending. Paige has come to conclusion that she can visit her father...but two days is the limit. After that, it all goes downhill. I found out after we met them off of I-95 enroute home, that the step-mom made a few remarks about me. I just shrug them off because she seriously means absolutely nothing to me. Paige? Well, sister won't let anyone talk about her Mama. That's my girl.

Fred and I got to go to a soiree at my old friend's house. We were aghast to realize it had five years since we had a get together. It was the best time. It took all of 30 seconds to fall back into our routine of dishing ancient dirt on each other and literally screaming with laughter. We had left Vitt with the oldest "adopted" grandkid so she could earn some cha-ching to shop with and we kept putting off leaving. Finally, we picked him up around 1 a.m. I wouldn't even go in because of the shame of being so late. Ah, good times. Good times. Before we left, we decided to get started around 4 p.m. next time since we all had kids now. We'll still be 1 a.m. picking the kid up.

Fred, myself, and our partners in crime did hit the Black Friday sales. It was simply marvelous. My husband and I make a good team. Breakfast was great and so was the four hour nap I took when I got home. We're still marveling over the good deals we got. We're like that...Fred and I.....we'll discuss things to the absolute death!

Now to prepare for Christmas. My body has decided to come down with a bout of bronchitis since I'm back and really need to get some stuff done. But, time and shopping wait for no one.

The Shredder

Never EVAH send a man by himself to buy something simple. I know this. Yet, I did it anyway.

Fred and I have been discussing buying a shredder for a while. Back home, I used my mom's when the junk mail pile got too high and it sufficed. Now, that we're in Georgia, there are things that are not easily accessible....hence the purchase of a new shredder.

I'm not all about fancy. Or high tech. Just give me something simple that'll get the job done and I'm smooth.

Earlier tonight Fred volunteered to run to the Super M and get some creamer for me. I am out and the thought of enjoying a Saturday morning cup of coffee without it made me very sad. Very sad indeed. He mentioned as he was going, he would pick up a shredder. No problem. I was sitting outside chatting with my neighbors..enjoying the evening. I really didn't think anything of it.

I knew better.

He came back around an hour later with a shredder. A forty something dollar shredder. Are you kidding me? Is it going to shred my documents AND take them out to the garbage can? But, Darling, it can shred DVD's and CD's and credit cards...etc etc etc. That's nice, dear...but why on earth would we need to shred DVD's or CD's???? And I have a perfectly good pair of scissors to decimate old credit cards.

~sigh~

Lord spare me from a gadget junkie. I hope he's gotten his fix for a while.

She might be a TAD too smart.....

Makenna has a field trip at school today. Nothing big or fancy...just a drive over to the High School to see a play young thespians are putting on.

And my children love to wear dresses. There is nothing more unattractive than a female who cannot wear a dress. I've seen children my own children's age that when put in a dress or skirt the first time.....suffice it to say it's a sad thing to witness. I've put dresses and skirts on my girls since they were born. They are comfortable in them and sometimes prefer to wear them. ~pats self on back~

When there are field trips such as this, a skirt is in order. And it's a cute little denim skirt. Tights that are black, red, and white striped, with a white long sleeved shirt. I remembered I had the CUTEST pony tail holder. A black fuzzy pom pom on a black pony tail holder. Put on the black mary janes and we are set, people!!

As I am dressing Makenna, the conversation goes:

Mom: Makenna, PLEASE pay attention and let's put these tights on right.

Makenna: ~trying to watch television~

Mom: Makenna, this has GOT to look right now, so quit looking at the t.v.

Makenna: ~sighs~ You ALWAYS dress me up for field trips. Why?

Mom: BECAUSE...when you are out and about, you are representing Blah Blah Elementary School, your teacher, and myself. You should look your best.

Dramatic pause......help us....she is thinking too hard.....

Makenna: I get it! You're using me!!! You're using me to make people think you're the world's greatest mom!!!

Mom: ~huffs indignantly~ I am not! But I do not mind people looking at you and thinking...."look at that little girl....she must be loved alot because her hair is fixed and her clothes are ironed..."

Makenna is holding the black pom pom pony tail holder while I fight her hair to look smooth and sleek.....

Makenna: Whatever. Hey, look Mom!!!

She puts the pom pom up to her nose

Makenna: With this I can be a GOTHIC clown. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Mom: Whatever.

Good Stuff

~peels wrapper off 'nother bite-sized candy bar~

~types with chocolate on tips of fingers~

So, have I told you how much I love Halloween? About how the timing this year was perfect...when I require certain amounts of chocolate in order not to kill the nearest person? About how I can tell the girls they can't have but so many pieces? About how I can hit that stash all day long while they are in school? About how I can totally blame Fred when all the good candy bars are gone?

Yeah, I like me some Halloween.

~peels the wrapper of a tootsie roll~

Yesterday I came into the computer room and saw like a dozen wrappers littered around the keyboard. I knew they weren't mine because I clean up my evidence. I started interrogating the girls. They were Makenna's. I asked her what on earth was she THINKING eating that much candy???? And I said it with a straight face, too. Her reply? "Mama, that stuff is so good and I just couldn't resist just one more....at least 6 times."

I feel your pain, sister.

Wonder who she gets it from?

Humph

Lawd, if I'm not ill with that man of mine right now.............

I'm not gonna air any laundry because that's just cheap.

Suffice it to say that it might have been puppies and rainbows in that last post of mine but now I gotta flip to other side of the coin.

Now I just can't hang up and refuse to answer the phone if I get all mad and stuff. I gotta sit there and look at him. Although he can now FEEL the daggers mine eyes are shooting his way instead of me wasting perfectly good expressions he couldn't see over the phone.

Yeah, he washed those dishes.

That's what I thought.

Nice

Why it's nice to live in the same house as your spouse.

Because if you're really tired and if you don't take a nap, you'll just die......

You can do it and the kids will get something to eat and get in bed and you won't be a negligent mother and Child Protective Services won't have to get involved.


Almost two years of being on my own with three kids while my husband protects OUR country.........


Being with him makes me appreciate him even more.

Life Happens

Life happens sometimes, ya know? For someone who is a stay at home mom, I'm too busy for my own good sometimes.

Makenna started dance. I bit the bullet and put that baby back in dance class. This studio is a little bit more professional than the one she attended back home. When I went to sign her up, I noticed the owner/teacher was a tad uptight. I say this because I tend to shoot off my mouth when I don't like something. The teacher informed me that Makenna would be wearing a pink leotard. Really? I said...I have at least 4 black ones at home, surely she can wear one of those. (Leotards are pricey, people!) She blinked. Hard. Then she informed me that Makenna wasn't up to that level as of yet. I see. Then I said...what is this? Like karate class? Colored leotards for levels? I was told that yes, indeed, it was like that. This woman was really into her studio and classes and I didn't want to burst her self imposed bubble and tell her that I have no intentions of sending Makenna to Julliard. I just want my kid to do something she enjoys...socialize a little bit...learn a little bit of grace and posture. So, I bit the bullet and went shopping. Quite a few dollars later, we had the pink leotard and new tights.

She came home from the first day ticked off. Apparently the teacher told the class they "were boring and needed to jazz things up." But, does she want to quit? Nope. She's gonna jazz it up some more. Next class was better. Either the class cooperated or the teacher was over whatever snit she was in the week before.

Paige got into the gifted class. YaY! For a moment. This school is kicking butt and taking names. She's struggling somewhat and she's never had to struggle with school. It's always come easy. She's already wanting to ditch the gifted and move down a level to AP classes. And I'm not going to let her. She hasn't really given it a chance yet and I won't raise my children to bail at the first sign of trouble. No sir. But to be honest? It's probably gonna end up kicking my butt and Fred's, too. The "discussions" we have to have with that kid are wearing us out. But I'm not giving up. Middle school is some hard junk. The girls are mean....the teachers are hard...and the boys act stupid. Ahhh, remember the good old days, folks?

Makenna. This is sweet. She came home from school with a paper for me to sign that stated the school wants to test her for the gifted program. She was so excited. She ran up to me with the paper and said....."Look, Mama! They want to test me for gifted! I think this means I might be a little bit smart!" Bless her heart. I agreed that she might be a little bit smart, too. She's blooming before my very eyes.

Vitt. He's a snob. We're working on potty training and while he's not completely ready...he will cooperate and go alot. I've bought Luv diapers and Pampers. Luvs are around the house and Pampers are overnight and go off. He refuses to wear the Luvs. Apparently he likes the stretchy goodness of the Pampers. The snobbery? He gets that from his dad.

So, that's a brief catch-up on our household. I still can't discuss Fred and how he's not on a boat right now and how I'm back to belonging to nothing and how the Navy is just a bunch of negligent overpaid jerks. I'm afraid I might get charged with treason and sent to Guantanamo Bay...........

Racing

Let me start by saying that I really never knew anything about NASCAR until I met my Yankee husband.*

All I knew was that there was a major track near my home and I would pass by it from time to time.**

So, Fred and I started dating. And he really like watching the races on Sunday. And I liked taking a nap. We have a really good workable system, you see. He watches the race and I doze. It's like the words, "Gentlemen, start your engines!"*** .....why those words have ether in them and I will literally pass out. And usually I will wake at the end of the race to see the grand finale. Has worked for me for a few years now.

Fred pulls for Dale, Jr. ~shrugs~ Whatever. Sure, I'll pull for him because I am ignorant in the ways of the sacred NASCAR. I will admit, though, that the few interviews I've seen...I've become a little partial to that bad boy Tony Stewart. Plus, that darling beautiful eyed Carl Edwards. He can do a back flip for me any day of the week.

Yesterday's race was in Talladega. That's in Alabama. And it's in the middle of nowhere. I know this because on our cross-country treks...we've gone past it. And it's a long race at Dega. Very long. Long enough for me to take a good nap and enjoy more laps at the end than I really care to.

Dale Jr. was close to taking it home yesterday. And that no-talent Vickers made sure he was SO not a hero. In a nutshell, he caused a fellow team mate to bump D.J. on the LAST FREAKING LAP...causing them to wreck...therefore coming up and winning.

All I gotta say is this.

If I was Dale Jr., I would do my "it's all good...that's how racing goes" speech, then I'd hunt that Vickers boy down....pull him behind the garage...and beat the living crap out of him.

THEN....(if I was Dale Jr.), I would have the biggest butt party you EVAH did see back at the house and totally not invite Vickers to it and make sure he knew that everyone got to play on Dale's backyard go-cart track. I would even go so far as to do a documentary of that day.

Okay. I am through being a redneck. I was just ...well, pissed at the injustice of it all. Here I am, trying to teach my kids to be fair, to play fair....and here's a grown man .......humph.

Good thing? After Makenna found out Dale was starting 33rd, she wasn't interested. She only watches if he's in the front from the beginning.



*I really believe that a Yankee is defined by being from out of the "circle". My husband says my circle is very small and unforgiving. ~shrugs~ It's my circle.

**Darlington RaceWay-The Track Too Tough To Tame

***Makenna can sing the National Anthem....and at the end she yells (everytime) "Gentlemen! Start your engines!" She's got to be the prettiest redneck around.

The Road To Ruin

My sweet Makenna.

Yesterday was our six month checkup at the dentist. I decided to just take a long weekend and stick with our dentist we've been with for forEVAH. Mak and Paige went back first. When Stacey, our dental hygienist*, brought Makenna out, she said Mak had a teeny tiny cavity that needed to be fixed. Our dentist is so wonderful. He decided to work Makenna in and fix that cavity before we left so I wouldn't have to rush and find a dentist here in Georgia.

While I was having my teeth cleaned by Ms. Stacey, they took Makenna on back. I made the comment that I hoped they wouldn't have to numb her mouth because we were eating lunch afterwards. It's amazing how Stacey and I can have a conversation while I have my teeth cleaned. We were almost done when I saw Makenna out of the corner of my eye.

She was wobbling around and snorting. Apparently they hit her with laughing gas. And it took. Very well. She was giggling and stumbling around. Talking about how they told her to breathe through her nose and all she saw was these two weird faces above her head. Talking about how she couldn't think straight and that was okay because..."THIS STUFF IS COOL!!!".

Stacey and I laughed so hard, I'm sure I had mascara down my face. Bless her heart. We put her in a chair in the cubicle where I was and she would be quiet....then all of a sudden start snorting and laughing over whatever was floating around in her head. I have no idea how my teeth were finished.

She ventured out into the waiting room with Paige and Fred. She ran into a glass wall. Paige got her jollies for the day off of Makenna.

As we were driving home down the interstate, I made the comment to Fred:

"So this is how kids get started on drugs. They go to the dentist and get hit by laughing gas and it's so cool they want more."


*I looked the word hygienist up so it's spelled right. HA! That's my work for the day.

Love Taps

We try to teach our kids not to hit another person. That it's violence and if they get into the habit, they'll end up in jail later on in life with an assault charge.

Now Paige has what I call a "free hand". She's quick to hit her siblings when they disobey her or just tick her off. But, this is teaching Makenna and Vitt to think quick...move quick. More often than not...she misses the mark.

Last year my friend Patty who teaches at Makenna's old school said she was standing in the hallway talking with another teacher. It was between classes and the hallway was full of students going in both directions. All of a sudden, she felt this pop on her butt. She turns quickly and as she scans the hall.....she sees Makenna looking over her shoulder grinning. Patty was the recipient of a good old fashioned love tap.

I also have a habit of having a free hand. I won't hesitate to pop my hubby on the butt when he walks by or I walk by him. I do it without thinking. I can guarantee you it's full of love, though, when I let that hand fly.

As I was standing in one of the kitchens* this morning...my son went running by. As he flew by to the other side of the house, I felt this pop on my butt. I couldn't help but grin. Then I heard the sweet little slap of bare feet on a tile floor coming back my way. I stood still to see if I would be fortunate enough to get another.......

I was. Got another love tap as he flew by.

So my wish for you this Wednesday is for you to give your own little love tap to someone special.....and remember to enjoy the ones you get.



* Have I mentioned how I love this house? I have two of everything due this being that sweet thing called a conversion unit. I've taken one kitchen and turned it into my laundry room. Pure heaven, folks.

Two Posts in One day? Wow!

I neglected to mention that today is my anniversary. Three whole years! Sometimes it feels like 30. And that's not a bad thing. It's just a good degree of finally being content. Content. I used to hate that word. It rubbed my backside the wrong way.

Now?

I like it just fine.

It's all Good, I guess.....

My mother in law left this morning after being here for two months. ~sigh~ I miss her already. Yes, I'm serious. She was such a HUGE help getting settled and into a routine of sorts. She was my partner at night when playing computer games. She taught my son sit in the corner for punishment. She got him started on using the potty. She tried her best to teach Makenna to put her shoes in her room when she takes them off.....I hate to say I think she failed at that one. She let Paige cook hotdog weinies on the George Foreman grill. Have you ever tried that? They are seriously good that way.

We had only been moved for a couple of weeks when she arrived. I still had many boxes left to unpack and sort through. We had no routine to speak of. So, in getting settled, we settled in with her as part of our lives and routines. Fred went out to sea and half-way through, came back in with an injury*. She considered going back home then, but we convinced her to stay. This was a perfect opportunity for her to spend time with her own baby...time she hadn't really had alot of in the past 16 years.

She helped me to discover the world of cheese. There were...and I counted.....8 different types of cheese in my fridge at one time. I'm not sure if I appreciate knowing that now I will have block mozzarella....provolone...and shredded Parmesan on hand because they taste good cooked in just about anything.

We were blessed to have tasted the bestest home made lasagna in the entire free world....TWICE. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

When I told her how much I was going to miss her....she told me it was time for us to be a family. Then I told her at least we knew now that if she had to come live with us when she was old and feeble...we could get along. She agreed.

She taught me that I can teach my kids how to act but in the end, it's their choice if they do it or not. No need to be embarrassed by their actions. I'm not saying I won't smack 'em if they forget their manners....or if they (they meaning Paige) decide to back talk an adult. It just helps to know I'm not the only parent to ever have to deal with it.

Yeah, Mrs. M., I'm gonna miss you.

Same time next year? I'll book your flight.



* Yes, Fred injured his knee. I can't post about it yet....because that would involve another "GOD, the Navy is SO stupid and negligent" post....and I'm just not in the mood.

A Conversation with Paige

I feel sorry for Paige sometimes. I really do. Her world right now is completely black and white. No gray no where to be found. Almost two weeks ago Paige had everything taken from her. Yes, I pulled a Dr. Phil. When I went to get her bedclothes to wash and fell twice between the door and her bed....I got extremely irate. I cleaned her room. Took me four hours. We had a "Come to Jesus" meeting when she got home from school. Life was not good around this house. Fast forward to last night. She's gotten her stuff back. She's happy ...for about 30 seconds. Her "friend" Dustin called. He's off restriction, too. YAY! Here's the conversation that followed.

Setting: We're all at the table eating supper. Paige is to my left.

Paige: Dustin and I get to talk again! I'm so happy we're both off of restriction. I felt naked without my cell phone.

Mom: Did you tell Dustin you got all your stuff back barring your mouth doesn't overload your butt?

Paige: Huh?

Mom: ~repeat above sentence~

Paige: Huh?

Mom: ~repeat above sentence~

Paige: I don't get it. What are you saying?

Fred: Do you know what the word barring means, Paige?

Paige: Is that the same thing as clubbing but with more alcohol?

Oh, Sweet Lord. She was serious. I sat there for at least 3 full seconds before I started laughing.......and couldn't stop.

Fred: No, Paige, that's BARHOPPING.

I gave up on the conversation after that.

Squirrels and Armadillos???

I just have to comment on this. In fact, I think I comment on this daily around the house. Everyone is about tired of hearing it here.

When we moved to Georgia, I really didn't think it would be that much different from S.C. I mean, the South is pretty much the South when you stay below North Carolina. You can't buy alcohol on Sundays and in small towns, the streets roll up at dusk.

After living in the T.V.Q.* for five days, we had a home. In the military, you have to attend a briefing before the keys are handed over. A briefing? Like in Top Gun? In a secret room? Pretty much. You're given a folder full of rules and regulations that make your eyes glaze over. And it's not so bad. Anything breaks or seems funny....call the housing office. They're usually pretty durn good about sending someone over right away to take care of the problem. I could get used to this. Our lady "briefer" (is that a word) was very matter of fact and kind of dry. She has since become my friend because I'm her "Old Newbie". That just means that I'm an old lady who knows nothing but am not afraid to call or go by and ask questions. Not to mention she and I have WAY more in common than the 18 year olds that flit in and out.

Anyway, Patty (said briefer) gave us the lowdown on the local wildlife. We are located in an inlet area. There are snakes. Uh, okay. There are alligators. Uh, okay. There are armadillos. Uh, okay. Wait a minute....there's WHAT????? I actually stopped the briefing at this point to make sure I had heard correctly. Excuse me, please. I thought such an animal was located in places like TEXAS? I seriously did not believe her. I thought she was pulling our legs. And to the point I actually wanted her to go get one right then and show me!

Well, folks, they're here. And they're ugly. And like a possum, they become road kill quite a bit. This is what messed with me the most.

Last week I went to pick Makenna up from school. As I sat in the long line and waited for the teachers to get their act together, I watched the students start coming out of the school. In the little grassy area, there was an armadillo. I sat up straight in my van and looked closer. I promise you.....that sucker was rambling around like he was a squirrel!! I expected him to scamper up a tree with nuts in his mouth any minute! And the kids walked around him and didn't pay one bit of attention. The horn blowing behind me reminded me to move up in line.

I am still in shock. Armadillos? In Georgia????

* I am becoming better and better at talking acronyms. Because that is how the military talks, you know.....in letters. T.V.Q.- transient visitor's quarters. Broken down for us civilians? A hotel on base for active duty. Very nice. Clean. and a room for you for the low price of $22.00 a night.

Mission Accomplished....I Think.....

I'm here. I'm still alive. I might question that at times.....

We've moved. We're in Georgia. I believe I'm still in a state of shock that I actually went through with it. Even when I pulled out of the yard in South Carolina behind my husband driving a U-Haul...it was surreal. My family stood in the yard waving. I tooted the horn and off we went. I think around 100 miles later I was thinking......I AM CRAZY. THAT WAS MY MAMA I LEFT BEHIND. THIS IS ALL I OWN EXCEPT WINTER CLOTHES IN FRONT OF ME ON THE INTERSTATE. I kind of had a nervous breakdown en route. Well, you would too if your husband called you on your cell and informed you that there was no house available on base and you might have to live out of a hotel room....for 14 days...with three kids.....and a U-Haul in the parking lot. I told him to turn that buggy around and head it back home. And he didn't. I had to follow him...he had my stuff...and Makenna. That kid digs riding shotgun.

It was a helluva month. There's no nice way to put it. I've got so many stories that I've called my Mama to share. I intend on sharing with you folks, too.

We've been through raging viruses...flu-like sickness.....and have come through to the other side. I am now able to appreciate alot of things around me. Like trash pick up.....garbage disposals.......DSL...OMG...why didn't ya'll tell me how sweet that is? I am getting spoiled to the point I may never be able to live in the country again. Boy, will that piss my Dad off.

I've learned that I am old enough to be the mother of alot of my neighbors. The sweet couple above us? Ages 18 and 19. How nice. Remind me to tell you about how their bedroom is above Paige's room. Oh yeah. She could really entertain you with that one.

Went to the clinic the other day with Fred (another story for another time) and I noticed some young fellows checking in at our base. Fred noticed the look on my face and asked what?? I said...someone needs to feed them!!! They looked like they had 15 inch waists and the pants were STILL falling off of them. What on earth were they doing? They needed to be in the bathroom putting clearasil on while eating cake. Seriously.

Let me get my stories straight so as to entertain you.

While I do that...please tell me how to get Sharpie marker off of the wall. (Thank you, Son).

Where do I start?.......Palm trees? the social life of a tween? fire ants? Armadillos?............

More than this Ol' Girl Can Handle

Folks, I may just lose my entire mind.

We're moving next week. NEXT FREAKING WEEK. Last thing I knew...we were considering moving and had 6 months to get prepared.

I don't think I've ever in my entire life agonized over something like this. I had a premature baby in NICU for a month and didn't agonize like this. The doctors made the decisions in there. I, in my immature wisdom, didn't know any better so I let them. Which was not a bad thing, mind you.

I had mastered the art of being an ostrich. I've completely buried my head in the sand and refuse to come up and realize exactly what I am getting ready to do. I'm leaving every thing I know. Everyone I know. I am a Taurus. We despise change. We thrive on routine. I have a pretty good one going here. My anxiety level is rising and in return, so are the kids.

I am going against every parenting skill I've ever learned by letting my two year old keep his pacifier when he sleeps at night. I keep thinking that I'm getting ready to traumatize him and it just wouldn't be kind to take his one security from him right now. We'll do it in a few weeks when things calm down.

The one realization that I have come to is this: If we don't go and be together as a family, then that will put my husband and I living apart for 4 years. Then when he comes back.....I might not want him in "my" house. We might need to get accustomed to each other while the gettin' is good.

My life friend from second grade is having a nervous breakdown. She won't even discuss moving or packing anything related with me when we talk. BUT, she's taking off two days next week to come stay with me and help me get the house straight. ~snort~

So, I shall be busy for the next week or so. Internet access is first on the list due to my job. I think as long as I have the coffee maker hooked up and the computer, I might just make it. Oh, and the cell phone charged.

Wish us luck on this new adventure we're getting ready to take. A prayer or two would be more than welcome, too!!!!!

You Decide...Stolen Property? ....or not?

I hate dealing with cell phone companies. I love my cell phone and the liberties that it provides, but I lose more enamel with some serious teeth grinding when something goes wrong.

Fred, Paige, and I had the same phone. Was a nice phone. Took pictures and all. Fred and Paige's started to literally fall apart. Fred and I took them in and got an upgrade on ours. I passed mine on to Paige. Now it's fallen apart. You want to talk about a sky high level of anxiety???? That sister is falling apart without that phone, man.

I find out that I can not upgrade hers because it is a secondary line. I look into the VERY young face of the guy telling me this and I say: "Fine. Then cut it off and waive the drop fee. I will not pay a monthly bill for a phone that I can not use and is obviously defective." I love the expressions sales people get when I climb on that high horse I keep in the back stable. I did take a tiny bit of pity on him and said..."Can we borrow a battery so she can at least get phone numbers?" The bottem had fallen out of the phone so the charger wouldn't work. He led me to the tech support desk. He went in back and brought a battery around. As he went to walk off, I asked what to do with the battery when I was finished? He said just hand it to the tech support guy. Cool.

That sister had almost 150 phone numbers in that phone!!!!!!!!!!! There's no way she knows that many people!!!!!! I started writing them down and got tired real fast of that crap.

I got the frustrated look and said...we're leaving. I'm not doing this. Paige is starting to freak...she NEEDS those numbers. I do the battery thing and hand one back to the tech guy. I turn and walk out of the door with one very upset tween and one clueless seven year old following behind me.

That chick grumbled the whole way to the van. When we got in and started to drive off...I said...."Paige turn your phone on." "BUT MOM...IT'S NOT CHARGED....IT WON'T!" I calmly told her to turn it on. It came on.

So, yeah, I kept the charged battery and gave them the dead one. It wasn't hurt. Just dead. I didn't have 30 minutes to sit and write phone numbers down.

Paige didn't know if I was cool or a thief.

I say no harm done. It was taken out of a bin of batteries and we needed the extra minutes to get the numbers down. The battery they got was perfectly fine.

Makenna kept looking to see if the law was coming to get me.

So. You decide. Am I a thief?

Sisterly Love

Remember that Paige's door is broken? That sister can rig something up if given enough time. She can close the door...sort of. She's gotten stuck in her room a couple of times and Houdini'd herself out somehow.

Tonight Makenna has to ask Paige something. She approaches the Door.

"Sissy, I need to ask you something"

"GO AWAY. GET AWAY. I'M ON THE PHONE. YOU'RE SO RUDE!!!!!! GO AWAY NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"

"Sissy, I need my earrings, please"

"GO AWAY NOW!!!!!!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?????? MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"

Makenna turns away in disgust and heads to the other end of the house. As she passes by me, I hear her mutter this:

"If I was a bear, I would so gnaw her."

Would You Care for Seconds?

I tell my son a thousand times a day to keep things out of his mouth. Sometimes you just get tired of saying the same thing over and over again. Yesterday he got hold of Paige's "Passion Flower" deodorant. Oh, yes, he did. I told him THREE times to put it down...DO NOT put that in your mouth, Son!!! What did he do? He smirked and proceeded to take a huge whopping bite out of it.

What did he do then?

He started hacking and gagging and spitting for all his worth. He frantically ran to the dishwasher, pulled the lid down, climbed on it, pulled the top rack out and started throwing cups over his shoulder in search for a sippy cup. By this time I am laughing so hard I can't hardly help him. I finally catch my breath long enough to fix him some juice.

Every time he took a sip, he'd lean over and spit better than any old man whose chewed tobacco for 30 years. Obviously the juice wasn't killing that passion flower taste. He continued to hack and gag for a good five minutes.

I continued to laugh until I just about peed my pants. Okay..so I did pee them just a tad. Man, was that funny.

Now, if you offer him the Passion Flower, he very firmly puts his hand up and shakes his head very matter of fact.

If only it were this easy to learn life's lessons.

Un-Married

If there is one thing that I have learned from the U.S. Navy is how to be unmarried. I have been married for 32 months and of the 32 months, my husband and I have lived together (and that is loosely defined) approximately 10 months of the 32 months. The past 16 months have put at least 330 plus miles between us most of the time. I have done holidays, birthdays, mother's day, father's day, and anniversaries all on my own. Of course the kids have been with me.

I have also learned how to defrost an ice maker. When to take the van in for maintenance. How often to balance and rotate the tires. How to balance my checkbook. How to dress four people to get to a function or church. I may be late sometimes, but I give myself a curve of sorts.

I've attended parent teacher conferences on my own. I've attended school functions and Award's Days. I've done a ballet recital that had 3 costume changes. I even remembered to bring the camera and snap a few pictures. Now my Sis in Law or mother may have gone to these functions with me, (niece was in recital, too), yet I've no backup if I've been sick.

Speaking of sick. I had walking pneumonia at the first of the year followed by two months of bronchitis and sickness. I did break down and beg my husband to come home and help me because I was seriously close to being hospitalized with all that mess. Of course he didn't come home. The Navy kinda frowns on you taking time to care for sick family. Now my husband says in his defense that by the time I got to the doctor was I getting past the pneumonia and upgraded to bronchitis. I say when I was begging him to come home...I was in the very very very sick phase of things. Always two sides to a story, huh?

I've attended gatherings alone where I had to smile and say that my husband was working when inside I was feeling like the backwards fat cousin in the corner waiting to be seen and praying that I wouldn't be.

I've had my hopes dashed rather rudely into the ground when my husband has called to say that he can't come home due to some higher up having a corn cob stuck up his butt. I've called that submarine many times to just chat with my husband about simple family issues that most people take for granted. That is, when they have shore power up and running. We've burned more cell phone minutes than a 15 year old with her first boyfriend.

I do complain but all in all I have learned how to be even more independent in this life of mine. And that's a good thing, I suppose. I'm not afraid to take care of my self or my children. There's no price you can put on that kind of knowledge or experience.

So the one thing that the United States Navy has taught me most of all? How to be on someone's Page 2, I think it's called, and have the military insurance. But most of all....how to be un-married. ....while still legally being married. Confusing life we military wives lead. Funny, I really don't feel like one.

Remind me to send the head of the USN a card, would you? I'm just not sure what kind as of yet.


**Some people will take this post the wrong way...as some people may be prone to do. And that's okay. No, I did not know what I was getting into when I married this man. I love him. That's the most important thing to me. I'm very proud of him and believe that he's a special person to do what he does. It's not him I have the problem with...it's his employer.**