Sunday, March 09, 2008

I just don't know, OK?

I've had many people ask me where are we going to live once this military career is done.

That's a good question.

I normally answer with the "Where ever the money is!" and leave it at that. That's not really the case. Although, Fred getting a decent paying job would be total gravy in my book. Raising three kids on a military salary is challenging at times. Heck, raising three kids at all is a challenge.

I never anticipated even leaving South Carolina. To my way of thinking, it wasn't an option. I guess God had other plans for me. Compliance and my name normally aren't used in the same sentence. Ask my husband how hard I fought him about moving so far away from all I know. I might've had a crazy moment when he was over six months away from PCS'ing (permanent change of station) to Georgia and I might've said..Sure! Sounds like a GREAT idea. When the time was upon us, I did everything I could to get out of it. I was worse than a 3 year old who hates to go to bed. Somehow, he got that U-Haul packed up and even though I called him a few times as I followed him declaring this was a bad idea and to turn that buggy around and take it back home...he kept driving forward.

Now? It's not so bad. I even like it here. The town is not small. Some might disagree because we don't have a mall (and that is coming from the married ones under the age of 20). I disregard those comments. I dig having a Super Mart five minutes away. The ability to get things I need, be it for the home, pantry, yard, vehicle, etc, without having to drive thirty minutes to an hour is very nice. Very nice, indeed.

Dude, I come from a town that has two red lights and we still don't know why they put the second one in. It's a small town. A good town. It's my home. I love the people there. I miss the people there.

But, it's not so bad here. I'm finding my way. Making friends that I already cherish and know that are going to be a part of my life and who I am. And I dig having a Super Mart only five minutes away. (Have I mentioned that already?)

The Man keeps asking me what do I want to do? Do I want to go back to South Carolina or stay here?

I told him I could be happy here, but I could be happy back home also. I got people, so I'm good. I feel compelled to say I want to go back home because no one will make the drive to visit except for Lu. (LOVE YOU, GIRL!) There's only 4.5 hours worth of driving between us and home, but we're the ones expected to do all the driving. I guess their way of thinking is ...well, YOU moved, not US. It's kind of disheartening when people around me have family come visit that live in Massachusetts ....Virginia ......Montana, even. I've even stopped inviting them and begging because they're just not going to come. That's not how they roll. I don't get it. I don't even respect it. But, I accept that's how it goes. I'm not saying all of this to put a guilt trip on anyone. They know how I feel because I'm not one to bite my tongue. I'm not saying anything to you I haven't said to them. *I've come back to add this: That's hurt feelings talking there, you know. I talk with my family all the time. My grandma has been in the hospital over a month and they are all worn out taking care of her and her needs and I'm feeling so helpless because I can't be there to help and do my part. But, besides the past two months? My Daddy doesn't like to leave his comfort zone. I want them to SEE our lives. Not read about it or hear about it. I want them to see the things the kids are doing. I want them to see this beautiful town through their own eyes and not mine. I want to sit at my table and drink coffee with my Mama and talk about everything and nothing. So, I apologize if my hurt feelings have hurt theirs. The Man proofread and said my feelings are just that. Mine. I just felt I should come back and smooth it over a little bit.*

It's all just frustrating because we're not at the point where we can decide where we're going to end up when this Navy career is done. A little more time has to pass before The Man can do some serious head hunting. In the meantime, he's going to finish up his degree. That piece of paper might make transitioning easier for him when the time comes to bid the Navy good bye.

There's a lot going down on the Edge in the next two years. Paige is already having anxiety attacks because she has her own plans in the works. She starts high school next year and is laying groundwork so that she can springboard into grown up life and change the world. The thought of us moving and messing up her plans has her in a tailspin on a daily basis. I, too, have my own agenda in place laying the foundation of finding my way in the scheme of things.

It's like living in a gray limbo.

You float to the left for a while. You float to the right for a while. You don't know where you're gonna land so you can plant firm long lasting roots.

I hate limbo.

I've decided to be this huge freaking ostrich and put my head down deep in the sand. I told The Man to let me know when he got it all figured out and we would go from there. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of worrying about it. I'm tired of it, period.

So, those of you who have been asking and getting flip answers from me? I'm not being mean/ugly/stupid acting.

I just don't know. Okay?


Paige said...

Well, I'm not being an ostrich. I'm staying here.
*humph* Mrs. Carla already said I can move in with her.
I have plans and I'm going to follow them. J-Vegas doesn't offer JROTC/ROTC and so that totally screws up my plans.
Plus, I NEED to be here. I can't explain it. I miss people back home too, but I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Don't forget to mention the other reason my anxiety tail-spins. As far as the possibility of where we might live if we do go back to SC for money. -_-

And as far as the whole them driving to come see us deal, yeah, I agree. =| To an extent.

chelle's winks said...

Well...ya can't answer to ya know...? You will make the right decision for your family when that time comes..right now finish one project before you start another...What's meant to be..will be!

Selfishly...I hope it's my way...back home!

And NOTE.. we do plan a trip in the very near future...My man and I were just talking about this last week...It's not easy to travel with Abby...we just have to decide whether to bring her or leave her at Mamas.

Paige said...

Oh, editing on my part. J-Vegas MAY offer JROTC/ROTC, not sure. But I'm betting it's not the career path I'm choosing.
So, therefore, it still screws up my plans.

Miss Hope said...

Bring that baby with you!!! She'll be fine or we'll all five (counting Paige) tag team her butt. Summer is gonna be good this year. I got plans!

C said...

That's okay, we're already getting those questions. :P

Jaime said...

You can come to Massachusetts!! We have award winning fall foliage.And then we can afford a big big house and call it the mansion again. Actually, my grandma asked me this same question about you while she was down!

AndreaLeigh said...

We get those, too. I've got my fingers crossed we can stay in the state, at least. We'll see. In the meantime Powerball is at 230Million and if we win that we're set! ;)

The Man on the Edge said...

Well, if there is one thing that I have learned from moving my family down here it is this, NEVER SAY NEVER, and be careful what you are promising (alright, that is two). I had said that I would never move my family away from SC (we all know how that one went). And, I promised that it would only be a couple of years.

Well, I had no idea that the majority of the family would like it so much down here so I thought that would be easy. And, besides, with everything that has happened to me and my career, the couple is turning into almost four with just a blink of an eye.

And, Paige, the money is only part of the whole picture. You know that.

M.L.E said...

We get those questions as well. If only it were so simple, right? Heck, I'm having a hard enough time trying to figure out what to do with MY life much less figure out what the husband and child will do with theirs! It's a rough, rough road.

I hope you know this already...I'm praying for you.

Get Off My Lawn! said...

No matter where you go, there you are. It'll all work out. I'm kind of in the same boat, thinking of moving on and not sure where we may end up. But we all need to be about new places. Change can be a good thing.

OneHungMan said...

OneHung thinks you should move about 35 minutes to the south.

House of Hayes said...

You can leave the kids here and come visit them ... I am sure between all of us here we can raise all of them :)
I don't want to see you go..I am getting sad thinking about WHAT IFs...!!
I will keep the ORANGE vehicle just for Paige :)

HUGS y'all ... I know that everything will work out when it is time.
But I am going to dang sure try and persuade y'all to stay here :)