I just don't know, OK?

I've had many people ask me where are we going to live once this military career is done.

That's a good question.

I normally answer with the "Where ever the money is!" and leave it at that. That's not really the case. Although, Fred getting a decent paying job would be total gravy in my book. Raising three kids on a military salary is challenging at times. Heck, raising three kids at all is a challenge.

I never anticipated even leaving South Carolina. To my way of thinking, it wasn't an option. I guess God had other plans for me. Compliance and my name normally aren't used in the same sentence. Ask my husband how hard I fought him about moving so far away from all I know. I might've had a crazy moment when he was over six months away from PCS'ing (permanent change of station) to Georgia and I might've said..Sure! Sounds like a GREAT idea. When the time was upon us, I did everything I could to get out of it. I was worse than a 3 year old who hates to go to bed. Somehow, he got that U-Haul packed up and even though I called him a few times as I followed him declaring this was a bad idea and to turn that buggy around and take it back home...he kept driving forward.

Now? It's not so bad. I even like it here. The town is not small. Some might disagree because we don't have a mall (and that is coming from the married ones under the age of 20). I disregard those comments. I dig having a Super Mart five minutes away. The ability to get things I need, be it for the home, pantry, yard, vehicle, etc, without having to drive thirty minutes to an hour is very nice. Very nice, indeed.

Dude, I come from a town that has two red lights and we still don't know why they put the second one in. It's a small town. A good town. It's my home. I love the people there. I miss the people there.

But, it's not so bad here. I'm finding my way. Making friends that I already cherish and know that are going to be a part of my life and who I am. And I dig having a Super Mart only five minutes away. (Have I mentioned that already?)

The Man keeps asking me what do I want to do? Do I want to go back to South Carolina or stay here?

I told him I could be happy here, but I could be happy back home also. I got people, so I'm good. I feel compelled to say I want to go back home because no one will make the drive to visit except for Lu. (LOVE YOU, GIRL!) There's only 4.5 hours worth of driving between us and home, but we're the ones expected to do all the driving. I guess their way of thinking is ...well, YOU moved, not US. It's kind of disheartening when people around me have family come visit that live in Massachusetts ....Virginia ......Montana, even. I've even stopped inviting them and begging because they're just not going to come. That's not how they roll. I don't get it. I don't even respect it. But, I accept that's how it goes. I'm not saying all of this to put a guilt trip on anyone. They know how I feel because I'm not one to bite my tongue. I'm not saying anything to you I haven't said to them. *I've come back to add this: That's hurt feelings talking there, you know. I talk with my family all the time. My grandma has been in the hospital over a month and they are all worn out taking care of her and her needs and I'm feeling so helpless because I can't be there to help and do my part. But, besides the past two months? My Daddy doesn't like to leave his comfort zone. I want them to SEE our lives. Not read about it or hear about it. I want them to see the things the kids are doing. I want them to see this beautiful town through their own eyes and not mine. I want to sit at my table and drink coffee with my Mama and talk about everything and nothing. So, I apologize if my hurt feelings have hurt theirs. The Man proofread and said my feelings are just that. Mine. I just felt I should come back and smooth it over a little bit.*

It's all just frustrating because we're not at the point where we can decide where we're going to end up when this Navy career is done. A little more time has to pass before The Man can do some serious head hunting. In the meantime, he's going to finish up his degree. That piece of paper might make transitioning easier for him when the time comes to bid the Navy good bye.

There's a lot going down on the Edge in the next two years. Paige is already having anxiety attacks because she has her own plans in the works. She starts high school next year and is laying groundwork so that she can springboard into grown up life and change the world. The thought of us moving and messing up her plans has her in a tailspin on a daily basis. I, too, have my own agenda in place laying the foundation of finding my way in the scheme of things.

It's like living in a gray limbo.

You float to the left for a while. You float to the right for a while. You don't know where you're gonna land so you can plant firm long lasting roots.

I hate limbo.

I've decided to be this huge freaking ostrich and put my head down deep in the sand. I told The Man to let me know when he got it all figured out and we would go from there. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of worrying about it. I'm tired of it, period.

So, those of you who have been asking and getting flip answers from me? I'm not being mean/ugly/stupid acting.

I just don't know. Okay?