There are times when we parents wonder if we are teaching our kids the right things. Are we teaching them how be good people with kind hearts? Are we teaching them to have good ethics and morals? Are we succeeding at all?
Then we are blessed beyond Love's boundaries. Such a thing has happened this week for me.
Paige tried out for the cheer squad at school. She wants to be on a squad so badly you can just feel it radiate from her. Paige went out for the squad even though none of her friends did. She was alone with a bunch of girls she had no bond with. She surpassed her fear of tumbling and tried to give the instructors what they were asking for. Even if it seemed physically impossible for her, she stepped past her fears and gave her all. Fred and I, as parents, went every single day to pick her up at 5:30. We sat in line with the parents of all the other hopefuls to pick up tired girls in short shorts and pony tails. We knew how badly she wanted this and were willing to do our part to give her the chance to try.
Yesterday, the coach put up the list after first cuts. It was to be posted on the gym doors at 6:30 p.m. so we went and got a bite to eat, then headed back to see this sacred list. And I'll admit it. I prayed. I prayed for my baby to make this cut. I begged God to give her at least this one thing because she's worked so hard. We pulled up to the gym and she bounced out of the van to go read this list. She came back with no expression and I finally couldn't stand it anymore. I had to ask. She didn't make it. My baby didn't make the first cut.
And I cried. And I'm crying now. There comes a time in your child's life when you have to step back and let them make it on their own. There comes a time when you have to just be there for them. You're not guaranteed to understand how or why things happen and it makes it hard as heck to explain when you don't get it your own self.
When making the cheer squad is the most important thing in your life at the moment, it's hard to get past that huge swallow of disappointment and keep going. I know this. I've had many times like this in my life. But, that doesn't mean I don't want to spare my kids from the pain and heart ache.
I could only tell her how proud I was of her for trying. I told her how she was the bravest person I knew because she stepped out of her comfort zone and didn't let harsh words from others and doubt from friends cloud her determination. And deep down, I know this is one of those stupid life lessons we all have to learn eventually but it just sucks. I just wanted her to catch a break for once. Get something she worked so hard for.
Who knows what God has in store for her. There might be another venture she's supposed to go on instead of cheering. That doesn't mean a hill of beans right now, but hopefully, it'll happen soon and she'll be happy within herself and love who she is and what she does.
Ro, I am so very proud of you. You are so brave and determined and talented. You'll see that one day, Baby Girl.
And so will the rest of the world.