Ah, that hubby of mine surprised me and got to come home for a 3 day weekend. It was wonderful. It was sweet. It was perfect. Until........
Remember a previous post? Where I threatened anyone who dared to teach my baby how to say "Yee Haw?" Uh huh.
Standing in the kitchen doing that duty stuff....unloading dishwasher...loading....cooking a pizza. I hear behind me my husband pick our son up and start talking to him. Then I hear him whisper to Vitt :"Say Yee Haw. Say Yee Haw." I politely shot my foot out behind me to kick him. He was soooo amused. I was not. Then I get ..."Ha ha ha ha ha ha. At least now you know I read your blog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha"
Ha ha my butt.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Ghost of Halloween Past
Halloween 1998
I am pregnant with my second child and we attend the Halloween party at our church. Paige is 4 years old and the baby of the church. So spoiled. So loved. She was very special to Bill. He was a friend of ours that has since passed away from cancer. He loved this baby more than anything. He had a son the same age that was in Texas with his ex-wife and Bill didn't get to see him alot and so I think he transferred alot of his love to Paige as a result. She totally reciprocated.
We were having a hayride that evening and I declined going because of being pregnant. Just didn't feel like sitting in hay and being bounced all over creation. Not a problem, said Bill. He would be more than happy to take Paige. So he bundles her up in a blanket and hat and off they go with the group.
It was a right cheesy hayride. It was just to a local graveyard and a few people were there to scare the wagon passengers with a grab here and there and scary laugh. Paige is huddled in Bill's lap and peeking out here and there. Keep in mind that she is 4 years old. All of a sudden there came this figure across the graveyard. It was a teenager dressed in a sheet.
Paige says: "Oh No, Bill!!! I dun seen the Holy Ghost!! "
Even though I wasn't there in person to hear this, it's still one of my favorite memories. When Bill was dying and Hospice was in his home....I called him and with a raspy voice and talking slow...he still laughed about it.
I am pregnant with my second child and we attend the Halloween party at our church. Paige is 4 years old and the baby of the church. So spoiled. So loved. She was very special to Bill. He was a friend of ours that has since passed away from cancer. He loved this baby more than anything. He had a son the same age that was in Texas with his ex-wife and Bill didn't get to see him alot and so I think he transferred alot of his love to Paige as a result. She totally reciprocated.
We were having a hayride that evening and I declined going because of being pregnant. Just didn't feel like sitting in hay and being bounced all over creation. Not a problem, said Bill. He would be more than happy to take Paige. So he bundles her up in a blanket and hat and off they go with the group.
It was a right cheesy hayride. It was just to a local graveyard and a few people were there to scare the wagon passengers with a grab here and there and scary laugh. Paige is huddled in Bill's lap and peeking out here and there. Keep in mind that she is 4 years old. All of a sudden there came this figure across the graveyard. It was a teenager dressed in a sheet.
Paige says: "Oh No, Bill!!! I dun seen the Holy Ghost!! "
Even though I wasn't there in person to hear this, it's still one of my favorite memories. When Bill was dying and Hospice was in his home....I called him and with a raspy voice and talking slow...he still laughed about it.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Snippets
Snippets from my week:
- Took the two youngest for their well-child checkups Tuesday. It went okay until the doctor came in. Vitt was a froot loop because he hadn't had a nap and he was being allowed to run around in nothing but a diaper. Oh, the freedom. The doctor literally had to chase him down to exam him. We had to shout our conversation to each other because together, Mak and Vitt are a force to reckon with. He pronounced them fit and healthy and off we went. Got to the van and remembered at least 2 questions I forgot to ask him. Well, if I can't google it, then I guess I'll never know.
- After leaving the doctor's office, we headed to the grocery store. Sweet Joseph, there was this car thing attached to the buggy for my kids' riding pleasure. Vitt headed straight for it and climbed in. Sweet. I just knew I could get some shopping done with him riding shotgun in the front with Mak. Yeah, right. By aisle 3, that boy was hanging out of the side windows and windshield hole like he was a Duke boy or something. All he needed to know then was how to yell "Yeeeeeeee Hawwwww".
- Speaking of my sure-footed mountain goat...a.k.a. Vitt....He's into dancing now. The jury is still out as to whether or not he's got a groove thang going on. His dancing partner this morning...A simple plastic hanger. Innocent enough? Hanger is propped against his Poppies Stool (small stool handmade by his Poppies) and as he gallops by, he trips, hits the stool, the hanger pops up and catches him under the eye. This kid is going to keep a perpetual black eye I fear.
- My mother is over visiting for a few tonight and is having a conversation with Paige. The gist of the conversation is about our recent problem with mosquitoes. They are almost plague-like in their intensity and we are begging for a frost to give us some relief. (which won't happen til near the end of November if we're lucky) Paige is making the comment to Nana that she can't walk from the road ...down our drive...to the house without being carried off. Now Makenna is watching t.v. and decides she's going to jump into the conversation and only hearing half of it says: "Sissy, what's going to carry you off?"...Paige, in her infinite supply of sarcasm says "The kid eating trolls that hide in the bushes on the edge of the yard". Good one, Paige. Now that kid will NEVER go back outside again. Jeesh.
- I, again, win the Worse Mother Award tonight. Mak, nor Vitt, seemed to want to go to bed. They would giggle and holler and try to tear the bedroom up. I am doing laundry and Mak comes and tells me that "Vitt is butt-naked". I admit that I didn't believe her. I go in the bedroom and sure enough..the kid is. Butt. Naked. I redress him and tell them both good night. Giggle. Sounds of things falling. A few minutes later I walk to the bedroom door and Makenna is sitting up in bed doing her thing and Vitt is standing up in the crib doing his thing..whatever that was. I all of a sudden in a loud booming voice say "You better lay down and go to sleep! NOW!" Makenna immediately rolls over and I would bet she instantly fell asleep. I traumatized Vitt so badly he just started crying, but 5 minutes later I checked again and he was also asleep.
Things are never boring around here. And before this goes any further, I DARE anyone to teach that boy how to say "Yeee Haww". I will hunt you down and inflict serious damage if you do.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Manners....Part 2
I address this to Miss Laura who left a comment on my previous post. How nice to meet you! I have a couple of rules that I try to follow when teaching my children how to have manners.
1. My own personal rule of thumb as to when to use Mr. or Miss (which also goes for Mrs.). If the person is old enough to be your mom or dad, then use the proper titles. Exceptions to this rule are bosses and most probably the President. People who are working in any public place and are serving you in any way ...i.e. waiter/waitresses....clerks....office personnel...well, you get the picture.I just personally feel like they deserve respect for being out there working! I, myself, have a hard time figuring it out sometimes because I'm 34 and I don't want to offend someone by not using the right approach. I more often than not end up using the proper titles just to be safe.
2. When calling my children, they must respond with "Ma'am" or "Sir" because that sounds so much better than WHAT? or YEAH? ~shudder~ They tend not to shout when using the sir and ma'am.
3. If asked a yes or no question, then they do respond with a "yes/no ma'am" . Sure, there are times when I let it slip by....but NEVER EVAH in public. If they forget then I remind them and they will use it with me or whatever adult is speaking to them.
4. Saying Thank You is a must. Even when my girls are spitting mad at each other, they have to say Thank You if the other hands them something or does something. Nothing sweeter than hearing it through gritted teeth. My husband brings me something to drink while he's up...I say Thank You. Wonderful little phrase to keep handy.
These are just some I try to follow. If anyone has anymore, please feel free to add on. OH..don't forget phone etiquette. You call my home and Paige answers...you'll want to hire her for a front desk job. Kid has FINALLY gotten her groove on with the phone and how to act.
You have to be prepared to practice what you teach. I even respond with a Yes Ma'am to the girls when asked a question. I want them to know I respect them and if it's good enough for me, then it shouldn't be a problem for them. My husband loves to hear good manners and now cringes when he hears kids saying...yeah...or what??? I even have the kids trained that when they run into someone and that person asks "Hello! How are you?", they respond with "Fine, thank you for asking, and how are you?"
So, that's my anal post for the day. Miss Laura, I appreciate you stopping by and hope to see you again! And thanks to Angela and Starbldr for the encouragement. Some days I want to pinch their heads off when they refuse to cooperate! I shall not give up!
1. My own personal rule of thumb as to when to use Mr. or Miss (which also goes for Mrs.). If the person is old enough to be your mom or dad, then use the proper titles. Exceptions to this rule are bosses and most probably the President. People who are working in any public place and are serving you in any way ...i.e. waiter/waitresses....clerks....office personnel...well, you get the picture.I just personally feel like they deserve respect for being out there working! I, myself, have a hard time figuring it out sometimes because I'm 34 and I don't want to offend someone by not using the right approach. I more often than not end up using the proper titles just to be safe.
2. When calling my children, they must respond with "Ma'am" or "Sir" because that sounds so much better than WHAT? or YEAH? ~shudder~ They tend not to shout when using the sir and ma'am.
3. If asked a yes or no question, then they do respond with a "yes/no ma'am" . Sure, there are times when I let it slip by....but NEVER EVAH in public. If they forget then I remind them and they will use it with me or whatever adult is speaking to them.
4. Saying Thank You is a must. Even when my girls are spitting mad at each other, they have to say Thank You if the other hands them something or does something. Nothing sweeter than hearing it through gritted teeth. My husband brings me something to drink while he's up...I say Thank You. Wonderful little phrase to keep handy.
These are just some I try to follow. If anyone has anymore, please feel free to add on. OH..don't forget phone etiquette. You call my home and Paige answers...you'll want to hire her for a front desk job. Kid has FINALLY gotten her groove on with the phone and how to act.
You have to be prepared to practice what you teach. I even respond with a Yes Ma'am to the girls when asked a question. I want them to know I respect them and if it's good enough for me, then it shouldn't be a problem for them. My husband loves to hear good manners and now cringes when he hears kids saying...yeah...or what??? I even have the kids trained that when they run into someone and that person asks "Hello! How are you?", they respond with "Fine, thank you for asking, and how are you?"
So, that's my anal post for the day. Miss Laura, I appreciate you stopping by and hope to see you again! And thanks to Angela and Starbldr for the encouragement. Some days I want to pinch their heads off when they refuse to cooperate! I shall not give up!
Monday, October 17, 2005
Manners
Dahlings, I simply must address this issue. I am admittedly from the Deep South and we here acknowledge the dying art of manners. My adorable husband is not from here. That automatically qualifies him as a Yankee. He teases me all the time about how snobbish I am about this. So, I will apologize in advance if I offend someone.
I love manners. I think that when properly used, the respect given will come back and reward you tenfold. My children use them and will be in a load of trouble if they didn't. Do I care if you like them or not? No. My oldest tries to be defiant and not say "Ma'am?" when I call her name. Then, of course, I call her until she answers me correctly. I care not that by then she is standing right in front of me. She once inquired as to why I was such a drill sargent (sp?) about it. I told her that if she used manners on a regular basis until it was a habit, then when she went on the interview of her life in 10-15 years and used them...I would put money on the fact that she would get the job quicker by showing respect. Made sense to her.
My husband was not raised this way. And that's fine. I know the first time I met my mother-in-law, she insisted that I call her by her first name. I declined and said that I couldn't. She insisted that I could. And I replied..."I appreciate the offer but if my Mama heard me call you by your given name, she would skin me alive" I've never called her anything but Mrs. M. Even Fred's father tried to get me to call him by his first name. I couldn't even fathom it. So he is Mr. C. I love when I call my MIL and Fred's brother answers the phone and I ask to speak to Mrs. M. He then says..."Mom, it's Hope...she's the only one who calls you Miss". Bothers me not.
When first visiting Arizona and Mrs. M's family...and whoa..that's alot of family!.....Fred's Aunts tried to the same thing and I simply refused. There are a couple that I have adopted as my own and now call them "Aunt"...but never their given name. While there, one of my kids...can't remember which one.... was running and playing and ran between one of the Aunt's talking to someone. I made her turn around and apologize for running between them. The aunt told me that was not necessary. I stood my ground and insisted that, yes, it was. The next day she apologized to me. Very cool.
It's an ongoing process that never ends. Vitt doesn't talk much but can say "Es mam" when asked a question. He says "Tat tu" 98% of the time when handed something. Fred seemingly likes this process and has agreed to support me in it. He uses it with my parents and totally scores points with it. I pick at him all the time when he's on the phone with his mom and he says.."Yeah." I give him a look and whisper.."it's Yes Ma'am!"
I intend on following this through and will live by a Southern creed:
Manners are the moisturizer of life.
I love manners. I think that when properly used, the respect given will come back and reward you tenfold. My children use them and will be in a load of trouble if they didn't. Do I care if you like them or not? No. My oldest tries to be defiant and not say "Ma'am?" when I call her name. Then, of course, I call her until she answers me correctly. I care not that by then she is standing right in front of me. She once inquired as to why I was such a drill sargent (sp?) about it. I told her that if she used manners on a regular basis until it was a habit, then when she went on the interview of her life in 10-15 years and used them...I would put money on the fact that she would get the job quicker by showing respect. Made sense to her.
My husband was not raised this way. And that's fine. I know the first time I met my mother-in-law, she insisted that I call her by her first name. I declined and said that I couldn't. She insisted that I could. And I replied..."I appreciate the offer but if my Mama heard me call you by your given name, she would skin me alive" I've never called her anything but Mrs. M. Even Fred's father tried to get me to call him by his first name. I couldn't even fathom it. So he is Mr. C. I love when I call my MIL and Fred's brother answers the phone and I ask to speak to Mrs. M. He then says..."Mom, it's Hope...she's the only one who calls you Miss". Bothers me not.
When first visiting Arizona and Mrs. M's family...and whoa..that's alot of family!.....Fred's Aunts tried to the same thing and I simply refused. There are a couple that I have adopted as my own and now call them "Aunt"...but never their given name. While there, one of my kids...can't remember which one.... was running and playing and ran between one of the Aunt's talking to someone. I made her turn around and apologize for running between them. The aunt told me that was not necessary. I stood my ground and insisted that, yes, it was. The next day she apologized to me. Very cool.
It's an ongoing process that never ends. Vitt doesn't talk much but can say "Es mam" when asked a question. He says "Tat tu" 98% of the time when handed something. Fred seemingly likes this process and has agreed to support me in it. He uses it with my parents and totally scores points with it. I pick at him all the time when he's on the phone with his mom and he says.."Yeah." I give him a look and whisper.."it's Yes Ma'am!"
I intend on following this through and will live by a Southern creed:
Manners are the moisturizer of life.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Paige-isms....#3
So she likes boys. That's okay..as long as it's from afar. Shall I set up the scene?
We are always on "Dude Alert". No matter where we are, if there are some pimply faced pre-teen or teen boys, she says the word "Dude" under her breath so that I can look also. Why do I want to look? Well, I don't, but I do because she expects me to.
We're driving to counseling today. Busy road in the middle of town. This sporty little red truck whizzes by. We pull up at the redlight and end up right beside this red truck.
Me: Dude to the right. Dude to the right.
~Paige glances and quickly faces forward~
Paige: Dude, that's no dude. That's a DAD.
We are always on "Dude Alert". No matter where we are, if there are some pimply faced pre-teen or teen boys, she says the word "Dude" under her breath so that I can look also. Why do I want to look? Well, I don't, but I do because she expects me to.
We're driving to counseling today. Busy road in the middle of town. This sporty little red truck whizzes by. We pull up at the redlight and end up right beside this red truck.
Me: Dude to the right. Dude to the right.
~Paige glances and quickly faces forward~
Paige: Dude, that's no dude. That's a DAD.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Crawling Through the Desert
Ever feel like you're crawling through the desert and there's nothing in front of you but sand? Nothing behind you but sand? And your canteen is bone dry? Yeah, me too.
I have been at the single parenting gig for a month straight now. With no break. Reminds me of a song from way back: How long can this go on? I'm okay most of the time but I think I almost jumped over that edge tonight. Just had enough, folks. Let me give you a sample:
I have been at the single parenting gig for a month straight now. With no break. Reminds me of a song from way back: How long can this go on? I'm okay most of the time but I think I almost jumped over that edge tonight. Just had enough, folks. Let me give you a sample:
- It rained here last week for 3 days straight. That's cool, we needed the rain. I had lake front property for a day or two there. One thing I forgot. When it rains over 8 inches in less than 72 hours, certain things happen. Ants. They have no where to go but in the house. I have cleaned masses of ants up at least 3 times a day with ant killer followed by a good dose of Clorox cleaner. Wouldn't be so bad if some of them weren't fire ants...something Vitt is potentially allergic to.
- The past weekend kept me in the house from Friday evening until this morning. Makenna was sick and I am old school in that I believe you need to just stay in the house and get better unless we're going to the doctor. I was getting a bad case of the "stir crazies", people.
- That boy of mine. If he's not into something he's either dead or asleep. He doesn't sleep alot right now. I've been on midnight shift with him quite a few nights the past week. Makes for a long day.
- Paige is being Paige. Which means I'm the conductor of a runaway hormonal train and the brakes don't work.
Then there is Grandma. She is very elderly. Still lives on her own. Fiesty as all get out. I have to pick Mak up from school this morning and I call and ask my Grandma to ride with me so she can get out a few. She gladly takes me up on my offer. When I drop her off back at home, I inquire as she's getting out of my van if she needs help? She replies..."I might not be moving by dark tonight, but I am now, so let me do it." Yes ma'am. I laugh and tell her I will leave once she in the house. As she is slowly climbing the steps to her front door, I tell her I will talk to her tomorrow. (I call and check on her daily) (and only once, mind you, or she'll think I'm checking up on her) She turns and says to me..."I know my past but I don't know my future...if I'm here tomorrow, I'll talk to you" She's not being smart-alecky....just wise. Put things in a whole new perspective for me.
I went by that lovely country store to purchase my Makenna some ice cream to help her heal faster. The lady in charge informs me that she has a supply of banana pudding in. OH ho ho. Dish me up one, sister. I had visions of later on in the evening...kids in bed....me and that ice cream being best friends. Here arrives the evening and the smaller ones are snoozing....Horatio is bustin' some butt on CSI: Miami...Paige is bathing with her radio going. Ahhhhhhh....good stuff. Forget "Calgon take me awayyyy". I am slowly eating and savoring every single bite. I am down to half of a cup. Paige walks in and says....Mama, can I have some? Well, crap. I gave her the rest so that she could enjoy too. I'm cool that way.
So much for an oasis. One day. Soon. I will find mine.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
I should have expected this
Now get this. I haven't seen my hubby in 3 weeks. And the way it looks, I won't get to see him until November sometime. Here comes the good part. He has to have some upper GI scope thing done next Friday. He needs someone to go with him as he will be ga-ga when it's over with. ****PICK ME!! PICK ME!!! (frantically waves hand in the air)**** I totally volunteer for this mission. Plans are being made. I'm going up next Thursday evening to accompany him Friday morning. I then will care for him for 24 hours and leave Saturday morning to return home and he will go back to work Saturday evening. Not long at all ...and yes, he will be out of it for the majority of the time...but I don't care! I can touch him! Yes sir, my middle name is Excited right now.
So, I am planning for the weekend. The girls will reside with Mother for the 2.5 days and Vitt shall accompany me. Why? Because no one wants to keep his bad..I mean active tail. 'Sides, he needs to bond a few with Da. I am discussing this with my mother this evening while at her house enjoying supper. Suddenly, the girls jump up and inform me that they have no school next Friday!! Humph, I say, surely you jest? No Mama! they reply, we really don't! And you know what? They're serious. Dangit.
Now the even better part. I was hoping to kinda, maybe honeymoon just a tad (not alot, mind you, just a tad) and here are these two girls breaking out into the song...We're going to Virginia! We're going to Virginia! ~sigh~
Now I am planning for 4 of us to go. They are excited and would pack tomorrow. They haven't seen him in a month. They miss him, too. ~sigh~ How can I say no? I can't.
Good thing the hospital there has a daycare for Vitt to attend while Fred is doing his thing. DVD player for Mak to watch? Check. Big, thick, juicy book for Paige to read? Check. Peace and quiet for Mama? Priceless. (which is probably why it won't happen!)
So, I am planning for the weekend. The girls will reside with Mother for the 2.5 days and Vitt shall accompany me. Why? Because no one wants to keep his bad..I mean active tail. 'Sides, he needs to bond a few with Da. I am discussing this with my mother this evening while at her house enjoying supper. Suddenly, the girls jump up and inform me that they have no school next Friday!! Humph, I say, surely you jest? No Mama! they reply, we really don't! And you know what? They're serious. Dangit.
Now the even better part. I was hoping to kinda, maybe honeymoon just a tad (not alot, mind you, just a tad) and here are these two girls breaking out into the song...We're going to Virginia! We're going to Virginia! ~sigh~
Now I am planning for 4 of us to go. They are excited and would pack tomorrow. They haven't seen him in a month. They miss him, too. ~sigh~ How can I say no? I can't.
Good thing the hospital there has a daycare for Vitt to attend while Fred is doing his thing. DVD player for Mak to watch? Check. Big, thick, juicy book for Paige to read? Check. Peace and quiet for Mama? Priceless. (which is probably why it won't happen!)
I am in deep Doo Doo
You know I like to speak of my Mama once in a while. Yeah, well, she's got my blog addy now. I reckon I better go edit all the posts where I talked smack about her.
Maybe the Paxil will give her a sense of humor about it all?
(she is SO gonna kill me for saying that)
Maybe the Paxil will give her a sense of humor about it all?
(she is SO gonna kill me for saying that)
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
The Repo-Man
Dude drives around in a tow truck. We all know him. He's the Repo-Man.
Today I drive up at my mom's house. Yes, I know I live next door, but sometimes it's just easier to swing into her driveway. Ok? Ok. Anyway, as I am getting Vitt out of the van, the Repo-Man pulls into the yard. I know the van payment is being made. We have that automatically done. Wait. Not my yard. Crap. Is he coming for the Tahoe? He gets out and grins at me. I do not grin back. He asks if I know who he is? Uh..yeah. He wants to speak with my mom. Crap. I go in the house and tell Mom...the Repo-Man is outside..he wants to speak with you. Her eyes. Priceless. One of those "Need a camera moments". She goes out on the porch and he informs her that someone told him that she knows everyone who is everyone and could she help him find out where this certain person is? She then pats the area where her heart is located. Thing is....she knew she was making the Tahoe payments. I took one myself for her last week. Guys like that just have a way of making your heart skip a beat or two, I suppose. Heck, I know mine did when I saw him. Well, Paige gets into the act, helping him find out where this person is by calling her network of friends. I still have no idea how all of that really went down. Maybe it's better if I don't.
Then get this. If my Mom isn't Southern Genteel to the bone, I'll hush my mouth. Repo-Man had the same surgery as my Mom. They compare war stories. She offers the man a biscuit fresh out of the oven. I kid you not. He politely declines...then asks if it's homemade. But, of course! He starts to waver and she rushes to the kitchen to fix that poor man a biscuit with a piece of fresh-baked ham wedged in the middle. And I am my mother's daughter ...to the bone. I am sitting in the recliner, thumbing through a magazine and I toss over my shoulder..."He has a passenger in his truck with him, Mama, so don't forget him". Two biscuits to go, Repo-Man. He is eternally grateful and I know if ever he needs to visit either one of our addresses (and he won't if I can help it!!).....we won't have a bit of problem. Because, you see, he is beholden now.
God, I love Southern life.
Today I drive up at my mom's house. Yes, I know I live next door, but sometimes it's just easier to swing into her driveway. Ok? Ok. Anyway, as I am getting Vitt out of the van, the Repo-Man pulls into the yard. I know the van payment is being made. We have that automatically done. Wait. Not my yard. Crap. Is he coming for the Tahoe? He gets out and grins at me. I do not grin back. He asks if I know who he is? Uh..yeah. He wants to speak with my mom. Crap. I go in the house and tell Mom...the Repo-Man is outside..he wants to speak with you. Her eyes. Priceless. One of those "Need a camera moments". She goes out on the porch and he informs her that someone told him that she knows everyone who is everyone and could she help him find out where this certain person is? She then pats the area where her heart is located. Thing is....she knew she was making the Tahoe payments. I took one myself for her last week. Guys like that just have a way of making your heart skip a beat or two, I suppose. Heck, I know mine did when I saw him. Well, Paige gets into the act, helping him find out where this person is by calling her network of friends. I still have no idea how all of that really went down. Maybe it's better if I don't.
Then get this. If my Mom isn't Southern Genteel to the bone, I'll hush my mouth. Repo-Man had the same surgery as my Mom. They compare war stories. She offers the man a biscuit fresh out of the oven. I kid you not. He politely declines...then asks if it's homemade. But, of course! He starts to waver and she rushes to the kitchen to fix that poor man a biscuit with a piece of fresh-baked ham wedged in the middle. And I am my mother's daughter ...to the bone. I am sitting in the recliner, thumbing through a magazine and I toss over my shoulder..."He has a passenger in his truck with him, Mama, so don't forget him". Two biscuits to go, Repo-Man. He is eternally grateful and I know if ever he needs to visit either one of our addresses (and he won't if I can help it!!).....we won't have a bit of problem. Because, you see, he is beholden now.
God, I love Southern life.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Luck...or lack there of
I am not kidding you. My LF has fallen into the biggest pile of luck you ever did see. That chick is into buying the scratch off cards from your local convenience store. I am not joking when I say she's got luck. In the past month, she's won almost a thousand dollars playing those things. I hate to even answer the phone when she calls because I just know she's going to tell me she's won another wad of cash. I personally don't buy them. It's a leftover from how I was raised. I let Fred do it instead. Cat Daddy knows how to do all that and I'm too afraid I would take it personally if I didn't win. This way...if he buys the winning ticket, I am SOOO going shopping in my new Land Rover and if he doesn't? Eh, oh well.
So, I'm moaning and groaning about her luck and she tells me she's hitting while the hitting's good because it won't last forever. At least she got her car insurance paid and stuff.
Today I open our mail. And there's this letter. It informs my hubby that an allotment he had going to this obscure bank in the middle of nowhere has some money sitting in it. I bout crapped. 800 smackeroos, people. Well, thank you Lord, there's my winning scratch off ticket. Santa is going to be so happy this year. So is this how winning the lottery feels? Many of you may scoff at such a paltry sum, but I'm not!! This is sweet sweet sweet and I'm going to enjoy knowing that Christmas is paid for.
And for all of you who say....but, Hope, this is Fred's money. How can you say how it's going to be spent? Kiss my butt. We're in this together and Cat Daddy knows we got 3 kids and big family to think of. He's just as excited as I am.
Speaking of the breadwinner. He's started his midnight shift work. Gotta admit I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. I just hope he doesn't get hooked on Days of Our Lives again since he's off during the day. I'd hate to tie my DVR up with that mess once he's back on days. There are more important things to record! Like Oprah. Degrassi. And every single show on the Disney Channel. Who showed Makenna how to operate that thing??? Jeesh. A kid learns to read and it's all over with, people.
So, I'm moaning and groaning about her luck and she tells me she's hitting while the hitting's good because it won't last forever. At least she got her car insurance paid and stuff.
Today I open our mail. And there's this letter. It informs my hubby that an allotment he had going to this obscure bank in the middle of nowhere has some money sitting in it. I bout crapped. 800 smackeroos, people. Well, thank you Lord, there's my winning scratch off ticket. Santa is going to be so happy this year. So is this how winning the lottery feels? Many of you may scoff at such a paltry sum, but I'm not!! This is sweet sweet sweet and I'm going to enjoy knowing that Christmas is paid for.
And for all of you who say....but, Hope, this is Fred's money. How can you say how it's going to be spent? Kiss my butt. We're in this together and Cat Daddy knows we got 3 kids and big family to think of. He's just as excited as I am.
Speaking of the breadwinner. He's started his midnight shift work. Gotta admit I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. I just hope he doesn't get hooked on Days of Our Lives again since he's off during the day. I'd hate to tie my DVR up with that mess once he's back on days. There are more important things to record! Like Oprah. Degrassi. And every single show on the Disney Channel. Who showed Makenna how to operate that thing??? Jeesh. A kid learns to read and it's all over with, people.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Tagged...yet again....
Lady Angela has tagged me again for some fun blog festivities. I'm going to participate because it's like throwing a party. You sit and fret and wonder who will show up and you don't rest until some do. Some people don't care, but I'm Southern. We care about parties. And Guests. And dip. So I'm going to play along. I'm just cool that way.
The Rules:1. Go into your archive.2. Find your 23rd post.3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.5. Tag 5 other people to do the same.
Here is my sentence. Makes no sense, man!
So, this morning I told SIL that we needed to hit the water this evening.
Here are my five people that I'm inviting to the party...or tagging:
1. Jacinda
2. Coley
3. Starbldr (this is your chance to get into the blogosphere, shugah!)
4. Fred
5. Mar
Angela, Dahling, the dip was good but I must share one teensy tiny miff with you. Big Bertha never made it over my way.
The Rules:1. Go into your archive.2. Find your 23rd post.3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.5. Tag 5 other people to do the same.
Here is my sentence. Makes no sense, man!
So, this morning I told SIL that we needed to hit the water this evening.
Here are my five people that I'm inviting to the party...or tagging:
1. Jacinda
2. Coley
3. Starbldr (this is your chance to get into the blogosphere, shugah!)
4. Fred
5. Mar
Angela, Dahling, the dip was good but I must share one teensy tiny miff with you. Big Bertha never made it over my way.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Another Paige-ism
Lawd, I love this kid. She might be hell on wheels and hard to handle sometimes, but her sharp wit will see her through.
This week is "Spirit Week" at her school. Something fun and exciting to do every day. Monday was pajama day. She definately participated in that because, DUH, she got to wear her monkey pj's and they are just sooo cute.
Tuesday was FLASHBACK DAY. Paige didn't participate because she didn't give me any notice and I just have to have time to plan these things out. It was a hit at school. I picked her up from school because she had counselling and all the way there, she told me about the different costumes that were worn. One group got together and did Gilligan's Island. They rocked. There were poodle skirts and ponytails. One group of gals did Flashdance complete with heels and lace socks.
So, Paige talked about it and I simply had to nod once in a while to keep her movtivated. We were pulling up to the front of the office where she goes for counseling and she made this comment:
"Hey, Mom? So we do flashback day and we got lots to choose from, right? Well, if Nana and Papa did flashback day back when they were in high school, who would they dress as? Pilgrams?"
I lost it. And you can bet your sweet fanny I couldn't wait to get home and tell my Mom. Somehow it didn't amuse her as much as it did me.
This week is "Spirit Week" at her school. Something fun and exciting to do every day. Monday was pajama day. She definately participated in that because, DUH, she got to wear her monkey pj's and they are just sooo cute.
Tuesday was FLASHBACK DAY. Paige didn't participate because she didn't give me any notice and I just have to have time to plan these things out. It was a hit at school. I picked her up from school because she had counselling and all the way there, she told me about the different costumes that were worn. One group got together and did Gilligan's Island. They rocked. There were poodle skirts and ponytails. One group of gals did Flashdance complete with heels and lace socks.
So, Paige talked about it and I simply had to nod once in a while to keep her movtivated. We were pulling up to the front of the office where she goes for counseling and she made this comment:
"Hey, Mom? So we do flashback day and we got lots to choose from, right? Well, if Nana and Papa did flashback day back when they were in high school, who would they dress as? Pilgrams?"
I lost it. And you can bet your sweet fanny I couldn't wait to get home and tell my Mom. Somehow it didn't amuse her as much as it did me.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Frustration..with some sweetness mixed in
Don't say I didn't warn you. The Navy blah blah blah thing has commenced forth and I'm alone....with 3 kids. With a mother recovering from surgery.
Today was tuff. Capital T-U-F-F. I've been so busy doing other things this week, I had to focus on the house before I got reported to DSS and they came by and cited me for nastiness. Besides, we needed clean underwear, ya know? So, here I go...scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees. Washing a good 8 loads of laundry (yeah, there's still 2 loads to go). I put off the hands-and-knees deal as long as possible because the back just can't take it. Paige was kind enough to entertain Vitt so I could get it done without "supervision" on his part. Chores were getting done.
I call my mother and ask how she is. Does she need anything? Is there any pain? She proceeds to tell me she is doing super. Then...I get blasted. Apparently she's been waiting for me to go and sit with her and clean her house and do her laundry. Excuse me? You never once indicated to me that you needed all this stuff done! And she says....well, I don't beg ....you should have called. ~Deep breath~ I then tell her that I am no mind-reader and I would be more than happy to do whatever she needs. I just can't go and sit with her all day (People...she's NEXT DOOR for crying out loud!!). I have things that need to be done in my own house and she doesn't want 3 kids tearing her house up. She goes on about how my Dad is doing the laundry and this and that, etc etc. Well, pardon me, but it won't hurt him one bit. Sure, he's worked ...but hasn't she worked for years and come home and done all of that and supper is ready at 6:22 p.m. sharp every single freaking day? I just get off the phone and cry because, once again, I have won the award for World's Worst Daughter.
I proceeded to let Paige go be a teenager...well, in her mind at least. She left this afternoon with a friend and I got that famous phone call at 8 p.m. "Can Paige spend the night?" Sure. Why not? Getting a break where ever I can, folks. I bathe the rest of us who are left and put the Troublefinder to bed. I look and there's my sweet Makenna on the computer, drawing pictures and entertaining herself. Not asking a thing of me. I go to the kitchen and put some cookies in the oven to bake. I then tell her that I never get to just sit and hang with her and I was cooking us a treat. Her eyes got so big. We proceeded to have cookies with a glass of milk...just the two of us. She looks at me and says.."Isn't this just so cool? Thanks, Mama. You're the bestest." Crushed my heart and made me touch the sky at the same time. She's so easygoing. Smooth. Self-sufficient. Low maintenance. I've got to make more time for her. She might end up saving my sanity for me.
Took the kids skating last night as a reward for good grades. Yeah, I'm cool that way. SIL went with hers and we just partied. Today, the girls are so sore from using those couch potato muscles. Can we say "Motrin is our best friend?" Makenna informed me that the motrin, cookie, and milk hit the spot and she felt like she could rest real good.
It was a day of frustration. Because you can't sneeze while you're cutting the grass. Because your small son is riding with you and just when you sneeze and close your eyes, he decides to throw his paci (why does that kid throw EVERYTHING?????) and guess what? Yeah, I ran over it. That and my mom....why it's enough to make a decent person crazy.
Today was tuff. Capital T-U-F-F. I've been so busy doing other things this week, I had to focus on the house before I got reported to DSS and they came by and cited me for nastiness. Besides, we needed clean underwear, ya know? So, here I go...scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees. Washing a good 8 loads of laundry (yeah, there's still 2 loads to go). I put off the hands-and-knees deal as long as possible because the back just can't take it. Paige was kind enough to entertain Vitt so I could get it done without "supervision" on his part. Chores were getting done.
I call my mother and ask how she is. Does she need anything? Is there any pain? She proceeds to tell me she is doing super. Then...I get blasted. Apparently she's been waiting for me to go and sit with her and clean her house and do her laundry. Excuse me? You never once indicated to me that you needed all this stuff done! And she says....well, I don't beg ....you should have called. ~Deep breath~ I then tell her that I am no mind-reader and I would be more than happy to do whatever she needs. I just can't go and sit with her all day (People...she's NEXT DOOR for crying out loud!!). I have things that need to be done in my own house and she doesn't want 3 kids tearing her house up. She goes on about how my Dad is doing the laundry and this and that, etc etc. Well, pardon me, but it won't hurt him one bit. Sure, he's worked ...but hasn't she worked for years and come home and done all of that and supper is ready at 6:22 p.m. sharp every single freaking day? I just get off the phone and cry because, once again, I have won the award for World's Worst Daughter.
I proceeded to let Paige go be a teenager...well, in her mind at least. She left this afternoon with a friend and I got that famous phone call at 8 p.m. "Can Paige spend the night?" Sure. Why not? Getting a break where ever I can, folks. I bathe the rest of us who are left and put the Troublefinder to bed. I look and there's my sweet Makenna on the computer, drawing pictures and entertaining herself. Not asking a thing of me. I go to the kitchen and put some cookies in the oven to bake. I then tell her that I never get to just sit and hang with her and I was cooking us a treat. Her eyes got so big. We proceeded to have cookies with a glass of milk...just the two of us. She looks at me and says.."Isn't this just so cool? Thanks, Mama. You're the bestest." Crushed my heart and made me touch the sky at the same time. She's so easygoing. Smooth. Self-sufficient. Low maintenance. I've got to make more time for her. She might end up saving my sanity for me.
Took the kids skating last night as a reward for good grades. Yeah, I'm cool that way. SIL went with hers and we just partied. Today, the girls are so sore from using those couch potato muscles. Can we say "Motrin is our best friend?" Makenna informed me that the motrin, cookie, and milk hit the spot and she felt like she could rest real good.
It was a day of frustration. Because you can't sneeze while you're cutting the grass. Because your small son is riding with you and just when you sneeze and close your eyes, he decides to throw his paci (why does that kid throw EVERYTHING?????) and guess what? Yeah, I ran over it. That and my mom....why it's enough to make a decent person crazy.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Freeze Frame!!!!!
Ok. I know I'm old. I don't need reminders. But, does anyone remember this song??? Reason I ask is because I took the girls skating tonight since they did so awesome on their interim report cards. 'Sides, they don't have school tomorrow and it just seemed like a "Cool Mom" kind of thing to do. I grew up going to a skating rink on a regular basis. My uncle worked at one and my folks liked to go and do their thang. So, it was skate or be bored. It's now been around 5 years since I've been on skates. With this bad back, I wouldn't even think of attempting it.
Anyways, there were some gals there with their kids (SIL went with niece and nephew) that I grew up with. We got to talking about going when we were younger and how old we felt now. I went to get some drinks while the kids skated and when I got back I started doing the intro for the song "Freeze Frame". Everyone started laughing and talking about what that song reminded them of. Ahhh....memories.
The week is getting better. My mom had surgery on her back yesterday. Pinched nerve kind of deal. She did so wonderful, it's just amazing. She rode home with me because she simply couldn't climb into her Tahoe. I stopped to get her something to eat. My dad is going to kill me, but I let her have a sandwich AND a handful of fries. Yes, I know...big no-no for the diabetic. She ate with big lusty sighs and eyes closed. I noticed she had her legs crossed...ankle on opposing knee. I asked her if that was a good idea? She replied....I have hurt for so long. I woke up after this surgery and the tingling was gone in my legs and I just don't hurt. I can do this without crying in pain. I have my stomach full and I think I'm going to rest now. She then proceeded to start snoring. Bless her heart. She's needed no pain killers and told me this morning she was waiting for the truck to hit her and to start hurting. I don't think it will. Bless her.
That Navy blah blah blah thing starts this weekend. I won't see my husband until November. Man, that sucks. It would be different if he were out to sea, but he's not. Yeah, we're leaning towards moving to be together even more. We're getting information on our housing choices now. As of now, we're up for a 2 story townhouse like deal. Can we say "Hello E.R! My name is Vitt and I have stairs in my house?" Oh yeah, the nightmares have started.
Anyways, there were some gals there with their kids (SIL went with niece and nephew) that I grew up with. We got to talking about going when we were younger and how old we felt now. I went to get some drinks while the kids skated and when I got back I started doing the intro for the song "Freeze Frame". Everyone started laughing and talking about what that song reminded them of. Ahhh....memories.
The week is getting better. My mom had surgery on her back yesterday. Pinched nerve kind of deal. She did so wonderful, it's just amazing. She rode home with me because she simply couldn't climb into her Tahoe. I stopped to get her something to eat. My dad is going to kill me, but I let her have a sandwich AND a handful of fries. Yes, I know...big no-no for the diabetic. She ate with big lusty sighs and eyes closed. I noticed she had her legs crossed...ankle on opposing knee. I asked her if that was a good idea? She replied....I have hurt for so long. I woke up after this surgery and the tingling was gone in my legs and I just don't hurt. I can do this without crying in pain. I have my stomach full and I think I'm going to rest now. She then proceeded to start snoring. Bless her heart. She's needed no pain killers and told me this morning she was waiting for the truck to hit her and to start hurting. I don't think it will. Bless her.
That Navy blah blah blah thing starts this weekend. I won't see my husband until November. Man, that sucks. It would be different if he were out to sea, but he's not. Yeah, we're leaning towards moving to be together even more. We're getting information on our housing choices now. As of now, we're up for a 2 story townhouse like deal. Can we say "Hello E.R! My name is Vitt and I have stairs in my house?" Oh yeah, the nightmares have started.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
YaY Hope and Fred
YaY us. It's mine and Fred's 2 year anniversary. What a two year stint it has been. And the phone call at 12:01 a.m. last night was sweet.
I just can't compose some witty, catchy piece today, folks. I am in such a pissy mood that I don't even glance in the mirror when I walk by because I know the expression on my face is one where my mother would say ..."You keep that look and your face will freeze like that and it will be ugly the rest of your life". Yeah yeah yeah, Mom.
I didn't even talk to Fred tonight when he tried to call and barely spoke to him on messenger. Lawd, that's awful of me. (no comment on this please, Fred)
I'll just wrap it all up and know that I did acknowledge my anniversary. It's just another special date that is being missed .....like just about every one this freaking year. Am hushing now.
Hope everyone else is having a better week. Our school is out this Friday and Makenna reminds me of it every five minutes. Oh boy. Gotta get with the entertainment committee this week, I suppose.
I just can't compose some witty, catchy piece today, folks. I am in such a pissy mood that I don't even glance in the mirror when I walk by because I know the expression on my face is one where my mother would say ..."You keep that look and your face will freeze like that and it will be ugly the rest of your life". Yeah yeah yeah, Mom.
I didn't even talk to Fred tonight when he tried to call and barely spoke to him on messenger. Lawd, that's awful of me. (no comment on this please, Fred)
I'll just wrap it all up and know that I did acknowledge my anniversary. It's just another special date that is being missed .....like just about every one this freaking year. Am hushing now.
Hope everyone else is having a better week. Our school is out this Friday and Makenna reminds me of it every five minutes. Oh boy. Gotta get with the entertainment committee this week, I suppose.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Could this be a problem?
I have friends. I love my friends. I have a two very very close friends that I depend on completely and others whom I enjoy their company tremendously. I have a few male friends also. Is that wrong? I likes them lots and enjoy shooting the breeze now and again.
Today I was talking with Des on the phone and told her I was meeting Life Friend and another friend who happens to be male for lunch tomorrow. And I really didn't think anything about it. I tell her how he bought lunch last time and I gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left as a "Thank You". And I really didn't think anything about it. This is second nature for me you see. When starblder brought this wonderful dryer he had "sitting around"....I most certainly hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. And I didn't think anything about it. Well, Des got quiet and I got that icky feeling that she didn't approve. I asked her what was up and she said...you know your brother wouldn't like me doing that. Yeah, so? And I wouldn't want him hugging and kissing on some woman either. What??? Last I recalled, I wasn't exactly mauling these men in public...just expressing sincere affection of friendship. I, of course, told Fred. I tell him everything. Why? Because I don't know how to keep my mouth shut and I'm just that open and honest with him. Always have been. I feel like if you don't do anything you need to hide and just run your mouth telling all your business ..then you're good to go. Finally I shrug (even though she can't see me do this over the phone). I tell her I wouldn't mind Fred hugging or kissing another woman on the cheek. One visit to his family and you become immune within 5 minutes. Those are the kissingest and huggingest people evah. So, it's in his nature to do stuff like that, too.
My question if anyone would like to answer:
If you are a married man/woman, is it okay to hug (friendly hug) and kiss someone on the cheek? Even if your spouse or significant other isn't around? Even if they are? I'm truly curious as to what you folks think on this. Des made me feel almost dirty and it got me a little bit miffed because I truly don't think it's dirty. At all.
p.s. Fred and I are beating the system this weekend and meeting almost halfway between here and Virginia. Goody. A small road trip. By myself with Vitt. Oh yeah, I got the mini dvd player ready to go with Wiggles inside. We're celebrating our anniversary since it'll be 4-7 weeks before we can see each other again. hmmm...gonna be some interesting blogs during that time, huh?
Today I was talking with Des on the phone and told her I was meeting Life Friend and another friend who happens to be male for lunch tomorrow. And I really didn't think anything about it. I tell her how he bought lunch last time and I gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left as a "Thank You". And I really didn't think anything about it. This is second nature for me you see. When starblder brought this wonderful dryer he had "sitting around"....I most certainly hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. And I didn't think anything about it. Well, Des got quiet and I got that icky feeling that she didn't approve. I asked her what was up and she said...you know your brother wouldn't like me doing that. Yeah, so? And I wouldn't want him hugging and kissing on some woman either. What??? Last I recalled, I wasn't exactly mauling these men in public...just expressing sincere affection of friendship. I, of course, told Fred. I tell him everything. Why? Because I don't know how to keep my mouth shut and I'm just that open and honest with him. Always have been. I feel like if you don't do anything you need to hide and just run your mouth telling all your business ..then you're good to go. Finally I shrug (even though she can't see me do this over the phone). I tell her I wouldn't mind Fred hugging or kissing another woman on the cheek. One visit to his family and you become immune within 5 minutes. Those are the kissingest and huggingest people evah. So, it's in his nature to do stuff like that, too.
My question if anyone would like to answer:
If you are a married man/woman, is it okay to hug (friendly hug) and kiss someone on the cheek? Even if your spouse or significant other isn't around? Even if they are? I'm truly curious as to what you folks think on this. Des made me feel almost dirty and it got me a little bit miffed because I truly don't think it's dirty. At all.
p.s. Fred and I are beating the system this weekend and meeting almost halfway between here and Virginia. Goody. A small road trip. By myself with Vitt. Oh yeah, I got the mini dvd player ready to go with Wiggles inside. We're celebrating our anniversary since it'll be 4-7 weeks before we can see each other again. hmmm...gonna be some interesting blogs during that time, huh?
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Handbooks
We joke in the South that every girl child born is slipped a handbook in the nursery at the hospital. In this sacred handbook, we are taught how to be Southernbelles. How to sip tea without smearing our lipstick. How to have manners and how to use them to our advantage. How to convince boys..then men....that we are helpless and need someone of their manly nature to help "Little ol' Me". There are many many things in this sacred book that cannot be mentioned for fear of reprisal from wiser, more mature Southernbelles. The book is to be detroyed by our sixteenth birthday so as not be accidentally picked up by someone is not serious about being ladylike. Don't get mad at the storyteller here, I am just passing down Southern folklore.
So I have instruction on how to be a lady. A nice handy handbook (that is, of course, destroyed by now because I am wiser and mature (note the lack of the word "old"..major rule giveaway)) to see me through life in this Southeastern United States.
I called my lawyer today. Talked with her right hand woman with whom I grew up with. (rule 37- Always inquire about each other's mothers. I am giving this one away because everyone should do this!) We spoke for about an hour on just what I can do. I can move these girls if I so desire. How about that? I can get reimbursed for all the medical bills of the past 3 years. Can we say Christmas will be sweet? And I can get an increase in support. Well, tighten my knickers..this is getting really really good. She told me this was the easiest win case she had seen in a while and she was ready to "dig in". During the course of the conversation she asked me why had I waited so long? I sighed and responded that divorces didn't come with handbooks. If they did, we women would be much better off. The issue of divorce and all the problems that arise with it make for a surreal life for a while and when you find yourself walking out of courtroom and you realize that you are indeed a free woman again....why, it takes a full six months for it to sink in. I'm not saying it stops you from dating...it just muddles the mind for a while.
And raising children. Where are the REAL handbooks? I want to know this, please. How do I handle this preteen ball of hormones who is the size of a small woman and during "that delicate time of the month", I'd put on a mechanical bull in the rowdiest bar around and then tell her to fight her way to the front door and know she would make it with no problems? And Dear Sweet Lord above....how do I stop the eye rolling????? How do I keep refraining from letting my hand fly out and knockin' those eye balls back to the front in proper alignment? And how do I handle being told that I am basically stupid and have absolutely no clue about anything?
And toddlers. How do I keep taking him by the hand and leading him out of the fridge at least 50 times a day? How can I make him understand that it is NOT his personal air condition? How do I keep him out of my dryer..my brand new top of the line (shout out to starblder! It was a present from him!! smooches shugah) dryer that I treasure because it can dry a load of jeans in 25 minutes flat? How do I make this sweet little man understand that toothpaste is NOT one of the major food groups and should not be consumed by the mouthful?
There are so many situations that a good sturdy handbook would come in handy. I have a bookcase that I am willing to donate shelves to the cause.
Handbooks I am Interested In:
"How to Keep My Sanity When Preteen is Acting like a Froot Loop"
"How to Handle the Most Stubborn, Strong Willed, Temper Tantrum Throwing Toddler This Side of the Mason Dixon Line"
"How to Use Subliminal Messages in Nickelodeon's Shows to Brainwash my 6 Year Old to Pick up After Herself"
"How to Turn Down McDonald's Buy 2 Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Biscuits for $2.00"
I'm so positive that there are more that I am interested in and would love to own. I NEED these books, people. By the way, I do not eat both biscuits. One is for Vitt, he eats the middle out of one. True ladies DO NOT eat two biscuits in one sittin'. It's rude and not classy at all. And if you accuse us of it, be prepared- we will use tears if we have to. It's in our arsenal.
So I have instruction on how to be a lady. A nice handy handbook (that is, of course, destroyed by now because I am wiser and mature (note the lack of the word "old"..major rule giveaway)) to see me through life in this Southeastern United States.
I called my lawyer today. Talked with her right hand woman with whom I grew up with. (rule 37- Always inquire about each other's mothers. I am giving this one away because everyone should do this!) We spoke for about an hour on just what I can do. I can move these girls if I so desire. How about that? I can get reimbursed for all the medical bills of the past 3 years. Can we say Christmas will be sweet? And I can get an increase in support. Well, tighten my knickers..this is getting really really good. She told me this was the easiest win case she had seen in a while and she was ready to "dig in". During the course of the conversation she asked me why had I waited so long? I sighed and responded that divorces didn't come with handbooks. If they did, we women would be much better off. The issue of divorce and all the problems that arise with it make for a surreal life for a while and when you find yourself walking out of courtroom and you realize that you are indeed a free woman again....why, it takes a full six months for it to sink in. I'm not saying it stops you from dating...it just muddles the mind for a while.
And raising children. Where are the REAL handbooks? I want to know this, please. How do I handle this preteen ball of hormones who is the size of a small woman and during "that delicate time of the month", I'd put on a mechanical bull in the rowdiest bar around and then tell her to fight her way to the front door and know she would make it with no problems? And Dear Sweet Lord above....how do I stop the eye rolling????? How do I keep refraining from letting my hand fly out and knockin' those eye balls back to the front in proper alignment? And how do I handle being told that I am basically stupid and have absolutely no clue about anything?
And toddlers. How do I keep taking him by the hand and leading him out of the fridge at least 50 times a day? How can I make him understand that it is NOT his personal air condition? How do I keep him out of my dryer..my brand new top of the line (shout out to starblder! It was a present from him!! smooches shugah) dryer that I treasure because it can dry a load of jeans in 25 minutes flat? How do I make this sweet little man understand that toothpaste is NOT one of the major food groups and should not be consumed by the mouthful?
There are so many situations that a good sturdy handbook would come in handy. I have a bookcase that I am willing to donate shelves to the cause.
Handbooks I am Interested In:
"How to Keep My Sanity When Preteen is Acting like a Froot Loop"
"How to Handle the Most Stubborn, Strong Willed, Temper Tantrum Throwing Toddler This Side of the Mason Dixon Line"
"How to Use Subliminal Messages in Nickelodeon's Shows to Brainwash my 6 Year Old to Pick up After Herself"
"How to Turn Down McDonald's Buy 2 Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Biscuits for $2.00"
I'm so positive that there are more that I am interested in and would love to own. I NEED these books, people. By the way, I do not eat both biscuits. One is for Vitt, he eats the middle out of one. True ladies DO NOT eat two biscuits in one sittin'. It's rude and not classy at all. And if you accuse us of it, be prepared- we will use tears if we have to. It's in our arsenal.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
An Ordinary Day
Paige, at age eleven, thinks she is boss. Of everything. And everyone. The other day she was bossing Makenna around. Ordering her to do this and to do that. Finally, fed up with all the dictatorship, she says to Paige:
"One day you're gonna be old and you're gonna need my help and I'm not gonna give it to you"
Paige had no response. This led me to believe that I needed to be good to Makenna because one day I WILL be old and I WILL need her help and if I've pissed her off too badly at some point and time in her life, she might just hold out on me and not lend a helping hand!
We had a good Southern evening here. The weather is absolutely perfect, folks. I'm talking upper 60's...no humidity...and there's a hurricane brewing in the Atlantic. What did I tell you? Good weather = catastrophe.
I cut the grass this good evening, and as I cut, I could smell the chickens my Dad was cooking on his back porch. I made a mental note not to tell Fred what we were having to eat because it simply wasn't fair that he's stuck on some halfway done submarine doing duty whilst we enjoyed life. Man, was it good. Perfect even.
After supper we're sitting on the front porch watching the kids play whilst we rocked under the slow moving ceiling fans. My SIL proceeds to tell us that my brother has to go out of town next week for work. He has to fly. He has never flown. I just start laughing. This guy is so safe in his comfort zone, it would take a HUGE stick of dynomite to get him out....or a boss who gives him no choice. She says he asks last night....what am I doing to do? I can't take my knife or my gun with me. (He has a license to tote, friends. He's a by-the-book-kind-of-guy..mostly) She simply looks at him and says: Duck. and RUN. After thinking about it, he says...I AM quick. This is going to be the highlight of my month, I'm sure. He is going to be a freaking basket case about flying and Mr. Tuff Guy would die before he lets it show. Maybe he'll pass out for like a minute. (insert evil grin) I mean, he's just so macho and cool....being brought down a peg would be too sweet for me. I'll never know though, because he'd lie before he'd admit it. Especially to me.
Yes, I've flown. And I hated it. I told my husband that if anyone in his family gets real sick or even tries to die, they need to give us at least 3-4 days notice so we can drive there. I'm not joking. And with the price of gas (paid $2.97 a gallon this morning) as it is...they better be durn serious about being sick or dead.
And I would be completely remiss if I didn't tell you about our new discovery here. We are a Pop Tart family. I like to buy the chocolatey ones so if I am having an incredible craving at night, I can munch on one instead of a candy bar (which I do not purchase to come into my house anyways). They have pulled one over on us, folks. They now have Strawberry Milkshake. Lawd. It's so bad, I have a box hid. The kids are vicious and are like bloodhounds. They can sniff the good stuff out in seconds. You simply must try them. We don't even cook them. They are that good.
And that's the news for today. Nothing spectacular or adrenaline inducing. But I'm to the point in my life that when Fred asks me if anything has happened today....I am thrilled when I can report NO! Let's keep it smooth and easy, people. Mama likes it that way.
"One day you're gonna be old and you're gonna need my help and I'm not gonna give it to you"
Paige had no response. This led me to believe that I needed to be good to Makenna because one day I WILL be old and I WILL need her help and if I've pissed her off too badly at some point and time in her life, she might just hold out on me and not lend a helping hand!
We had a good Southern evening here. The weather is absolutely perfect, folks. I'm talking upper 60's...no humidity...and there's a hurricane brewing in the Atlantic. What did I tell you? Good weather = catastrophe.
I cut the grass this good evening, and as I cut, I could smell the chickens my Dad was cooking on his back porch. I made a mental note not to tell Fred what we were having to eat because it simply wasn't fair that he's stuck on some halfway done submarine doing duty whilst we enjoyed life. Man, was it good. Perfect even.
After supper we're sitting on the front porch watching the kids play whilst we rocked under the slow moving ceiling fans. My SIL proceeds to tell us that my brother has to go out of town next week for work. He has to fly. He has never flown. I just start laughing. This guy is so safe in his comfort zone, it would take a HUGE stick of dynomite to get him out....or a boss who gives him no choice. She says he asks last night....what am I doing to do? I can't take my knife or my gun with me. (He has a license to tote, friends. He's a by-the-book-kind-of-guy..mostly) She simply looks at him and says: Duck. and RUN. After thinking about it, he says...I AM quick. This is going to be the highlight of my month, I'm sure. He is going to be a freaking basket case about flying and Mr. Tuff Guy would die before he lets it show. Maybe he'll pass out for like a minute. (insert evil grin) I mean, he's just so macho and cool....being brought down a peg would be too sweet for me. I'll never know though, because he'd lie before he'd admit it. Especially to me.
Yes, I've flown. And I hated it. I told my husband that if anyone in his family gets real sick or even tries to die, they need to give us at least 3-4 days notice so we can drive there. I'm not joking. And with the price of gas (paid $2.97 a gallon this morning) as it is...they better be durn serious about being sick or dead.
And I would be completely remiss if I didn't tell you about our new discovery here. We are a Pop Tart family. I like to buy the chocolatey ones so if I am having an incredible craving at night, I can munch on one instead of a candy bar (which I do not purchase to come into my house anyways). They have pulled one over on us, folks. They now have Strawberry Milkshake. Lawd. It's so bad, I have a box hid. The kids are vicious and are like bloodhounds. They can sniff the good stuff out in seconds. You simply must try them. We don't even cook them. They are that good.
And that's the news for today. Nothing spectacular or adrenaline inducing. But I'm to the point in my life that when Fred asks me if anything has happened today....I am thrilled when I can report NO! Let's keep it smooth and easy, people. Mama likes it that way.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Time to say Something...Anything....
About this devastation our country is dealing with. I sit here with hands poised above the keyboard and I'm simply stumped.
I've read so many accounts and blogs over the past week. I felt the anger, bitterness, feelings of betrayal. I've seen a sputter of hope flicker and sometimes die a quiet death.
I grieve. I grieve the death of so many people. So many elderly. So So So many babies. My heart aches every time I see a fellow American crying...full of anguish....on my television screen. Paige....who is in that tween self involved stage...rolls her eyes because when coverage comes on, I start to cry. Everytime. She says.....oh Mama, just turn the stupid thing off if it upsets you that badly. She can't understand that just because you turn the t.v. off, it doesn't make it all go away. How sweet it would be if it could. I believe that every single person with any emotion within them will be forever haunted by the images we've seen....the visuals we've gotten from hearing. I, for one, can't get the babies out of my head. Will I ever?
Although I agree with some on how things have been handled...and disagree with some others.....one thing is certain. If we don't get past the bullcrap politics of the situation and come together as a nation like our forefathers fought so hard to establish....we're going to lose much more than a historical landmark. Much more than lives unprepared to go so soon. Much more than streets covered in murky sludge.
You figure it out.
I've read so many accounts and blogs over the past week. I felt the anger, bitterness, feelings of betrayal. I've seen a sputter of hope flicker and sometimes die a quiet death.
I grieve. I grieve the death of so many people. So many elderly. So So So many babies. My heart aches every time I see a fellow American crying...full of anguish....on my television screen. Paige....who is in that tween self involved stage...rolls her eyes because when coverage comes on, I start to cry. Everytime. She says.....oh Mama, just turn the stupid thing off if it upsets you that badly. She can't understand that just because you turn the t.v. off, it doesn't make it all go away. How sweet it would be if it could. I believe that every single person with any emotion within them will be forever haunted by the images we've seen....the visuals we've gotten from hearing. I, for one, can't get the babies out of my head. Will I ever?
Although I agree with some on how things have been handled...and disagree with some others.....one thing is certain. If we don't get past the bullcrap politics of the situation and come together as a nation like our forefathers fought so hard to establish....we're going to lose much more than a historical landmark. Much more than lives unprepared to go so soon. Much more than streets covered in murky sludge.
You figure it out.
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