Un-Married

If there is one thing that I have learned from the U.S. Navy is how to be unmarried. I have been married for 32 months and of the 32 months, my husband and I have lived together (and that is loosely defined) approximately 10 months of the 32 months. The past 16 months have put at least 330 plus miles between us most of the time. I have done holidays, birthdays, mother's day, father's day, and anniversaries all on my own. Of course the kids have been with me.

I have also learned how to defrost an ice maker. When to take the van in for maintenance. How often to balance and rotate the tires. How to balance my checkbook. How to dress four people to get to a function or church. I may be late sometimes, but I give myself a curve of sorts.

I've attended parent teacher conferences on my own. I've attended school functions and Award's Days. I've done a ballet recital that had 3 costume changes. I even remembered to bring the camera and snap a few pictures. Now my Sis in Law or mother may have gone to these functions with me, (niece was in recital, too), yet I've no backup if I've been sick.

Speaking of sick. I had walking pneumonia at the first of the year followed by two months of bronchitis and sickness. I did break down and beg my husband to come home and help me because I was seriously close to being hospitalized with all that mess. Of course he didn't come home. The Navy kinda frowns on you taking time to care for sick family. Now my husband says in his defense that by the time I got to the doctor was I getting past the pneumonia and upgraded to bronchitis. I say when I was begging him to come home...I was in the very very very sick phase of things. Always two sides to a story, huh?

I've attended gatherings alone where I had to smile and say that my husband was working when inside I was feeling like the backwards fat cousin in the corner waiting to be seen and praying that I wouldn't be.

I've had my hopes dashed rather rudely into the ground when my husband has called to say that he can't come home due to some higher up having a corn cob stuck up his butt. I've called that submarine many times to just chat with my husband about simple family issues that most people take for granted. That is, when they have shore power up and running. We've burned more cell phone minutes than a 15 year old with her first boyfriend.

I do complain but all in all I have learned how to be even more independent in this life of mine. And that's a good thing, I suppose. I'm not afraid to take care of my self or my children. There's no price you can put on that kind of knowledge or experience.

So the one thing that the United States Navy has taught me most of all? How to be on someone's Page 2, I think it's called, and have the military insurance. But most of all....how to be un-married. ....while still legally being married. Confusing life we military wives lead. Funny, I really don't feel like one.

Remind me to send the head of the USN a card, would you? I'm just not sure what kind as of yet.


**Some people will take this post the wrong way...as some people may be prone to do. And that's okay. No, I did not know what I was getting into when I married this man. I love him. That's the most important thing to me. I'm very proud of him and believe that he's a special person to do what he does. It's not him I have the problem with...it's his employer.**

I Think This Qualifies as an "Uh-Oh"

Um, I think I've made a mistake.

I love coffee. I crave coffee. That's the first thing I do in the morning when I wake up. I go straight to the coffee pot to get it going as I start getting the kids dressed. I will literally almost pee my drawers to get that pot going. I kid you not.

I pick up a pack of the disposable coffee cups everytime I go to the grocery store. My van is littered with them. I never walk into a meeting without a cup of joe in my hands. When we do a business breakfast, the waitress automatically brings me a cup when I walk in the door and keeps it filled. I am now on my third (and final) cup of the day.

I love creamer. French Vanilla. If I could buy it in a five gallon bucket, I would. I am good, though. I get the sugar free or fat free...never the real deal unless I'm desperate. I also use equal or splenda. I'm not in it for the calories....just the taste and the caffeine. Oh, the caffeine.

You could say coffee is my drug of choice.

Now, let's get to Vitt. My beautiful bad 2 year old. Vitt thinks that every cup is fair game to him. No one is safe when he's thirsty. He touched my cup one day and snatched it back saying "Hot! HOT, Mama!" Good boy. One day he touched the cup and well, it wasn't hot. So Big Boy decided to try it out.

And a monster was born.

I have to guard my cup now. If he can get to it, he will start gulping it down like he's never had anything to drink in his life. That look of ecstasy comes over his features and he does this sweet little "ummmmmmmmm" when he comes up for air.

I don't think so. This is MY addiction. I will not have a 2 year old addicted to coffee. And, no, I'm not buying decaff. Please. This is MY weakness and habit. I need it. I love it. And I'm not giving it up! EVAH.

I'm in the process of designing and making a sling of sorts to keep my cup on my person at all times so he can't get his hands on it. American Inventor watch out. Here I come.

Oh, and as we are setting up our office, I voted we get a coffee maker before we even get the furniture.

This is What Happens

What happens when you are twelve years old and you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?
When everything that everyone does just pisses you off to no end?
When you believe that God made you the only intelligent life form on this earth?
When no one understands the black hole that is your mind?
When no one understands that there is NO GREY!!!! It is all black and white!!!!!
When you have to hate the very air that your mother breathes?
When there is no solution but to dramatically turn and walk to your room and slam the door to drive your point home?
Over...and over....and over......and over.....and over(to infinity) again?

Your door falls off the hinges. That's what happens.


I am so not gonna get it fixed.

Tip for Women

Fart. You know, there's nothing nice about that word. It doesn't look pretty or even sound pretty...and GOD KNOWS it don't smell purtty.

I have discovered something though in my now 35 years. Yeah, I had a birthday last weekend. That means I've been blogging a whole year. Go figure. Never thought I'd make it this far.

Anyway...what I have discovered. By the way...this is for women only. Because we know men just don't care.

I have discovered that if you are shopping in one of those humongous supercenters and you really gotta fart so bad you break into a cold sweat........go to the lawn and garden section. Man, that place smells so bad no one will ever know.

Trust me.

Males and Magnets

We all know something about magnets. I won't get into the scientific aspect of it, but I will bring back to mind an old saying or two. Remember "Opposites attract." or " Polar opposites"?

Men believe that they have magnetic personalities. Some are sadly disillusioned that they can just draw women in. Come on girls, we've all experienced a few like this.

Well, I'm going to go a different route with men and magnets.

I personally believe that ALL males are born with dirt magnets under their skin. Especially the face, hands, and feet. I can dress my son for church and sit him down in front of the television while the girls finish and I promise you, he will have a dirt smudge somewhere on his person before we get to the church. And it's not in my house, that's for sure. I have no idea how he does it.

And men. Grown men. How is it I can cut the grass and do yard work and barely have a speck of dirt on my person when I'm done, yet my husband looks like he's been farming? In black dirt? I just don't understand how a man can wear a uniform and come home with grease all over it. Especially when he has a particular uniform to wear when he's in the engine room working. I've given up asking him where he and boys are playing on the way home from work.

Just to point out here. My husband is gone a majority of the time and therefore has to do his own laundry. It could be that he just doesn't care to treat stains like the fanatic that I am, so by the time he gets home, the stains are set for life. Who knows.

I just know it's not only my husband and son. I've talked with friends and they have the same exact problems. We are perplexed and want to have certain tests run to confirm the "dirt magnet" theory.

I guess as long as I have spit, I'll be able to clean Vitt up. At least until he gets totally grossed out when I do it and runs away.

Be Good to Yourself

Because I sure have been. Seriously. I've shocked myself and then shocked myself even more!

First off, let me start by telling you that I don't worry about me. I worry about my kids and my husband. I want them to be provided for. My girlfriends can testify to this. When we (the girlfriends and I) go shopping, I buy for my kids and husband before I even look for my own self. Paige is always my ultimate mission. She is hard to dress so I am constantly looking for the cute stuff that will make her feel like a million bucks and totally fit in with her "Prissy Posse". Makenna is my fashion model. She can wear anything and I indulge with the cutest latest fashions that are reasonable. And Vitt? I have enjoyed buying for a little boy so much, that I simply can't help myself when I come across something that I just KNOW will look adorable on him. And needless to say, my husband doesn't lack for a decent choice in clothes. I love dressing a man and do it very well.

Well, to heck with them all!!! The past week has been devoted to Mama! And I'll tell you why..........

My husband is out to sea. Not giving away any classified information because I have no idea where he is. I'm almost certain that it's the Atlantic since we're located on the East coast...but that's all I would venture to guess. He will be coming back in around May 8th for a day or two and heading back out. Guess what? My birthday is May 13th and Mother's Day is May 14th. Sucks a big one, huh? So, instead of getting depressed....I went shopping.

For a while now, I've been secretly coveting the novelty of teeth whitening. Dang you Extreme Makeover!!!! I will watch an hour long documentary on that mess just to the see the before and after pictures. And loving coffee the way I do? Yeah, the good stuff is telling on my teeth. I have an appointment on May 8th to get my bonding replaced. It's located on my two front teeth and I got it when I was 17. Reason being is because I was on so many antibiotics as a child, my teeth were badly discolored and I was robbing the world of my beautiful smile!!!! My mother worked and saved and voila! I was a new girl. I've kept it up since and because the last time I got it replaced was in 2000 and it's only supposed to last around 3 years...it's time to replace. ( I take really good care of it!) I called on a whim to ask about the teeth whitening. Lo and behold. My dentist has the Zoom. The same exact thing used on Extreme Makeover. Was this a sign from above? No, the sign from above was that they just had a cancellation and had a time open...THAT DAY. I took it before I could think about it.

Now, let me tell you. I'm SO glad this is a one time deal. Sweet Joseph. It was two hours of torture. And so boring. I literally woke myself up snoring while sitting under the lamp. With my not so cool shades on that they provide. Man, beauty costs. But it looks good.

I have since broken out the sexified red lipstick and I stop at every mirror to smile like a maniac. I can't imagine how much better it's going to look when I get the bonding replaced, too!!! I am drinking coffee out of straw. And not caring what anyone thinks of me.

Since my smile has it's groove on...mama needed a new outfit to show it off. My mom and I did a little shopping this morning and while I did purchase a little something for the rest of the gang? I SO bought for myself. My mother was proud of me for doing that. I didn't realize how I neglected myself until today.

This is my thinking. I'm shopping to gift myself for the upcoming May weekend that my husband won't be here for. Instead of getting depressed...I'll just look good. No harm in that, is there?

Yeah, I got the outfit to wear to the ex-sister in law's house for a bridal shower for her sister this Sunday. We're all cool, but you never know who will be there from the Jerk's side. I have the red lipstick that rocks. I have the new heels that will kill me but no one will ever know because I am a Southern woman and we know how to handle that stress. Oh...I got the accessories to go along.

Told you I was being good to myself.

And I have my very own before and after pictures.

Beautiful Spite

My ex-husband (we'll refer to him as "Jerk" from here on out) liked working in the yards. This was a good compromise for us since I despised yard work. He made some really good choices and purchases when it came to plant life and really took care so that we had blooms year round in competition with my parents next door. Around two years before the Big Split, he decided to put a rose bush against our house. Off he went to buy the lattice because he was sure this thing was going to grow grow grow. I laughed because I knew he was putting it in the worst possible place for a plant. The ground was hard and dry and just not conducive for thriving rose blooms. But, he perservered. He watered it faithfully and I even pinched hit when he was working so his "baby" would survive. He lovingly spread plant food around the base and I'm sure there was a conversation in there between him and that rose bush. A year later, we had a few beautiful blooms. How proud he was of that bush. We must have taken 20 pictures and each bloom was recorded on film (was before digital cameras, friends).

Then came the Big Split. In the mass confusion, the rose bush was forgotten as it was February and it wasn't time to bloom. When March came Jerk arrived to pick up the girls for visitation. Casually he asked me if I was watering the rose bush. No, I replied. He got antsy. He asked me if maybe I thought I should. Nah, I shrugged....just knowing it was squeezing his soul that I cared not for that mangly rose bush. He left without another word.

A month later, the bush didn't appear as lovely as the year before. Again, Jerk inquired about it. Finally I told him to go dig the blessed thing up and take it with him. It didn't matter to me. (Nerves were quite raw between the two of us) I saw Mr. Hyde start to appear and braced myself. He informed me that he was going to leave that bush right where it was so when it died, everyone driving by could see it withered and brown on the vine and they would just KNOW that it was all my fault and blah blah blah. (I'm thinking there's some inner issues he was really referring to in that conversation). HA...I replied....I wouldn't touch that rose bush with a ten foot pole! Let it die. See if I care.

Oh, the hurtful things that people can say to each other.

That rose bush did suffer. It had a bad couple of years. Then...all of a sudden...it's gotten a life of it's own. It's started blooming and growing at an amazing speed. Right now it's sitting out there with over a hundred gorgeous blooms on it. It's higher than the house. I think if I just leave it alone, it will take over and cover the house and we'll live in some Sleeping Beauty like fantasy land. Okay...overboard....I have an active imagination.

I guess what it boils down to is that the rose bush is beautiful in spite of me and Jerk. Our dislike, frustrations, and just plain pettiness have washed over it and in the end.....it has won.

It didn't need either one of us to survive.

That's beautiful spite.

A Message for Paige

Twelve years ago on the 14th, you came into this world screaming. Or that's what I've been told. I was unable to participate in your birth because I had that nasty preeclampsia and got really sick. Rumor has it that I almost died, but I don't believe it because I don't recall any bright lights beckoning me. I just remember waking up in intensive care and your Nana telling me I had a baby girl. I don't recall much else from those two days. A doctor friend stopping by......your grandaddy David.....and a nurse with an angelic voice.

I didn't see you until you were a couple of days old and even then I couldn't make it to the NICU. They had to bring you in that plastic limo to my room. I remember how tiny you were at 3lbs 7 ozs and how this fierce love flowed through my veins. I was only 22 and didn't know a blessed thing. (Hindsight tells me that one!) I do know that I knew what a mother's love was and as I sat by your isolette day in and day out....I saw your prom. I saw your graduation. I saw your wedding. I saw the future.

I would take pain pills and time it to where I could drive that stick shift car of mine to the hospital. Yes, it was a big no no after having had a c-section, but everyone was back to their normal routines. And I had to get to you. Hours and hours I would sit by your side and watch the machines telling your life story. There are blurry faces of nurses that would bring me juice or crackers and fuss at me for not getting proper rest.

You came home at 4lbs even. A 2 liter pepsi bottle was bigger than you. My only thought was to make you thrive and flourish and let you know what love was.

I think you were born fighting and you haven't stopped yet. I wish sometimes you wouldn't struggle so hard to get ahead. It will all happen in good time. I understand your frustrations for the most part and hurt when I don't.

You are a beautiful and intelligent lady. You know how to match your clothes and iron them. You're learning the art of being a woman. I can't believe this teeny tiny baby has become the lady you are today. It just happened so fast.

BUT...and there's always a but. I am your mother. Not your friend. I will listen and be there for you, but I'm not your pal. It's my duty and honor to prepare you for what life has in store and I would be doing you an injustice if I didn't teach you right from wrong and how to handle situations that come along. The lessons aren't easy, but you won't fail. Maybe the day will come that we can be friends of a sort, but until then....I'm the boss. If I need to, I'll have it put on a shirt.

Growing up isn't easy. You're making sure of that. But I'm your mama and I will be behind you every step of the way to lift you up and help you. Even if you don't know it.

And, yes, you can be a lawyer and a doctor. Just PLEASE keep your grades up because we just can't afford that tuition!!

Where Things Don't Belong

Random thoughts about where things don't belong:

Paige lost her cell phone. After calling it to see if we could find it that way? It was in the VCR.

A stool in front of the washing machine. Hmmm. Open washing machine.....too many things to count floating around.

The Creme Brulee creamer I've discovered to go with my favorite beverage coffee? Poured out all over the floor.

The car keys? In the oven. In a pot of grease I keep for french fries. Keyless remotes DO NOT float in grease.

The last little piece of a block of cheese? In its zip up bag. Behind the t.v. With lots of things growing from it. Eww.

Remotes. Books. Magazines. Library books. Homework work book pages. Thrown behind the couch.

Box of wipes? In the commode.

Bottle of parmeson cheese? Shook out on top of the creamer.

The other shoe that belongs to the bestest and coolest pair of Wiggle bedroom shoes you ever saw? The kind that will make a two year old scream with glee? In the trashcan in the bathroom.

We've stopped getting upset over the new location of things in our house. It's become an adventure to see where something will turn up.

Man, I hate adventures sometimes.

To My Son

Two years ago yesterday you came into my life. I couldn't believe that you were exactly what I ordered. A dark complexion....big..no HUGE brown eyes...and a head full of dark brown hair. My heart swelled to bursting when your daddy held you and just looked at you with awe in his eyes. I wanted to bawl like a baby (durn hormones!) when your sisters sat on the foot of the bed and held you with the biggest grins because all they wanted was a baby brother. They proudly wore their shirts that said "MuMu- Vitt's big sister" and "Sissy- Vitt's big sister".

You grew too fast for me. You walked at 8 months 3 weeks and you haven't stopped since. Your determination and pure bull head attitude make me think you will make it far in life or be really tough in prison one day. I just can't understand how one little boy can get into so much trouble and still smile such a sweet angelic smile that melts even the coldest of hearts. The way you furrow your eyebrows in concentration or frustration makes me believe you will need botox before I do. Probably before kindergarten, I'm afraid.

I miss your daddy and it breaks my heart that he is missing out on so much of your early years. There are times when you do small things and I file it away to tell Daddy when we talk. There's no way he can fully comprehend what I'm telling him, but it helps him to understand and even share in your life just a little more. When I miss your daddy the most, I can look at you and while you watch your Wiggles with the fullest concentration... I can see from your profile you have his beautiful lips. Your bottom lip jutts out just a tiny bit like his and it makes me smile. Because as long as I can look at you, Daddy isn't far away.

You have brought a dimension to my life that I didn't even know existed. I appreciate "little boys are made from snips and snails and puppy dog tails" more and more. I know that as long as I draw breath, you will love me with a fierceness that defies logic. I know this by the way you throw your tiny arms around my neck and squeeze like you're a 300 lb. bouncer and then kiss my cheek. I expect you shall find a love one day that fulfills you...but just remember Mama keeps a LOT of band aids for boo boos and my kisses have magical healing power.

You are no longer a baby, but a strapping toddler/preschooler. Soon I'll have to let you venture out into the real world to fight your dragons....save a few damsels...and change the world. I wonder if the world is prepared for that?

Just remember this. When you are grown and doing wonderful things....you will forever be my baby.

So quit trying to potty train yourself already! I'm not ready for it.

Second Verse, Same as the First.......

Yeah, this country song life of mine just keeps getting more award winning. I can feel my Southern twang getting richer and fuller every single day.

Second Verse, same as the first......

• My van started messing up. After a few consults it was decided that maybe it was the alternator. It was. I called the Kia place and took it in. They fixed it pronto.
• Next day, said van left me beside the road as the engine ran hot. I was on the way to take the girls to the dentist. Paige's anxiety level sky rockets as I call the KIA place in order to see just what in the (loss of religion word) they did to my van the day before. My mother comes to get the girls as I sit for an hour and half beside the road waiting on the tow truck.
• Just minutes before the tow truck arrived, one man stopped. The whole time I sat there and no one stopped. What is the world coming to?
• Because I was stranded at the Kia place and could not take the day off and do personal stuff as planned, my business partner comes and picks me up in the charter bus. Very cool. Yet, I had to ride all afternoon to meetings. Between stops I had to pick up the girls and they thought they were royalty having a vehicle with 6 televisions screens AND a potty on board. Talk about tired.
• Oh, and it was the Kia's place fault. They stripped a hose or something. I did get it back the same day along with an intense flirt session from the service manager. Ick. He told me to tell my husband he would take care of me while he was gone. Double Ick. Whatever. At least he washed my van for me.
• Paige was sick. Good thing? I called the doctor and told them what was going on and they simply let me diagnose her since we go through this every 6 months. Saved me a doc's visit and some money.
• And last....the washing machine decided to play Niagara Falls. And all the laundry that was done? Got soaked. I had around 10 loads of laundry to tackle....again. That really broke the camel's back.

Yeah, it was a week....again. My job is getting ready to take off with April approaching. We have to make "appearances" at the games of the teams we have contracts with. Some I can handle since we have extremely good seats as part of the contract. One ball team even has us a box reserved ! No public potties for us. My husband was very excited to learn about our third base front row seats. That we have for the entire season.

My mother in law should hopefully be planning to head this way soon to stay for a while. I am looking so forward to her coming. Another adult in the house to have some decent conversation with sounds like heaven. Because, contrary to Paige's belief...she isn't grown.

My company is planning on purchasing a new charter bus. So why am I choking over the 500K price tag on that bad boy??? Gives me the freaking willies just thinking about. But, hey, it is going to be a sweet deal to ride in. The head partner...who has all the experience......that man can dream big. I gotta hand it to him.

So I'm off to prepare for a new week of intense preparation of our Spring season. In the meantime, I gotta hit the dentist myself, find something that will ease Paige's allergies, keep up with the housework.....and hopefully talk to my husband is has been locked up in a submarine for a couple of days now. (Honey, can you stop playing Navy for a few and come check in?)

I'm not tired of blogging. It's just hard to find time to compose when you have an almost 2 year old in the computer chair behind you playing the bongos on your back.

It Might Be the End of the World

Because it is 8:30 p.m. and all three of my kids are in bed. Granted, the smallest one isn't asleep yet, but we're working on it.

Paige is fighting allergies so she's on a benadryl high. I so appreciate that stuff right now. Poor thing. She needs her rest.

Vitt had to go to bed. He was so ornery that he was beside himself and I wasn't in the mood to deal with twins.

And there used to be so many small things lying around on the floor. Erasers. Lip gloss caps. Cars. I was constantly on the girls to pick them up because Vitt was capable of choking on them. I looked and the floor was clear??? Could it be that my girls were finally listening to me?

Nah.

Vitt's been stuffing them into the VCR.

Tagged...again

Sir Rick, Master of the English language, Professor of Profanity 101, has tagged me to do another round of "SEVEN". I'll play along since the questions are different and thought provoking.

Seven Things to Do Before I Die

1. See my children grow up.
2. Learn how to swim.
3. Build a house.
4. Own a Land Rover.
5. Shop when there's NOT a sale.
6. Pay off all our debt.
7. Quit laughing over #6.

Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Swim.
2. Keep my mouth shut.
3. Control my facial expressions.
4. Deal with my ex.
5. Turn my back on coffee.
6. or chocolate
7. Resist taking a nap if possible.

Seven Things That Attract me to Blogging

1. I can run my mouth.
2. I can write down what happens and maybe laugh about it.
3. It's my personal corner of the universe.
4. Therapy..the cheap way.
5. Meeting other people who have issues, too. (stating no names here)
6. Some family can keep up with what's going on.
7. I can vent about the Navy.

Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. Can I get a quote? (thanks to the new job)
2. I will cut your butt if you do that again.
3. You have GOT to be kidding me.
4. Bless his/her heart.
5. Do you mind?
6. Dear Lord...help me to.......
7. I don't think so.

Seven Books I love

This one is impossible. I read too many to list any particular ones. I've read the Harry Potter ones more than once, so that should qualify them. And they're so freaking big, they should count for 3 sometimes.

Seven Movies/DVDs That I Watch Over and Over

1. Fifth Element
2. Men in Black (both)
3. Dazed and Confused
4. Sixteen Candles
5. Top Gun
6. Grease ( I can SO sing the smack out of Stockard Channing's song)
7. Forrest Gump

Seven Celebs I Could Be Friends With

1. Matthew Macoune....I have no idea how to spell it but I would love to hang out with him one time.
2. Robin Williams
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Oprah (cuz, dang, I want in on her favorite things)
5. Madea (yeah, I know it's a man dressed in drag, but I LOVE those movies)
6. Queen Latifah (she's the coolest, plain and simple)
7. Rev. Billy Graham (just imagine)

Seven Friends I want to Join in

1. Fred (I mean it)
2. Mar (find time, girl)
3. Jacinda (oh, go ahead and do it again!)
4. Crazy Me (yeah, you too, girl)
5. I'm blank now. Does this mean I'm not popular?

My Life is a Country Song

There is an old joke about country music. That if you play a country song backwards, you get the woman back, the dog back, and the truck back. Many people have told me how depressing country music can be. It's all about the trials and tribulations of life itself. So many times I've listened to a particular song and had to nod my head in agreement. Some songs even make me shed a tear or two.

As I was fixing my pot of coffee this morning, I had an epiphany of sorts. At the moment, my life is a number one hit country song. I had to laugh to keep from crying. Case in point. I will give you a few details that could possibly win some singer a grammy.

1. My Makenna has the flu right now.
2. She also has a flare up of her eye ulcer going on.
3. My Paige thinks she's grown and refuses to be a child.
4. My husband is stuck in a boat and I haven't talked to him since Thursday morning. Don't exactly know when I'll get to.
5. I'm working a new job that I love but can't get a handle on because of numbers 1-4.
6. My dishwasher is quite possibly leaking. (I came to that conclusion when I stepped in water this morning in that vicinity)
7. My commode is still broken. The back tank is open and exposed and I can flush it...just the redneck way.
8. I ran over the stray dog that took up here...quite by accident. No one liked her but I've been treated like mean person because she ran in front of my van. Thing is? She's still alive and seems okay for the most part.
9. My house has suffered due to the sickness and I am overwhelmed at the thought of buckling down and cleaning it.
10. Last but not least.....my ex is driving me crazy with his stupidity. No country song can be complete with an ex mentioned somewhere in there.

This doesn't seem to be alot of grief really. But, add it all in and you got one hockin' good country song. I'm sure of it.

I really think that most of the country song writers have to have been in therapy at some point in their lives. Maybe some need to go now.

That's why I've been a little lax in posting. The fiddles, steel guitar, bass fiddle, and acoustic guitar have been a little bit distracting.

Oh, the shame

This has been the laziest day EVAH.*

My kids have been out of school today. They had Friday off, too. I think I'm going to have a talk with the vacation planner at school. They get entirely too many days off. The joy of living in a hurricane state, I suppose. We start school early in case a big one blows through and we're not in school until July because of missed days.

Anyway, we've been absolute lazy slobs today. In fact, we're all still in our pj's. I've refused to work at all. Okay, I take that back. I did a tiny bit this morning, but nothing since. This new job is a monster! I thought I would have a relaxing weekend visiting my husband, but ended up meeting with the owner of the hotel where we stayed and talking business. We even went out to eat and I sent them on to the van afterwards so I could talk with the manager. Sad, I know. But I'm learning to work when the opportunity presents itself. Best part of working some this weekend? The hotel and restaurant ended up being total business write offs. heh heh. Wish the shopping I did was, too. I think business only stretches so far, though.

Mak woke up sick today. I have no idea what hit her. All I know is she pulled an exorcist first thing and has been sleeping pretty much since. I'm hoping it's either a quick 24 hour virus thingy or something she ate.

I realized that I was becoming one of those moms I have big problems with. The ones who practically sleep with their cell phones and are constantly doing "one more thing" while the kids wait impatiently. I can see how and why it happens. It's very easy. You work so hard to be a good mom, that when you get a job in addition to being a mom, you want to do the same thing in that area of your life. I gotta keep a closer eye on this.

So, we're completely shameful today. And it feels good.


*EVAH- is the southern way of saying the word ever. And spell check has huge issues with this word, too.

Interstate Blues

I had the opportunity to go see my hubby this weekend in North Carolina. I've done this a few times and even though it was only for one night......I packed up the kids and off we went. We won't get to see him again until April so we'll take any minute we can get.

So I'm driving home and started thinking.......

• Why is the speed limit 65 mph for 5 miles.....70 mph for 10...back to 65 mph. Everyone is going at least 80. Let's all get along and fix these signs, people.
• And my understanding is that the left lane is used primarily for passing slower vehicles on the right and IF this is true why on earth is that dilapidated van..held together with rust and duct tape .....blowing exhaust in my face going 60mph? IN THE LEFT LANE?
• And just how am I supposed to focus with the Wiggles blaring in my right ear while my oldest HAS to listen to this cool song on the radio LOUD and I'm trying to talk to my husband with my cell phone headset so my left ear is occupied?
• And the interstate signs are mostly in green and blue. My kids know to look for the blue signs on the right side of the road for rest areas and such. What about color blind people? Is this discrimination?
• And I-95. Such a conglomeration of sights to see. I made mention to my husband that I always pass a boat being hauled. I thought I was going to make it all the way back without seeing one. No such luck. This HUGE boat was being hauled..taking up one lane and a few hairs of another. ITS A BOAT. A BIG ONE. Put that bad boy in the water and ride it down the coast. JEESH.
• And the girls who rode across country? Twice? Without a whimper of complaint? What happened to them? I got a seven year old who had a gameboy, mini dvd player, AND 4 barbies tell me....Mom? I'm bored. Okay, baby. Pour that pain out.

These are just a few thoughts I had as I drove along. One other thought I had?

I'm glad I'm moving to be with my husband in a few months. Me going South and him going North? That's no way to be. I need someone there beside me to make these observations to. It's how it should be.

I Heart Coffee

I never thought I would love a beverage this much. And I blame my husband for this. My ex used to drink alot of coffee when we were married. He works for EMS and they pull 24 hour shifts, so the need is there for caffiene at times. I would drink an occasional cup in cold weather, but never really craved it.

My husband? He would fix a cup first thing before he even took a decent full breath. He showed me how incredibly cool it was to just sit and drink a cup while watching headline news. I used to avoid caffiene at all costs. Wouldn't let it pollute my system as I was healthy and all that rot. Now? My husband has been gone for over a month with the Navy. (You SO don't want me to get into that one right now). I find myself getting up and fixing a pot before I do anything productive. I even bought the coffee disposable cups from the store so I could take a cup with me when I take the kids to school. I fit in even better now with all the other parents. I have a minivan with at least two car seats. I wear shades to hide the fact I have no makeup on. I put on a headband to hide the fact my hair is not up to par. And I proudly hold my coffee cup along with 95% of the parents I pass each and every morning. You will find that some of us even raise our cups to each other in the "parent salute".

I think I started drinking more coffee just as a way to stay connected with my husband. Made me feel comforted knowing that he was doing the same thing. My quota is no more than 3 cups a day. In the morning time...you know...just to the get the motivation to kick in.

Now if I could just get rid of the heart palpitations I get around noon.

A Light Bright Moment

Explaining "light bright" moment. It's just my sarcastic way of saying this is a person whose intellect I seriously question.

I'm sure everyone knows about toy cars. Especially the ones you can push over and over and when you let it go? ...It ZOOMS over the floor until it winds down or hits the wall? Vitt got a couple of those for Christmas. Has even learned how to make it go. Such a smart baby he is. We all like Vitt's toys. He's got some neat ones and after having two girls, it's fun to see all the "man stuff".

Makenna was on the floor the other evening while I was cooking supper. Paige was reading and Vitt was probably off into something. I hear a mild scream. I say mild because it wasn't blood curdling indicating either a show of blood or something spilled. I look and guess what?

Makenna had Vitt's car and was pushing it to wind it up. Then what did she do? Put it up to her forehead. With her hair. Oh yeah, it wasn't pretty. It's white blonde and all one length. I didn't panic though. I simply walked over and got it from her. THEN I got worried. I managed to unwind maybe 3/4 of it with her whining and telling me to "CUT IT! CUT IT!" Finally she jerked her head back...leaving quite a few strands wrapped around the wheels.

This kid made principal's honor roll. She is an awesome reader.

She so had a Light Bright Moment. I worry about her.

Who Did It?

I'm not joking. I want to know who had the bright idea to make single parents* work a job and try to get three people of various ages to cooperate in the morning time. Because it just isn't possible, people. Okay, it is possible. But not without a cup of coffee and a nerve pill.

I had to start early this morning. I am working for a charter bus company and travel agency. Very interesting. Fun. Really liking it. Wasn't liking it so much this morning when we had to start that early to get a busload of teenagers off on a ski trip. I had to leave by 6:30 a.m. and decided to take Makenna to my mother's before I left. Paige kept Vitt while she dressed. Makenna and I were walking out to the van and when she opened the door and looked she said.....

"Mama....you must've read the clock wrong. It's still dark out here!!!"

I assured her that I hadn't and that the sun would be out in less than 15 minutes. She still didn't believe me and was secretly hoping I would let her go back in the house and get in that warm bed. No dice, sister.

It was a fast working day, but I think I'm going to enjoy doing it. Especially when I get to hitchhike a little trip on a luxury charter bus. I even got to play with the microphone. Felt like a tour director for a minute there. I even asked the bus driver if we could do some karaoke. He was a cool guy and told me to have at it.

We are all trying to adjust. The kids aren't too thrilled, but they don't have to worry about building a house some day. Mama does.

I just hope there aren't too many day where Makenna thinks I can't read the clock.

*so my husband doesn't get pissed. I am NOT a single parent as in not married. I am a single parent in the aspect that I am raising these children on my own. I am the second wife in the harem. The Navy is the first.

A Typical Morning in My Life......

Cast of characters:
Me
Paige
Makenna
Vitt (silent but cute part)

We open with the minutes flying by. We need to get on the road to school so the threat of tardies isn't a reality.

Me: Makenna, would you please go look in the clean clothes and get me a pair of jogging pants for Vitt? Hurry, we gotta go!

Makenna slowly walks to the laundry room. She forgets what she went for by the time she has walked 15 feet. She brings back a washcloth. I'm sitting on the floor changing Vitt's diaper and waiting on her.

Makenna: Here you go, Mama.

Paige: Makenna, you idiot. Mama said PANTS. You are so slow and lazy. You better hope you grow up and marry a rich man.

Makenna: I'm gonna be a supermodel, Sissy. I'm going to be rich.

Paige: *snorts* Little do you know. Supermodels don't make alot of money.

I break in at this point to mutter to Paige: Uh, yeah, they do, Paige. They make loads of cash to stand there.

Makenna: See there! I will be rich and when I am, I'm going to buy Mama a house!

Paige: No, you're not! I am!!! I'm going to buy Mama a house because I'm going to be a doctor AND a lawyer!!!!

Makenna: You can buy the furniture. I'm going to be richer so I'm gonna buy Mama a house.

Paige: Nu uh. I'm buying the house!

Makenna: Uh huh, I will too buy the house!!

Paige: I know you didn't just uh huh my nu uh.

Makenna: Oh yes I did and I'll do it again! uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh

Me: LADIES!!! Just put the money in an account. I'll take it from there. Now go load up and let's get out of here!!!!!!

Get a Job, Man....

So I got a job. Seriously. I'm still in shock that I might just be gainfully employed. How did this happen??

I'll tell you how. My Sistah Mar's hubby is building a business. He's been after me a while to join in on the train on the ground floor. He finally talked me into it. And dangit, I'm excited. For two weeks, I've had alot of fun. Have felt all grown up. Am giving input. Am actually being listened to! How many can claim that?!?

I'm not stupid, though. I've gotten my Mom and my SIL in this deal with me. It's not a 9 to 5 ...Mon.-Fri. kind of deal. Loving it already, aren't you? I can take my kids...if I need to. I get to put in time at night when kids are in bed on my beloved computer!

PINCH ME, PEOPLE!

Best thing I think is that my boss (I like to call him Boss and pick on him instead of his real name...makes him go "heh heh heh"...but I seriously think he likes it!) is very family oriented. He has two girls. He knows what sickness is. He knows what a doctor's appointment is.

Just starting work, I get sick. Not just an average cold. I would almost bet one hundred dollars I have that "walking pneumonia" deal. Usually after 3-4 days, I'm good to go. Recovered and on my way. It's been a week. I'm not much better. I have laryngitis. My kids love it, of course. I can't get them to do anything around here. "Huh, Mom? Can't hear you! Sorry!" Humph. We'll see ol' girls when Mama's voice comes back. They know I can't bend over without putting Niagara Falls to shame. The hussies. I'm going to violate Child Labor Laws ten different ways, friends. But don't expect me to blog about it because it could be held against me in a court of law.

I'm employed outside the home for the first time in almost 12 years. (I'm not counting a few things here and there). I am excited about contributing financially to our household. I can still be with my children.

Dang. Pinch me again, would you?

Are YOU Getting Enough Bran?

Are you getting enough bran in your diet? Makenna is.

Makenna is a great eater. I don't know how the kid does it. She is tall and lanky and eats like a horse. I pray she'll stay this way and her metabolism will continue to be her friend. (unlike her mother and sister) It probably helps that she's never still and we now all know all the ballet steps that she knows since that's ALL she does all the time. It will wear anyone out to be around her because she's always dancing.

The other morning before schook, Makenna decided she was STARVING. I buy all kinds of cereal...good...bad...high sugar. She wanted Raisin Bran. Loves it. I fix her personal bowl and go get dressed. Midway through she comes to me and asks if she can have another bowl, she's really really really starving. I hesitate and decided..."Why not?"

Paige walked through the living room and saw Makenna eating. She started fussing about how slow she was and she was never going to finish that bowl. Makenna informed her that it was her SECOND bowl, thank you very much. Paige started laughing and told her she was going to be pooping all day long. Makenna sniffed and basically did the "PFT" * at her sister. She tends not to believe Paige most of the time.

That evening I was in the bathroom with Makenna as she got dressed for bed. She said in this amazed voice..."Mama! I lived in the bathroom all day today. I'm not gonna eat Raisin Bran again for a year! My butt is tired."

Now when Paige tells her something, she takes a second look...not sure if it's the truth or not, but storing the information for future reference.

Man, it's gotta suck being the little sister.


* PFT- have given this before but will again. This is the sound females make in disbelief or bad humor. Go ahead..say it out loud. You'll know what I mean.

Don't Call Me Names

Paige is going to drive me crazy, I do believe. I know a lot of my recent posts have to deal with her. It's either write about it or make the headlines in the morning paper.

Paige and Makenna have gotten into this nasty habit of name calling. I hate it and think it's totally uncalled for. From what I've been told by Paige's counselor, this is pretty normal. Well, Paige isn't normal and her vocabulary is very extensive for her age and the names she comes up with are just unacceptable.

This evening I was trying to get some chores done because I was meeting a friend for supper. This friend is from New Hampshire and we only get to see each other maybe once a year when she comes to visit her mother. We've been friends since sixth grade and have kept in contact since graduation. That's alot of letters, phone calls, and emails.

Back to the story. The girls were in a name calling contest and my nerves had just about all they could stand. I finally told them both that the next person that calls the other a name would have to write that word 100 times. Paige said..."Makenna, too?" I said..."Makenna can write so that includes her, too."

I send Makenna next door to do her homework because I guess the air here wasn't conducive to work today. She just couldn't get anything done.

I am folding clothes and finally finish. I tell Paige to go put them up. She decides it's time to practice being a lawyer because she starts her opening argument. I refuse to participate. I made a comment and for the life of me can't remember what it was. She looked at me and said, "Are you retarded?"

No she didn't.

I look at her at say...."I don't like that word at all. You will write it 200 times and be done before I get home from supper."

She says...."Don't you mean 100 times?"

I say....."I'm obviously retarded in your eyes so make it 200. You don't call your mother names."

I come home from supper and she has done her 200 times. I look at it and take another look.

The first 100 times she had written: retarted

My brother apparently told her the spelling mistake and on all the t's she went back and did a hoop to make it a d.

Do you know how hard it was for me not to say:

"Look who the retarded one is now?"

Wit? Sarcasm? or just another -Ism?

Ah, sweet Paige.

She had a hard time with her dad last week. There was a serious deal between them that she forbid me to blog about because she's serious about privacy...well, hers to be exact. We'll just keep mum about all I've written so far, okay?

She refused to go see him this past weekend due to what happened. He's a spiteful sort and took Makenna and his stepsons to the brand spanking new Chucky Cheese that opened. He made the comment to me ..so that I could tell Paige...that if she had done right, she would have gotten to go also. I relay the message.

That day Paige, Vitt, and I went shopping. There was a HUGE brassiere sale going on at well known department store ( I'm like Oprah..if you don't pay me, I don't advertise for you). I was determined that she have some really good ones since she has P.E. this nine weeks in school. Man, she would kill me for telling you guys this. Our mission was successful and she was prepared to start back to school.

After I relayed the message to her she turned and walked to her room. Five minutes later she comes back and says:

"If I had to choose between going to my dad's or going shopping for bras, I'd still choose bras....they give me more support than my dad."

Now I can't resist. For all those fans of the television show: That 70's Show : I will now say.....

BURN!

That sister gives a whole new meaning to the old saying: "a woman scorned"

Monkey See Monkey Do

Gonna make this as short as I can.

Decided the other day to finally go through my stack of mail and start shredding stuff that didn't need to be cluttering up my life. I think I do this around twice a year. It was time.

I get the shredder, put it on top of the trashcan and start going. Makenna LOVES the shredder. Thinks it's the coolest thing and begged for me to let her. I agreed (because it's safe and her fingers couldn't get in it) if she cleaned up the living room. Yeah, we've already established that I'm evil. Off she goes to straighten and I start putting some envelopes to the side for her. She doesn't care what she shreds, she just loves doing it.

Meantime, my son comes over to check out what Mom is doing. I shoo him back into the living room to watch the Wiggles.

Here comes Makenna. That is one happy girl doing her shreddin thang. Here comes Vitt. He wants to participate. He knows what to do since he's watched us do it. Okay, with supervision, he gets to do one or two.

Shredder stops working. I ask Mak to get me a butter knife. Methinks there's too much paper in one side. I turn off shredder, sit on floor and proceed to "operate". My supervisor...A.K.A. Vitt....squats down to watch.

Shredder is back working. Makenna is sitting in her Bratz chair working with her stack. I turn my back for ONE SECOND.

Vitt has gone to the silverware drawer and gotten himself a knife and STUCK IT IN THE SHREDDER. Oh, man, is that an awful noise or what? Freaked me out. I start hollering. He's running wide open because he KNEW he did something not quite right.

I turned the shredder off. I could not get the knife out. I had to sit on the floor with both my feet on the shredder and both hands on the knife and pull it out.

Knife had one tiny dent. Shredder still worked fine.

Nerves might recover.

One day.

What Kind of Blog?

When I started this thing called a blog, I didn't know what direction it would take. As I've wrote post after post, I realize that it does indeed center around my kids for the most part. Alot of people can't stand "mommy blogs" and that's okay with me. Some of the stuff I write might convince some of those out there who don't have children to definitely not have them. Others are nodding their heads in agreement with the stuff I have to deal with. Even more are out there shaking their heads in horror....hoping and praying their kids don't do some of the stuff mine have.

Being a stay at home mom means I don't have a boss to gripe about. I don't have the traffic woes of some (shoutout to Crazy Me on that one). I don't have to deal with a daycare. I don't have to worry about missing work for any reason.

I do have to worry about what happens when I get sick and I'm the only one here taking care of the juvenile deliquents. I do have to worry about getting up and starting the day on time. I have to worry about just about everything going on around here.

So if I post about something they do funny...or quirky....or even irritating, be grateful. There are SO many other things I could vent about. I think my husband thinks I ought to keep my mouth shut about certain things that will remain nameless but has to do with anchors and saluting and bell bottom uniforms. And I will respect him on this...until they do something else to piss me off.

I finally figured it out after all that rambling up above. This is a Hope Blog. There's no telling what you'll get. Keeps people on their toes.

Yet Another Paige-ism

My baby. My sweet, smart, incredibly hard thinking baby.

Fred picked up the HUGE book that has the Chronicles of Narnia. There's something like 7 stories and she has dug in and intends to read it all before school starts back for 2006. Yeah, she really will do it, too.

So, she's reading the first book and it drives me crazy because she has to discuss her thoughts on books she's reading...even if I have no idea what she's talking about. She stops explaining everything and decides to take a small break. Her mind is on the Bible and how this story relates to it. Keep in mind she's been going to church since she was an infant, so she's pretty up to speed on the Big Book.

On the T.V. the news is on. They are talking about the cabs at the beach that are participating in the Safe Drive Home. They will take drunks home for free instead of them getting on the road driving. Capital idea I believe. The number for one was 777-4444. She asked me why it was a number so easy. I replied that it would be easy for drunks and bartenders to remember. She nods in agreement. She then decided to go into left field for a moment and made the comment that a number one time was 666-6666. I said no, she was mistaken, that no one would use that number that I know of. She asked me why that was the devil's number. I said that 666 was the devil's number and I would have to look it up so that I wouldn't tell her the wrong thing.

She sat there for about 10 seconds and again said, "So 666 is the devil's number, right?" I answered yes, that was my understanding. Then I get........

"So what's God's number?"

And then...........

"Never mind, it's probably busy anyway."

Fa la la la la and old acquaintances and all that rot

Well, it's over and done for another whole year.

Christmas was amazing this year and somewhat different. I've never had a houseguest during that time and Fred's brother was great. He was the perfect houseguest. Didn't make any trouble..was great to get along with. This was the 4th time I've seen him in person and I hope he comes back next year. Fred was a new guy being home with family and having a sibling around. I even stepped up and in my Mother in Law's shoes and made him wear his knee brace and watched his sweet intake (he's a diabetic).

The kids scored bigtime. It seriously looks like Toys R Us threw up in my living room and that's just Vitt's stuff. Paige's karaoke machine and a few other things are stacked over on the side. When she gets her act together and drops the attitude and cleans her room, she can have full access to them. Yeah, I'm the world's worst mother. I'm sure we'll all recover from that. Makenna got her beloved Gameboy SP. We haven't really seen her since.

The week following Christmas was so busy, I can't believe how much we got done in such a short time. We all went to Virginia Tuesday evening since Fred had to muster and work for a short period Wednesday. Paige and I needed new military I.D.'s since ours expired this month. Didn't realize until we got there that they had expired the 3rd of December instead of the 31st like I thought. Mr. Dude in charge wondered why we didn't go somewhere down here and get them done. I informed him that I was still new to all of this and since they were expired, I probably couldn't get on a base down here without my sponsor (that being Fred). Crap on it. It's done and over with. Six hour drive one way for 30 minutes worth of trouble. Kids dug the hotel room as they always do and we got to order room service this time for breakfast. They are doing things I haven't done til my 30's. No fair.

We got back around 1:00 a.m. Wednesday night or would that be Thursday morning? Anyway, all day Thursday was spent dealing with the bank and get that man a new car. Mission successful. Can't believe how easily it went and Mama (that being me) got us an interest rate of 5.75%, baby. Yeah! Friday was spent changing the tags over from the other car and getting all of Fred's stuff packed up. I still believe that it's too sporty for him and he gets serious attitude when he's driving it. The heated leather seat warmers might have been overkill.

Finally got a chance to put the Christmas decorations away on Friday. Got a funny feeling because next year we'll have a tree up in Georgia. I know I'm going to put one up here, too, since we'll actually be here for the big event, but how do I split it all up? Where do I put up the handmade decorations that I lovingly wrap in tissue paper every year to preserve them? It was a weird moment for me until I decided to do as cousin Scarlett did....I'll think about it tomorrow...or next November.

So, it was a good Christmas all the way around. Hated to see Fred leave to go back yesterday. He's rung in the New Year on a submarine and me with 3 kids. We went over to my brother's house earlier to do some fireworks. Vitt got introduced to the sparkler. Big Mistake. I'm sure I'm going to find tiny burn holes in his clothes tomorrow. Kid was a maniac with them. Oh, and he can walk under the new trampoline without bending over and he believes that is the coolest thing ever.

Got a few funny things to write about later. Just wanted to do a quick update and let everyone know that we're still alive over here. Just don't hurt your jaw yawning over my exciting life.

Am trying to figure out how to post a picture. Pro D requested a pic of Makenna now snaggletoothed and adorable. Oh yeah, we're definitely not entering any pageants any time soon. (Thank goodness!)

Happy New Year and am sending wishes for a great 2006

Oh No...not again

Makenna lost another tooth. She is adorable, but the pressure is too much for me to handle right now! She went to put her tooth under the pillow tonight and I casually said...."Hey Mu? Why don't you wait until Cat Navy (this is what she calls Fred. We don't know why, but it's precious and suits the two of them perfectly) comes home. He might want to see the tooth."

She says..."Yeah, you're right, Mama. 'Sides, she's probably helping Santa out right now since he's so busy and she won't believe she's gotta turn around come straight back because I lost another tooth. We'll just wait until after Christmas."

Whew. Another bullet dodged.

Heeellllllllooooooooooo Big Daddy

It's after midnight. I can say that Big Daddy is coming home today!! Woo hoo!! Fred hasn't been home in two and a half months and I am so ready for him to get here!!

The Navy finally consented to be decent and let the guys go early tommorow. I still think there's a catch in there somewhere. I wish that car had wings, but as old as she is? We just want her to make it home. Big Daddy will be driving back in a new vehicle. Got that bad boy all lined up. Still not sure if he should have a car with leather seats, sunroof, etc etc. Kinda sporty for an old married man. Yeah, Mama done hooked him up good. (grammer sucked there, but that's how I said it out loud)

Another good surprise. Fred's brother is coming to spend Christmas with us. He was working in Florida and was headed back home to Nebraska when his truck malfunctioned. So, instead of pushing it to get back and there being a chance of him being in a hotel room on Christmas Eve, we convinced him to come here. My husband has not spent Christmas with a parent or sibling in four years. He's very excited that Matt is going to be here with us. We've been cleaning all day long preparing for his arrival. Paige is not happy about the manual labor. Vitt gets to really meet another Uncle. I don't think he remembers Matt from when he was 3 months old. Yeah, I'm wondering how that boy of mine is going to handle going from man of the house to there being two other males at least 3 feet taller than him around. Could be interesting.

I am ready ready ready for that man to call and tell me he's on the way.
I got a list a mile long for him to do while he's here!!! And I'm going to the bathroom without company. Dad can take over for a while.

Kiss the Pig

Now let me explain the title.

Back when Katrina hit our coast and destroyed so many lives, fundraisers were an every day occurrence. Our school here had one called "Kiss the Pig". Each class was told that whoever brought the most donations in, their teacher would have to kiss a pig in front of the whole school. Talk about motivation. Makenna loves her teacher, but really wanted to see her kiss that pig. She had received her five bucks (finally!) from the Tooth Fairy a couple of weeks before and had it stashed back until she could decide what to do with it. She came to me and said she wanted to donate all five dollars to Kiss the Pig. She would get all giggly and excited at the thought of her teacher kissing that pig. I asked if she was sure that's what she wanted and she was very sure. So, off she went to school with her five dollars to donate.

Her class didn't win.

This morning when I was getting her ready for her last day of school before Christmas break, I fell in love with my child even more. We were chatting while I fixed her hair and she said to me:

"Mama, I want to take my 3 dollars that the Tooth Fairy gave me and buy Christmas presents for Vitt and Sissy." I smiled because I knew she would be hard pressed to find two presents for that price.She then went on to say, "If I had that five dollars from the last time, I'd have eight dollars to buy gifts with, but I gave that money to help those kids who got hit by that hurricane."

What's the big deal with that, you ask? Because it wasn't about that stupid pig. She didn't get upset that her teacher didn't end up kissing it, but knew that it was all going to help others. And she didn't have a problem with it!! That made me so proud of her. Even now, she finally has a few bucks of her own and her thought is to do something for someone else with it....not herself.

Makes me think I might be doing something right.

My Failure as a Fairy

Let's skip away from the Christmas madness for a moment, shall we? I know I definately need to take a breather from wrapping and attending social functions, if only for a minute.

I have hands down won the award for Worse Tooth Fairy Ever. I just refuse to believe that someone else in this world has been as bad as I have.

See, I tend to forget by the time that I go to bed that the Tooth Fairy needs to visit. I've done this just about every single time with both my girls. It was okay when Fred was home on a nightly basis. He was awesome at remembering. Since he's been gone this year? Oh man. First example was back around end of June. Makenna lost a tooth and full of anticipation, she put that teeny tiny tooth under her pillow. She woke up the next morning and tears rolled down her face. The Tooth Fairy had forgotten her. Well, I've never been accused of being a slow thinker. Quick as lightning, I told her that alot of people took vacation around the fourth of July, and maybe the Tooth Fairy was doing that very same thing. I told her to be patient, that she would get to her, but she would have alot of catching up to do around the world when she got back from vacationing. This smoothed things over nicely. And I PROMISE I tried to remember every single night to rectify the situation, and kept forgetting. A WEEK LATER, I finally thought about it and because of the massive load of guilt I carried by then, wouldn't you know? That Gorgeous Tooth Fairy left her 5 whole bucks!! And a letter of apology. She was a gazillionaire then, people.

There are many more stories, but that by far was the worse. Til now. Makenna lost her tooth over a week ago. She is an official snaggletooth since it's in the front on the top. She has faithfully checked under her pillow every morning and sighed a big sigh. I told her that maybe since it was so close to Christmas, the Tooth Fairy was helping Santa to get ready for Christmas Eve. I lie to my children!!!!! Oh, the guilt. Here I am.....totally endorsing the magic of childhood and all that goes with it. I believe in Santa....and the Tooth Fairy....and the Easter Bunny. Then I go and stab their little hearts. Of course, I now remember and will make the Tooth Fairy look gorgeous again and redeem herself by tomorrow morning.

The best part of it? Mak continues to hold onto hope. What better lesson to teach about hope, huh?

Please take note parents. Don't follow in my footsteps. Write it on your hand with a pen if you have to!! The lies...they build and build until you can't remember if you told your kid the Fairy went to the Bahamas or an Alaskan cruise. And trust me...they'll remember. I think they're born knowing how to trip us up.

I Believe

Lately, I've been reading some blogs and discussion boards about whether or not people let their children believe in Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. I can understand the side of those who choose not to let their kids believe. I just tend to disagree.

I let my kids believe. In fact, I enforce it! Magic is rare. A child's magic is a perfect magic. I have so many memories of my childhood that involve all three of the above. It gave me something to look forward. Something to work for. You had to be good for Santa and the Easter Bunny. You got rewarded for looking like a dork with gaps in your mouth with the Tooth Fairy. Face it, people. Life is hard as an adult. I am guilty of saying at least once a week that being grown up sucks sometimes. And it does. Sure, there are good points....Like staying up late....Driving....having control of the remote. But do we have magic in our hearts anymore? Not like we did when we were younger.

I remember when I found out the "truth". I wasn't devastated. I understood that I was growing up and not once did I ever ruin it for my brother who was 5 year younger. Are you kidding? He may have been the biggest pain in my rear, but that kid was mine! And when he got old enough my parents had a talk with us. We were given the option of saying out loud that we didn't believe ...or.....we could continue "believing" and continue to get gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. Humph. I am 34 years old and you will never hear me say that I don't believe. While I run around taking care of MY responsibilities for the holiday season...a little part of me is excited knowing that someone is out there "talking to Santa" for me. I'm doing my best to keep the magic alive.

We have a rule at our house. There will no goodies purchased after Labor Day weekend. My children get more than I ever did growing up. Times change. But, I don't want them to get to the point that Christmas means nothing to them. By the time Christmas gets here...they are very appreciative for what they get. They know the true meaning of Christmas. They participate in plays and pageants at church. We talk of Jesus' birthday and how special he was here and is in heaven. Who gave the most ever? So why not make His season a season of giving? ~steps down off of soapbox~ My husband took a hard hit when he was told this rule applied to him. Poor thing. He was used to going out and just buying whatever he wanted...when he wanted. The first year I truly believe he went through withdrawals those three months. He couldn't buy movies or any new gadgets that caught his eye. He now fully supports this rule and enjoys talking to Santa. I have to sometimes stop him from overdoing it. He's a cool dad.

I have been complaining about all the shopping I've had to do. But I wouldn't trade it. My SIL and I decided that she and my brother and Fred and I would trade gifts...with a twist. You have to stay in the 20-30 buck range, and it has to be different. I can't wait to see what we all come up with. Now that's fun.

So, if you let your children believe.....good for you. I want to do like my parents and keep the magic alive for my own children as long as I'm able to get out and talk to Santa for them.

If you decide not to let them believe, then that's fine, too.

That being said, stay tuned for my failure story.

A Cayden Verbal Thought

Cayden is my 3 year old nephew and when you ask him who loves him best, he will promptly reply..."Aunt Hope". Drives my brother crazy.

Now at 3, kids are inclined to speak their mind. They can't fully grasp the concept of ...oh, maybe not mentioning something ...that it might not be the right time or place.

Case in point.

This morning in church Cayden decided to sit with me. I'm sure it was because he loves me, but it could be because I had some candy, too. Vitt sat with the grandparents behind me.

Towards the end of church Vitt was back with us and he and Cayden were pushing a couple of matchbox cars around. Service was almost over and the preacher was asking if there was any announcements. While he was saying this, Cayden dropped his car on the floor and when he reached down to pick it up, Vitt lost his balance and sat on his hand. When he did, he pooted.

During the lull after the preacher asked if there was anything else, Cayden stood up and in the silence announced to my parents:

"Vitt just sat and pooted on my hand!!!!"

And the two of them proceeded to start laughing....loud.

Yeah, those two boys are gonna get in alot of trouble together. I just know it.

Date Night

I was special tonight!

I am on a mission to buy my husband a car and have it ready for him when he comes home at Christmas. This is not a surprise to him, just another job for me to get done. We all know how salesmen treat women. Like we're invisible. I figured out how to take care of that. I enlisted the help of my dad. He and Fred have consulted over the phone a few times and the time was right for my dad and me to go look today. My mother warned me before we left that if Dad didn't like what he was hearing that he would simply get up and walk out and I was to follow if he did. Gotcha, Mom. Something tells me she's speaking from experience. I could tell my Dad was looking forward to sinking his teeth into this. He hasn't car shopped since he got my mom her tahoe 2 years ago. I discovered that men really dig this kind of stuff.

One car lot we visited had a salesman running out meet us. He didn't even look at me, went straight for my dad. Uh huh. Big mistake, Bud. Mama has the checkbook. He rushes to shake my dad's hand and asks if there's anything he can do. Dad simply responds, "No." Guy kinda stands there and then says he's there if we need him and walks back off. Way to go, Dad. Was amusing picturing him walking off on his knees because he got cut off.

We decided to hit Walmart before going home so the new Star Wars movie could be purchased. I remind my dad that the rule is that you don't buy yourself anything this close to Christmas. I said this while hiding the gorgeous new bracelet I picked up for myself last Friday under my sleeve. People, it was a good price!! And so pretty. He shrugs and says he wants to see the movie now. ~sigh~ Patience isn't his virtue.

As we leave, he asks me if I'm hungry. Sure. We go out to eat and as I'm sitting there talking to him while we wait for our food, I realize I got a date night with my dad! And it was cool! I never get time with him to just sit and see how things are going. He never tells what he's getting my mom for Christmas. It's always the biggest secret and everyone looks forward to seeing what he gets her. He asked for my help. Shock! I felt all grown up, people.

It was a great evening and I made the comment on the way home that I hope Paige gets over her anger at her own dad and can one day be able to sit with him and enjoy her time talking to him. Maybe one day.

My good feeling lasted until I walked in my parent's house and my mom looked at me and said....take these children home!!!! This boy is making my nerve pill null and void!! All good things must come to end. Date night was over.