Tagged...again

Sir Rick, Master of the English language, Professor of Profanity 101, has tagged me to do another round of "SEVEN". I'll play along since the questions are different and thought provoking.

Seven Things to Do Before I Die

1. See my children grow up.
2. Learn how to swim.
3. Build a house.
4. Own a Land Rover.
5. Shop when there's NOT a sale.
6. Pay off all our debt.
7. Quit laughing over #6.

Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Swim.
2. Keep my mouth shut.
3. Control my facial expressions.
4. Deal with my ex.
5. Turn my back on coffee.
6. or chocolate
7. Resist taking a nap if possible.

Seven Things That Attract me to Blogging

1. I can run my mouth.
2. I can write down what happens and maybe laugh about it.
3. It's my personal corner of the universe.
4. Therapy..the cheap way.
5. Meeting other people who have issues, too. (stating no names here)
6. Some family can keep up with what's going on.
7. I can vent about the Navy.

Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. Can I get a quote? (thanks to the new job)
2. I will cut your butt if you do that again.
3. You have GOT to be kidding me.
4. Bless his/her heart.
5. Do you mind?
6. Dear Lord...help me to.......
7. I don't think so.

Seven Books I love

This one is impossible. I read too many to list any particular ones. I've read the Harry Potter ones more than once, so that should qualify them. And they're so freaking big, they should count for 3 sometimes.

Seven Movies/DVDs That I Watch Over and Over

1. Fifth Element
2. Men in Black (both)
3. Dazed and Confused
4. Sixteen Candles
5. Top Gun
6. Grease ( I can SO sing the smack out of Stockard Channing's song)
7. Forrest Gump

Seven Celebs I Could Be Friends With

1. Matthew Macoune....I have no idea how to spell it but I would love to hang out with him one time.
2. Robin Williams
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Oprah (cuz, dang, I want in on her favorite things)
5. Madea (yeah, I know it's a man dressed in drag, but I LOVE those movies)
6. Queen Latifah (she's the coolest, plain and simple)
7. Rev. Billy Graham (just imagine)

Seven Friends I want to Join in

1. Fred (I mean it)
2. Mar (find time, girl)
3. Jacinda (oh, go ahead and do it again!)
4. Crazy Me (yeah, you too, girl)
5. I'm blank now. Does this mean I'm not popular?

My Life is a Country Song

There is an old joke about country music. That if you play a country song backwards, you get the woman back, the dog back, and the truck back. Many people have told me how depressing country music can be. It's all about the trials and tribulations of life itself. So many times I've listened to a particular song and had to nod my head in agreement. Some songs even make me shed a tear or two.

As I was fixing my pot of coffee this morning, I had an epiphany of sorts. At the moment, my life is a number one hit country song. I had to laugh to keep from crying. Case in point. I will give you a few details that could possibly win some singer a grammy.

1. My Makenna has the flu right now.
2. She also has a flare up of her eye ulcer going on.
3. My Paige thinks she's grown and refuses to be a child.
4. My husband is stuck in a boat and I haven't talked to him since Thursday morning. Don't exactly know when I'll get to.
5. I'm working a new job that I love but can't get a handle on because of numbers 1-4.
6. My dishwasher is quite possibly leaking. (I came to that conclusion when I stepped in water this morning in that vicinity)
7. My commode is still broken. The back tank is open and exposed and I can flush it...just the redneck way.
8. I ran over the stray dog that took up here...quite by accident. No one liked her but I've been treated like mean person because she ran in front of my van. Thing is? She's still alive and seems okay for the most part.
9. My house has suffered due to the sickness and I am overwhelmed at the thought of buckling down and cleaning it.
10. Last but not least.....my ex is driving me crazy with his stupidity. No country song can be complete with an ex mentioned somewhere in there.

This doesn't seem to be alot of grief really. But, add it all in and you got one hockin' good country song. I'm sure of it.

I really think that most of the country song writers have to have been in therapy at some point in their lives. Maybe some need to go now.

That's why I've been a little lax in posting. The fiddles, steel guitar, bass fiddle, and acoustic guitar have been a little bit distracting.

Oh, the shame

This has been the laziest day EVAH.*

My kids have been out of school today. They had Friday off, too. I think I'm going to have a talk with the vacation planner at school. They get entirely too many days off. The joy of living in a hurricane state, I suppose. We start school early in case a big one blows through and we're not in school until July because of missed days.

Anyway, we've been absolute lazy slobs today. In fact, we're all still in our pj's. I've refused to work at all. Okay, I take that back. I did a tiny bit this morning, but nothing since. This new job is a monster! I thought I would have a relaxing weekend visiting my husband, but ended up meeting with the owner of the hotel where we stayed and talking business. We even went out to eat and I sent them on to the van afterwards so I could talk with the manager. Sad, I know. But I'm learning to work when the opportunity presents itself. Best part of working some this weekend? The hotel and restaurant ended up being total business write offs. heh heh. Wish the shopping I did was, too. I think business only stretches so far, though.

Mak woke up sick today. I have no idea what hit her. All I know is she pulled an exorcist first thing and has been sleeping pretty much since. I'm hoping it's either a quick 24 hour virus thingy or something she ate.

I realized that I was becoming one of those moms I have big problems with. The ones who practically sleep with their cell phones and are constantly doing "one more thing" while the kids wait impatiently. I can see how and why it happens. It's very easy. You work so hard to be a good mom, that when you get a job in addition to being a mom, you want to do the same thing in that area of your life. I gotta keep a closer eye on this.

So, we're completely shameful today. And it feels good.


*EVAH- is the southern way of saying the word ever. And spell check has huge issues with this word, too.

Interstate Blues

I had the opportunity to go see my hubby this weekend in North Carolina. I've done this a few times and even though it was only for one night......I packed up the kids and off we went. We won't get to see him again until April so we'll take any minute we can get.

So I'm driving home and started thinking.......

• Why is the speed limit 65 mph for 5 miles.....70 mph for 10...back to 65 mph. Everyone is going at least 80. Let's all get along and fix these signs, people.
• And my understanding is that the left lane is used primarily for passing slower vehicles on the right and IF this is true why on earth is that dilapidated van..held together with rust and duct tape .....blowing exhaust in my face going 60mph? IN THE LEFT LANE?
• And just how am I supposed to focus with the Wiggles blaring in my right ear while my oldest HAS to listen to this cool song on the radio LOUD and I'm trying to talk to my husband with my cell phone headset so my left ear is occupied?
• And the interstate signs are mostly in green and blue. My kids know to look for the blue signs on the right side of the road for rest areas and such. What about color blind people? Is this discrimination?
• And I-95. Such a conglomeration of sights to see. I made mention to my husband that I always pass a boat being hauled. I thought I was going to make it all the way back without seeing one. No such luck. This HUGE boat was being hauled..taking up one lane and a few hairs of another. ITS A BOAT. A BIG ONE. Put that bad boy in the water and ride it down the coast. JEESH.
• And the girls who rode across country? Twice? Without a whimper of complaint? What happened to them? I got a seven year old who had a gameboy, mini dvd player, AND 4 barbies tell me....Mom? I'm bored. Okay, baby. Pour that pain out.

These are just a few thoughts I had as I drove along. One other thought I had?

I'm glad I'm moving to be with my husband in a few months. Me going South and him going North? That's no way to be. I need someone there beside me to make these observations to. It's how it should be.

I Heart Coffee

I never thought I would love a beverage this much. And I blame my husband for this. My ex used to drink alot of coffee when we were married. He works for EMS and they pull 24 hour shifts, so the need is there for caffiene at times. I would drink an occasional cup in cold weather, but never really craved it.

My husband? He would fix a cup first thing before he even took a decent full breath. He showed me how incredibly cool it was to just sit and drink a cup while watching headline news. I used to avoid caffiene at all costs. Wouldn't let it pollute my system as I was healthy and all that rot. Now? My husband has been gone for over a month with the Navy. (You SO don't want me to get into that one right now). I find myself getting up and fixing a pot before I do anything productive. I even bought the coffee disposable cups from the store so I could take a cup with me when I take the kids to school. I fit in even better now with all the other parents. I have a minivan with at least two car seats. I wear shades to hide the fact I have no makeup on. I put on a headband to hide the fact my hair is not up to par. And I proudly hold my coffee cup along with 95% of the parents I pass each and every morning. You will find that some of us even raise our cups to each other in the "parent salute".

I think I started drinking more coffee just as a way to stay connected with my husband. Made me feel comforted knowing that he was doing the same thing. My quota is no more than 3 cups a day. In the morning time...you know...just to the get the motivation to kick in.

Now if I could just get rid of the heart palpitations I get around noon.

A Light Bright Moment

Explaining "light bright" moment. It's just my sarcastic way of saying this is a person whose intellect I seriously question.

I'm sure everyone knows about toy cars. Especially the ones you can push over and over and when you let it go? ...It ZOOMS over the floor until it winds down or hits the wall? Vitt got a couple of those for Christmas. Has even learned how to make it go. Such a smart baby he is. We all like Vitt's toys. He's got some neat ones and after having two girls, it's fun to see all the "man stuff".

Makenna was on the floor the other evening while I was cooking supper. Paige was reading and Vitt was probably off into something. I hear a mild scream. I say mild because it wasn't blood curdling indicating either a show of blood or something spilled. I look and guess what?

Makenna had Vitt's car and was pushing it to wind it up. Then what did she do? Put it up to her forehead. With her hair. Oh yeah, it wasn't pretty. It's white blonde and all one length. I didn't panic though. I simply walked over and got it from her. THEN I got worried. I managed to unwind maybe 3/4 of it with her whining and telling me to "CUT IT! CUT IT!" Finally she jerked her head back...leaving quite a few strands wrapped around the wheels.

This kid made principal's honor roll. She is an awesome reader.

She so had a Light Bright Moment. I worry about her.

Who Did It?

I'm not joking. I want to know who had the bright idea to make single parents* work a job and try to get three people of various ages to cooperate in the morning time. Because it just isn't possible, people. Okay, it is possible. But not without a cup of coffee and a nerve pill.

I had to start early this morning. I am working for a charter bus company and travel agency. Very interesting. Fun. Really liking it. Wasn't liking it so much this morning when we had to start that early to get a busload of teenagers off on a ski trip. I had to leave by 6:30 a.m. and decided to take Makenna to my mother's before I left. Paige kept Vitt while she dressed. Makenna and I were walking out to the van and when she opened the door and looked she said.....

"Mama....you must've read the clock wrong. It's still dark out here!!!"

I assured her that I hadn't and that the sun would be out in less than 15 minutes. She still didn't believe me and was secretly hoping I would let her go back in the house and get in that warm bed. No dice, sister.

It was a fast working day, but I think I'm going to enjoy doing it. Especially when I get to hitchhike a little trip on a luxury charter bus. I even got to play with the microphone. Felt like a tour director for a minute there. I even asked the bus driver if we could do some karaoke. He was a cool guy and told me to have at it.

We are all trying to adjust. The kids aren't too thrilled, but they don't have to worry about building a house some day. Mama does.

I just hope there aren't too many day where Makenna thinks I can't read the clock.

*so my husband doesn't get pissed. I am NOT a single parent as in not married. I am a single parent in the aspect that I am raising these children on my own. I am the second wife in the harem. The Navy is the first.

A Typical Morning in My Life......

Cast of characters:
Me
Paige
Makenna
Vitt (silent but cute part)

We open with the minutes flying by. We need to get on the road to school so the threat of tardies isn't a reality.

Me: Makenna, would you please go look in the clean clothes and get me a pair of jogging pants for Vitt? Hurry, we gotta go!

Makenna slowly walks to the laundry room. She forgets what she went for by the time she has walked 15 feet. She brings back a washcloth. I'm sitting on the floor changing Vitt's diaper and waiting on her.

Makenna: Here you go, Mama.

Paige: Makenna, you idiot. Mama said PANTS. You are so slow and lazy. You better hope you grow up and marry a rich man.

Makenna: I'm gonna be a supermodel, Sissy. I'm going to be rich.

Paige: *snorts* Little do you know. Supermodels don't make alot of money.

I break in at this point to mutter to Paige: Uh, yeah, they do, Paige. They make loads of cash to stand there.

Makenna: See there! I will be rich and when I am, I'm going to buy Mama a house!

Paige: No, you're not! I am!!! I'm going to buy Mama a house because I'm going to be a doctor AND a lawyer!!!!

Makenna: You can buy the furniture. I'm going to be richer so I'm gonna buy Mama a house.

Paige: Nu uh. I'm buying the house!

Makenna: Uh huh, I will too buy the house!!

Paige: I know you didn't just uh huh my nu uh.

Makenna: Oh yes I did and I'll do it again! uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh

Me: LADIES!!! Just put the money in an account. I'll take it from there. Now go load up and let's get out of here!!!!!!

Get a Job, Man....

So I got a job. Seriously. I'm still in shock that I might just be gainfully employed. How did this happen??

I'll tell you how. My Sistah Mar's hubby is building a business. He's been after me a while to join in on the train on the ground floor. He finally talked me into it. And dangit, I'm excited. For two weeks, I've had alot of fun. Have felt all grown up. Am giving input. Am actually being listened to! How many can claim that?!?

I'm not stupid, though. I've gotten my Mom and my SIL in this deal with me. It's not a 9 to 5 ...Mon.-Fri. kind of deal. Loving it already, aren't you? I can take my kids...if I need to. I get to put in time at night when kids are in bed on my beloved computer!

PINCH ME, PEOPLE!

Best thing I think is that my boss (I like to call him Boss and pick on him instead of his real name...makes him go "heh heh heh"...but I seriously think he likes it!) is very family oriented. He has two girls. He knows what sickness is. He knows what a doctor's appointment is.

Just starting work, I get sick. Not just an average cold. I would almost bet one hundred dollars I have that "walking pneumonia" deal. Usually after 3-4 days, I'm good to go. Recovered and on my way. It's been a week. I'm not much better. I have laryngitis. My kids love it, of course. I can't get them to do anything around here. "Huh, Mom? Can't hear you! Sorry!" Humph. We'll see ol' girls when Mama's voice comes back. They know I can't bend over without putting Niagara Falls to shame. The hussies. I'm going to violate Child Labor Laws ten different ways, friends. But don't expect me to blog about it because it could be held against me in a court of law.

I'm employed outside the home for the first time in almost 12 years. (I'm not counting a few things here and there). I am excited about contributing financially to our household. I can still be with my children.

Dang. Pinch me again, would you?

Are YOU Getting Enough Bran?

Are you getting enough bran in your diet? Makenna is.

Makenna is a great eater. I don't know how the kid does it. She is tall and lanky and eats like a horse. I pray she'll stay this way and her metabolism will continue to be her friend. (unlike her mother and sister) It probably helps that she's never still and we now all know all the ballet steps that she knows since that's ALL she does all the time. It will wear anyone out to be around her because she's always dancing.

The other morning before schook, Makenna decided she was STARVING. I buy all kinds of cereal...good...bad...high sugar. She wanted Raisin Bran. Loves it. I fix her personal bowl and go get dressed. Midway through she comes to me and asks if she can have another bowl, she's really really really starving. I hesitate and decided..."Why not?"

Paige walked through the living room and saw Makenna eating. She started fussing about how slow she was and she was never going to finish that bowl. Makenna informed her that it was her SECOND bowl, thank you very much. Paige started laughing and told her she was going to be pooping all day long. Makenna sniffed and basically did the "PFT" * at her sister. She tends not to believe Paige most of the time.

That evening I was in the bathroom with Makenna as she got dressed for bed. She said in this amazed voice..."Mama! I lived in the bathroom all day today. I'm not gonna eat Raisin Bran again for a year! My butt is tired."

Now when Paige tells her something, she takes a second look...not sure if it's the truth or not, but storing the information for future reference.

Man, it's gotta suck being the little sister.


* PFT- have given this before but will again. This is the sound females make in disbelief or bad humor. Go ahead..say it out loud. You'll know what I mean.

Don't Call Me Names

Paige is going to drive me crazy, I do believe. I know a lot of my recent posts have to deal with her. It's either write about it or make the headlines in the morning paper.

Paige and Makenna have gotten into this nasty habit of name calling. I hate it and think it's totally uncalled for. From what I've been told by Paige's counselor, this is pretty normal. Well, Paige isn't normal and her vocabulary is very extensive for her age and the names she comes up with are just unacceptable.

This evening I was trying to get some chores done because I was meeting a friend for supper. This friend is from New Hampshire and we only get to see each other maybe once a year when she comes to visit her mother. We've been friends since sixth grade and have kept in contact since graduation. That's alot of letters, phone calls, and emails.

Back to the story. The girls were in a name calling contest and my nerves had just about all they could stand. I finally told them both that the next person that calls the other a name would have to write that word 100 times. Paige said..."Makenna, too?" I said..."Makenna can write so that includes her, too."

I send Makenna next door to do her homework because I guess the air here wasn't conducive to work today. She just couldn't get anything done.

I am folding clothes and finally finish. I tell Paige to go put them up. She decides it's time to practice being a lawyer because she starts her opening argument. I refuse to participate. I made a comment and for the life of me can't remember what it was. She looked at me and said, "Are you retarded?"

No she didn't.

I look at her at say...."I don't like that word at all. You will write it 200 times and be done before I get home from supper."

She says...."Don't you mean 100 times?"

I say....."I'm obviously retarded in your eyes so make it 200. You don't call your mother names."

I come home from supper and she has done her 200 times. I look at it and take another look.

The first 100 times she had written: retarted

My brother apparently told her the spelling mistake and on all the t's she went back and did a hoop to make it a d.

Do you know how hard it was for me not to say:

"Look who the retarded one is now?"

Wit? Sarcasm? or just another -Ism?

Ah, sweet Paige.

She had a hard time with her dad last week. There was a serious deal between them that she forbid me to blog about because she's serious about privacy...well, hers to be exact. We'll just keep mum about all I've written so far, okay?

She refused to go see him this past weekend due to what happened. He's a spiteful sort and took Makenna and his stepsons to the brand spanking new Chucky Cheese that opened. He made the comment to me ..so that I could tell Paige...that if she had done right, she would have gotten to go also. I relay the message.

That day Paige, Vitt, and I went shopping. There was a HUGE brassiere sale going on at well known department store ( I'm like Oprah..if you don't pay me, I don't advertise for you). I was determined that she have some really good ones since she has P.E. this nine weeks in school. Man, she would kill me for telling you guys this. Our mission was successful and she was prepared to start back to school.

After I relayed the message to her she turned and walked to her room. Five minutes later she comes back and says:

"If I had to choose between going to my dad's or going shopping for bras, I'd still choose bras....they give me more support than my dad."

Now I can't resist. For all those fans of the television show: That 70's Show : I will now say.....

BURN!

That sister gives a whole new meaning to the old saying: "a woman scorned"

Monkey See Monkey Do

Gonna make this as short as I can.

Decided the other day to finally go through my stack of mail and start shredding stuff that didn't need to be cluttering up my life. I think I do this around twice a year. It was time.

I get the shredder, put it on top of the trashcan and start going. Makenna LOVES the shredder. Thinks it's the coolest thing and begged for me to let her. I agreed (because it's safe and her fingers couldn't get in it) if she cleaned up the living room. Yeah, we've already established that I'm evil. Off she goes to straighten and I start putting some envelopes to the side for her. She doesn't care what she shreds, she just loves doing it.

Meantime, my son comes over to check out what Mom is doing. I shoo him back into the living room to watch the Wiggles.

Here comes Makenna. That is one happy girl doing her shreddin thang. Here comes Vitt. He wants to participate. He knows what to do since he's watched us do it. Okay, with supervision, he gets to do one or two.

Shredder stops working. I ask Mak to get me a butter knife. Methinks there's too much paper in one side. I turn off shredder, sit on floor and proceed to "operate". My supervisor...A.K.A. Vitt....squats down to watch.

Shredder is back working. Makenna is sitting in her Bratz chair working with her stack. I turn my back for ONE SECOND.

Vitt has gone to the silverware drawer and gotten himself a knife and STUCK IT IN THE SHREDDER. Oh, man, is that an awful noise or what? Freaked me out. I start hollering. He's running wide open because he KNEW he did something not quite right.

I turned the shredder off. I could not get the knife out. I had to sit on the floor with both my feet on the shredder and both hands on the knife and pull it out.

Knife had one tiny dent. Shredder still worked fine.

Nerves might recover.

One day.

What Kind of Blog?

When I started this thing called a blog, I didn't know what direction it would take. As I've wrote post after post, I realize that it does indeed center around my kids for the most part. Alot of people can't stand "mommy blogs" and that's okay with me. Some of the stuff I write might convince some of those out there who don't have children to definitely not have them. Others are nodding their heads in agreement with the stuff I have to deal with. Even more are out there shaking their heads in horror....hoping and praying their kids don't do some of the stuff mine have.

Being a stay at home mom means I don't have a boss to gripe about. I don't have the traffic woes of some (shoutout to Crazy Me on that one). I don't have to deal with a daycare. I don't have to worry about missing work for any reason.

I do have to worry about what happens when I get sick and I'm the only one here taking care of the juvenile deliquents. I do have to worry about getting up and starting the day on time. I have to worry about just about everything going on around here.

So if I post about something they do funny...or quirky....or even irritating, be grateful. There are SO many other things I could vent about. I think my husband thinks I ought to keep my mouth shut about certain things that will remain nameless but has to do with anchors and saluting and bell bottom uniforms. And I will respect him on this...until they do something else to piss me off.

I finally figured it out after all that rambling up above. This is a Hope Blog. There's no telling what you'll get. Keeps people on their toes.

Yet Another Paige-ism

My baby. My sweet, smart, incredibly hard thinking baby.

Fred picked up the HUGE book that has the Chronicles of Narnia. There's something like 7 stories and she has dug in and intends to read it all before school starts back for 2006. Yeah, she really will do it, too.

So, she's reading the first book and it drives me crazy because she has to discuss her thoughts on books she's reading...even if I have no idea what she's talking about. She stops explaining everything and decides to take a small break. Her mind is on the Bible and how this story relates to it. Keep in mind she's been going to church since she was an infant, so she's pretty up to speed on the Big Book.

On the T.V. the news is on. They are talking about the cabs at the beach that are participating in the Safe Drive Home. They will take drunks home for free instead of them getting on the road driving. Capital idea I believe. The number for one was 777-4444. She asked me why it was a number so easy. I replied that it would be easy for drunks and bartenders to remember. She nods in agreement. She then decided to go into left field for a moment and made the comment that a number one time was 666-6666. I said no, she was mistaken, that no one would use that number that I know of. She asked me why that was the devil's number. I said that 666 was the devil's number and I would have to look it up so that I wouldn't tell her the wrong thing.

She sat there for about 10 seconds and again said, "So 666 is the devil's number, right?" I answered yes, that was my understanding. Then I get........

"So what's God's number?"

And then...........

"Never mind, it's probably busy anyway."

Fa la la la la and old acquaintances and all that rot

Well, it's over and done for another whole year.

Christmas was amazing this year and somewhat different. I've never had a houseguest during that time and Fred's brother was great. He was the perfect houseguest. Didn't make any trouble..was great to get along with. This was the 4th time I've seen him in person and I hope he comes back next year. Fred was a new guy being home with family and having a sibling around. I even stepped up and in my Mother in Law's shoes and made him wear his knee brace and watched his sweet intake (he's a diabetic).

The kids scored bigtime. It seriously looks like Toys R Us threw up in my living room and that's just Vitt's stuff. Paige's karaoke machine and a few other things are stacked over on the side. When she gets her act together and drops the attitude and cleans her room, she can have full access to them. Yeah, I'm the world's worst mother. I'm sure we'll all recover from that. Makenna got her beloved Gameboy SP. We haven't really seen her since.

The week following Christmas was so busy, I can't believe how much we got done in such a short time. We all went to Virginia Tuesday evening since Fred had to muster and work for a short period Wednesday. Paige and I needed new military I.D.'s since ours expired this month. Didn't realize until we got there that they had expired the 3rd of December instead of the 31st like I thought. Mr. Dude in charge wondered why we didn't go somewhere down here and get them done. I informed him that I was still new to all of this and since they were expired, I probably couldn't get on a base down here without my sponsor (that being Fred). Crap on it. It's done and over with. Six hour drive one way for 30 minutes worth of trouble. Kids dug the hotel room as they always do and we got to order room service this time for breakfast. They are doing things I haven't done til my 30's. No fair.

We got back around 1:00 a.m. Wednesday night or would that be Thursday morning? Anyway, all day Thursday was spent dealing with the bank and get that man a new car. Mission successful. Can't believe how easily it went and Mama (that being me) got us an interest rate of 5.75%, baby. Yeah! Friday was spent changing the tags over from the other car and getting all of Fred's stuff packed up. I still believe that it's too sporty for him and he gets serious attitude when he's driving it. The heated leather seat warmers might have been overkill.

Finally got a chance to put the Christmas decorations away on Friday. Got a funny feeling because next year we'll have a tree up in Georgia. I know I'm going to put one up here, too, since we'll actually be here for the big event, but how do I split it all up? Where do I put up the handmade decorations that I lovingly wrap in tissue paper every year to preserve them? It was a weird moment for me until I decided to do as cousin Scarlett did....I'll think about it tomorrow...or next November.

So, it was a good Christmas all the way around. Hated to see Fred leave to go back yesterday. He's rung in the New Year on a submarine and me with 3 kids. We went over to my brother's house earlier to do some fireworks. Vitt got introduced to the sparkler. Big Mistake. I'm sure I'm going to find tiny burn holes in his clothes tomorrow. Kid was a maniac with them. Oh, and he can walk under the new trampoline without bending over and he believes that is the coolest thing ever.

Got a few funny things to write about later. Just wanted to do a quick update and let everyone know that we're still alive over here. Just don't hurt your jaw yawning over my exciting life.

Am trying to figure out how to post a picture. Pro D requested a pic of Makenna now snaggletoothed and adorable. Oh yeah, we're definitely not entering any pageants any time soon. (Thank goodness!)

Happy New Year and am sending wishes for a great 2006

Oh No...not again

Makenna lost another tooth. She is adorable, but the pressure is too much for me to handle right now! She went to put her tooth under the pillow tonight and I casually said...."Hey Mu? Why don't you wait until Cat Navy (this is what she calls Fred. We don't know why, but it's precious and suits the two of them perfectly) comes home. He might want to see the tooth."

She says..."Yeah, you're right, Mama. 'Sides, she's probably helping Santa out right now since he's so busy and she won't believe she's gotta turn around come straight back because I lost another tooth. We'll just wait until after Christmas."

Whew. Another bullet dodged.

Heeellllllllooooooooooo Big Daddy

It's after midnight. I can say that Big Daddy is coming home today!! Woo hoo!! Fred hasn't been home in two and a half months and I am so ready for him to get here!!

The Navy finally consented to be decent and let the guys go early tommorow. I still think there's a catch in there somewhere. I wish that car had wings, but as old as she is? We just want her to make it home. Big Daddy will be driving back in a new vehicle. Got that bad boy all lined up. Still not sure if he should have a car with leather seats, sunroof, etc etc. Kinda sporty for an old married man. Yeah, Mama done hooked him up good. (grammer sucked there, but that's how I said it out loud)

Another good surprise. Fred's brother is coming to spend Christmas with us. He was working in Florida and was headed back home to Nebraska when his truck malfunctioned. So, instead of pushing it to get back and there being a chance of him being in a hotel room on Christmas Eve, we convinced him to come here. My husband has not spent Christmas with a parent or sibling in four years. He's very excited that Matt is going to be here with us. We've been cleaning all day long preparing for his arrival. Paige is not happy about the manual labor. Vitt gets to really meet another Uncle. I don't think he remembers Matt from when he was 3 months old. Yeah, I'm wondering how that boy of mine is going to handle going from man of the house to there being two other males at least 3 feet taller than him around. Could be interesting.

I am ready ready ready for that man to call and tell me he's on the way.
I got a list a mile long for him to do while he's here!!! And I'm going to the bathroom without company. Dad can take over for a while.

Kiss the Pig

Now let me explain the title.

Back when Katrina hit our coast and destroyed so many lives, fundraisers were an every day occurrence. Our school here had one called "Kiss the Pig". Each class was told that whoever brought the most donations in, their teacher would have to kiss a pig in front of the whole school. Talk about motivation. Makenna loves her teacher, but really wanted to see her kiss that pig. She had received her five bucks (finally!) from the Tooth Fairy a couple of weeks before and had it stashed back until she could decide what to do with it. She came to me and said she wanted to donate all five dollars to Kiss the Pig. She would get all giggly and excited at the thought of her teacher kissing that pig. I asked if she was sure that's what she wanted and she was very sure. So, off she went to school with her five dollars to donate.

Her class didn't win.

This morning when I was getting her ready for her last day of school before Christmas break, I fell in love with my child even more. We were chatting while I fixed her hair and she said to me:

"Mama, I want to take my 3 dollars that the Tooth Fairy gave me and buy Christmas presents for Vitt and Sissy." I smiled because I knew she would be hard pressed to find two presents for that price.She then went on to say, "If I had that five dollars from the last time, I'd have eight dollars to buy gifts with, but I gave that money to help those kids who got hit by that hurricane."

What's the big deal with that, you ask? Because it wasn't about that stupid pig. She didn't get upset that her teacher didn't end up kissing it, but knew that it was all going to help others. And she didn't have a problem with it!! That made me so proud of her. Even now, she finally has a few bucks of her own and her thought is to do something for someone else with it....not herself.

Makes me think I might be doing something right.

My Failure as a Fairy

Let's skip away from the Christmas madness for a moment, shall we? I know I definately need to take a breather from wrapping and attending social functions, if only for a minute.

I have hands down won the award for Worse Tooth Fairy Ever. I just refuse to believe that someone else in this world has been as bad as I have.

See, I tend to forget by the time that I go to bed that the Tooth Fairy needs to visit. I've done this just about every single time with both my girls. It was okay when Fred was home on a nightly basis. He was awesome at remembering. Since he's been gone this year? Oh man. First example was back around end of June. Makenna lost a tooth and full of anticipation, she put that teeny tiny tooth under her pillow. She woke up the next morning and tears rolled down her face. The Tooth Fairy had forgotten her. Well, I've never been accused of being a slow thinker. Quick as lightning, I told her that alot of people took vacation around the fourth of July, and maybe the Tooth Fairy was doing that very same thing. I told her to be patient, that she would get to her, but she would have alot of catching up to do around the world when she got back from vacationing. This smoothed things over nicely. And I PROMISE I tried to remember every single night to rectify the situation, and kept forgetting. A WEEK LATER, I finally thought about it and because of the massive load of guilt I carried by then, wouldn't you know? That Gorgeous Tooth Fairy left her 5 whole bucks!! And a letter of apology. She was a gazillionaire then, people.

There are many more stories, but that by far was the worse. Til now. Makenna lost her tooth over a week ago. She is an official snaggletooth since it's in the front on the top. She has faithfully checked under her pillow every morning and sighed a big sigh. I told her that maybe since it was so close to Christmas, the Tooth Fairy was helping Santa to get ready for Christmas Eve. I lie to my children!!!!! Oh, the guilt. Here I am.....totally endorsing the magic of childhood and all that goes with it. I believe in Santa....and the Tooth Fairy....and the Easter Bunny. Then I go and stab their little hearts. Of course, I now remember and will make the Tooth Fairy look gorgeous again and redeem herself by tomorrow morning.

The best part of it? Mak continues to hold onto hope. What better lesson to teach about hope, huh?

Please take note parents. Don't follow in my footsteps. Write it on your hand with a pen if you have to!! The lies...they build and build until you can't remember if you told your kid the Fairy went to the Bahamas or an Alaskan cruise. And trust me...they'll remember. I think they're born knowing how to trip us up.

I Believe

Lately, I've been reading some blogs and discussion boards about whether or not people let their children believe in Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. I can understand the side of those who choose not to let their kids believe. I just tend to disagree.

I let my kids believe. In fact, I enforce it! Magic is rare. A child's magic is a perfect magic. I have so many memories of my childhood that involve all three of the above. It gave me something to look forward. Something to work for. You had to be good for Santa and the Easter Bunny. You got rewarded for looking like a dork with gaps in your mouth with the Tooth Fairy. Face it, people. Life is hard as an adult. I am guilty of saying at least once a week that being grown up sucks sometimes. And it does. Sure, there are good points....Like staying up late....Driving....having control of the remote. But do we have magic in our hearts anymore? Not like we did when we were younger.

I remember when I found out the "truth". I wasn't devastated. I understood that I was growing up and not once did I ever ruin it for my brother who was 5 year younger. Are you kidding? He may have been the biggest pain in my rear, but that kid was mine! And when he got old enough my parents had a talk with us. We were given the option of saying out loud that we didn't believe ...or.....we could continue "believing" and continue to get gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. Humph. I am 34 years old and you will never hear me say that I don't believe. While I run around taking care of MY responsibilities for the holiday season...a little part of me is excited knowing that someone is out there "talking to Santa" for me. I'm doing my best to keep the magic alive.

We have a rule at our house. There will no goodies purchased after Labor Day weekend. My children get more than I ever did growing up. Times change. But, I don't want them to get to the point that Christmas means nothing to them. By the time Christmas gets here...they are very appreciative for what they get. They know the true meaning of Christmas. They participate in plays and pageants at church. We talk of Jesus' birthday and how special he was here and is in heaven. Who gave the most ever? So why not make His season a season of giving? ~steps down off of soapbox~ My husband took a hard hit when he was told this rule applied to him. Poor thing. He was used to going out and just buying whatever he wanted...when he wanted. The first year I truly believe he went through withdrawals those three months. He couldn't buy movies or any new gadgets that caught his eye. He now fully supports this rule and enjoys talking to Santa. I have to sometimes stop him from overdoing it. He's a cool dad.

I have been complaining about all the shopping I've had to do. But I wouldn't trade it. My SIL and I decided that she and my brother and Fred and I would trade gifts...with a twist. You have to stay in the 20-30 buck range, and it has to be different. I can't wait to see what we all come up with. Now that's fun.

So, if you let your children believe.....good for you. I want to do like my parents and keep the magic alive for my own children as long as I'm able to get out and talk to Santa for them.

If you decide not to let them believe, then that's fine, too.

That being said, stay tuned for my failure story.

A Cayden Verbal Thought

Cayden is my 3 year old nephew and when you ask him who loves him best, he will promptly reply..."Aunt Hope". Drives my brother crazy.

Now at 3, kids are inclined to speak their mind. They can't fully grasp the concept of ...oh, maybe not mentioning something ...that it might not be the right time or place.

Case in point.

This morning in church Cayden decided to sit with me. I'm sure it was because he loves me, but it could be because I had some candy, too. Vitt sat with the grandparents behind me.

Towards the end of church Vitt was back with us and he and Cayden were pushing a couple of matchbox cars around. Service was almost over and the preacher was asking if there was any announcements. While he was saying this, Cayden dropped his car on the floor and when he reached down to pick it up, Vitt lost his balance and sat on his hand. When he did, he pooted.

During the lull after the preacher asked if there was anything else, Cayden stood up and in the silence announced to my parents:

"Vitt just sat and pooted on my hand!!!!"

And the two of them proceeded to start laughing....loud.

Yeah, those two boys are gonna get in alot of trouble together. I just know it.

Date Night

I was special tonight!

I am on a mission to buy my husband a car and have it ready for him when he comes home at Christmas. This is not a surprise to him, just another job for me to get done. We all know how salesmen treat women. Like we're invisible. I figured out how to take care of that. I enlisted the help of my dad. He and Fred have consulted over the phone a few times and the time was right for my dad and me to go look today. My mother warned me before we left that if Dad didn't like what he was hearing that he would simply get up and walk out and I was to follow if he did. Gotcha, Mom. Something tells me she's speaking from experience. I could tell my Dad was looking forward to sinking his teeth into this. He hasn't car shopped since he got my mom her tahoe 2 years ago. I discovered that men really dig this kind of stuff.

One car lot we visited had a salesman running out meet us. He didn't even look at me, went straight for my dad. Uh huh. Big mistake, Bud. Mama has the checkbook. He rushes to shake my dad's hand and asks if there's anything he can do. Dad simply responds, "No." Guy kinda stands there and then says he's there if we need him and walks back off. Way to go, Dad. Was amusing picturing him walking off on his knees because he got cut off.

We decided to hit Walmart before going home so the new Star Wars movie could be purchased. I remind my dad that the rule is that you don't buy yourself anything this close to Christmas. I said this while hiding the gorgeous new bracelet I picked up for myself last Friday under my sleeve. People, it was a good price!! And so pretty. He shrugs and says he wants to see the movie now. ~sigh~ Patience isn't his virtue.

As we leave, he asks me if I'm hungry. Sure. We go out to eat and as I'm sitting there talking to him while we wait for our food, I realize I got a date night with my dad! And it was cool! I never get time with him to just sit and see how things are going. He never tells what he's getting my mom for Christmas. It's always the biggest secret and everyone looks forward to seeing what he gets her. He asked for my help. Shock! I felt all grown up, people.

It was a great evening and I made the comment on the way home that I hope Paige gets over her anger at her own dad and can one day be able to sit with him and enjoy her time talking to him. Maybe one day.

My good feeling lasted until I walked in my parent's house and my mom looked at me and said....take these children home!!!! This boy is making my nerve pill null and void!! All good things must come to end. Date night was over.

Duct Tape

Not a girly thing to write about, is it?

Duct tape is an interesting invention for sure. The many uses you employ with this are outstanding for sure.

scenario: We (we being the family) are sitting on the huge front porch my parents decided to have built when they got more than 3 granchildren. Adults are rocking in the big rocking chairs courtesy of Cracker Barrel and the kiddies are puttering around on little ride toys. The men are smoking one of their allotted cigars. I believe they smoke around 3 apiece per year. Somehow the subject of duct tape comes up and my husband ....in a superior voice.... says that duct tape has been tested at the depths of the ocean. My dad looks at him...blows out a puff of smoke and replies, "Oh yeah? And what depth would that be?". My husband then does that smug smile and says that he isn't allowed to say...classified information, you know. Now imagine my eye rolling at this point. Just what I need to know. The sub springs a leak and they got duct tape. Great. Hear that Russia? The secret is duct tape.

In my first marriage I did not allow duct tape in my house. My ex had this love affair with the stuff and if he had his way, we would have never been able to let Jeff Foxworthy come visit. Not that he ever would anyway, but I like to be prepared. I can just see him on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour ..."You might be a redneck or live at Hope's house if....."

Now? I have my own love affair with the stuff. I had to find out on my own just how good it is. My son is a genius at getting into stuff and I discovered that a piece on the fridge door would keep him out. Until he learned to peel it off. Then I walked in the other day and my kitchen looked like someone on crack had gotten hold of a roll of the stuff. It was holding my dishwasher closed. My cabinets. My fridge again. The oven door. I calmly asked Paige what was the deal and she replied that she was tired of getting him out of those places and desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't argue with her. I even contemplated the idea of using it on the toilet. Then I reconsidered because when you gotta go...you gotta go. No time to de-duct tape at all. Especially with the viruses going on around here.

So I may not know at what depths duct tape will hold a submarine together, but I do know that I can get a piece of sanity back for a few minutes...until I need to get into an appliance.

You might be a redneck or you live at Hope's house........

What Madness is This?

I fight sickness all last week with all three kids. I make it through the weekend and basically get them well again.

I wake up this morning and I have that stupid blankety blank blank blank stomach virus my sis in law had Friday. How fair is that I ask you!

Guess who wasn't sick? Oh yeah, that boy took full advantage of his mom until sis in law called and found out I was sick and came to get him right away. (I love her).

Good thing this is only a 24 hour kind of deal. I'll drop a few pounds, get swimmy headed until tomorrow morning sometime. I'm blonde already...so a little dizziness can't hurt. Right?

Mission Accomplished

And what a mission it was. We arrived at SuperWalmart at 2:40 a.m. with cappucinos in tow. The rookie had been briefed and was all excited to take part. I found my LF in electronics and we chatted for a few and got the game plan set. We all separated to go take up our stations. Well, I kinda took the long way around. I picked up a few things I needed and ambled back to speak to LF again. She's our general and she was upset that I wasn't at my battle station. I blew her off.

All I gotta say is Thank God for cell phones!! We were constantly calling each other to see what was going on. At 3 a.m.? Not a durn thing. My hubby called at around 3:40 a.m. when he did rounds (he had duty). That was weird to be talking to him in the middle of the night in Walmart. Never said I was normal.

The closer it got to 5 a.m., the bigger the crowd got. I saw a few people I knew and we started doing some last minute bartering. You know...you get this for me, I'll get this for you and we'll meet at the front. What a sweet deal! I ran into my ex sister in law's sister and I got some stuff for her and she left to hit Best Buy and picked up some stuff for me. Man, it helps to know people. That cousin of mine didn't show to help out and I'm completely ill with him. I may let him slide since he worked from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. Thanksgiving Day.

The funniest thing of the day? My Sister in law was sent with TWO buggies to get two televisions. Then we found out the portable dvd players were near her and so she was responsible for getting five of those. Why is that funny? Because she's so tiny and short ...the smallest one out of the group..and here she is getting the biggest stuff. She was a sight to behold pulling those two buggies to meet me. Wish I had a camera. While she was waiting, a group of guys came in that had been at a nightclub. They were stopping in to get some snacks and had no clue about the sale. (O' to be young and not care about saving a buck). She tried to convince them to stay and help her lift the t.v.s. Too bad they were basically drunk and probably would have passed out by 5 a.m.

The rookie? She did okay. She was supposed to get a computer, but when people started grabbing, she got overwhelmed and missed out. That's okay. She's new. We'll know next year to put LF or my SIL in a bulldog position. They have no qualms about fighting for a deal.

Me? I made friends with the floor workers who were guard doggin the stuff. We weren't allowed to touch it until 5 on the dot. (okay, so it was more like 4:50, but who cares now?) One worker would go get some of what I wanted and put it right beside me so I could get it and not miss out. That's me...the smooth talker.

We did so well at Walmart that we headed to Target and got there 6 minutes before they opened at 6 a.m. There was a line of people all the way around the building that had been waiting for ages and we kind of sidled up around 5:59 a.m. and waited to go in at the front. Some security guy tried to stop us (along with about 100 more latecomers). Uh, yeah right, Jack. Back up. All is fair and love and shopping and deals.

Our breakfast was great and it felt like it was 11:30 instead of 7 a.m. We had more to do and set off again. Little did I know that my Sister in Law was sick!!! She had been feeling bad, but breakfast sent her over the edge. I was driving around looking for a parking place when she said...get one quick!! I'm going to throw up!!! I said....HOLD UP....I'm getting there! Don't throw up in my van, man!! When I got in the parking place, she jumped out, ran to the front of the van and ..well, you know. I stayed in the van with windows up because if I had heard....I'd have been right beside her. Weak stomach, you know.

This is one tough woman. She got right up and said let's go. I told her I would take her home. No way...there was shopping to be done. She was so pale and shaky, but determined to get her list done. And she did. She passed out on the way home and probably doesn't even remember unloading the goods at Santa's hideout..a.k.a. Grandma's house. I haven't called to check on her because I know if it were me....I'd be sleeping that mess off.

So it was a successful battle for the team again. We were high on good deals and signing credit card slips. What a cramp in my wrist!!! (just kidding, honey...we can still pay the light bill)

Midnight Shopping

What can you do with a group of lunatics that prepare to go shopping at 12 midnight? Eh, nothing really but roll over and go back to sleep.

The army has been assembled. We go in teams of two. Well, my team has three members, but that's okay. We got stuck with the rookie so it's like having two. Either she'll jump in and be professional by 7 a.m. or never ever do this again.

We've studied the sales papers. We've got our map tracked as to where we go and when and who is responsible for getting a certain item. Cell phones are charged so we can communicate inside stores.

First we were going to leave at 4 a.m. Nah, we need time to scout. Then it got moved to 3 a.m. Then we remembered that the Walmart Supercenter was open 24 hours!! You can't buy til 5 a.m., but you sure can stand by your item and guard it with a coffee induced ferocity. We then decided to leave at 2 a.m. and thought again because the Sister in Law and I have to pick up her sister (the rookie). We need time to brief her and make sure she knows the seriousness of how we operate. My cousin is a big strapping guy who is getting off of work at the hospital at 11 p.m. and is going home to shower and change (the ER can be quite messy at times) then go right back out to stake our claim on a few major items. He seriously counts for two people on his own because at 6'2"...he can intimidate nicely.

We're seriously going to miss Fred this year. It was a bonus having two tall guys on our team who could easily reach over squabbling women to get something we want. Plus they can tote the heavy stuff. I feel a back ache coming on.

My mother gets bonus points for keeping 4 children this year. Paige decided she wanted no part of that scene and is staying home to sleep in peace. She has three phones beside her head but I don't anticipate her coming up for air until around 10 a.m. or so. Mom gets bigger bonus points because 3 of those kids are sick. I had a small amount of pity on her and doped them up before I sent them over. They should be snoring quite nicely about now.

Paige and I turned the T.V. up loud and talked loud because there was no fear of waking anyone up. We thought we were on vacation!

I am not going to attempt to sleep because if I do, it'll be all over with before I stir and there's nothing more embarrassing than having your LF (life friend) call and ask...."Where the h**l are you????" I cannot let the team down. This is our tenth year and we're going to celebrate the anniversary with a nice big breakfast when all is said and done!

Wish us luck. It's pure madness out there and we love it!!!!

Don't Ask Me

And I mean it. They (being my family) need not ask me to say what I'm thankful for at our dinner tomorrow. After being at a doctor's office every single day this week and all three kids having varying stages of bronchitis? Let's share the love, babies! Someone asked me tonight what my plans were. Excuse me? Why, I'm going home. I'm gonna dope up my kids. I'm going to duct tape them to their beds. I'm going to run screaming into the woods never to be seen again. That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going tomorrow. You bet I am. Why? Because I don't have to go but a few miles to get there. I won't have to cook. There will be someone there to entertain the ill butt child who can't talk and just hates the world right now. (That would be Vitt) I'm wearing jogging pants and if you mess with me enough, you can forget the makeup.

And get this. I'm farming the kids out to my mom tomorrow night so my sister in law and I can get up and go fight the masses on Black Friday. We've done it for 10 years now and I'm going again. Does she realize that Vitt has never spent the night away from me in his whole life? Nope. Am I going to remind her? Nope. I'm going to put all the medicine in a bag and tell her to just hand it out. Someone will eventually get well.

I'm going to fix the biggest pot of coffee I can. I'm gonna fill my Bubba Keg to the brim with it. I'm heading out at 4 a.m. and don't look for me til afternoon sometime. And if I find something I like for me.....I'm gonna buy it. Dangit. (within reason of course)

I'm gonna miss my husband dreadfully. This will be the first T-day we've missed as a couple. FTN. Okay...I feel a little bit better for saying that. And I will eventually deal with the fact that I haven't seen him in a month and won't see him until Christmas. And if I can't? Crap. I'll just pop an extra lexapro here and there.

Bring that turkey on. Mama is wearing elastic waist pants.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I just Can't Believe....

That no one commented on the toilet story. And I know you guys read it. That was some funny stuff.

Toddlers, Tampons, and Toilets

Yeah, you read that one right. And believe me, the three of those don't mix.

He got away from me for two minutes!! Only two minutes!!! Then I hear a frantic "MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA" I go running to the bathroom to find my toilet going into overflow stage like Niagara Falls with my son standing in the midst with a look of terror on his face. I frantically pull the lid off and pull up the ball thingy to stop this madness. I turn for the plunger. WHERE IS THE PLUNGER????? I knew he had gotten it the night before and was riding it like a stick horse before Paige caught him and got completely grossed out by the thought of it and took it away. (stick horse..file away for Christmas idea) I stopped the water, set him out of the bathroom and started tearing the house apart looking for that blasted plunger. It had disappeared. Completely. I almost called Paige at school to ask her where it was.

A few hours pass and Paige comes home. I tell her of our problem. She immediately starts looking for the plunger. I tell you, it's gone. We even searched the outside trash can even though we both knew we wouldn't have put it there. Finally, we went to town to get one and some groceries. We get home and I start plunging (is that a word?) Guess what started coming back up? TAMPONS. I kid you not. Lots and lots of tampons. I do believe that boy emptied the whole box of SUPER SIZED in the toilet and proceeded to flush. Well, at least between 5-10 of them. I finally got tired of plunging (there's that word again) and Paige said she would take over while I started supper. I started sweating thinking I was going to have to call a plumber and how mortified we (me and Paige) were going to be about the...shhhhh..tampons. That word just embarrasses the crap out of Paige.

Well, my girl stepped up the plate and after about 15 minutes, she had that bad boy flushing like a champ. She calls excitedly from the bathroom..."Hey Mom! Come check it out!" She's grinning and holding that plunger like an Olympic torch...so proud was my baby girl. I watched the toilet flush and looked at her and said..."Yeah, well, I loosened it up for you."

I, of course, went back and totally patted her on the back and even made her give me a high five...which made her roll her eyes. So, I am officially giving Paige complete credit for unstopping our commode that was clogged with tampons. Might even put it in the local paper to show my gratitude.

Things to ponder now:

• Find a way to lock that door and keep the boy out.
• Make Paige wonder if I really would have called the school to ask her where the plunger was.
• Keep making her believe I almost did (which is true)
• Put the tampons wayyyy out of reach.
• Put the story in the baby book for his kids to read one day and hope that they try it too.
• Pray that my husband gets to experience this glorious pleasure of cleaning up after our son...when I am not around.

What I Want to be When I Grow Up

My husband says all the time that he's got to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up....meaning what on earth is he going to do when he retires from the military. I figure since he's a nuclear electrician he might can install ceiling fans for a living? Then again, they don't have ceiling fans on the boat so who knows?

I look at my kids all the time and wonder what they're going to end up doing with their lives. Some people brag that they want their kid to grow up to be president. I don't think so. People talk too much smack about people in power but wouldn't want the job if it was offered to them on a silver platter. If I had to pick one of my kids for that position, I'd pick Paige. Her logic is outstanding and she's one smart cookie. BUT...and I repeat BUT...some head of state or foreign dignitary can piss her off and if that sister is PMS'ing....well, let's just say I'd hate to be them.

Paige can't decide if she wants to be an ob/gyn or a lawyer. An ob/gyn because she remembers me being pregnant with both Makenna and Vitt and she watched all those shows on TLC and TDC ...you know the birthin' shows? They are like crack to the pregnant woman and I promise you I've not watched a one when I wasn't pregnant. I told her to go for it and minor in plastic surgery because I would need it by then. She's thinking lawyer because the injustice in this world towards kids really sets her off. She wants to bang that gavel and throw some lowlife scum in jail. (think PMS again, people) I've finally decided to sit back and just see where this train ride is going. I don't care what she does as long as it's legal and I got a key to the poolhouse.

Makenna. Sweet Makenna. The kid is so smart and just plain beautiful. But, man, is she lazy. I told her the other day she would have to marry a rich man because she wasn't living with me forever. She just smiles this madonna smile she has and informs me that she is going to be superstar and makes lots and lots of money and then she'll pay for me to go somewhere to lose weight so I can be a supermodel when she decides to do that because supermodels are super skinny, you know. Works for me. I'm going to enjoy seeing where my free thinking artistic sprite ends up making her mark on this world.

Vitt. Lord, help me. Kid loves to work. Hide your tools, because if he can find them, I can guarantee he's going to be working on something that's sitting still. He loves to help with housework (his sisters need to take lessons) I got that boy helping empty the dishwasher and loading. Doing laundry with me...he does a heck of a job putting clothes in the dryer. Now if he would leave the door closed so they would dry...we'd be set. He loves a pen. I have to hide those because he'll have marks everywhere he has bare skin. And help us if he finds the plunger because he's gonna work on that commode until something happens...good or bad. So, I figure he'll be a carpenter like his Papa......or a tattoo artist....or a plumber. His dad says he's going to play a major sport and make big money and give us front row seats to whatever he's playing. We'll see. That one is really going to be a surprise. Knowing my luck, he'll join the military and I won't ever get his butt home for a holiday again.

I know I had big plans for myself growing up. I had awesome grades. I don't know what happened. Well, yes, I do. I became a mom. I gave up my job at the hospital because I had a premature baby who barely weighed 4 lbs by the time my maternity leave was up. I've been home ever since and haven't looked back. So, I guess you could say my kids are my career right now. And that's just fine. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...and they don't realize it, but they wouldn't either. Vitt will be starting school before I know it and then what do I do?

I guess I better figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Veteran's Day

In my haste to complain about the military, I totally disregarded Veteran's Day. You might think I'm contradicting myself. I'm not. I have complete respect for those serving our country...every man and woman. They can't help they have turds for bosses and have to do stupid stuff sometimes.

First I want to thank my Grandaddy. He served in WWII as a young man. He squatted in trenches in freezing weather and as a result, he got frostbite on both his feet. As he lay in the infirmary, he developed gangrene in both feet and the doctors wanted to amputate both legs from the knee down. He refused. This doctor came around to talk to him and told him there was this experimental drug that had just come out and he wanted to try it on Grandaddy. He agreed to be a guinea pig. Thank you, Grandaddy for trying penicillan. Because he did this, he walked on both feet until that last stroke took him down. Those feet may not have worked perfectly at the end and that cane saved his butt a few times, but he walk he did on his own two feet. He's been gone almost 4 years and I miss him still.

Thank you Daddy, for going to that place called Vietnam. You were so young and my Grandma prayed every day for your safe return. And return you did, physically and mentally whole. I'm so sorry that almost as soon as you got back, you had to attend your best friend's funeral who wasn't so lucky. He suffered alot, but his faith kept him strong. But, he can seriously spook you out. There have been many times we've been sitting there and all of a sudden he will say "Chopper" and sure enough, we'd hear one a few minutes later. He respects the movie Forrest Gump...says the 'Nam scenes were well executed. He didn't come home with alcohol or drugs. That was a miracle in itself. Thank you, Daddy.

Thank you, Mary (Fred's cousin). You've gone on a second deployment, leaving behind your beautiful baby girl in the care of someone who tries to erase you from her mind. You've shown me the coolest pictures and I just can't fathom the incredibly hard job you face day in and out. You have my total respect. You are one tough cookie.***

Thank you to my husband. It's been so hard missing this year of our son's life, but rest assured.....he's waiting for you to come home where I will then have to surgically extract him from your butt before it's over with. You've dedicated a large part of your life to our country and no one on this earth could be more proud of you than I am. Nope, not even your Mama. (No disrespect intended, Mrs. M)

There are so many more I could thank, but who wants to read for that long? I have nothing but the highest respect for all of those who serve in all our branches of service. Each job is important and to see you function as a total unit is a sight to behold. Simply put....You all ROCK and I thank every single one of you!!!

*** As I was writing about Mary, I recieved an IM from my brother-in-law telling me that Mary is now home and has that baby girl back in her arms. WELCOME HOME, MARY!! We love you, girl!!!


Spell check is on vacation tonight so please forgive any errors.
the management

The Military

Basically sucks right now. Yeah, I know I've been this route before but sometimes....sometimes you gotta just vent about how stupid people can be. This could get lengthy.

My hubby calls me this week and he's not sounding too good. Apparently the head honchos came in a week or so early for inspection. They deemed the boat not ready (uh..you think?) and therefore decreed that the they would be working 7 day work weeks until further notice. I see. They would be going in at 6:30 a.m. and working until 7 p.m. during the week and 7:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. on weekends. If you have 24 hour duty..why, buckle in boy...you gotta pull a shift the next day, too. Sounds to me like someone is on a power trip. I didn't get upset. Very surprising, I know. I gave my husband my support and told him to go and do the best he could. He's worried about his guys. He's head over 20 something head and he had to tell them that Thanksgiving would be just another day this year. He's telling me that marriages are suffering. One guy had to eat the cost of plane tickets purchased when his leave chit was approved ...said leave chit was revoked. Alot of these guys are young. They've been working their butts off the past couple of months and to be told they basically suck? Not a good thing, people. Morale is at an all time low. *

Now before I get all this crap about: "well, they signed up for this" and "this is their job" blah blah blah...I need to state something. I know all of this and I agree...to a point. This boat is not in the middle of a war. They are stateside. When you force people to work this many hours and have no days off and the need just isn't there...what kind of destruction are you causing? How many marriages will fail? How many important family moments will be missed needlessly? How many accidents will be caused from men being exhausted? Will the boat really be up to par when the men doing it are unhappy and tired and hating their job?

I told my husband today that I would be cool for a few weeks. But, if the powers that be decide to continue the bureaucratic bullcrap through Christmas....well, then, I might have to say something. If I am not mistaken...don't they work for us? The American taxpaying citizen? Will they listen to me? No. I'm not completely stupid, but I am prone to state my thoughts, feelings, and opinions...even when not asked.

Have I told you lately I love lexapro? I believe it's keeping me from falling right over the edge and becoming a screaming shrew over all of this. We'll see just how good this stuff when PMS hits. Whoa-ho-ho...is that gonna be interesting.

I don't foresee any of this changing anytime soon. I just foresee retirement in four years. I hope I can hang on that long.



*Fred, if I have the reasoning wrong, don't bother correcting me. Okay? I know I don't fully understand or know what's going on. I know it's classified and you would have to shoot me if you told me. Let's just say I got the gist of it and be done with it. Okay? Okay.

Did We Move?

Seriously. Did someone move the whole North American continent further south? Kind of shift us during the night when we weren't paying attention?

My child wore a skort, short sleeve shirt, and flip flops to school today. Because it was over 80 degrees!!!!! And it's November!!!!!!!

It is the time to be wearing sweaters. Long pants. Cute jackets. Snazzy looking dark colored shoes, for crying out loud.

I went to Myrtle Beach this past weekend out to supper for my cousin's birthday. BTW...if you ever get a chance to hit Margueritaville ...do it. Fun place. It's evening. It should be very very cool. We're barely able to wear long sleeves. Argh. Yankees were wearing barely there clothing. They laughed at us. Humph.

This just isn't cool. Literally.

Let me know if any of you find out where we are now located.

Drugs Talking Smack...

I really don't feel like anything interesting has been happening in my life lately. But, it could be the drugs talking.

I went to my lovely doctor the other week for the back check up. Come to think of it, I don't even think we even addressed my back as we were too busy chatting when I got in there. Sometimes it might not be a good thing to be on a first name basis with your doctor. So after we inquired about each other's kids I told K. this: Girl, I have acquired this awful thing called PMS. ~she listens attentively~ I'm serious! It makes me a quivering hysterical mass in the middle of the floor and that is so NOT my style. ~She smiles and writes a script.~ Then I go on to tell her that if I don't get some of this weight off, I'm going to die a slow horrible death and it will be on her conscience because, dude, we gotta do something about this. ~She writes another script.~ When I left her office, I had...no kidding....6 prescriptions. Count them! SIX. My face burned in shame because I seriously looked like a drug addict of the highest order. When I got to my vehicle, I noticed that there were 3 I wouldn't have to get filled because they were new ones of what I already had (ie...inhaler...naprosyn...fever blister knock out stuff).

My new favorite things in the world? Flonase. Killed that nasal drip I didn't know I had in 2 days flat and cut that cough out, Man! I heart Flonase.

Another new favorite thing? Lexapro. I am so smooth now. Instead of meeting Paige nose to nose...toe to toe...I can just simply look at her and calmly state what needs to be said. This really tends to tick her off because now she's lost her sparring partner and I'm back to being the parent. ahhhhhhhhhhh.....and it feels so good, people!

Last, but not least. Prescription diet pills!!!! Can we say HELLO! With eyes wide open? With no desire to eat? Ever again? And let me tell you, this stuff is working because I forgot to take one today and thought I would starve to death. I had to eat or die! And don't tell me it's a mind thing. Okay? I know what's up there and what ain't. So there.

So I've been excitingly smooth. I'm not groggy or foggy. I'm wide open and able to handle anything. Anything I tell you!!

Yeah, it's gotta be the drugs talking.

Makenna Quote...Kind of...

I help Mak with her homework every night. I write her spelling words and sentence and she then writes each word 5 times in order to know them by the Friday test. Okay, so the teacher requires only 3 times, but Mom requires 5 so that we're sure to know them. When I go to write her words for that night's homework session, I look through the past couple of sheets to see what she did in class that day. You know...See if there's anything interesting. I looked yesterday and guess what? There was.....

That day in class she had to write a sentence with each spelling word. The word that caught my eye? Crack. This is her sentence:

I have a butt crack.

I kid you not. I said...MAKENNA, are you kidding me? She ...in all innocence says...What, Mama? Mrs. S thought it was cool.

I wonder what on earth Mrs. S thinks about this child's homelife?